Creature

Dick, wailing in dismay: When I asked you to get along, this isn't what I meant--

Jason, in the background recording: 👍👍

Cass and Steph have most definitely joined in. Barbara was going to stay out of it, but then Dick did something to piss her off. Alfred has dealt with this feral family for generations and couldn't care less as long as they maintain decorum. And Bruce is too busy chugging Expresso and hearing colors to pay attention to what is going on.

Okay, but hear me out:

Murder baby Damian, but for whatever reason, his first attempt at Tim's life is put on pause, so they never have that interaction. Instead, before Damian can come up with a new plan, Tim (who's kinda excited he now isn't the baby of the family) offers to train him in detective work for when Damian finally gets the mantle of 'Robin' as a way to bond with him.

"Why train your enemy, Drake?"

"We're brothers, not enemies. Besides, Robin has always been a mantle to pass down. I'm certainly not going to keep it in my twenties or thirties. And other than Bruce, I'm the best detective in the family."

"Very well, Drake, I shall accept your tutelage for the time being."

Damian accepts, of course. Not only can he study Drake for his weaknesses, he will also improve his own skill set. It's worth the wait for Robin. By the time Damian's done, there will be no doubt that he is the superior bat.

Unfortunately, he actually grows fond of Timothy. While he will inevitably get close with Richard, just like in canon, Timothy is a breath of fresh air for when Richard is being too overbearing, especially when it comes to things like 'socializing,' and 'making friends.'

When his father dies, and Timothy declared him actually lost to time, Richard doesn't believe him, can't believe him, because the hope is too painful. Timothy still gives Damian Robin, because, "I'm barely holding on as Batman as it is. I can't handle Robin being gone for potentially months at a time, halfway around the world."

During his partnership with Richard, truly becoming his brother-son, Richard introduces the ideas of pets to him. Damian loves animals, and having and taking care of a creature that could potentially survive on its own, but will have a much better quality of life under his care, speaks to him. He has Alfred and Titus and about half a dozen other stray animals that usually stay for about a week while he nurses them to health at any given moment, but he feels like he should officially have another pet.

Que the whole thing with his grandfather, and Timothy getting kicked out of the top of a skyscraper. He comes home with proof, and the Justice League brings his father home. And as Dick basically refuses to let anyone leave the mansion for the foreseeable future, Damian realizes several facts:

1.) Timothy is a human, and humans are animals.

2.) While Timothy has somehow survived until now, he wouldn't recognize self-care if it slapped him in the face.

3.) Timothy's quality of life will improve if someone is taking care of him because he cannot be trusted to do it for himself. (Is it a coincidence that he loses organs when he is away from the family? Damian thinks not.)

4.) Damian has gotten good at taking care of animals.

Ergo, Timothy is now Damian's pet. Tim doesn't know what to do and simply humors him. Besides, it's nice when someone actually bothers to give him a plate of foods that he likes when he gets hyper focused on work and forgets to eat. That, and while he is exasperated every time Damian tranqs him, those are still the best sleeps of his life.

Jason finds it hilarious. Damian doesn't understand Richard or his father's reactions.

"Damian, Tim can take care of himself."

"Barely. Father, now that I am in charge of his sleep schedule, there aren't as many dark circles under his eyes. Even Alfred has commented that Timothy consumes less caffeine."

"Damian, he can't be your pet."

"Why not?"

"Tim's your brother; he's family."

"So are you saying that Alfred and Titus aren't family?"

I'll do you one better:

He's saying this stuff pre-peace era, every time he's fighting Izuna. Many other foes die by his hands swiftly, including other Uchiha, so he finds no need to induce idle chatter. But Izuna is different. They've faced off multiple times before, so Tobirama starts to just naturally converse with the other. Most of the times, it's just insults as Izuna curses Tobirama, his health, his family, his looks, his gods, and his love life.

Tobirama, on the other hand, is making simple observations out loud. But the way he does so is in the most unintentionally romantic ways possible.

He'll take a particularly aggressive hit from Izuna and comment that the Uchiha must have denser bones and muscles to keep up with the strain of their sharingan because Izuna is petite in stature but is strong enough to completely overwhelm most enemies. From an evolutionary standpoint: the Uchiha are beautiful and colorful, which in turn makes them all the more deadly when their enemies fail to realize how much of a force of nature they are.

