A Hand Shoots Up — “wait, Wait — I Said I Sucked, I Didn’t — Do You Think I’m A Loser?”

lili sighs, letting another resigned hand run through her hair. “no, nothing’s hurt.” just my ego — she thinks while trying not to glare at the little boy standing right behind asami who was currently giving her the evil eye. the second asami turns her head, lili throws a stuck-out tongue his way before sidling back up to asami’s side.

“please don’t leave me with them, who knows what else i’ll be subjected to — they’re ….” chaotic, life-sucking, evil gremlins. “unpredictable.” she says instead of all the things she wished she could — but who knows whose ears were listening in and wasn’t it a thing for kids to parrot back everything they hear?

that would not be a good thing.

( especially for lili and her very unrefined filter-less speech )

crossing her arms, she allows asami to gather the kids in front of them; unexpectedly she stands a step behind asami — as if hiding behind her in case of, well, just in case — as the other girl gets the kids to somehow apologize for their wrongdoings.

and lili — despite not wanting to — has to be the bigger person, she was the adult here, right?

right?

once their apologies are given — though, lili thinks they sound a little forced — she nods, sighing, “it’s okay, i forgive you.” a hand reaches out to shake each of their sticky hands without grimacing — +1 for lili! “let’s shake on it.”

Asami does the best she can to pull Lili up as gracefully as she can. Asami isn't necessarily strong, but Lili is light as a feather, so even though her moral wasn't doing well right now, Asami thinks there was no dignity lost in the process.

Asami doesn't miss the way she addresses the kids, either. And even though she doesn't really agree with the terms of endearment, Asami can't stop the little smile from forming on her lips. The kids, indeed could be a little way too much. "But you're okay right? Nothing hurts?" she asks Lili instead as she brushes the older's hair off her shoulder.

Asami is genuinely ready to leave Lili give the kids a earful given the circumstances they've put her on. They are volunteers and not punching bags after all, but before that happens Asami shakes her head when she notices Lili slightly panicking. "No, no, don't worry. It's just that kids can leave lollipops in the weirdest places, but you're alright," and to prove her point she stretches her neck to get a full 360º looking for any damage and could find none. "You're just slightly disheveled, but you're still pretty," she tries to ease her worries before turning to the kids. "Now kids, I hope you understand you weren't really nice to Lili noona. She didn't want to play this game, and when we play we should all want to participate, isn't that what we agreed on?" and she receives a few reluctant nods, "what do we say when we do something wrong, then?" and they obediently turn to Lili to offer her their apologies.

230428

໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 15 、

round and round it goes.

where it stops — no one knows. 

she pulls the string once more, ricocheting the top into the floor. the clatter it makes as it hits the ground does not strip her from her reverie, irises hypnotized by the spin and pull of the game. finally a game that she had a knack at — that didn’t require her to think or to do or to ace at the first go. all it took was a pull of the twine and the top would fall apart from her fingertips. ready to split the ground beneath it as it run amok around them. 

and run it does, running in circles from point a to point z. never in the same place, its center of gravity teetering fast until it tilts a little too far on one side, collapsing upon itself as it topples. a pause in the game as she snatches it up to start all over again. 

again, it’ll spin round and round.

where it stops — her eyes will go.

follow it until the end, like an expectant child would to a mother.

or like what she believes an expectant child would do in the presence of one it fawned over. lili would no know better. like the top, she finds herself spinning and spinning — fast and furious through the lanes of people, around people, through people, continuing on until her own center of gravity tilts — and she stops, 

all to begin again.

because like a top, lili finds herself adjusting — forcing herself to acclimate to places unfamiliar, submerging head first into a game she doesn’t know, but must learn in order to survive. 

like a top, she’ll spin — spin and spin because she’s at the mercy of someone else.

the top pivots at the will of her pull, like she bends for the validation of others. begging for acceptance, vying for a win amongst the multitude of losses just stacked against her. 

fingers pull at the string once more.

and again, she’ll spin — spin, spin.

round and round, it goes.

where she’ll stop? no one knows. 

it’s like they said —

misery loves company.

and lili was no exception to the rule — especially when it came to jisoo. 

did she have the right? no. 

was she being perhaps a tad bit too possessive of a boy who obviously didn’t give two shits about her and her precious, precious birthday? yes, possibly, astonishingly, devastatingly — she was and she was not proud of it.

sitting here, more than a little miffed that he was appearing aloof — and not the least bit remorseful ( or concerned like what the fuck! ) to what had so obviously pained her, she frowns, even harder — fuck, was she going to regret the wrinkles such an action caused later — and turns her gaze away from him.  

