Do You Ever Think That Ranpo Accidentally Lets Out, Like, Major Secrets Because He Genuinely Forgets

Lmao. Imagine if he was the original Rumpelstiltskin. His name isn't actually Rumpelstiltskin, but the person trying to guess his name got so frustrated by the end of it that they made up a fairy tale about guessing his name correctly. They named his character 'Rumpelstiltskin' just to mess with him. A sort of 'You tell me your real name and I'll change it in the book.'

He never did, of course, but any mention of the fairy tale in the Gotham libraries conveniently have the pages ripped out.

"I'm seventeen"

"How long have you been seventeen"

Dead on main where danny gets to meet jasons family and knows that there is something terribly wrong with Tim. (Jason breaks down crying over the Twilight reference and thats it)

Tim: what's the meanest thing you've ever done?

Jason: i know you expect me to say trying to beat you to death that one time, but in the league i once told Damian that Talia was lying about his heritage to manipulate Batman and his actual father was Lex Luthor. so that.

Tim: ?!

Jason: yeah i faked a DNA test to prove it and he believed me for like 4 months.

Tim: holy shit

Jason: to be honest the meanest part was probably putting hair removal cream in his shampoo and convincing him he was going bald due to genetics. he was nine.

Tim: you are my hero. hear me say these words. I. Love. You.

Jason: i know buddy. i know.

[Image ID: A very confused, and slightly horrified looking Danny Phantom holds the Little Baby Man version of himself that is hugging his hand and purring. /. End ID]

So here's a fun thought: Consider a situation in which LBM is NOT, in fact, a tiny Danny, but a mimic blob ghost that has adopted his image as a form of Batesian self defense. Then imagine Danny's reaction to seeing some fucked up little uncanny valley cat version of himself with zero warning or context.

Per Wikipedia: "Batesian mimicry is a form of mimicry where a harmless species has evolved to imitate the warning signals of a harmful species directed at a predator of them both."

Whenever someone either says it loud, or posts in a comment section: "You can't ship them for X, Y, or Z reason," it makes me want to laugh until I pass out from the lack of oxygen.

Ships are (usually) between fictional characters. Who gaf if if they don't interact much? If they genuinely hate each other? If one of them canonically isn't into the other's gender? If the only reason why they're shipped is because people think they look aesthetically pleasing next to one another? That's not going to stop fanfiction writers, and rule 63 exists for a reason.

It's okay if certain things aren't your cup of tea, but that doesn't mean a person gets to dictate what types of ships people like.

They never really talk about the way that Tim essentially parented Bruce for a while, but it's an open secret that Tim is the only other person besides Alfred who has a chance to make Bruce see reason when he's particularly stubborn. It doesn't really cross anyone's minds. They don't think too deeply in the matter. It doesn't come up much, anyways.

But then one day, Bruce messed up. Not as Batman, but Bruce Wayne, a father. Now everyone's in the batcave, watching Tim chew Bruce out.

Dick's screaming matches with Bruce is stuff of legend, and also normal, so most have figured out how to tune them out. But this isn't a screaming match. It isn't even a shouting match.

This is Tim tearing into Bruce with pinpoint accuracy: not saying anything untrue, which makes the words dig all the deeper.

Everyone thinks Bruce is going to snap back, but he sits there, cowed. And then, to everyone's (except Alfred's) shock and disbelief, Tim stares him down and says in an absolutely icy tone, "I'm disappointed in you, Bruce." And Bruce just wilts in his chair.

And then he actually apologizes.

Tim - a single dad who works two jobs.

More specifically: Tim, who helped his girlfriend (Steph) through her pregnancy at 15 and looked deeply into pregnancy and child rearing incase Steph wanted to keep the baby, before she decided to put them up for adoption.

Tim, who parented his child (Bruce) as a single parent at 13+

Tim, who is staring at the cloning chamber of his dead best friend(s), suddenly realising this may result in a baby- but jts OK. Because he's prepared.

Robin's are prepared for anything.

And Tim? Tim is fully prepped for a baby. It's ok.

Doesn't matter, in the end. The cloning fails, Kon and Bart return, he finds Bruce. But the idea sits, in the back of his mind... he could be a dad, if he wanted to.

Ling: the stars are beautiful tonight.

Winry: yeah.

Ling: do you know what else is beautiful?

