Majexs03 - Aprilph

Dating 101 (From a Man's Perspective)

One thing that's given me a huge advantage when it comes to dating is the fact that I'm always trying to understand men better. I've pulled aside nearly every single man I've grown close to at some point and asked "So, what do mean really want?". And what I've learned is that most men are pretty much the same when it comes to relationships. So with that, here's the tea on dating from a man's perspective!

All men are obsessed with one thing: Sex.

At their very core, men are obsessed with sex. They think about it constantly. They think about it at the gym, on the subway, at work, at the bar- it's on their minds basically 24/7. And most men will do everything in their power to get sex, including manipulating you to no end just to get your clothes off. So when you meet that gorgeous banker at the club that seems super attentive and engaging, don’t be naïve to the fact that at the very forefront of his mind is likely the hope that you’ll give it up to him by the end of the night. Too many women assume that the initial attention they get from men is genuine when for the most part, it's based on their need for sex. While this reality may be a bit disappointing, it's also kind of amazing. Why? Because if sex controls men, knowing how to use sex to your advantage allows you to control of men. Which brings me to the next point:

Nothing beats delayed gratification.

And I mean absolutely nothing. I know this is a hot take but ultimately, every man I’ve talked to on the matter feels the same way. Withholding sex for as long as possible only facilitates a deeper connection. When you immediately have sex with a man, your physical intimacy level doesn’t line up with the emotional intimacy you’ve built up to that point which can cause issues. It can cause him to value you less (it's silly, but things that are harder to attain are always perceived as more valuable) and lose interest because without an emotional connection, he'll feel like he's gotten what he wanted out of you. So wait for intimacy and once you've waited for as long as you can stand it, wait another month or two. That extra time will allow you to build a deeper emotional connection, allow the pent up excitement to magnetize x1000, and allow the first time to actually mean something. Also, some food for thought: a 2012 study from Cornell University surveyed couples about their relationship happiness, habits, and other intimate questions. Researchers said that participants who waited at least six months to have sex with their partners were actually happier than those who didn't.

Men get insecure too.

If you think you're the only one in the relationship that doesn't like the way your body looks or doesn't feel good enough for your job, you're mistaken. Just because your man isn't as vocal about his insecurities doesn't mean he has any less than you! Men just don't vocalize these insecurities because those who own up to them often feel as though being vulnerable is akin to admitting inadequacy. So they suffer in silence. And so a compliment here and there goes SUCH a long way because frankly, they need it. I always make a point to tell my man when his outfit looks great or when he does a great job on a task and every single time I do the sense of relief and gratitude is palpable. So try to become really attuned to your partner's insecurities and make sure to use compliments to buffer against them!

“He’s just not that into you".

Men are simple: if they want you, they'll do everything in their power to have you. Men have gone to war for women, lost their families for women, and even lost their lives for women. My own grandfather wrote letters every day to my grandmother for an entire year before she let him take her on a date. Trust me when I say that if a man isn't putting his all into a relationship, he's just not that into you. It's not his mommy issues, it's not his shitty job, it's not his depression, he's just not that into you. And as a woman, you have to be able to identify the fact immediately and walk away because it's simply not going to happen. Don't waste your time, just go find a man that is actually into you.

Most men watch porn.

And 99% of the men that do watch porn dedicate a horrifying amount of time watching porn. This is very important to know going into dating because porn creates an utterly false impression of what a normal body looks like and what sexual behavior is really about. It also creates a huge disconnect in a relationship because a relationship is meant to be a mutually satisfying expression of love but porn is about self-gratification and often involves dominating or mistreating the other person. So you have to understand how a man's relationship to porn can or will impact your relationship with him. If you're not comfortable with that impact, you have got to have an honest conversation about it. Personally, I don't feel comfortable with my man watching porn because most of it is downright abusive so I've had to have those uncomfortable conversations and while they're not fun, they're important. But moral of the story: yes, most men watch porn.

All men want to be heroes

And more importantly, they want to be heroes in the eyes of their partners. They need to feel like the knight in shining armor, the protector, and the savior to be content in the relationship. The "Hero Instinct" coined by Bauer, in a nutshell, is the fundamental need that men have to feel irreplaceable. When you take that role from them, they resent you. So sit back and let them feel like heroes. Let them hold the door open for you, replace that lightbulb, wipe your tears when you're sad, rescue you from an uncomfortable situation, etc. Most importantly, compliment them liberally when they do step up. Doing so will allow them to feel secure and in control, and in return allow you to feel cherished and cared for.