she relays in her most poised tone — the one she used whenever she was on the phone with her grandmother and raised voices were not suitable for a pretty, pretty lady or so her grandmother liked to say — despite the frown:

“it’s not fair.” she answers him, pointed gaze turning harder — almost glassy in her distress. “you don't even care. what if i was dead in a ditch?" 

remorse is thrown out the window as she taps a finger against her arm, annoyed at the outcome. here she had come to apologize and he was throwing that in her face.

surprise, lili sits down by him. time was bound to lead them to this, since it was either them being opposite ends of a magnet, parallel lines yet never colliding for the next forever period of time, or that they'd eventually collapse and meet again. he didn't know when, or if it would happen again, but again, surprise- of course lili would be the one to approach him. ( maybe he's too good at this whole ' being alone ' thing, which is not a good thing... )

stubbornness doesn't really reward anyone, especially where there's a void of a close friendship that somehow falls apart. immaturity would do that to any pair. her comment makes him overthink, because during their birthdays, he did overthink. to say something or not to say something. but after radio silence on his own birthday,

"i mean-" wait, why is she turning it onto him? jisoo supposes lili always has a way with words. his eyes narrow back at her, "and what about a few days ago? i figured it wasn't going to happen when i didn't hear anything either." at least there's no filler smalltalk ( his ultimate pet peeve ), and they're straight into the thick of it. "that's only fair... right?"

she doubts it — but lili should be thankful for zoe’s optimism. it might be the only thing keeping her hopeful for the rest of the day until the ride home. just a couple more hours and they were home free — at least, this is what lili thought.

lili was not a work with what’s available but god told her beggars could not be choosers — and it is only today that she realizes the truth of those exact words. with a grim smile and a hand to hide it she feigns a dramatic sigh before falling onto zoe’s shoulder, “don’t worry, zoe, once we get back, you’ve got a ginseng chicken soup with your name on it on my dime, i swear it.”

only a couple more hours, she tells herself, and lili is near ready to  buy their whole dormitory soup if she needs to speed up the process. sitting up straight, she raises a brow, genuinely pondering what part of the weekend that she enjoyed — sparingly — there were times here and there she liked, if she truly could get out of her nitpicking ways to admit it. 

“mm,” she thinks for a minute longer because it was genuinely that hard for her to find some part of the weekend she actually found enjoyable — because knowing lili, this weekend was not her top ten — nor top one hundred — best picks of a good time. “spending time with you and jiah, i guess. but like —“ she lowers her voice to a whisper, a hand raised to cover her lips lest their be lip-readers in their midst. “i already hang out with you guys back home and at least there we have cell service.” before dropping her hand. “but i guess the chickens were kinda cute — smelly, but cute. kinda like you.” she laughs before pinching the other’s cheek, “kidding but you definitely did stink after friday.” 

— 🐰 » 

Zoe watched Lili with a mix of amusement and concern, noting the exhaustion etched in her friend's features despite her attempts to maintain a smile. Being on their feet for hours wasn't easy, especially when trying to promote something as seemingly mundane as soap bars at a fair.

"Grace, indeed," Zoe replied, her accent softening with empathy. She could sense Lili's frustration, the subtle strain in her voice as she talked about luck. Zoe leaned more toward believing in hard work, but she understood how luck could sometimes sway things.

Zoe chuckled and shook her head. "Well, you're so right there, but I guess we'll just have to work with what's available. Who knows, maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised today," she said optimistically to Lili's mention of the disappointing food, though she shared her doubts about the culinary offerings.

The mention of ginseng chicken soup brought a wistful smile to Zoe's face. "That does sound amazing," she agreed, imagining the warmth of the soup on a chilly day like today. "But hey, even if the food isn't great, at least we have each other's company," she added, playfully nudging Lili.

Zoe's gaze softened as she looked at her friend, silently offering her support. "Hey, amidst all this chaos, did you manage to enjoy any part of the day?" she asked, genuinely interested in hearing Lili's perspective.

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

just another year around the sun 🎁 ❤️

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

“hypothetically!” lili adds after the fact. though, despite herself, fiery temperament and all, lili did know how to be professional. and the last thing she wanted to do was embarrass herself — and sure, by extension jisoo, as well — in front of people she could very well work with again in the future. one could never know what the future had in store, building roots rather than burning bridges should be her main priority.

( even if lili was too good at burning bridges, today she’ll play nice )

“don’t worry, i’ll be good.”

if being good meant putting her pretty smile, only to complain to jisoo’s ear after the shoot, then yes — lili will be oh so good.