Winry: Ed.

Ling, sighing: Ed.

Jason Drake

Ok I have one for you that I think is hilarious to think about.

As always expect no cannon here. 

It starts a month or two after Tim Drake, age 9, started to take pictures of Batman and Robin (Still Dick Grayson).  Tim very much wants a sibling, but has not gathered the courage to ask his parents.  

He is out, taking pictures, thinking about how he wants a sibling as his path crosses Jason Todd (six months homeless). Tim takes this as a sign and, over the course of about three weeks, lures Jason home (treating him much like a feral cat). Once Jason is safely in Drake Manor, Tim semi- forcibly (Jason is not against it per say, but is a little confused) adopts him.  

Tim’s hacking is good enough that he is able to get back dated adoption records, a news announcement, Two interviews with Jack and Janet Drake about adopting Jason (credited to a journalist who died a month later in a rogue attack) inserted into all the correct places, and got Jason enrolled in Gotham Academy with Tim (backdated the enrollment records too).  

They live together in Drake manor for four months before Tim’s parents get back. Tim straight up gaslights them. Without even flinching “What do you mean you don’t remember Jason?” and “Of course Jason has been here for years, here’s the interview you did” and “Adopting him was such good optics for the company”

And it works (By the by, Mrs. Mac fully supports Tim’s slow abduction and adoption of Jason and is pleased to lie to the Drake parents about it). 

Within two days Janet Drake is half convinced that Jack tricked her into adopting his illegitimate son.  They go to a gala and, due to elite Gothamite weirdness, no one is willing to admit they had never met the older Drake boy before, Jason playing along seamlessly.  By the time the Drakes leave again, Janet is congratulating herself on convincing Jack to take in his illegitimate child (who has impeccable grades, and apparently inherited her appreciation for literature) to accompany her son. Particularly since Jason was good enough to understand that Tim was the Drake industry heir. 

Jack tends to hyper focus on archaeology and lives in a near constant state of ‘That sounds fake, but I don’t know enough to dispute it’. Loves his family though. Janet accidentally convinces him that Jason must be his, never mind that Janet was his highschool sweetheart and the only person he had ever had sex with.  He is not stupid, but is used to being around his genius wife and son and not understanding how they reach their correct conclusions. So just goes with it. 

Both boys go out to watch/take pictures of/ stalk Batman and Robin.  A few years after Dick becomes Nightwing, Stephanie is adopted by Bruce and becomes Robin. Meanwhile two unknown vigilantes, BlueJay  and Ketu (named for the Hindu Winged Serpent that represent Karmic collections both good and bad) start to operate solely in Crime Alley and seem to make a game of evading the Bats and Birds.  

Jason and Tim Drake take a particular interest in bettering Crime Alley, creating outreach programs and hiring for Drake industries and education programs with their parents' bemused backing (When Jason is 16 and Tim is 14, Tim discovers that several of the board members had been embezzling funds and prove it. The resulting shakeup still leaves Janet and Jack in charge on paper, but their instructions are ‘do whatever Jason and Tim say’)

One of the saddest things about the Black brothers relationship never improving was the fact that we were robbed of this dynamic duo of brothers who were both morally grey and dramatic as fuck.

Remus, watching as Regulus frantically tries to shove a dead body into a suitcase before the Aurors got there: So.... What'cha got there, Pads?

Sirius: . . .

Remus: . . .

Sirius: A smoothie.

Sirius: *sips strawberry-banana smoothie loudly*

"Shipping Regulily is the same as shipping Snily."

No, it's not. And here's why:

Snape and Lily started out differently than Regulus and Lily. Snape was her childhood friend. While Lily probably had muggle friends, he was the only one to understand what she was going through when she had bouts of accidental magic. He showed her she wasn't a freak like her older sister was saying. Which is why what happened between them was a betrayal. He was already her friend, and he called her the worst racial slur possible against muggleborns (in public, no less), because he was embarrassed when she stood up for him like the good friend she was. Because it wasn't just about calling Lily names. It was the fact that he thought poorly about muggleborns, and Lily was just the exception.

And instead of taking that moment as a learning experience and turning neutral, at the very least, with the hope that they could restart their friendship if he shows he's actually changed, Snape doubles down. He joins Voldemort and moves up the ranks. There's a train of thought that if Voldemort hadn't killed Lily Potter, then Snape would have remained a death eater, and I agree with it whole-heartedly.

