Nothing. NOTHING. Prepares You For Neil Fucking Josten. The Monsters Take Him To Columbia Bc Andrew Doesn't

uinen’s human form

Sins of a father

Day two of @feanorianweek

I think venus flytraps should be intelligent and ambulatory. I think they should get into the cupboards. I think they should purr when you pet them.

You know what my actual favourite Andrew Minyard line in the whole series is? It's not his sentimental lines like, "...from now until May you are still Neil Josten...". It's not even the best love confession in all of literature line, "Doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you." It's when he says "I'm not as smart as I thought I was."

That one line tells you so much about Andrew's character. That's the line that spells out for the reader that Andrew is smarter than he chooses to let on. That's the line that shows you just highly Andrew thinks of his own intelligence and how much he's been relying on it to survive and to keep his promises.

Consider that up until that point Andrew has presented himself with nothing less than the domineering kind of toughness you'd expect to see in a prison scene in a movie. He openly talks about breaking Neil, threatens multiple people with knives and makes everyone work around him. His "tough guy around town" persona and his ability to inflict violence is clearly something he prizes. AND YET. The first time he admits to any kind of dissatisfaction with himself, it's about his intelligence.

That is the point where the reader realizes that Andrew, in his own mind, is an intellectual. He doesn't actually pride himself on being the toughest guy in the room. He's aware that he's all of 5-feet-nothing and he knows at any given moment there's likely to be someone bigger and stronger than he is. What he's counting on in any given situation is being the smartest guy in the room. Fix any issues before they worsen, anticipate and eliminate any threats before they surface, think his way out of any problem that comes up. His intelligence is what he relies on to keep his promises.

That's the moment Andrew realizes that he's been letting his feelings get the better of his logic. He clocks Neil as dangerous from day one. But he's been telling himself that he's letting Neil stay for Kevin's sake or at least just until he can definitively prove Neil is dangerous. But the real reason he let Neil stay and get away with all his sketchy behaviour is because he let the fact that he likes Neil as a person, overcome his logic.

It makes you think, OH, THAT'S WHY Andrew was so interested in Neil in the first place. For someone who prides himself on his intelligence and KNOWS that no one else can match his smarts, Neil figuring out his twin switcheroo trick is the same as Neil throwing down the gauntlet and challenging him to a battle of wits. Andrew keeps trying to trip Neil up and Neil keeps batting his attempts aside and Andrew ends up helplessly charmed by Neil. Because Andrew LIKES that Neil is able to outsmart him sometimes, that Neil is his intellectual equal. And somewhere along the way, he's let himself forget that he "knows better" than to get emotionally attached, than to let someone else best him at his best quality- than to act like every other idiot in love that he's ever met.

You then realize that Andrew hasn't once thought of himself as brawny jock. That off-putting delinquent/school-shooter vibe and psycho reputation is a carefully calculated form of self-defense. It's self-defense in the literal sense of scaring off people who might want to fuck with him, but perhaps also in the sense of protecting himself from being seen. It makes sense, right? If people were to actually try to get to know him with an open mind, they'd soon discover that he IS difficult to get along with in ways they thought they could handle, but can't. Better to act the volatile asshole than suffer the disappointment of people changing how they treat him. And in the unlikely case that people find out that he isn't as tough as he presents himself, they might pity him. And that would be even worse. Much better to be as un-fuck-with-able as possible.

First time reading the book, I was taken in by Andrew's jock-ish façade. But the moment he admitted maybe he ought to be disappointed in himself for not being as smart as he thought he was, I had to set the book down and rethink every assumption I had made about Andrew as a character. The timing of that revelation is so perfect, because it happens just before the Thanksgiving mess. And so as the reader, you're suddenly coming to terms with the fact that Andrew is so much more vulnerable than he's ever portrayed himself to be at the same time that Andrew is being hit with probably one of the worst moments in his life. Like, that absolutely TOOK ME OUT. Which is why, that's one of the best lines in the whole series to me.

More things that get left out of Dracula adaptations

Van Helsing pulls 29 year old Dr Seward's ear like he's still a schoolboy

There's a relationship-establishment flashback between Van Helsing and Seward

In it, Van Helsing accidentally gets cut with something unclean. His then-student Seward immediately drops everything to start sucking on the wound raw

At one point, Seward asks to become his "pet student again."

Dracula has a big, permanent scar on his forehead from Jonathan Harker's shovel

Arthur Holmwood saying "Tally ho!"

Transylvanians conclude that the delirious, amnesiac Jonathan Harker is English due to "his violent demeanour."

Despite attempts to keep low profile, Dracula gets into the news twice in two months (in one of them as a missing dog)

Dracula getting misreported as a dog because English people have never seen a wolf

London newspapers treat Lucy's vampire attacks on children as a meme among kids because they don't believe in vampires

Dracula gets sworn at by a British sailor solely because he thinks Dracula is French

Van Helsing is baffled why British sailors keep talking about blood and bloom (it's swearing)

Van Helsing is friends with real life turkologist traveller Arminius Vámbéry, who is his main source on the Dracula family

Van Helsing is friends with Hans Christian Andersen and references The Ugly Duckling

Van Helsing getting one-upped by Mina every single time he says something sexist about her intelligence

Dracula failing to destroy the evidence against him because Mina backs up her files

Mina and Jonathan kissing on the mouth in front of everybody

Quincey Morris spontaneously gifting Mina the Victorian equivalent of a MacBook Air

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (2001)

MCCOY: It's hard to believe that a man could die of loneliness. KIRK: Not when you've sat in that room.

Kirk is remembering the feeling of the brainwiper. He is starting to spiral. He looks over at Spock, and the "cold, emotionless" Spock looks genuinely concerned.

I'm here. I see you. How can I help you? What do you need?

But just that one gentle, loving, concerned look from Spock, is enough to make Kirk feel safe again. He starts acting normal again. He smiles, ever so slightly. He gives an order.

KIRK: Take us out of orbit, Mister Spock. Ahead warp factor one.

This time, the supposedly "emotionless" Spock, literally smiles, ever so slightly, back at Kirk. He does that little lip-pursing thing he does when he's trying really hard not to smile for real.

Why is Kirk giving the order to Spock? That's an order for the helmsman. It's almost as if, to Kirk, Spock is the only other person in the room.

And the flirty, sparkly bedroom eyes Spock makes during "Warp factor one"?

Come on, let's gay flirt our way out of this place. I'll help you forget the tortures of this planet ever existed. We're together. All is right with the galaxy.

SPOCK: Acknowledged, Captain. Warp factor one.

(gifs)

“Weight on the bed had him drawing his arm back. Jean was leaning over him, one hand braced on the mattress beside Jeremy’s head. His charcoal dress shirt was only half-buttoned, and Jeremy instinctively followed the line of his throat down to his exposed collarbone…

If Jean noticed his distraction, he gave no sign. His expression was serious as he said, ‘Tell me the phrase.’”

-The Golden Raven by Nora Sakavic

This moment has been living in my head rent free

Sometimes I forget that most Aftg fans are adults and not absolute losers