The Train Station Is So Beautiful When Everything's In Bloom...

yukiko is so cute wouldn't you agree?

maybe a little

The dissonance of facing dreams

There’s something so desperately magical about knowing that soon, an old dream of yours is about to come true. For the longest time, I’ve wanted to live the clean and fresh life of “that asian kid“- the pocky-fueled, day-planning, goldfish-having kid with a metric ton of cute clothing and a futon in their room- not to mention, high As in every class.

And recently, I’ve been getting closer to that dream than I ever thought I could- I’ve had to pay for my own clothes, work my own job, and clean up my room- stained with the years of a depressing, apathetic, indifferent personality. But impossibly, everything started to fall into place. I finally scrapped up enough energy to get up and clean, start to integrate myself into my new personality, start to see my dream come true- and it felt enchanting.

It didn’t feel real. 

Is this me?

Did I work hard enough?

Am I dreaming?

My body no longer feels like some costume I couldn’t take off, I no longer see a stranger when I look into the mirror. I take care of myself. It feels so real, yet so unreal. I feel like I’m the one moving my arms. This couldn’t have happened, but it’s happening? I’m not there yet, but I can tell- there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and I can already feel the sun on my face, and the breeze by my ear.

Hey, old me- can you see me now? If I could cry, I think I would. I’m about to live a life I wouldn’t have dared to dream up when I was younger. I think, maybe, I’m about to become someone I’ve always wanted to be? 

If I’m dreaming, I wish I could stay asleep forever. The rest of the world can wait.

<3

The Nintendo DS Eshop closes soon! :(

Starting March 27th, 2023, Nintendo is closing the doors to its eshop for the Nintendo 3DS systems and the Wii U. This means no more access to purchasing games or downloading demos, even through download codes. Even more, any payment feature on the systems will be disabled, including the Streetpass Mii Plaza, Nintendo Badge Arcade, and theme shop.

This means that today and tomorrow are the last days you can [legally] download this kind of content to your 3DS or Wii U system!

Since 2022, Nintendo has restricted users from adding funds directly to a 3DS account, but this can be sidestepped through a linked Nintendo Network ID wallet.

Thankfully, we can still enjoy online play, the only restriction being transactions.

I'll miss it so much!! Thank you, Nintendo eShop, for so many fun games! I'll be charging my 3DS today to buy Stella Glow through a friend's recommendation. Does anyone have any last-minute game suggestions?

<3Caramel

A haiku I wrote

Ring, ring, [click] hello?

Shoot, I better go catch it

Refrigerator

They're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls

Are you afraid ?

they are watching me

:(((((

I'm in denial

Who, me?

I’m not depressed. I don’t think I’m depressed. I don’t feel depressed.

So why does everything point to me being depressed? I can’t even keep up a personal blog, which kinda sucks :/

Recently, I stumbled upon a little text-adventure game that pretty much summed up how I was feeling for the last two years or so- I can definitely turn my life around, but I just don’t. Maybe it’s a choice. Maybe it’s something I can’t control. Who knows. I blame laziness, mostly, but I’d suppose that’s a bandaid on the entire situation. I’m probably just a coward for responsibility. Here’s the game, by the way: http://www.depressionquest.com/dqfinal.html

I guess I do have my moments where everything feels like it’ll turn around and I’ll have a completely new life and all that, but I don’t think I’ve ever followed through. Sure, I definitely can make things better, but sometimes things just don’t work out. 

Hope I can do what it takes, though- I’m really banking on the hope I can clean up my own mess and pick up my slack. Being able to make choices for myself I like, having the energy to accomplish simple tasks like doing my homework and agreeing to go out with my friends. It sounds so wonderful to live without this barrier. Please, please, please. God, I just need this one wish. I’d absolutely love to live with energy and the ability to go out and do what I want to, what’s good for me- God, please, I’m sorry I didn’t have faith, I just need this one thing. Please help me out, please listen to my prayers now. I’m sorry. I really want to live without this.

Valentine's Day - 2

There's a cute café near the arcade that's licensed to sell both Uji and Yamabuki matcha, so I took Sen there. We got a crème-brûlée flavoured mille-crepe cake and an oreo parfait to share, while Sen got his matcha and I enjoyed a warm hot chocolate.

It felt like forever since we last met up, so I couldn't be more thankful that we're seeing each other tomorrow, too. He really likes that tendon place near my house, so maybe I can treat him? Or should we could go get curry, as it's really satiating, and can also come with tempura..? I'm not sure...

Shenanigans

Taking a break from the drab and depressing subjects about growing up for a while. I've made a new friend at school, and she helps me take my mind of a lot of stressful stuff I've had sticking to my mind. We can talk for hours, and she even taught me how to make flower crowns, too!

After noticing how much happier I felt when spending time with her and working with my hands, I've started to feel a lot better. Maybe things are looking up?

In other news, I've recently come across an old scout troop activities book that I remember finding in a box that said "free books"- looking at the stamp on the inner cover, it seems to have belonged to an actual scout troop!

I've found their contact and will hopefully be seeing if they're still around or want the book. :)

- Caramel

Couldn't find the energy to eat a proper breakfast the past few days, so I decided to take a break and treat myself with a croffle and peach soda from one of my favourite cafes.

Maybe, if I treat myself nicely, I'll regain the energy to work soon. I really hope so, at least-- I have a lot of term-end work to get done.