Kudos To Jorge For Continually Making The Release Of The Ithaca Saga An Immersive Experience By Going

🌻 about me

av/cap, he/him

I'm an aspiring author and I use fanfic as exercises and to help with writer's block (: I have been writing for 10+ years, have led technical support groups for writers, won state competitions, and I also display original work at local art shows alongside my other traditional art.

I sometimes draw fanart, but I have an art business now so it's not super frequent.

@feathersatwar literally everywhere, even the accounts I no longer use.

archive of our own - all my big multichapter fics are available here

I may decide to use my instagram again, I'll link it if I do

🌒 what to expect?

marvel/mcu (mixing the mcu and comics are the best fanfic sweet spot) - stucky, winterwidow, etc

supernatural - destiel

the occasional percy jackson mood

epic the musical ✨

even though I don't write much outside of marvel and supernatural, I reblog stuff I like (:

I love writing anxiety, gore, romance, and action. What if universes are my playground.

I'm the captain of two trains:

→ captain barnes. I love the universe idea of if steve fell in the alps and bucky took up the shield to finish off the red skull.

→ jewish bucky. I'm jewish, sebastian stan is part jewish, bucky was likely from an immigrant family, and I tend to write bucky at varying degrees of faith/culture participation in different fics. If you have an issue with that, excuse yourself - this is a zero tolerance zone for bigotry of any kind.

THE MASTERLIST

not including old works on ao3, unless I have reposted them here

🪽 destiel

my destiel playlist | turning page

❄️ stucky

definitions of rage | ao3 dark!steve mini-fic

🌿 bucky barnes one shots

rely on time | bucky barnes drabble

40s captain barnes, a concept

🔴 misc marvel drabbles

soldier of the moon | moon knight character study

santa saw you reading all that gay porn

"i don't comment on ao3 because i don't wanna be annoying or weird" skill issue + you greatly underestimate the power dynamic here, writing multi paragraph comments is like feeding a bunch of deeply insane and possibly starved ducks at the park and watch them go completely mad over having received a piece of bread

the russos have committed so many sins but i might just forgive them if they have bucky in this wig for doomsday

Rely On Time

Wherein I'm a whore for Jewish Bucky Barnes and love writing things inspired by religions and myths.

────

2023

Bucky had never truly felt alone in the world.

Of course, as the Winter Soldier, he hadn't had much of a consciousness to even consider that idea. Even when he was in Azzano, he had his men. Strapped to Zola's table in experimentation, the idea of being alone hadn't mattered so much, knowing he would be dead. Before the war, he had Steve.

Steve.

Fastened to his side, Steve had always been there. It had been a month, and he still couldn't believe it. That he would leave so easily, after all they had gone through. But that was just it, wasn't it? Steve had time taken away from him, had his freedom stripped under the stripes of that shield in an attempt to fight for the freedoms of others. Of course he would choose to go back for a second chance.

Bucky didn't have that option.

Eve was her own being, her own thoughts. Though fashioned from Adam's rib, she was not him. Her own desire lived within her and the snake knew it. But why is that a sin? The pursuit of Knowledge in the name of growth, even at the risk of disobeying God? Could it have been what He intended all along? He planted the Tree, he created the snake, he fashioned humanity knowing they would question it all - all for humankind to learn and grow, to plant their roots alongside the Tree.

He wondered, sometimes, what he was. Was he a collection of thoughts? Are people only the recollections of times past? He walked as living proof of not only a time that no longer was, but the strength of a people who lived despite all odds.

Despite all odds.

Was that all it was? Random chance? Did he ever fight anything? No choice but to accept the draft. Too sick to fight Zola back, barely lucid enough to keep himself from biting off his tongue. The chair, the abuse, was that all some twisted fate that he had to live through because it was meant to happen? Did all that happen so he could be where he was now, laying on cold hardwood floor because he was falling through his bed?

Could he rely on time, when it was ripped from him?

He sometimes thought about what his life could've ended up like, if he hadn't gone to war. He thought, at one point, that he would get married. As Adam and Eve wed under the Tree, he could stand under the chuppah in their image surrounded by love and life and foliage. Sometimes he thought about what it could be now, if things somehow got better. If he could sleep in his bed without drowning. If he could look a man in the eye and not see his ancestors instead.

