April 23
April 23
Today I feel okay. Not stellar, not depressed, just okay. I completed my presentation (it went well, considering I only spent about two hours on it), I didn’t complete the white paper (five pages single spaced and I naively thought I could finish the whole damn thing in three hours), I had forgotten about a cardiology appointment so I had to duck out of a lecture early (one I was really looking forward to hearing). Things with Devin and I were sweet... We texted back and forth throughout the day, which was nice. We had a short call at the end of the night, where he asked me to sing to him, which I found painfully sweet. ❤️ He just sounded so wistful, I think it’s because I had just corrected him and reminded him that he is a submissive.
House is meh. I got a lot of things done yesterday, which felt really satisfying. I didn’t sleep a lot- intentions of working on the presentation as well as making headway on the paper- so I napped as soon as I got home from the doctor. I’ve been trying to eat more tuna, just because it’s inexpensive and it’s a lot healthier than other meal choices I could be making. Tuna and fruit/spinach smoothies. Hopefully it helps with weight loss and brain fog and just helping me to FEEL better.
I’ve been consistent about taking my meds- Corbin has been helping me to be consistent about taking my meds. It’s made a huge difference, I just have a more positive affect. I’m more hopeful with meds. Which makes me a little suspicious of whether my “positive attitude” that I’m always complimented for is really ME or if its the drugs, a conversation I’ve had with my psychiatrist in the past.
More Posts from Goddessmba and Others
March 24
ARGH Tumblr is so useless. It’s so easy to accidentally get rid of a post when typing one on your iPad. Dangit. I was typing one for yesterday (for the third damn time) and I accidentally clicked out of the post window and everything I typed disappeared.
Anyway.
Today (yesterday) I feel optimistic. I had a really long call with Nia, and we talked about Devin and my style of dominance and the uphill battles of all the challenges we would face in our relationship. And it was really positive, in a strange way. She pointed out a lot of issues that I hadn’t considered (he’s an adult child of an addict, he’s going to be the first person in his entire family to ever bring home someone who isn’t white, he’s not going to feel comfortable relinquishing control because he doesn’t understand what he’s giving up control over because he’s never DONE a lot of the things I want to control) and there were a lot of things I had already considered, so just thinking about all of it and being aware of all of it felt really supportive.
She made a good point, though. Right now I have a lot of other stuff on my plate. I don’t have the capacity to be a big letter to a little letter who needs to much attention from me. I have so many things I need to focus on and I’m just not focusing. I’m avoiding, I’m feeling overwhelmed, I’m not being the way I’d ideally like to be in the other areas of my life.
“Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.”
—
Reflections Of Eroticism
Big Goddess Energy
*snort*
Psychology Daily - Quote
April 26
Today I feel okay. It was a good day at the therapist, I came home and napped and talked to Devin on the phone a few times and made some rice to eat, but I didn’t get done the things I wanted to get done. I think I’m just hitting a really pessimistic patch. I did send a few emails to some USAA people, asking for their time to chat about HR at USAA, and a call I had with a current USAA employee from the day before turned out pretty well (he forwarded my resume along, which was much appreciated), so I guess I’m making moves in the right direction.
But just okay. Not fantastic, not as desolate as I’ve felt earlier this week, just okay. 😊
Psychology Daily - Quote
Psychology Daily - Quotes
Psychology Daily - Quote
