Dating 101 (From A Man's Perspective)

Dating 101 (From a Man's Perspective)

One thing that's given me a huge advantage when it comes to dating is the fact that I'm always trying to understand men better. I've pulled aside nearly every single man I've grown close to at some point and asked "So, what do mean really want?". And what I've learned is that most men are pretty much the same when it comes to relationships. So with that, here's the tea on dating from a man's perspective!

All men are obsessed with one thing: Sex.

At their very core, men are obsessed with sex. They think about it constantly. They think about it at the gym, on the subway, at work, at the bar- it's on their minds basically 24/7. And most men will do everything in their power to get sex, including manipulating you to no end just to get your clothes off. So when you meet that gorgeous banker at the club that seems super attentive and engaging, don’t be naïve to the fact that at the very forefront of his mind is likely the hope that you’ll give it up to him by the end of the night. Too many women assume that the initial attention they get from men is genuine when for the most part, it's based on their need for sex. While this reality may be a bit disappointing, it's also kind of amazing. Why? Because if sex controls men, knowing how to use sex to your advantage allows you to control of men. Which brings me to the next point:

Nothing beats delayed gratification.

And I mean absolutely nothing. I know this is a hot take but ultimately, every man I’ve talked to on the matter feels the same way. Withholding sex for as long as possible only facilitates a deeper connection. When you immediately have sex with a man, your physical intimacy level doesn’t line up with the emotional intimacy you’ve built up to that point which can cause issues. It can cause him to value you less (it's silly, but things that are harder to attain are always perceived as more valuable) and lose interest because without an emotional connection, he'll feel like he's gotten what he wanted out of you. So wait for intimacy and once you've waited for as long as you can stand it, wait another month or two. That extra time will allow you to build a deeper emotional connection, allow the pent up excitement to magnetize x1000, and allow the first time to actually mean something. Also, some food for thought: a 2012 study from Cornell University surveyed couples about their relationship happiness, habits, and other intimate questions. Researchers said that participants who waited at least six months to have sex with their partners were actually happier than those who didn't.

Men get insecure too.

If you think you're the only one in the relationship that doesn't like the way your body looks or doesn't feel good enough for your job, you're mistaken. Just because your man isn't as vocal about his insecurities doesn't mean he has any less than you! Men just don't vocalize these insecurities because those who own up to them often feel as though being vulnerable is akin to admitting inadequacy. So they suffer in silence. And so a compliment here and there goes SUCH a long way because frankly, they need it. I always make a point to tell my man when his outfit looks great or when he does a great job on a task and every single time I do the sense of relief and gratitude is palpable. So try to become really attuned to your partner's insecurities and make sure to use compliments to buffer against them!

“He’s just not that into you".

Men are simple: if they want you, they'll do everything in their power to have you. Men have gone to war for women, lost their families for women, and even lost their lives for women. My own grandfather wrote letters every day to my grandmother for an entire year before she let him take her on a date. Trust me when I say that if a man isn't putting his all into a relationship, he's just not that into you. It's not his mommy issues, it's not his shitty job, it's not his depression, he's just not that into you. And as a woman, you have to be able to identify the fact immediately and walk away because it's simply not going to happen. Don't waste your time, just go find a man that is actually into you.

Most men watch porn.

And 99% of the men that do watch porn dedicate a horrifying amount of time watching porn. This is very important to know going into dating because porn creates an utterly false impression of what a normal body looks like and what sexual behavior is really about. It also creates a huge disconnect in a relationship because a relationship is meant to be a mutually satisfying expression of love but porn is about self-gratification and often involves dominating or mistreating the other person. So you have to understand how a man's relationship to porn can or will impact your relationship with him. If you're not comfortable with that impact, you have got to have an honest conversation about it. Personally, I don't feel comfortable with my man watching porn because most of it is downright abusive so I've had to have those uncomfortable conversations and while they're not fun, they're important. But moral of the story: yes, most men watch porn.

All men want to be heroes

And more importantly, they want to be heroes in the eyes of their partners. They need to feel like the knight in shining armor, the protector, and the savior to be content in the relationship. The "Hero Instinct" coined by Bauer, in a nutshell, is the fundamental need that men have to feel irreplaceable. When you take that role from them, they resent you. So sit back and let them feel like heroes. Let them hold the door open for you, replace that lightbulb, wipe your tears when you're sad, rescue you from an uncomfortable situation, etc. Most importantly, compliment them liberally when they do step up. Doing so will allow them to feel secure and in control, and in return allow you to feel cherished and cared for.

