Listen, I Understand The Whole Figwit Phenomenon But My Question As Someone Who Joined The Fandom Relatively

CATE BLANCHETT as Lady Galadriel in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012) | dir. Peter Jackson

before I actually hopped on the dracula train I saw a lot of assertions around that seward is unstoppably horny, and this is true, but it did not prepare me for the way in which seward is unstoppably horny. it's not unbridled carnality, it's more a shade of the "I think I could survive truly horrific circumstances if I had a crush on someone there" phenomenon. jack is in the pits of despair and doing Real Bad and sees everyone else around him as effortlessly more charismatic and competent than he is, so his poor brain is trying to cope by falling terribly, embarrassingly in love with all of his friends to try and spark any kind of joie de vivre. it gets him there eventually but there's a real curve to it, so he spends a good month or two thinking "goddd lucy is so achingly beautiful. quincy has the most manhood of all of us. I want van helsing to treat me like his student again and put me in my place. I haven't slept in four days and I hope something tragicly preventable happens to me tomorrow."

nothing. NOTHING. prepares you for neil fucking josten. the monsters take him to columbia bc andrew doesn't trust him and all his secrets and lies. they drug neil against his will to make him talk and his solution is to tip a busboy 100 dollars in cash to knock him out. at this point he's blackout high as all hell and the most he's given away were several creative death threats. he wakes up in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar house and his immediate first response is violence. he throws an alarm clock and an empty water glass at aaron. the second he's presented with the opportunity to escape, he wiggles out the window of a bathroom. "desperation is a valuable lubricant". he calls matt and casually doesn't mention the fact that he's stranded with no way back to palmetto other than walking. instead, he hitchhikes all the way back. he comes up with a list of convincing enough interview questions to pass as a sociology student and hitch a ride with truck drivers. he SUCCESSFULLY does this and spends the entire time asking and answering questions he makes up on the spot and taking notes to make it look legit. he does all of this while hungover. no one knows where he is during this entire trip back. he could have asked to be picked up at literally any moment and matt or wymack would've done it in a heartbeat. he genuinely did not consider this as a viable option. truly the character of all time i love him so much.

The real reason Maglor (probably) never showed up in Rivendell was because he knew about the Tra-La-La-Lally song and was super embarrassed about ever having known Elrond

I think Seward might be a bit distracted

Yes. Have YOU considered that sometimes working on hard things is both necessary and worthwhile?

watching the Moria scene in the fellowship

Y'know what, why not start the story at the beginning. So Eru Illuvatar-

More things that get left out of Dracula adaptations

Van Helsing pulls 29 year old Dr Seward's ear like he's still a schoolboy

There's a relationship-establishment flashback between Van Helsing and Seward

In it, Van Helsing accidentally gets cut with something unclean. His then-student Seward immediately drops everything to start sucking on the wound raw

At one point, Seward asks to become his "pet student again."

Dracula has a big, permanent scar on his forehead from Jonathan Harker's shovel

Arthur Holmwood saying "Tally ho!"

Transylvanians conclude that the delirious, amnesiac Jonathan Harker is English due to "his violent demeanour."

Despite attempts to keep low profile, Dracula gets into the news twice in two months (in one of them as a missing dog)

Dracula getting misreported as a dog because English people have never seen a wolf

London newspapers treat Lucy's vampire attacks on children as a meme among kids because they don't believe in vampires

Dracula gets sworn at by a British sailor solely because he thinks Dracula is French

Van Helsing is baffled why British sailors keep talking about blood and bloom (it's swearing)

Van Helsing is friends with real life turkologist traveller Arminius Vámbéry, who is his main source on the Dracula family

Van Helsing is friends with Hans Christian Andersen and references The Ugly Duckling

Van Helsing getting one-upped by Mina every single time he says something sexist about her intelligence

Dracula failing to destroy the evidence against him because Mina backs up her files

Mina and Jonathan kissing on the mouth in front of everybody

Quincey Morris spontaneously gifting Mina the Victorian equivalent of a MacBook Air