Any Other Day, One Where The Sun Wasn’t In Her Eyes Or The Wind Wasn’t Messing Up Her Hair — Or

a hand shoots up — “wait, wait — i said i sucked, i didn’t — do you think i’m a loser?” should she get her ears checked? did she, lili xu, actually sound that bad for ichika to immediately dismiss her as the affronted and absolutely — totally uncalled for — damning title of ‘loser’?

she feels herself default — not from discouragement — but the shock. never had lili ever felt herself feel so crestfallen — so rug pulled out from under her bewildered. again, it begs the question of: why was lili even here?

lili groans, feeling a crease iron itself permanently between her brows in concern. “was it really that bad?” lili was no japanese maestro but even she didn’t think she had failed as miserably to deem it — oh, god, lili didn’t even want to repeat it again.

she sniffs, bringing the stylus back to the document she had pulled up on her ipad where the rest of her diligent — but messy in the way a chaotic mind like lili could only understand — notes lay. “fine, if that’s what you think is best.” she taps the end of the pen against her cheek as she thinks.

“it’s supposed to be a mock of some hosting event, right?” she asks for clarification — “how would i even begin?”

In all honesty, Ichika did feel for some of her trainees. She had assumed that they would come with more experience but seeing that someone like Lili was being asked to perform without much exposure well, the more she thought about it, the more on-brand it seemed. When she was a trainee, there had been girls who had been chosen to take part in LGC Girls Japan with very limited Japanese, and some of them had been given more lines than she had. As long as you were able to make it work, what was the problem? Or so, she assumed the mindset was. 

“You are not a loser,” she replies even, shaking her head slightly. “You’re only a loser if you do not try.”

And to her credit, Lili does try. Ichika had dipped her toe into learning Mandarin over the last year, but for someone to ask her to host with a trace of fluency would have been hard. “You /are/ improving.” She assures the younger woman, “So long as you show effort, that’s what’s important. I want you to keep practicing your pronunciation and I’ll see about preparing you a phonetic script to practice with. If you can show confidence in speaking and continue to practice, a lot of errors can be forgiven. I’m sure you experienced that when you first came to Korea, as well.” 

Unlike the other two, Ichika knew that Lili went through a similar situation when she came to Korea years ago, and with that alone, she knew Lili was not a loss cause. “Actually, how about this: I want you to write down what you want to say and we can work on translating it. We can work from there.”

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

i'll be your chocolate, if you'll be my valentine?

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

she knows what they’re looking for — it was kind of hard not to know. it’s the usual: creative beyond your means, doing what no one has ever done before — that kind of thing, making a mark for yourself out of the box you called home. 

however, for lili — she hardly cared about the creative process. for lili: it was probably beyond her and her expertise. as long as the song or the choreography didn’t make her look like a laughing stock, she was fine doing something that someone else had put their blood, sweat and tears into engineering.

but now, as she puts her own blood, sweat and tears into whatever this could be — it exhausts her, and she’s ready to take a quick way out; but not before making sure that whatever the fuck this came to be didn’t look like she just pulled it from the depths of who knows where. 

“nah, nonsense — all i need is a new eye.” ( and unwarranted, half-hearted praise ) “i’m trying to match the beat but i feel like it’s coming off as stiff.” and it probably is considering this was far out of lili’s line of comfort. 

playing the song from her phone, lili lets lovely filter out into the quiet. with the help — and a healthy bribe — from one of the other trainees who had skillfully isolated the metronome in the song, she was concentrated on hitting with each move is louder than the mellowed songstress who was mumbling in the background but each move she did felt weird — disconnected, and as she does these movements before rua’s eyes, they feel even more amplified as wrong. 

