Thought Of This While Taking A Walk In Park And Listening To Conan Gray...

Friendly reminder that gender, sexuality and your fashion sense absolutely do not have to reflect each other and are things IRRESPECTIVE OF EACH OTHER.

You can absolutely be comfortable with your she/her pronouns, with being a woman and still choose to have a masc presenting fashion sense. You can be completely cool with your assigned gender and still cross dress.

Feeling pretty? Floral? Gay? Hella boyish? Like a princess? A drag queen? A white swan or a black crow?

Go for it. Absolutely go for it!!

PS. If you are a minor and stuck in a rather unaccepting environment, please don't let go of yourself or your identity, but keep yourself safe. College will be better. Growing up will make this aspect easier. You will move out. Wait for the financial independence and then go for it!! <3

brain: hey sweetie. lets stop this, okay? its not working out. maybe this isnt your cup of tea. a smart person knows when to stop.

me: okay.. *considers stopping and quitting the thing*

brain: you fucking coward. you are giving up in between and running away. you idiot, you moron- you just dont wanna see through it. you fucking dumbfuck.

me: .....

the secret history is all fun and games and then you reach page 200+ and its like

what. what the fuck is this. sign me up for more, you bastard.

Kisses and all are cool, but small moments like these <3

finished reading PnP and now i officially hate all the literary references that modern romances (like The Fine Print) make to PnP. Like no. Darcy was not a cold-hearted, empathy-devoid asshole like your male lead, maam. He was a little awkward, obstinate, prideful and *successfully* reflects that by HIMSELF and works on himself, not just to get the girl, but because thats what good men do.

Seriously, the only modern PnP reference i like anymore is probably like, good omens or something.

god, i was so scared about what they were gonna do with ifa's design and i. They just. Did it perfect. I adore his design, hes sooo cuuuuteee. *breaths a massive fuckin sigh of relief*

Now about what they will do with his kit... *waits with baited breath*

Volume 4 (AKA trauma train) moments that got me in the FEELS:

1) [when Hua Cheng is asked what his worst fear and THIS MAN RESPONDS WITH:]

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “Watching your beloved be trampled and ridiculed with your own eyes and being unable to do a thing about it. You understand that you are nothing, that you can do nothing. That’s the worst suffering in the world.”

2) [the marriage "joke" and the moving in "joke"]

“Gege, want to get married?”

“...”

Xie Lian was struck dumb. “...Huh?”

__

“I’ve been wanting to ask,” Hua Cheng said. “If gege doesn’t feel secure living here, why not move somewhere else?”

Xie Lian shook his head. “That’s easy for you to say, San Lang. Where would I move?”

Hua Cheng smiled. “Why not move in with me?”

3) [no notes. Perfect moment]

Hua Cheng stared at him intently. “Gege, do you trust me?”

Xie Lian met his eyes and was equally firm in his response.

“I do.”

4) Xie Lian hiding a shirtless Hua Cheng from other officials so impulsively

5) [eyebrow raise moment]

Xie Lian patted Hua Cheng down to check for wounds, feeling up his chest, his arms, and all the way down his legs. But other than coming to the conclusion that Hua Cheng had a truly fine body, he made no notable finds.

6) [xie lians laugh at hua cheng]

“Gege, although I’m happy you’re so happy, is it really that funny?” Hua Cheng asked in a woeful tone.

Xie Lian hugged his belly as he laughed. “Of course! Only since meeting you have I rediscovered how simple it is to be happy, ha ha ha ha ha…”

7) [xie lian threatening hua with scariest punishment]

But Xie Lian threatened, “If you leave now, don’t ever come back to see me again.”

“...Your Highness!” Hua Cheng cried, shocked.

___

That's all. For now. We shall ignore everything else that happened in blackwater. Nothing happened. All is good. Trust.

"Hope comes so naturally to you."

I read this line over and over again and sometimes I wish, it didn't. Sometimes, I wish hope didn't come easily to me. Sometimes, I just wish your comforting nihilism and words of how it shall all turn to dust either way appealed to me naturally.

I walk around this world and as I grow, I learn more of it. I see the destruction, the ruins we send our environment into, the hatred that spreads like a deadly poison, the bigotry, the complete breakdown this economy is having around us, the rich become richer and the poor only grow poorer. The divide, the ignorance, just the sheer amount of misery-- Misery. The common affliction to human condition.

And yet, I hate to think, 'Nothing will change'.

It would be *so* easy to. But I cannot.

Because I don't know what happens next-- then how can I say it never changes? Never will?

We don't know what will happen to everything.

What do we know?

That it will all eventually turn to dust.

Might as well turn to dust bearing some hope. Trying what little we can, bringing change in the little corner of the world. Maybe, just maybe the world will learn.

Because if it all ends, then what's the harm in hoping?

There are two ways you can live your life-- as the ignorant one. Ignorance is, in itself, bliss. To never let yourself be aware of the wretchedness of it all.

And as the aware one. To be aware, to be conscious, to be critical and slowly feel yourself become jaded. It is the more painful way.

But if history stands as evidence, it is the critical one who challenged the status quo. The critique who dares to hope for better has always been the one bringing change.

"I look around and see the misery. I look around and can't help but be aware of the futility. But I still clutch kindness closely to my heart. I still hold on to humanity and its dynamic ability to change. I still hope.

Because to hope, is to live.

And to live without hope, is to live a miserable life."

Re: Hope might come naturally to me, but even if it did not, even if it stopped being the case- I will still choose it.

"good things come to those who wait around"

and i have been waiting around forever, where are the good things. is there a glitch hello

HELLOOOOOOO

Introduction or something, i think

She/her, a student who also writes.

Queer/Aroace.

Constantly hyperfixating and analysing.

Intersec Feminist.

In too many fandoms to list or count.

Occasionally games (tot/gi/sdv)

Marius Von Hagen Enthusiast.

Hobbyist writer (crime stories/satire/dramedies/fanfics). You can find them all on wattpad or ao3.

Or you can simply scroll a bit down and find a poem or two I scraped together.

Side-blog for reblogs mostly: here.

[Currently reading: TGCF vol 5, Gone Girl.]

[2025 reading count: 17+ books and going]

Current Status: recovering from burn out.