So Much Had Changed In The Scheme Of Hosting. Rather Than The Direction Of Lines Being Read And Executed,

i know you don’t speak my language but i love the way she’s talking to me   —   @lgcamelia, april '21.

it’s one of those days. 

the days where lili couldn’t be fucked to do anything the coaches asked of her — they’d told her time and time again that she should be pushing herself, that securing her spot in whatever choreography they were currently going through wasn’t enough — that she should be front and center, present and determined to do what it takes to prove that she wasn’t going to do the same things she had done at her last company.

as if whatever she had done at said company had warranted such treatment.

( sure she flaked on debut but did that mean she was a flake — lili liked to think not )

so, it comes again — probably the fourth time today — that a coach comes and goes, exasperated at lili’s reeling and appalling plethora of excuses. once more using the — ‘sorry, can’t understand’ — to her advantage.

that is until a trainee — who obviously could understand her — is suddenly brought to the helm and into the throes of lili’s obnoxious display of unintentional rebellion. fuck, there goes her fun.

when the girl comes to her, lili only raises a brow in amused surprise, “huh — that was quick. didn’t think they would send in plan b so soon.” she says in mandarin, flicking the plastic spoon that held the last bites of her yogurt back into its cup. 

You are lashing out because you’re too sensitive. Yes, I was narrow-minded for a short while. Get over it.

the poke on the nose cause a ripple effect: a wrinkle of that very nose, a soft slap to the hand and a scoff all at once. “you’re no fun, at least give me hope that there’s someone.” her eyes roll, body deflating into one of resignation at the thought that minyoung had little to no prospects to analyze or gush over. “let’s forget the track record, hm — you’re not some race horse! there has to be someone.like now, anyone here you’d call eye candy? crush worthy at least?”

lili’s own eyes take a gander at the selection at their disposal; from the trainees currently pouring over the karaoke stand to the others that loitered around the free food supplied by the company; even lili might have to admit that there may be slim pickings these days.

“tch,” her tongue clicks, head shaking. “i guess he’s already a lost cause because ‘smart’ is probably the last thing i’d use to describe him.” 

"that's what i thought. i guess i was just too unattainable." it's disheartening to think but minnie genuinely wasn't interested in any of the boys that asked her out. two of the five that have ever asked her were boys she didn't even know existed. one was from a different school. how was she supposed to get into a relationship when men were asking so brashly?

she knows lili was being nice but the truth is, despite her confidence, it seems like guys just...glossed over her. she was fun to banter with but that's all she was: fun. when was someone going to get serious?

being that it was lili, minyoung should have anticipated that the other would cling to the specifics of her verbiage. not really gives leeway to a maybe, which implies that there's something there to investigate. and lili latched on in a heartbeat. aish, minnie keep your big mouth shut sometimes, eh?

"it meaaaans," minnie drawls, her finger twirling in circles at the other as she speaks. "that i'm not even on the radar. so there's nothing to even talk about!" the twirling stops towards the end of her statement, with minnie poking the other on the nose. "boop! all forgotten. there's nothing to know about. nothing will ever come of it anyways. especially with my track record."

her eyebrows lift but a part of her feels like that's all lili was willing to divulge. "well if he were smarter he'd do better." is all she leaves it as, allowing the other to have some things to herself.

“mm, who knows. it would have been more interesting if she had thrown the chocolates in his face.” she says in passing, the melodramatics was lost on her. 

it was unfortunate that lili’s attention span was as flighty as she was but once something sparked her interest, she was like a dog with a bone. minyoung’s unexpected confession has her dropping the page her fingers were currently fiddling with — brow arched, lips parted in what could only be seen as surprise. 

“you’ve never — like never ever?” now, how could that be? then she finds herself doing damage control — righting her appalled face with what she hopes appears as a gentle, reassuring smile. “nooo — of course not, it doesn’t mean anything. maybe they just haven’t found the right time, or the right chocolate!” yea, that had to be it — then the guilt sets in for lying, “or well, is there anyone you’re interested in? or who are interested in you? does has to be someone. people these days even give friendly chocolate, it doesn’t always have to be romantic.” 

minyoung looked up at the sound of her name being called. she smiled sweetly over at lili, who wanted to perform something to wow the crowd. minnie's advice of doing something she has fun with wasn't very good, it seems, as the other was still pouring over the song list. "i'm down for any song! i mean i just did eternal sunshine with junyi. want to do another english song?"

minnie wasn't nearly as observant as lili was. whenever she was in public, lili's eyes were always watching, observing, taking note. minnie didn't really look unless it was something truly interesting. by then, lili would have already clocked what was going on.

she hums, eyes shifting to the scene lili describes with mild interest. lili found it to be a bust but minnie was instantly interested. "oh wow. do you think maybe they have a fling? isn't it super bold to offer chocolates at a company event like this? or maybe is that super genius because it looks like all the other chocolates here?"

when the questioning was transferred over to herself, minyoung blushed deeply. her eyes suddenly became glued to the karaoke book. "i uhm....i've never received chocolates before...." the confession makes her feel a little pathetic. nearly twenty-three years old and she couldn't recall a single time where someone chose her as an object of affection during this time of year. "i mean...i guess it's not that big of a deal, right? i always thought it was kind of... unfortunate that i've never gotten any but it doesn't mean anything...right? right?"

