Before I Actually Hopped On The Dracula Train I Saw A Lot Of Assertions Around That Seward Is Unstoppably

before I actually hopped on the dracula train I saw a lot of assertions around that seward is unstoppably horny, and this is true, but it did not prepare me for the way in which seward is unstoppably horny. it's not unbridled carnality, it's more a shade of the "I think I could survive truly horrific circumstances if I had a crush on someone there" phenomenon. jack is in the pits of despair and doing Real Bad and sees everyone else around him as effortlessly more charismatic and competent than he is, so his poor brain is trying to cope by falling terribly, embarrassingly in love with all of his friends to try and spark any kind of joie de vivre. it gets him there eventually but there's a real curve to it, so he spends a good month or two thinking "goddd lucy is so achingly beautiful. quincy has the most manhood of all of us. I want van helsing to treat me like his student again and put me in my place. I haven't slept in four days and I hope something tragicly preventable happens to me tomorrow."

More Posts from Eddie-takahe and Others

3 months ago
Sins Of A Father

Sins of a father

Day two of @feanorianweek


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3 months ago

I have a hilarious year of the trees take: Maedhros and Fingon are together (romantically) and Celegorm and Aredhel are completely platonic, but everyone thinks it's the other way around (namely Feanor and Fingolfin)

Like Celegorm is getting CONSTANTLY lectured by his dad and all of society for his relationship with Aredhel, whereas Maedhros is off fucking Fingon by a waterfall somewhere and everyone's like "Oh theyre such good friends :)"

Celegorm would be PISSED. He just wants to go camping with his homegirl (and for her to join the hunters of Orome) but all the parents are trying to tear them apart cause they think they're fucking. Whereas Maedhros and Fingon are giggling together at court, writing each other the sappiest love poems, and dance together at every social gathering and no one suspects a THING.

Bonus points if all of the cousins are in on it, and none of the Feanor/Fingolfin/Finarfin generation ever figures it out.


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3 weeks ago

Listen, I understand the whole Figwit phenomenon but my question as someone who joined the fandom relatively late is this: did you guys have the same energy for this guy at Aragorn’s Coronation? Or did everyone, like me, just assume this was proto-Glorfindel?

Listen, I Understand The Whole Figwit Phenomenon But My Question As Someone Who Joined The Fandom Relatively

I think of this guy like. Once a day. He is my Roman Empire. Who is he meant to be? Why does he look like the Giga-chad meme? Is it meant to be Glorfindel? Because only if he is Glorfindel would the amount of sheer fucking BALLS this guy has make sense. Why balls?

Imagine you are at an event where your liege lord is publicly losing his daughter. A loss he has, in this filmic universe, spent years moping about and sulking over. And what’s more, at said event you’re standing close enough to him that your assholes are roommates. He’s basically turning fifty shades of elf-colour, sweating, shaking, throwing up, screaming and crying, a manifestation of the clenched fist Arthur meme and you’re standing close enough to smell the tears. And you just stand there looking like a smug little fucker for no reason whatsoever.

Listen, I Understand The Whole Figwit Phenomenon But My Question As Someone Who Joined The Fandom Relatively

Like look at the man. The balls he must have. If Elrond turned around it would have been game fucking over. He would have been Celebrim-wedding-bannered in two seconds. His hair mismatches his brows so badly that I even think he may have dyed them on purpose to match Elrond for peak trolling levels. This is Glorfindel to me. I don’t care who he’s meant to be. He is Glorfindel. Nobody aside from the reincarnation of the guy who saved your dad’s toddler ass from a Balrog would ever get away with standing at what to you is your daughter’s advance state funeral and just grinning away like:

Listen, I Understand The Whole Figwit Phenomenon But My Question As Someone Who Joined The Fandom Relatively

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2 months ago

jonathan harker's arc is about him accepting that he is actually into being dominated by an evil vampire as long as that evil vampire is the woman he loves. mina murray harker's arc is about her accepting that she has a right to take up space and speak her mind instead of bowing to social norms. lucy westenra's arc is about how the polyamory didn't change anything, it didn't save anyone, but it still matters that the polyamory was there. arthur holmwood's arc is about learning to cope with a sudden massive tragedy by opening himself up to others and strengthening his social bonds. quincy p morris's arc is about being hot and owning guns. abraham van helsing's arc is about not getting complacent in the idea that he has an open mind and accepting that he might make wrong calls based on his biases. jack seward's arc is about rebounding from life altering heartbreak by getting back in contact with his old favorite professor from med school who he sucked off one time. count dracula's arc is about fumbling a series of bad bitches so hard that he flees the country and dies.


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3 months ago

The real reason Maglor (probably) never showed up in Rivendell was because he knew about the Tra-La-La-Lally song and was super embarrassed about ever having known Elrond


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3 months ago
Oooooo “Jim Has Izzy’s Glove”, “Jim Has Izzy’s Cravat”, “Jim Has Izzy’s Ring”-

Oooooo “Jim has Izzy’s glove”, “Jim has Izzy’s cravat”, “Jim has Izzy’s ring”-

At this point they should just take his whole fit.


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1 week ago

watching the Moria scene in the fellowship

Watching The Moria Scene In The Fellowship

Y'know what, why not start the story at the beginning. So Eru Illuvatar-


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3 months ago
I Decided To Redraw Fingon😭

I decided to redraw Fingon😭


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2 months ago
On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

on wednesdays we wear pink

On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

@sauron-facts


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eddie-takahe - screaming crying throwing up
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he/she/they | pakeha kiwi | Tolkien nerd + misc fandoms

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