No man can resist one thing

If there's one thing that's irresistible to all men, it's motherly love and affection. A man's relationship with his mother is what allows him to develop vulnerability and intimacy in romantic relationships. So when you give a man that warm and loving energy, all guards will drop. He will become more attentive and caring, he will become more honest and respectful, and he will trust you more. Don't believe me? Next time you have some free time, gently grab your man by the arm, lead him to a comfortable sitting area, pull his head into your lap, and stroke his hair. Don't say anything, just allow him to lay and relax. I can guarantee you that he'll become putty in your arms and open up in ways he never has. So try to show your man that nurturing side of you whenever you can and watch the relationship transform significantly.

Lovingly,

Elle

Five DIY masks to tighten your skin:

🍯 Honey & Cinnamon Mask

Honey moisturizes & hydrates. Contains antioxidants that repair & protect skin & has antibacterial properties that help prevent acne

Cinnamon stimulates blood flow, making your skin glow. Helps with acne & exfoliates & remove dead skin cells.

• 1 tbsp honey, 1/2 tsp cinnamon

• Honey moisturizes and cinnamon boosts circulation, helping firm the skin

• Mix and apply for 10-15 mins and rinse with warm water

🥚 Egg White and Lemon Mask

Egg whites tighten & firm by shrinking pores, helps with elasticity & absorbs excess oil

Lemon juice brightens skin & reduces dark spots & pigmentation. Boosts collagen production and tightens pores

• 1 egg white, 1 tsp lemon juice

• Egg whites tighten, while lemon brightens and minimizes pores

• Whisk & apply for 10-15 mins & rinse

🍦Greek Yogurt and Turmeric Mask

Greek yogurt exfoliates and tightens skin. Soothes irritated skin & creates a smooth complexion

Turmeric has anti inflammatory properties that reduce redness & swelling. Combats free radical damage. Brightens skin & even out skin tone

• 2 tbsp yogurt, 1/2 tsp turmeric

• Yogurt exfoliates & turmeric reduces inflammation

• Mix and apply for 15-20 mins, rinse

🥒 Aloe Vera and Cucumber Mask

Aloe vera soothes irritated skin and reduces redness. Hydrates deeply without clogging pores. Helps with sunburn.

Cucumber hydrates & cools the skin, reducing puffiness. Combats inflammation. Tightens and tones the skin, reducing fine lines.

• 2 tbsp aloe vera gel, 1/2 blended cucumber

• Aloe soothes and hydrates, cucumber cools & tightens

• Blend and apply for 15-20 mins then rinse with cool water

🥑 Avocado and Honey Mask

Avocado nourishes & moisturizes. Promotes collagen production. Soothes dry and irritated skin

• 1/2 ripe avocado, 1 tbsp honey

• Avocado nourishes and honey boosts elasticity

• Mash and apply for 15-20 mins, rinse

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majexs03

11 months ago

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majexs03

1 year ago

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majexs03

3 months ago

Please read this

three things on your mind?

We all know that when you start becoming more disciplined and start working on yourself to become a better person, you won't see the results immediately but what people fail to tell you is that sometimes it will take multiple years for you to appreciate the full results of all your hard work. Things won’t fall into place instantly, and expecting your life to change overnight is only setting yourself up for disappointment. Real progress takes lots of time, effort, and patience. At times you might feel as though you're working your fingers to the bone for very little in return or as if things are getting worse instead of better. This is not the case, you will definitely get to where you want to be but you always have to keep working towards your goals and the gains will come to you when you least expect it. Discipline is the foundation of self-improvement; you can’t depend on fleeting bursts of motivation to make lasting changes in your life. You need to build strength and discipline to push past the excuses and take consistent, purposeful action, even when it feels hard. It’s about showing up for yourself day after day. True strength lies in doing what needs to be done, even when you don’t feel like it—which, more often than not, will be the case.

There will be times when you must decide between staying true to yourself and pursuing personal success. Your own preferences, values, beliefs, and identity might conflict with the actions or compromises required for personal success. People’s perceptions, judgments, and decisions are deeply influenced by their personal experiences, emotions, and biases—far more than we often assume. Regardless of their position, whether they are experts, leaders, or authority figures, they remain human, shaped by their own worldviews, insecurities, and subconscious inclinations. Their preconceived notions about you will significantly influence the outcome, even in cases when it should solely depend on your actual competence. As an example - I think that investing into your looks and making sure you look beautiful before stepping out into the world is incredibly important as a woman. Beauty is power but not entirely your own, and the kind of beauty that can be used to your advantage depends on how others see it and that's just a fact. There are many types of beauty and it’s important to think about the kind of beauty that’s most celebrated in your surroundings. For instance, the industry I’m in doesn’t appreciate any intentional attention to personal style—that's just how it is. Complaining about something I can't change or forcing others to accept me as I am is only going to hold me back from valuable opportunities and hurt my future prospects when I could just accept it as it is and profit.