“the face is off limits but who said the ribs or the ankles couldn’t take a kick or two?” she’s joking, now, obviously. lili would rather admit defeat than risk breaking a nail, or worse, getting a scar on any part of her. 

call her surprised; a brow raising in expectation at his words. “is this really the han jisoo? or has some alien taken over your body? or maybe you’re a business-minded double?” anything she wanted? oh, where has this jisoo been all her life? willfully ignoring the 'within reason' addition, she smiles, “really — anything at all?”

if there's anyone that can provoke a reaction out of him, there's two people that up in his mind, and one of them is lili. for sure! headlining the main act : li yifei. congratutions. "now why would you be starting a fight in the middle of a shoot, if not on purpose." there's a finger at his temple, and jisoo allows her to have this sigh that escapes from his throat unwillingly.

there's some silence between them as jisoo simply stares at lili, unsure of how to even entertain or respond to this. comedic reply? or a stern reply? "i'll pull haru out of there myself if i have to, no black eyes allowed for anyone. some arguing back and forth? by all means, get into it emotionally if you have to. makes for better content. or something like that." of course, out of earshot of anyone else, who could hear him encouraging a disagreement. he's sure that neither of the starring parties would let it get that far.

"if there's something that will make you behave, speak it aloud and if i can make it happen, i will. do you want something on set? or off set? i can have it delivered if," emphasis on if, jisoo says with enunciation, "if its within reason."

meet ! xu lili ( 徐莉莉 ), '01 —  i’m the prettiest poison you’ve ever seen.

re:  prof  /  points  / tags  /  pinterest 

𝟭 . DISC — upon request! / TWIT — @/ninithots / OOC.

୨୧     SPRING CLEANING     :     1B

WHEN SOMEONE WRONGS YOU, DO YOU RESPOND WITH REVENGE OR FORGIVENESS?

“revenge. it’s simple: you do me wrong, you need to be punished. forgiveness is for fools who are much too kind and … well … forgiving. it’s a fool’s errand to be anything but vengeful when someone does you dirty. they need to learn a special lesson as to why they shouldn’t have wronged you in the first place and i’ll happily teach that to them.”

WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?

“truth serum?” lili groans, ready to bite her words out of her own mouth, “love. being loved, not being loved, having love and somehow fucking that up because i’m apparently unlovable. also being forgotten … or i guess, unknown works too. is that exchangeable with fame? because in that case i’ll take fame over love. i’d rather be known than forgotten. and since i can’t be loved, i’d fear being unknown more than anything else.”

HOW MUCH DO YOU CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU?

“if i cared what anyone else thought, do you think i’d walk around with this proud, nasty attitude?” no, probably not. “i don’t care, but i suppose, saying so would make you think that i do care but i swear i don’t. sure, it hurts my feelings, deeeeeeeep down, but feelings are fleeting, i’ll get over it once i buy a new bag or some new shoes.”

WHAT IS AT THE TOP OF YOUR PROFESSIONAL BUCKET LIST?

“getting out of this hell hole of ambiguity they call being a ‘trainee’. i want to be famous, but not for being famous, i want my fame to be because i’m good at something. so, i suppose, right now, you can say at the top of my professional bucket list is for me to debut. what comes after that, well … maybe some modeling, acting? the world is … like they say, my oyster.”

note to self: no compliment is worth a lost ciggy rip — @shxlgc

this is what lili gets for going out with a guy just because his mom said she had pretty ankles.

that would have been lili’s excuse if said ‘going out’ weren't as obvious as inconspicuous happenings that were cleverly dressed up as accidental — it was all a ploy to somehow worm lili into their little hellhole of a family and here she was, eating it all up just because seunghyun’s mom just so happened to think her facial symmetry was proportional to aphrodite ( her words not lili’s, mind you! ) — yeah, maybe lili was that vain.

and probably an ounce too shallow — but if she could get compliments on the daily from a woman who kissed up to her just because she had half the hope that her grandchildren could look as pretty as lili did just from merely growing up ( and not undergoing a pricey knife ahem seungah ahem ) then maybe lili wouldn’t mind it.

until she realizes just who her supposed husband to be would be — this guy, glaring daggers at her as they both stood at the helm of a fountain, staring into its depths as they look on in misery. their sole saving grace to this dull party had sunk to the bottom of this marble moat.

fuck — and that had been her last one. 

“nice going, genius — now what are we supposed to do?” she frowns, looking around to see if any other geezers were loitering about with an extra they could bum off of.