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

happy international women’s day 💝 to all the hot and powerful women, it’s your day so treat yourself to something nice on me ✨

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

BLANK SPACES. lili hates to bother (she doesn't, in reality, she is the bother) but desperate times call for desperate measures — @lgcrua

her head is blank. a struggle lili has never once encountered before. then again, not once had she ever thought she would be attempting to choreograph something for herself again. it’s been years since ballet school and the recitals and the long nights of endless, frustrated grueling over steps and motions that lili had thought she had put behind her.

and yet —

she stands, with her hands on her hips as she lets the song play again through her airpods; repeating the motion as languidly as possible so that she doesn’t tire herself out like all those years ago when she would just run full-throttle into every move. 

it still didn’t look right — didn’t feel right either — as she does the move thrice over. because of this — she could feel the vein in her forehead ready to pop, frustration bubbling to the surface. lili hated being wrong, but she also hated wasting her time. 

from the side she spots — rua, was it? — plucking a pod from her ear, she waves with as much finesse as she can muster despite herself, “hey — rua, right?” 

“can i get your opinion on something? i keep doing this move but i feel like it doesn’t look right.” 

•  ໒꒱ . CHUSEOK # 2024 、

lili wakes in a bed not her own on september seventeen.

the middle of the week, from below, seoul had become a ghost town; veteraned city dwellers crawling back to their hometowns for the three-day holiday. from where she woke, lili lays in bed, still stuffed in her pajamas and the lush terry-cloth robe afforded by the hotel.

it takes her a moment to react, still trying to figure out how and why she was anywhere but her bed in the dormitory or her bed in her apartment in cheongdam then she remembers and kind of wishes she doesn’t. pulling the covers over her head when she hears the notable knock on the door, the sign of the room service she had requested the night before when she had been left on her own by the end of the day.

ramming her feet into the pair of slippers at the end of the bed, she makes to the door — still not ready to start the day but it was now or never.

and well, lili was never one to dwell on spilled milk, anyways.

( even if the traces of such a thing were still found having run dry on her cheeks )

having promised her september sixteen for her time, lili still could not believe it. it was unheard of, yes, and lili, quite frankly, hadn’t expected her grandmother to be so proactive in scheduling for her time and yet, lili could not help but be excited. 

expected to spend the day, arriving to seoul that very afternoon, they had booked a quiet lunch at a hotel in myeongdong. it had been months since she last saw her grandmother, was it last year that she had seen her last? it had been that long.

with a laundry list of grievances, lili puts it behind her, puts her best ( read: newest ) dress on and rides to myeongdong with a smile that could not be contained. even the driver, who’s known lili since she had arrived in seoul, finds it questionable but doesn’t press her for it, lest it loses its shine from the most minor intrusion.

arriving on time — consideredlate in her grandmother’s book — she rides to the top floor, all the nerves and anguish bundled in her tiny fist as she clutches her fendi to her chest and steps, head held high, towards the hostess.

the expected, “your party has already arrived, follow me.” makes lili’s insides twist but her smile doesn’t fall; keeping in time with the woman as she follows behind to a pair of doors centered at the back of the restaurant, it’s patrons littered to a select few due to the nature of the holiday.

when the other makes a move to open the doors, lili stops her, thanking her for her guidance only for lili to take a hand to the knob herself. she needed the moment to be alone, she needed the breath that she had been holding in ever since she had stepped off the lift.

with a brief one, two — inhale, exhale — she pulls the door away from its hinges, stepping into the room.

and her guise falls.

her expectations have run dry and to no one’s surprise, her smile finally loses its luster.

“so, where is she?” she asks, taking her seat across from one of her grandmother’s lesser-of-importance assistants. one who probably knew korean and wouldn’t have minded the mini-vacation, the one that she had been granted after she took care of the errand her grandmother had sent her on.

the errand?

breaking the news to her beloved granddaughter.