Compare that to Regulus, who was canonically kind to his house elf, a creature most are dismissive of at best and downright abusive to at worst, despite growing up in the Black House with Walburga of all mothers. Would he have ingrained prejudices due to his upbringing? Of course. But he is willing to change, and that is the difference. He sacrificed his life to betray everything his family wanted for him in order to help stop Voldemort.

The best part? He wasn't Lily's friend originally. Their relationship could start of with cool indifference and being coldly polite with each other. It's only after spending time with Lily does Regulus start to critically think about his prejudices. And Lily, who realizes this, is more than happy to show him that there is more to muggleborns and muggles than his family thinks.

Regulily is different than Snily because when Regulily gets together, whether romantic or platonic, Regulus has already faced his internal prejudices. There isn't an undertone of, "I dislike muggleborns, but I like you."

Of course, this is simply my opinion.

✧ — 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐂 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒

“It’s not that bad, I can explain.”

“It’s not what it looks like... But it might be worse.”

“What you need to understand is that moose aren’t afraid of anything.”

“To be fair, when you can walk on water like moose christ and cripple cars, there’s not gonna be a lot of things that put fear in your heart.”

“When a moose decides to choose violence, only two things can save you; Jesus Christ and the Moosiah himself.”

“First of all, why would you ever put yourself in a position where you need to know any of this?”

“If you’re dumb enough to do that, you might as well just let natural selection do it’s thing.”

“Gorillas don’t usually attack anything that seems weaker than they are, which gives them more of a moral compass than high school bullies.”

“Are you serious? Did you really think I was gonna have actual advice here?”

“If it’s black, fight back. If it’s brown, get on the ground. If it’s white... You’re gonna die.”

“One uppercut, and he/she/they’re sending your jaw to Jerusalem with no return trip.”

“Evolution made humans smart enough to put a man on the moon, but it also made chimps swole enough to put a man on the news.”

“Be sure to save me a seat at heaven’s dining hall.”

"What makes you think they’ll go easy on you?”

“You think I’m exaggerating?”

“They’re built like a Toyota with the personality of Jeffery Dahmer.”

“Cocaine hippos are something the world doesn’t need to deal with.”

“Cougars are not to be taken lightly.”

“Humans are an evolutionary failure, because we can’t seem to run away from anything.”

“Unless you’re a gay hillbilly redneck with a Netflix series, I don’t see how you could ever possibly need this.”

“Disrespecting a tiger is really bad for your health.”

“Do not turn your back on a grizzly bear.”

“Unless your last name is De Caprio, there is no award for getting assaulted by a grizzly.”

“Not only are you gonna feel real stupid, you’re also gonna die.”

“If an elephant decides it wants to hurt you, there isn’t a force in nature that can save you.”

“Basically we’re dealing with a coked-up weasel with really bad roid rage.”

“They have no moral compass, no conscience, and no remorse.”

“If I have to be cursed with this knowledge, so do you.”

“Ducks are cancelled.”

“Ducks answer to no god.”

“How do you want to die?”

“I’d honestly rather get insta-killed by a tiger than dissected by a polar bear.”

“He’ll destroy my way of life, but at least I’ll have a life to live.”

“Can we please acknowledge the fact that the platypus makes no sense as an animal?”

“I should probably explain what the hell that was.”

“They’re found in South Africa and Australia, but they also own a good amount of real estate in my nightmares.”

“Can’t call it simping if it works.”

“The more you look at it, the worse it gets.”

“If someone handed you $100,000, no strings attached, what would be your first move?”

“Unconditional love might sound cute, but in nature, it is very much conditional.”

“I already don’t trust pelicans off principle.”

“It’s survival of the fittest, and there is no award for participation.”

“Somewhere a middle child just shed a single, silent tear.”

“Imagine having an older sister whose primary purpose in life is making sure you don’t have one.”

“If ‘men ain’t shit’ was an animal, it would be the hyena.”

“When you’re that good for that long, eventually time is gonna catch up to you.”

“Life is a brutal reality show where life is all about getting renewed to the next season.”

“Few animals have a worse PR team than hyenas.”

“I pay way too much for contacts for you to lie to me about what’s in front of my face.”

“Time for 50 shades of fuck around and find out.”