“god, it looks silly, doesn’t it?”

honestly speaking, rua wasn't that interested in choreographing.

thinking about having to come up with different steps and moves then combining them into something that'd be presentable as a full dance is a tall wall she's not sure she wants to try scaling - but as it goes with all things she's taken on since becoming a trainee, she's at least open to trying. she'll never know if she might end up liking something if she doesn't give it a chance so when it was basically a requirement to focus on their personal creative skills, rua chose what she felt were the most appealing to her out of the given options.

still, she wasn't quite confident in what she picked; it showed in how she had absolutely no idea what she should be doing but not wanting to appear like she needed to be hand-held through the entire thing, rua opted for googling choreography tips and looking up videos on youtube for ideas and inspiration in the corner of the practice room she had claimed for herself. no one had to know, right?

that is, until she hears someone calling her name which causes her to look up from her phone in surprise, as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have. when she processes that the person--whom she remembers (hopefully, correctly) to be another trainee named lili--who said her name was not trying to expose her and instead, was asking for her advice on something, rua feels a small sense of relief - but only a little bit and the feeling doesn't last for long either.

she's not sure how much valuable input she can give considering she was just searching everything up a mere moment ago but rua doesn't want others to find that out. so she smiles and says, "i don't know how much i can help but sure," before walking over to lili and nodding. "what move are you trying to do?"

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

i do nails, what's your superpower?

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON — if lili is the moon, what does that make @lgcjisoo?

color lili surprised when the news reaches unsuspecting ears — out of all things to be chosen for, she did not expect this. 

now, seeing it in person was a different experience. in between then and now, she hadn’t had much leeway with jisoo — maybe it was lili’s pride, maybe she just didn’t know what to say — but when she catches his eyes from across the room as she steps into the cosmetics trailer, she’s determined to make today the day that she gets a word in, no matter if the words that should be said have yet to make up their mind. 

it’s that weird in between again — 

they weren’t fighting, but they weren’t talking and lili didn’t know where they stood. and yet, here they were — watching from afar as the photoshoots commenced. 

“i like this.” she says, in between shots, when the photographer calls for a change of cameras and lighting — when eyes are all on the screens and not on the unsuspecting pair away from the bright lights. her fingers toying with the eclipse ring adorning her forefinger. she had never seen herself as a gold girl but even lili knew when something looked nice on her — and she couldn’t help but admire the outline of the silver moon against its contrasting hue. 

FILE: XU LILI _ MODEL PORTFOLIO

THREE WORDS TO DESCRIBE YOUR IMAGE .

chic, cool, luxurious

THREE WORDS TO DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY .

cold, confident, passionate

THREE INTERESTS OF YOURS .

high fashion, nail art, hair care

THREE SPECIAL SKILLS .

crying on command (crocodile tears), nail art,  korean/mandarin tongue twisters

WHICH COLOR WOULD YOU GIVE TO YOUR AURA .

#5D3FD3, purple

THREE PRODUCTS THAT FIT YOUR IMAGE .

fashion, hair care, travel/tourism

THREE PRODUCTS THAT DON’T FIT YOUR IMAGE .

food products, camping, sports

she turns around to gag, the overwhelming smell of chicken shit may  have gotten to her. this was absolute torture — she had no idea how yoomi was doing that, eyes taking in the way the other drops the last remains of dirt into a bin; nearly jumping out of her skin when she sees some of it scatter into the air from the abrupt collapse of weight into such a compact place. 

lili tries to wipe the grimace from her face but she fears it only further enhances the look of wariness that rides along a chagrin smile. she was convinced their management hated them — why else would they drop them into the middle of nowhere doing manual labor when there were far more appropriate ski resorts, zen retreats and water parks to otherwise spend more engaging and family-friendly variety time at? 

farming was so boomer.

“hm.” is lili’s only response, lest she say something she knows she shouldn’t.  from today, lili did not have hopes for tomorrow. picking up a nearby rag by the tip of her forefinger and thumb to place it in the bin they were to wash later that day.