“beijing. they’re awarding her for her work in the eco-development of ….” that’s when lili tunes her out, feeling the grip on her fist loosen as her eyes lose sight of the person in front of her and all she wants to do — all she really can do is wait there until the woman finishes whatever she was ordered to do.

“the chairwoman paid for your stay at the hotel, if you’d like to eat we can also order a meal.”

that’s when lili stands, fingers now digging into the beads of her bag. “no, let’s go to the room, i’ve suddenly lost my appetite.”

she watched the assistant round the table and knew the other was counting her blessings; out of all the things lili could do, she was lucky to have found a day lili was too tired to try.

making someone’s life hell could be saved for another day, lili was too busy trying to pick up the pieces of her pride.

they ride down to a different level and lili follows her down the winding hallway to a suite on the far side of the floor. 

a hand waves the key card to its function and the click of the door has it open before lili can slip from her daze.

“would you like me to —”

“actually,” she cuts in, then, hand on the door to stop the other from entering. “i’d like to be alone. please wish my grandmother a happy 中秋节 for me.”

she had the sense to know that, at least, her grandmother would check in whether the assistant had completed her job before she would ever pick up the phone to actually call lili about it — not when the fuse and all the dramatics that come with it had been lit.

leaving lili with the room key, the door closes and the first thing lili does is toss her bag to the bed, noticing the packed suitcase by the balcony door and she can’t help but laugh. the woman really had planned it all despite saying she would make time for her.

and rather than own up to her mistake of ever promising anything, she found a way around it, with a non-apology of money — the stuffed pack had barely fit in her bag — and a paid stay at a luxury hotel hotel. 

lili knew she shouldn’t have held her expectations — 

fuck, but she had already let them run away with her before she could help it, she thinks, sinking herself into the comfort of a warm duvet and the low-lit chandelier. feeling the depths of the silence render her emotional. 

had the quiet ever felt so lonely as it did today? 

she tells herself she’ll allow herself the tears. she’s granted it this one time and after that, she’ll never think of it again for the rest of the year.

what lili doesn’t consider is the way the tears come and never stop.

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

fun fact! did you know that the year of the snake is my chinese zodiac? so, as my zodiac intends, and as the clock strikes on the last hour of my birthday, i declare that this will be my year of transformation, renewal and spiritual growth! 

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

HOW TO SAY I'M FUCKED IN JAPANESE? where lili probably shouldn't be in this workshop and yet, here she is — @lgcichika

she shouldn’t complain, really.

wasn’t this what she meant by she was interested in hosting — looking back, lili hadn’t really thought they would have taken such a small mention so seriously. at least, this is what she tells herself as she sits across from ichika and tries to find rational in why she was lumped into a workshop for a language she didn’t know a lick about.

still, she was no quitter, even if said workshop expected her to speak a whole-ass dialogue and such for some mock hosting gig as the evaluation. no, even then, lili was no quitter.

but — she did think they could have cut her some slack. just from the basic phrases and such that ichika had gone over in passing earlier with the rest of the group, lili was still having trouble wrapping her head around it all and this is after going over her notes thrice in the last half-hour. “i know, i suck — but i swear, i really didn’t know any japanese going into this so i think … really, i’m quite the improvement, wouldn't you agree?"

“you’re right,” she sighs — side-eyeing the trainer, utilizing her most famous confused expression: a draw of the brows, the slowing of her lips into a small, perplexed pout. “it also doesn’t help that he’s being so annoying about it, too.”

having been a transplant all her life, lili has been accustomed to not knowing where she’ll be or where she’ll stay. implanted from one place to another, from one caretaker to another — but never to the ones who really matter. so, she mulls over the question — one, to any other normal person, would be considered an easy-going, friendly question. 

lili decides easiest is best.

“los angeles.” it’s where she’s been the longest — so, by default, she supposes she could assume its role as her hometown as necessary.

“and you?” she tried to place the other’s accent but asking would probably be the easiest way to an answer.

Amelia loved the fact that she was a foreigner. She loved using it as an excuse during training and also to mess with other people. Throughout the years, Amelia had gotten out of a number of different scenarios thanks to the fact that she was a foreigner. She'd also made quite a lot of friends thanks to being a foreigner as well which was even better.

Amelia listened to the other girl, using her face as a mask to hide their true intentions. ❛ I get it. Some days are just not your day and when they add training on top of it it's just too much. ❜ Amelia shook her head softly.

Amelia was trying so hard to ignore the look on the coach's face while he stood next to them. Her desire to cause mischief and mayhem was too much right now. Growing up with two brothers had definitely shaped her personality. The fact that the other girl was just as into her idea as she was told Amelia that they would definitely become very good friends in the future.

❛ I'm Amelia. It's nice to meet you, Lili. Where are you from? ❜