At different times, he'll make various comments about the different forms of Uchiha swordsmanship, and compare it to dancing, calling it an art form.

Izuna will glare at him, sharingan activated, and Tobirama will note out loud that his sharingan has a similar color to precious rubies and that the sharingan must be the most objectively beautiful doujutsu in the world.

And finally, he'll at one point manage to cut some of Izuna's hair, knowing that Izuna takes great pride in his appearance, and has it woven into a necklace he wears on the battlefield to taunt the Uchiha.

Only:

From Izuna's standpoint, he's been unofficially-officially courting this Senju. The Uchiha are a warrior clan, and they value strength and beauty above all else when looking for a spouse.

Tobirama effortlessly becomes in tune with Izuna whenever they clash blades. They're fights genuinely do feel like violent dances. Tobirama calls him beautiful, and acknowledges his strength in the same breath. He appreciates Izuna's swordsmanship and calls it art. He tells Izuna that his sharingan (what some Uchiha believe to be the entire culmination of their souls) beautiful and declares it better than any other clan eye techniques. And finally, he manages to steal something of value to Izuna, proving his strength, and wears it to battle in a declaration of ownership.

Izuna is now helplessly smitten. It ends up saving his life, because at one point, their confrontation was getting too heated, but Izuna wasn't ready to go to the next stage of their relationship, so he ended up retreating. (The foreplay was too much for him to handle.)

new headcanon that tobirama says insanely romantic shit by complete accident.

tbrm : you know that ruby that the third princess of usushio owns and that is estimated to be one of the most beautiful items in the world?? mh. your eyes kinda look like that when you activate your sharingan 🤨🤨

izuna : ?????????????

atsushi at some point gets a jar/piggie bank that he fills with spare change all the time and it's to save up to buy something he wants but has no need for - since he doesn't want to just buy it since he has other important things to use his money for ya know

what atsushi doesn't know - because it's not a clear material so he can't see what's on the inside - is that he is not the only one filling it

kyouka makes sure he's out the room before adding her spare change to it

dazai comes over for breakfast and goes to the bathroom (he sneaks into atsushi's room and adds change... is it his own change? um... anyway)

kunikida gives some of his extra change to kyouka to add

when the tanizakis and haruno r over to hang out, they add some change in it too

yosano and ranpo give kyouka their spare change to add too

hell even fukuzawa has set aside some spare change to add to atsushi's jar

and what atsushi doesn't know is that one time kyouka was home alone and she heard a sound from the bedroom so she grabbed the closest knife and summoned demon snow and went to investigate only to find akutagawa pouring money into atsushi's jar

they stared at each other and then kyouka nodded and left

Do you ever think that Ranpo accidentally lets out, like, major secrets because he genuinely forgets what these less-intelligent life forms can and cannot figure out for themselves?

"Oh, it was so obvious I thought everyone already knew it and was staying silent out of politeness."

"No, we didn't know! And why would we stay quiet over such a matter???"

"I DON'T KNOW HOW MANNERS WORK!"

They never really talk about the way that Tim essentially parented Bruce for a while, but it's an open secret that Tim is the only other person besides Alfred who has a chance to make Bruce see reason when he's particularly stubborn. It doesn't really cross anyone's minds. They don't think too deeply in the matter. It doesn't come up much, anyways.

But then one day, Bruce messed up. Not as Batman, but Bruce Wayne, a father. Now everyone's in the batcave, watching Tim chew Bruce out.

Dick's screaming matches with Bruce is stuff of legend, and also normal, so most have figured out how to tune them out. But this isn't a screaming match. It isn't even a shouting match.

This is Tim tearing into Bruce with pinpoint accuracy: not saying anything untrue, which makes the words dig all the deeper.

Everyone thinks Bruce is going to snap back, but he sits there, cowed. And then, to everyone's (except Alfred's) shock and disbelief, Tim stares him down and says in an absolutely icy tone, "I'm disappointed in you, Bruce." And Bruce just wilts in his chair.

And then he actually apologizes.

Tim - a single dad who works two jobs.

More specifically: Tim, who helped his girlfriend (Steph) through her pregnancy at 15 and looked deeply into pregnancy and child rearing incase Steph wanted to keep the baby, before she decided to put them up for adoption.

Tim, who parented his child (Bruce) as a single parent at 13+

Tim, who is staring at the cloning chamber of his dead best friend(s), suddenly realising this may result in a baby- but jts OK. Because he's prepared.