“anything would be better than this.” she returns, trying to swallow another gag as she stands to yoomi’s left. god, when they said they were going to get some fresh air — lili did not think getting poisoned by a chicken’s excrements would be a part of that definition. "i wonder if my career as an idol doesn't work out, i guess i could moonlight as a farmer." she tries to joke, even though, deep down lili knows the last place anyone would ever find her would be on a farm.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ bock bock b***. ࿐ྂ

@lgclili

being forever the optimist, losing wasn't something that ever really bothered yoomi. now, they didn't technically lose anything, but it felt like her team had gotten the more strenuous of two tasks as she cleaned out the chicken coops with the rest of her fellow trainees.

sure, yoomi would've much more preferred to pick fruit from tree than be scooping up chicken poop right now, but she was simply grateful that this wasn't her daily life and that once this show was over, everyone could go back to their chicken poop free lives.

she and lili had finished taking out all the old bedding, all they needed to do was clean out the poop, sprinkle the powder they were given to ward off pests and put in fresh new bedding. "c'mon lili, we can do this! we're almost halfway done. after this we'll never have to think clean another chicken coop in our life!" yoomi flashes her friend a bright smile, trying to keep her spirits up as she swept up all the dirt and poop they had discovered under the bedding.

"yummy." yoomi sarcastically thought as she emptied the last of the dirt into a nearby bin. "okay i think that was the worst of it, let's change all the bedding now and pray that we get a better task tomorrow." she nods, laughing softly as she swiped sweat that was building up on her forehead.

truth or dare, will we be alright? — @lgcjisoo, january '24.

she sits beside him in a huff, arms and legs crossed as her gaze remains directed away from his own. a part of her wonders why her feet had even brought her so far just to do this — why was she wasting her time?

he was obviously done with her, he didn’t even wish her happy birthday ( despite saying she didn’t care all these years of birthdays spent together in lieu of actual familial love, at least she had him but now — did she even have that )

but another part of her is already at a loss — ready to wave the white flag because a part of her was lonely without him — fuck,

her leg shakes up and down impatiently before finally whipping her head around to look at him, “so what — just because we’re not talking you’re not going to say happy birthday to me?” she sniffs, knowing she was the one in the wrong in the first place — but maybe this could show she was trying to show remorse.

ON ENEMY LINES. soapsuds will never quench her taste buds  —  @lgcxmimi

part of her wonders where the hell was this soap when she was surrounded by nothing but chicken shit. ugh, talk about timing — the stench of the herbal suds were giving her a headache, a migraine, whatever that now seemed to cease the further she got away from the numerous boxes that were currently hoarding the unsold bars. 

what was more aggravating than the overwhelming smell was how unfair the sales were. how the fuck were they supposed to even sell soaps? if these village hicks couldn’t sell it, did they think some city dwellers who spent their days dancing hours on end in the basement could? 

she frowns, they really must have hit the rock bottom of variety television.

chancing upon one of the younger girls, she reaches out with her own bill to them. not caring if she was aiding the ‘enemy’ — she needed a drink, and at least theirs would give her a temporary quench to whatever ailment she was suffering from.

“can i get one?” her head tilts to the jug at the side.

HOW TO SAY I'M FUCKED IN JAPANESE? where lili probably shouldn't be in this workshop and yet, here she is — @lgcichika

she shouldn’t complain, really.

wasn’t this what she meant by she was interested in hosting — looking back, lili hadn’t really thought they would have taken such a small mention so seriously. at least, this is what she tells herself as she sits across from ichika and tries to find rational in why she was lumped into a workshop for a language she didn’t know a lick about.

still, she was no quitter, even if said workshop expected her to speak a whole-ass dialogue and such for some mock hosting gig as the evaluation. no, even then, lili was no quitter.

but — she did think they could have cut her some slack. just from the basic phrases and such that ichika had gone over in passing earlier with the rest of the group, lili was still having trouble wrapping her head around it all and this is after going over her notes thrice in the last half-hour. “i know, i suck — but i swear, i really didn’t know any japanese going into this so i think … really, i’m quite the improvement, wouldn't you agree?"