Nick, Out Of The Blue On A Random Tuesday: Cats And Cows Love Me.

Eric: Rachel gave me a “Get Better Soon” card

Salim: That’s really nice of her!

Eric: I’m not sick, she just thinks i could do better

Jason: No, don't-!

Nick: JASON LISTENS TO WHITE GIRL MUSIC!!

Rachel: What?

Joey: Lmao why??

Jason: BRITNEY SPEARS DIED FOR OUR SINS, OKAY??

Zain with Tariq in town: I did that adult thing you can do where you buy an entire cake and just eat it.

Zain: I am eating an entire cake.

Zain: Update: there is more cake than I imagined.

Zain: I see now why my dad didn’t let me do this.

Nick: Jason, you're obviously on some sort of non-vampire related self-discovery journey right now, and as your friend, I'm going to pull out my best tools to help you.

Nick: *opens new tab and types "am I gay quiz" into the search bar*

Zain: I can’t find my phone

Jason: I can call it for you

Zain: wait no-

Phone ringing: you are my dad (your my dad) BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE

Zain:

Jason:

Zain: I can explain-

Nick: What happened to my fun girlfriend?

Rachel: I was never fun, you take that back.

Jason: Let's play twenty questions

Salim: Sure, what's your favorite color?

Jason: Circle. Are you into guys?

Nick: We need to get through this locked door. Eric, give me your credit card.

Eric: Here.

Nick, pocketing it: Jason, break down the door.

Eric: I can’t mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one boys.

Eric: Manslaughter it is

Jason: sticks and stones may break my bones-

Salim, nodding solemnly: but chains and whips excite me.

Jason, wheezing: nO! WHAT THE FUCK?!