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flip a coin, and you’d wonder just how two individuals have tangled themselves so far with little to tether between them.
flip a coin, and you’ll see that these two are two sides of the same coin. both hurt, both frustrated, and yet neither seem to find it in themselves to see that same hurt and frustration in the other.
at least, in lili’s case, she’s blind to it.
projecting, he says? sure, let’s call it that. maybe she was projecting, and she can feel the prickle of irritation spur her on as he hits the nail on it’s head. her own features flinching when she catches the most subtle curl of a grin at his lips — was he enjoying her misery?
did he liken her hurt to a game?
well — two could play at that game. she forcibly softens her gaze, the first of the two to turn away from his intense gaze as she feels a hiccup of a cry lodge itself in her throat. the prickle of tears already at the corner of her eyes.
( god, she should’ve been an actress )
she wills them back, her eyes angled upwards as if to push said tears as far back as she could, the tension thick in her shoulders as her arms uncross and fall into her lap. “so that’s it, then? because you’re ‘not in the mood’ you don’t even want to talk to me?” it’s laughable to see all her sincerity thrown in her face.
“and if it’s not?” she starts, her timbre falls in comparison to the snipped tone it had taken when she had first chanced upon him. the tremble in her fingers only stop when she gathers them into tiny fists, turning to him. “you know what my birthday means to me.” or — in this exact case, didn’t mean until he put meaning into it. her frown hurts, she can feel it break into her jaw as teeth clench down, as if pleading her to shut the fuck up.
there are people on one hand that can get a reaction out of him and it's (un)fortunate that lili is one of them. if the lines of his eyes and mouth are sharper, only for her, they are right now because girl's got a prerogative, without rhyme or reason.
"you're putting words in my mouth. you're possibly.... dare i say...." the corner of his mouth threatens to move upwards, "projecting."
how did they get here to this point again? jisoo does miss when they weren't two flipside of a coin and in harmony. it seems years ago now, but apparently nobody's counting.
but if neither one of them cared, certainly they wouldn't be standing here right now. stubbornness was going to be the death of them both, and he leans down and closer to give her a curious look. he's tempted, both sides of the scale teeter and the man doesn't know whether to throw her a bone or not. but hey. he's hurt too. she doesn't have the right to push it back all on him.
"i'm not really in the mood to play guess who and what if's. is this truly about missing both our birthdays?" jisoo draws a harsh breath in, forcing his mind to clear to resist the many quips that are on the tip of his tongue.
it’s like they said —
misery loves company.
and lili was no exception to the rule — especially when it came to jisoo.
did she have the right? no.
was she being perhaps a tad bit too possessive of a boy who obviously didn’t give two shits about her and her precious, precious birthday? yes, possibly, astonishingly, devastatingly — she was and she was not proud of it.
sitting here, more than a little miffed that he was appearing aloof — and not the least bit remorseful ( or concerned like what the fuck! ) to what had so obviously pained her, she frowns, even harder — fuck, was she going to regret the wrinkles such an action caused later — and turns her gaze away from him.
she relays in her most poised tone — the one she used whenever she was on the phone with her grandmother and raised voices were not suitable for a pretty, pretty lady or so her grandmother liked to say — despite the frown:
“it’s not fair.” she answers him, pointed gaze turning harder — almost glassy in her distress. “you don't even care. what if i was dead in a ditch?"
remorse is thrown out the window as she taps a finger against her arm, annoyed at the outcome. here she had come to apologize and he was throwing that in her face.
surprise, lili sits down by him. time was bound to lead them to this, since it was either them being opposite ends of a magnet, parallel lines yet never colliding for the next forever period of time, or that they'd eventually collapse and meet again. he didn't know when, or if it would happen again, but again, surprise- of course lili would be the one to approach him. ( maybe he's too good at this whole ' being alone ' thing, which is not a good thing... )
stubbornness doesn't really reward anyone, especially where there's a void of a close friendship that somehow falls apart. immaturity would do that to any pair. her comment makes him overthink, because during their birthdays, he did overthink. to say something or not to say something. but after radio silence on his own birthday,
"i mean-" wait, why is she turning it onto him? jisoo supposes lili always has a way with words. his eyes narrow back at her, "and what about a few days ago? i figured it wasn't going to happen when i didn't hear anything either." at least there's no filler smalltalk ( his ultimate pet peeve ), and they're straight into the thick of it. "that's only fair... right?"
truth or dare, will we be alright? — @lgcjisoo, january '24.
she sits beside him in a huff, arms and legs crossed as her gaze remains directed away from his own. a part of her wonders why her feet had even brought her so far just to do this — why was she wasting her time?
he was obviously done with her, he didn’t even wish her happy birthday ( despite saying she didn’t care all these years of birthdays spent together in lieu of actual familial love, at least she had him but now — did she even have that )
but another part of her is already at a loss — ready to wave the white flag because a part of her was lonely without him — fuck,
her leg shakes up and down impatiently before finally whipping her head around to look at him, “so what — just because we’re not talking you’re not going to say happy birthday to me?” she sniffs, knowing she was the one in the wrong in the first place — but maybe this could show she was trying to show remorse.