You can't really expect things to be always going smoothly if you want your life to change drastically. Growth happens when you step outside what feels familiar, take risks, and challenge yourself to embrace the discomfort that comes with progress. It's essential to embrace and get really comfortable with the idea of change, because without it, your life won’t evolve. It's not going to feel good to give up old habits, resist temptation of short term pleasures and overcome instant gratification, step out of your comfort zone, spend hours on tedious tasks, severe ties with people you've known all your life, face your biggest insecurities, put your hard-earned money into your personal growth, or unpack your inmost pent up feelings and years of trauma. It's scary, it's difficult and it's uncomfortable. But if you want to build yourself a good life, it's absolutely necessary and there's no doubt you'll need to make certain sacrifices on the way. People often place too much emphasis on the end results, neglecting the journey itself, when in reality, it should be the other way around. The true value lies in the process, in the growth and learning that happen along the way and the results will naturally follow. Brianna West said it best when she said your new life is going to cost you your old one. It’s going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It’s going to cost you relationships and friends. If you want your life to transform, you embrace change.

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majexs03

1 year ago

Hello there. I find you blog extremely inspiring.

I myself am something of a "former gifted kid". Back in school I was at the top of the grade, best skin, many skills etc etc. And though I'm still *extremely* young (~20) I've descended into a hellish level where I look disgusting, can't study properly or am performing poorly, my hobbies are all well and good but I can't spare time to do some actual intense projects like I used to, I couldn't get into med school this year and yeah. I just feel like shit. I'm trying my best to rebuild my life. Sorry for the rambling.

Everyone has their up and down cycles. This too shall pass.

Whenever you’re struggling/ having a hard time sticking to a routine, there is only one solution. Break your goals down to not more than 3, which can be achieved in a year.

One. your most important goal seems to be med school. What are the two-three habits that you need in order to achieve that?

two. Unless your school counsellor or advisor has recommended you take on intense projects, I think it would be a better use of your time to focus primarily on med school. Eliminate distractions and things that do not directly contribute to your main goal of getting into college.

if med school is not in the books anymore, talk to counsellors, advisors, alumni, teachers, and most importantly - figure out what it is you truly want to do in your career.

three. If med school is still your top choice, and you want to try again…. If you can’t study properly, stop studying the way you have been your whole life. There’s no one single way of studying properly. You can create a schedule that’s a mix of flash cards, videos, Quizlet, tv shows that are directly related to your career choice, podcasts, magazines, books, tv interviews… If any of my followers have any more suggestions for OP, shoot below!

and lastly. It’s okay to not look like a beauty pageant 24/7. Like I said, make your routine simple. A 20 minute run, a weekly face mask, focusing on skincare (face wash, toner, sunscreen and moisturiser is more than enough at your age), showering regularly, eating loads of veggies and fruits, drinking water - what goes inside your body is more important than how you look outside. The second you fix your inside, your outside gets fixed.

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majexs03

2 months ago

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majexs03

4 months ago

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majexs03

1 year ago

Stop giving your time and attention to things that are stealing you from your life. Stop vicariously living through others and calling it inspiration. Stop idolizing random people on the internet to a point you spend hours defending them knowing they have no idea you exist and they'll make bank anyway Stop playing PR for celebrities and your gurus Stop identifying yourself with a random ideology / political stance / set of beliefs so hard that an enemy to it is an enemy to you and whoever buys into it is a God Stop seeking instant connections and calling random people you just met bestie Stop arguing with people knowing full well your 20790880 word virtue signalling will not change their mind just give you props for status seeking Stop trying to change people that have not asked for your help Stop making excuses for them Stop denying yourself the pleasures you've worked so hard to enjoy Stop measuring your worth against external opinion Stop trying to do everything at once Stop trying to coach people into being decent towards you and others Stop thinking you're the exception of the rule Stop that magical thinking bs that disempowers you Stop watching those videos that you know you won't really actualize Stop mindlessly consuming content Stop that black and white thinking Stop valuing passion over mastery Stop with the self help books and gurus Stop with the excuses just. Stop floating across your achievements like you didn't pray for them seeking the next Stop picking sides on random stuff Stop that hero worship thing Stop buying into that feel good bs Stop listening to music that is insulting to you stop reading the comments knowing they'll annoy you stop going back to people that have shown you they do not care for you stop trying to defend yourself against people that have already decided you're guilty stop defending your tastes and preferences to people that just don't get it Stop Stop just. Stop

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majexs03

1 year ago