(Ewan Matchmaker Game)

Vent (TW for mentions of self harm and binge eating)

Work was bad today. Really really bad. Physically painful bad. I feel so invisible and worthless. Not just by management. Of they don't care about any of us. But by my coworkers too. I know I'm different. I know I'm not like them. I feel like I'm their punching bag because I'm different. Then today my parents showed up at my job demanding to see me. I'm no contact with my parents. It was a hard decision to come to and they act like they don't know what "no contact" means. I was angry and scared. What if they forced their way into where I was? What if they caused a scene? I couldn't stop myself from shaking. Thankfully they left after being told twice. It made me worry that they would just wait for me at my house. At any time they could just show up as if I owe them my time. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I don't want to deal with this! I want to hurt myself. Instead I bought a bunch of food to binge. Neither option is good...I feel so out of control. I hate my life and I hate myself. I just want to escape somewhere I can be totally safe and happy. I knew that once I got home I was going to drown myself in Ewan McGregor content. It's the only thing right now that I can count on to be there for me. To fill me with happiness. I'm thankful for my mutuals on here and artists, writers, gif makers, and everything in between too. You're creativity and kindness provide the means for my escape from reality. I don't know how to end this. That's all.

2. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Shallow Grave (1994)

To celebrate Ewan McGregor's 53rd birthday I think it's only fitting to review his movie debut!

First, a couple fun facts about this movie. Shallow Grave will turn 30 years old on May 16th this year! 😱Also, this movie was released 10 days after Being Human which was our first review and had Ewan's first big screen role.

Alright, let's dive in!

Movie Review: Shallow Grave is a Drama/Thriller directed by Danny Boyle and also written by him and John Hodge. This was a movie of firsts. It marked Danny Boyle's debut as a feature film director, John Hodge's first screenplay, Ewan's big screen debut, and the beginning of a close working relationship between the three men. The reason I'm calling this movie Ewan's debut even though he was in a movie before this is because he was just an extra in that movie. In this one, he plays a leading role. The movie also stars Kerry Fox and Christopher Eccleston. Shallow Grave is about three friends living together who come across a large sum of money when their new housemate mysteriously dies. In deciding to keep the money, they have to outwit the police investigating the death, protect the money from others looking for it, and eventually, protect themselves from each other. The protagonists are all assholes which makes for a unique viewing experience because you're not necessarily rooting for them to win. This movie is vulgar, violent, and has lots of blood. There's a couple frontal nude shots and for those that like Christopher Eccleston, an ass shot. You also get to see Ewan in drag which is a plus in my book. Unfortunately, I think there's a brief depiction of blackface (not by Ewan) which shocked and greatly disappointed me. It's a blink and you'll miss it moment but let me know if you see it or if my eyes are playing tricks on me.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Alex Law. Like the other characters he is a grade A asshole and majored in sarcasm. Damn if he's not pretty though. His character is integral to the plot this time. Ewan does a phenomenal job playing Alex and I think the casting directors knew what they were doing because his good looks definitely help you forgive his more rough personality.

Screentime Percentage (All numbers are rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan has a grand total of 41/93 minutes making his SP 44%. If that still sounds low to you, keep in mind that his previous role was an abysmal 2%. Trust me when I say that when you watch the movie for yourself it will feel like he's in every scene because he's so connected to the plot.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is Shallow Grave worth watching for Ewan content alone? Yes yes yes! From the fantastic haircut, the super 90s outfits, the underwear shots, the drag, the post fight scene, and more! There is enough Ewan content to satisfy your soul. Is the movie worth watching in general? Another resounding YES! You can easily classify this movie as a Psychological/Thriller. I've watched it several times and find something new while also being left with more questions.

Where to Watch: Shallow Grave is currently uploaded for free on YouTube through the account "deejay bains". Just search "Shallow Grave 1994".

Conclusion: Shallow Grave is a passion project made by some plucky nobodies without a clue that it would start their careers down the path of success. It's charming, gripping, and has some good comedic moments. I would encourage you to watch this movie with friends. It's a fun time and will have you on the edge of your seat.

Yay! This is so cute! I wasn't sure if everyone's prompts would get drawn or how you wanted to do it, so I'm absolutely stoked that you drew this! 😁

Mace deserves way more love in the fandom! Thank you for drawing my prompt! 🫶

This one's for @loycspotting ☄️

The prompt was : Mace Windu holding two younglings! One in each arm

I'm soo slow with these prompts I'm sorry, but now I'm back at my place and should be able to draw more regularly !

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine "Past Tense, Pt. 1"

11. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: The Serpent's Kiss (1997)

Fun Fact! If you're a fan of the "Long Way" motorcycle series with Ewan and his best friend Charlie Boorman, then you'll be pleased to know that their friendship began on this movie! Charlie has a minor role in the film as a secretary. He and Ewan met while filming and bonded over their love of motorcycles. The rest is history!

