Friend May I Propose: The Wisp Sings

:3

My younger self would be so disappointed that we’re still here

i have the urge to hurt myself every single day. it's all i think about and yet i don't. and then i hate myself for not doing so.

I feel... wrong for not being covered in scars and not taking control of the uncontrollable. i don't know how to explain it

Haha

Real

Wilted Flowers

They’re pretty, but I’m afraid to touch them— I know they’ll crumble the moment I do.

I think they’re beautiful. Beautiful because they don’t last. Beautiful because they’re broken.

And I like shattered glass: the way it reflects anything you shine on it, the way I can see myself in the pieces— not whole, but fragmented.

I know I’ll bleed when I reach to touch it, drip the contents of my heart across smooth faces and edges that seldom forget.

And I like coffee. I drink it with cream to soften the bitterness. But I never add sugar— too much sweetness makes me sick.

It keeps me up when I should be asleep, telling secrets I should’ve kept, dreading the grinds at the bottom of the cup.

But I guess some things aren’t meant to be held for long— they bruise, or cut, or run out the moment you reach out to hold them.

I don’t mind so much.

Because wilted flowers aren’t soft... but they are pretty.

My existence feels wrong. Like I wasn't even supposed to be here to begin with.

So I've been on and off adhd meds for a bit

And I've noticed sonthing

On them its quiet. Quiet in the way where I want to sink into it. I lay in my bed and just dissociate. Quiet in the way my thoughts try to fill the silence. At least i can focus better. When the silence isn't filling me with anxiety and thoughts of my own death.

But off them

It's loud. I can be happy and energetic. And quiet and disengaged. There's so many things running through my head constantly. I have more motivation. Can I focus? No. But that way I cant focus on my own demise either.

Idk what to do. In school, being on them is worth it cuz I cant pass my classes without them. But otherwise its just

Let me sleep lol

If anyone has any advice for finding adhd meds that work and dont wanna make me kms and give me crippling anxiety-- please lmk

Tw sh talk

I need to slit my wrists

I need to watch the blood run down my arm

I need to watch my skin forced apart

I need to feel the stinging as I slice my flesh open

The release as pain is the only thing I feel

I need to watch the scars form

I need to feel the sting when I shower

The pain as it rubbs against my clothes

For this is my punishment isn't it

i’m not getting better anyways so why not get worse

overestimating how much you mean to someone really fucks you in the head