Robin's are prepared for anything.

And Tim? Tim is fully prepped for a baby. It's ok.

Doesn't matter, in the end. The cloning fails, Kon and Bart return, he finds Bruce. But the idea sits, in the back of his mind... he could be a dad, if he wanted to.

yoohan is such an underrated dynamic.

he chops of her head when they first meet. they hate eachother. theyre in love with the same guy. kdj thinks its funny to ship them. they banter like an old married couple. she tortured him in a dungeon. he killed her multiple times. she pranks anna croft with him because she saw he was upset. hes her self insert oc. shes his creator. he begs her to kill him multiple times. she ruined his life and then cried when he died. he signs a sponsorship contract with her!!!!! they're insane!!!

"I care about the royal family equally, Sofia and non-Sofia alike."

✧ — 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐂 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒

“It’s not that bad, I can explain.”

“It’s not what it looks like... But it might be worse.”

“What you need to understand is that moose aren’t afraid of anything.”

“To be fair, when you can walk on water like moose christ and cripple cars, there’s not gonna be a lot of things that put fear in your heart.”

“When a moose decides to choose violence, only two things can save you; Jesus Christ and the Moosiah himself.”

“First of all, why would you ever put yourself in a position where you need to know any of this?”

“If you’re dumb enough to do that, you might as well just let natural selection do it’s thing.”

“Gorillas don’t usually attack anything that seems weaker than they are, which gives them more of a moral compass than high school bullies.”

“Are you serious? Did you really think I was gonna have actual advice here?”

“If it’s black, fight back. If it’s brown, get on the ground. If it’s white... You’re gonna die.”

“One uppercut, and he/she/they’re sending your jaw to Jerusalem with no return trip.”

“Evolution made humans smart enough to put a man on the moon, but it also made chimps swole enough to put a man on the news.”

“Be sure to save me a seat at heaven’s dining hall.”

"What makes you think they’ll go easy on you?”

“You think I’m exaggerating?”

“They’re built like a Toyota with the personality of Jeffery Dahmer.”

“Cocaine hippos are something the world doesn’t need to deal with.”

“Cougars are not to be taken lightly.”

“Humans are an evolutionary failure, because we can’t seem to run away from anything.”

“Unless you’re a gay hillbilly redneck with a Netflix series, I don’t see how you could ever possibly need this.”

“Disrespecting a tiger is really bad for your health.”

“Do not turn your back on a grizzly bear.”

“Unless your last name is De Caprio, there is no award for getting assaulted by a grizzly.”

“Not only are you gonna feel real stupid, you’re also gonna die.”

“If an elephant decides it wants to hurt you, there isn’t a force in nature that can save you.”

“Basically we’re dealing with a coked-up weasel with really bad roid rage.”

“They have no moral compass, no conscience, and no remorse.”

“If I have to be cursed with this knowledge, so do you.”

“Ducks are cancelled.”

“Ducks answer to no god.”

“How do you want to die?”

“I’d honestly rather get insta-killed by a tiger than dissected by a polar bear.”

“He’ll destroy my way of life, but at least I’ll have a life to live.”

“Can we please acknowledge the fact that the platypus makes no sense as an animal?”

“I should probably explain what the hell that was.”

“They’re found in South Africa and Australia, but they also own a good amount of real estate in my nightmares.”

“Can’t call it simping if it works.”

“The more you look at it, the worse it gets.”

“If someone handed you $100,000, no strings attached, what would be your first move?”

“Unconditional love might sound cute, but in nature, it is very much conditional.”

“I already don’t trust pelicans off principle.”

“It’s survival of the fittest, and there is no award for participation.”

“Somewhere a middle child just shed a single, silent tear.”

“Imagine having an older sister whose primary purpose in life is making sure you don’t have one.”

“If ‘men ain’t shit’ was an animal, it would be the hyena.”

“When you’re that good for that long, eventually time is gonna catch up to you.”

“Life is a brutal reality show where life is all about getting renewed to the next season.”

“Few animals have a worse PR team than hyenas.”

“I pay way too much for contacts for you to lie to me about what’s in front of my face.”

“Time for 50 shades of fuck around and find out.”

whenever I see someone being sad over Akutagawa being "dead" and not coming back this is what I picture btw

don't raise your pitchforks at me but yoo joonghyuk is technically doksoo's love child if you think about it