Genre: Drama/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Philippe Rousselot

Starring: Pete Postlethwaite, Greta Scacchi, Carmen Chaplin, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: "The Serpent's Kiss" is about the Smithers family. Mr. Smithers wants to give his wife the gift of a garden so he hires a top-notch landscaper that his in-law recommends to him. Mrs. Smithers isn't very interested in the garden but prefers games and tricks. Specifically those she can play on people. Their daughter, Ann/Thea, is a peculiar girl. She reads far too much and gets along better with nature than people. While her mother indulges her, her father worries for her health and hires a physician to "cure" her or her abnormalities. Once the young landscaper arrives, it becomes evident that he is not just there to build a garden, but to use his expertise to exact revenge for his secret employer.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Meneer Chrome who is a famed Dutch landscaper. He takes a job in England with the goal of transforming the overgrown lawn of the Smithers family into a one-of-a-kind, modern, garden. As he works on the project, he becomes interested in his boss's eccentric daughter while her mother becomes interested in him. Ewan speaks in a Dutch and English accent for this role but mainly Dutch. I'm not familiar with Dutch accents but I'm going to be bold and say that his was terrible. It annoyed the crap out of me! I couldn't take it seriously, it was forced, and completely took me out of the movie every time he opened his mouth. I would've enjoyed this movie a lot more if he didn't have to use that god awful accent. He has a female love interest and two kiss scenes. One is with a man and the other is with a woman . He also does some flirting with his boss's wife. There's an implied sex scene and implied nudity. You do get to briefly see him shirtless though. He wears a wig and you also get to see the worst haircut he has ever had in a movie to date. His performance isn't very good. There were a couple moments where it felt like I was listening to him recite lines from a paper. It didn't seem like he was all in for this project but decided to coast through. This might be a nit-pick but it's not a spoiler: not long after we meet his character he randomly tosses his wig off for no discernable reason and he never puts it back on. Nobody says anything about it. All the men of high class wore wigs in the movie so I assumed for a man to walk around wigless in front of high society would be deemed offensive. Anyway, I don't know what the point of that scene was.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 44/106 minutes making his SP 42%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? No. Although he is in much of the movie, he just doesn't do a lot nor is he interesting. Honestly, the character is boring. I wouldn't turn this on for Ewan. Is the movie worth watching in general? Sadly, it's another no from me. In all fairness, it's so weird that it charmed me a little but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I don't know what audience this movie was made for.

Warning before Watching: There is a whole incest subplot in the movie. There aren't any sex scenes or anything but the movie makes sure you know they're related so keep that in mind. In a scene where Thea is overcome with emotion she intentionally cuts her face. The scenes of her being "cured" of her "illness" by the physician could also be uncomfy to watch. There's nothing graphic but you do hear her scream in pain and just the general treatment of this character is sad. Lastly, you see someone die from poison.

Where to Watch: "The Serpent's Kiss" is available to stream for free on Tubi, Sling TV, Redbox, Amazon Prime Video, and Freevee. It's also currently uploaded for free to YouTube. Just search "The Serpent's Kiss Full action Movie Drama Ewan McGregor".

Y'ALL!!!

I just watched a Ewan McGregor movie that puts The Pillow Book to SHAME 😵 I had to pause a couple times and take some deep breaths because my god! I guess this begs the question: what's more erotic? Nudity or dirty talk? I mean damn! Three words: CUCK. HOLD. KINK. My mans Ewan went in for this role, I'm telling you. I'm still reeling 😵‍💫 I look forward to typing up the review!

I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I'm floating. I'm not really here. I'm so tired. I can't sleep. I want a hug. I want to disappear. I want to cry. I want to bleed. I really don't want to go to work. I'm scared to not to. I'm so fucking tired. I'm so fucking worthless. I don't know what to hold on to. There's nothing. A hug could save me right now. One tender touch could make all the difference. I need...something.

basic "I wish Qui-Gon had trained me" Anakin moment that Obi-Wan hears that the fandom loves but he says it near Windu or Plo Koon, and they just respectfully rip him to shreds for it

"Skywalker, Obi-Wan has been more successful raising you than Qui-Gon ever was with any of his Padawans. He took a chance on you when no-one else would and I don't believe you are stupid enough to forget that."

Or, considerably worse

"Youngling, you're lack of respect and faith are why he is so unwilling to share with you his Padawan years. Obi-Wan suffered to reach the end of Qui-Gon's training. He is not underestimating your skill, he is trying to spare you the Padawan training he received."

This is my first poll! Something new I want to start doing before posting the EMSP.

Trigger Warning: Suicidal Thoughts

I saw some friends in my dream last night. One of them I haven't talked to in over a year, not for lack of trying. He just doesn't need my friendship anymore. Anyway, he was happy to see me in the dream and we hugged and fellowshipped. I was happy. It was nice.

Been really lonely lately. Been getting beat down by the cruelty of my coworkers. I don't understand why people are so mean. Wish I was stronger so it didn't affect me.

This life isn't worth living.

Feel like shit bothering my moots all the time. Not their fault I don't have a life. How do I explain that this is the only place I have to connect to people? My therapist would say, "Simple, you don't." All in all, I think I'm handling the isolation well.

"I think I'm gonna kill myself. Cause a little suicide." This song by Elton John came on shuffle yesterday... I'm not influential enough or powerful enough or whatever you wanna call it to make the world a better place. This was said as a joke, but I'm starting to believe it's true that the only positive impact I could make is if I go to sleep and never wake up.

Here's hoping.