Could he be a shadow?

Something that varies, melding and changing. If he was made of memories, what would happen if he forgot again? Hands of Esau but Voice of Jacob. Was he now building to the divine Israel? Making up for his wrongs, turning to virtue.

Was it worth it? Trying?

At this point, what could be good? What all could he love? Everything was a mess. He wandered.

Maybe he was meant to be lost. He could choose to believe he was worthless, aimless without his other half. Or he could make his own choices; eat the apple like Eve, take the virtue like Israel, and trust that someday, everything that happened to him would make sense.

And that one day, he could trust that he wouldn't ever be alone again.

oh theyre about to have the best sex imaginable i bet

chapter 8/8 now available on Ao3

→ marvel (mcu/comic), project insight

→ bucky x steve

→ flawed super soldier serum, dark!steve rogers, mcu compliant with comic influences

→ gore, canon-typical violence, the final battle

──────────────────

The dome of thick, should-be Hulk-proof metal landed so hard it cut into the concrete of the helipad, sealing Captain America away.

“Start it up, JARVIS!” Tony ordered over the comm, silent from the outside of his suit. Bucky stepped out from behind his hiding spot and watched, unsurprised by the echoing bangs and clangs of Steve trying to fight his way out from the inside. Tony backed up while he could, glancing over at Bucky to give him a thumbs up.

“Here's hoping,” he said through the comm.

The metal bent around Steve's fist, warping the capsule. Then, moments later, the edge of the shield made an indent. Another two attempts and the edge ripped through, showing a flash of red paint.

Fingers poked through the open seam.

Bucky didn't hesitate to move, effectively placing himself between Captain America and Tony. Steve yelled as he ripped the capsule apart, and Bucky heard the clumsy clangs of Tony's suit as he backed further away.

thinking about the moment bucky says “let’s hear it for captain america!” and he looks so damn proud and then his face drops so damn fast, because fuck, he doesn’t get to be selfish anymore. doesn’t get to keep steve’s irrevocable goodness all to himself. and he knew this day would come, but he’s furious because it took a goddamn serum for someone to give a shit enough to look. and he wants to burn the world down, because they don’t deserve steve even if they need him, but bucky’s goddamn selfish, because he’s known. he’s known just what steve rogers could do since the moment he fell for the back of his head at 7 years old.

What isn't there to love about the idea of MCU Bucky becoming Captain America?

It's the right thing to do, isn't it? He was the one who watched him fall. (He tried to catch him but he only caught his tags. The bitter cold tore him away in the blink of an eye, with a scream that Bucky hears when he tries to sleep.) Steve was the best of them both, and if he thought this cause was one to die for, then Bucky would finish it. He's followed him this far, hasn't he? Long enough for the bruises Zola gave him to fade, but not enough that hearing his voice in that train wouldn't make him freeze. (What if he finds him? What if he go back there, strapped down, poked and prodded and injected with God knows what -)

But besides that?

There's nothing.

He's known Steve almost his entire life. He barely remembers a time where there wasn't Steve. He once had him to himself, only he saw the goodness in him, he loved him first, but now he shared it with the world. Because of some holy serum; but the bastardized version of the same thing ran in his own veins, and Bucky knew deep down that he would never be Steve. He could try, but he could never be him to the world.

So why wouldn't he crash that plane?

He never wanted to be a weapon. But he wakes up, and it's asked of him again. Be a soldier. Be an officer. Be Captain America. His gun was an extension of himself, the shield of Steve, and he would never, ever drop either of them. (Not again. He dreamt of it, that scream still scratched into his brain no matter how much time had actually passed, seventy years or seven days.)

And then, one day, beyond his wildest dreams, he'd see him again. But this? This hollow ghost? This isn't the Steve he knows and loves. But he slips from his fingers again,

And on that helicarrier, the glass cracks beneath his feet, bullet wounds and serrated skin and black bruises, but he still has it in him - he catches him. Metal fingers that were foreign to him, but still, Steve.

Never again. Never without him.

Athena: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Odysseus: We're chopsticks!

Athena: Well... that's cute!

Telemachus: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Penelope: No, it means that if you take one away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.