No man can resist one thing

If there's one thing that's irresistible to all men, it's motherly love and affection. A man's relationship with his mother is what allows him to develop vulnerability and intimacy in romantic relationships. So when you give a man that warm and loving energy, all guards will drop. He will become more attentive and caring, he will become more honest and respectful, and he will trust you more. Don't believe me? Next time you have some free time, gently grab your man by the arm, lead him to a comfortable sitting area, pull his head into your lap, and stroke his hair. Don't say anything, just allow him to lay and relax. I can guarantee you that he'll become putty in your arms and open up in ways he never has. So try to show your man that nurturing side of you whenever you can and watch the relationship transform significantly.

Lovingly,

Elle

⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

YOU DO NOT HEAL BY UNDERSTANDING YOUR TRAUMA

You heal by feeling safe enough to stop repeating it

Not reverting to your old coping mechanisms anymore is how you break the cycle

You want to understand because understanding gives the illusion of control

When we go through pain our mind kicks into overdrive trying to make sense of it. It’s the mind’s way of saying If I can figure this out, I can prevent it from happening again

Sometimes there isn’t a logical answer that will make the pain go away because it had nothing to do with you. And trying to intellectualize everything can become a way to avoid feeling the things that actually needs to move through the body

We try understanding because it’s less scary than sitting in the unknown. Stop trying to solve everything like a puzzle and instead start soothing the part of us that feels afraid, abandoned, unworthy etc

You don’t need another explanation

You need a hug

A deep breath

A new boundary

Or someone who looks at you and tells you that it wasn’t your fault

Because it wasn’t 🤍

Slowly becoming the person I should’ve been a long time ago.

Hi! Any advice on how to bring up iron levels?

Iron deficiency is quite common among women; it’s best to seek your doctor’s guidance to create a tailored plan that suits your needs.

For best results, consume your iron supplements with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice or citrus varieties, and consider taking vitamin C supplements to enhance absorption.

Consistency is key - To ensure effectiveness, it’s crucial to take your iron supplements regularly and on an empty stomach. (provided you have no gastric concerns)

Start using cast iron cookware for all your meals; it naturally leaches trace amounts of iron into your food, which offers a beneficial boost for those with iron deficiency, and can help boost iron levels.

Evaluate the factors that inhibit iron absorption to maximize the impact of your diet; steer clear of calcium (such as dairy), phytates in grains and beans, and beverages like coffee and tea, as they can obstruct absorption.

Our bodies are most efficient at absorbing heme iron, with red meat, chicken, beef liver, and certain fish serving as prime sources. We can absorb non-heme iron, albeit with lower efficiency, found in foods such as spinach, tofu, beans, and leafy greens.

Vitamin C enhances the absorption of non-heme iron; consider incorporating more tomatoes, citrus fruits, and red, yellow, and orange peppers into your diet.

Begin incorporating iron-rich juices into your diet, with beet juice being the optimal choice; and aim for daily consumption over a two-week period to boost your iron levels.

Begin your day by drinking blackstrap molasses on an empty stomach every morning. Molasses is an excellent source of iron, calcium, magnesium, and vitamin B6; I personally enjoy taking two tablespoons straight, but it can also be diluted in water.

I used to want to be something bigger than myself. I wanted to make an impact that lasted longer than I did. But I learned the way to do that isn't by trying to be bigger than you are. You do it by taking up the space you naturally fill in every moment. You do it by loving the people who naturally come in to your life. You do it by gracefully handling the hard circumstances that naturally occur. You do it by being a friend. A conversation with a stranger makes a bigger impact than a voice to a crowd ever could. Your love for one person can change generations. It's quiet. It's humble. Impact isn't always measured by numbers, it's often times measured by a single life. Your impact may be quiet. But it's rooted deep. May it flourish in ways you may never know about.

I can admit when I am wrong, but I will never accept responsibility for something I didn't do. I work hard at being/staying self-aware, but I won't be projected onto. You cannot call me by any name other than my own.

4 Types of guys I will not date:

1. Guys who are in love with love They are obsessed with the feeling of being in love than the person they're with. They chase the honeymoon phase, the high of attention and connection but when the relationship becomes real they check out. It's not about you, it's about their addiction to fantasy and when they are done with you, they will jump to someone else

2. Guys who want a wife This sounds good on paper until you realize they don’t care who the wife is. They’re in a rush to plug someone into a role, not build a life with a specific person. These guys want the optics of commitment without the emotional maturity or compatibility required to sustain one. A man who wants to get married < a man who wants to marry you

3. Guys who want kids These guys aren't necessarily looking for a deep connection with a partner—they just want the title of "parent" or the idealistic perception, not really about being a father. It’s more about the next step in their life plan than the emotional bond that should come with it. A man who wants to be a father > a man who wants kids

4. Guys who don’t love themselves, so they’re looking for love outside of themselves These people are searching for validation, comfort, security from others because they haven't learned to give those things to themselves first. They look for relationships to fill the emptiness or fix their own internal struggles. Without self love, any love they find is only a temporary fix

—

After writing this, I realized that these are typically all the same type of guy. Also this should have been gender neutral cause it applies to everyone