Wishing The Apocalypse Started Right Now, Ruining Billions Of Lives And Throwing The World Into Irreversible

Maybe there's something in the air, maybe I'm sick, stressed, or just plain old lazy— but I can't seem to get myself to work these days. I sat by my desk all afternoon and evening today, but could barely get any work done at all.

My first final is tomorrow... are things really going to be okay..? I'd like to say I need a break, but what would the break be from? It's not like I've made enough progress on anything yet.

I wish it were spring or summer again, when I could go wherever I wanted with my friends. I miss taking the train.

They're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls they're in your walls

Are you afraid ?

they are watching me

Small town syndrome in a big, big, city?

My grandma dropped something off for me to eat, she kept asking me questions about my sister. Everyone's proud of my sister- and for good reason, I guess. She always wears nice clothes, keeps all her grades in the 98s or so, and wins a ton of RG competitions.

It feels even worse eating fast food now, thinking of what I could have been. What an extraordinary family, with such a failure slapped into it. I need an escape from this life, I think.

It feels a lot like the 'small town syndrome' that people who live far from big cities and stores get, the feeling of "I need to get out of here".

Thank goodness it's spring break, though- now I have time to clean myself up from all this garbage I've surrounded myself with.

I really hope I can- I'll pack together all the motivation and energy I have left into this one project.

In the ring again

Trying to refresh again, let's see how sustainable it is like this.

God I hope it is. It's hard to live

A haiku I wrote

Ring, ring, [click] hello?

Shoot, I better go catch it

Refrigerator

Nvm it didn't fit in the car so it's coming next week TT

I'm really done with my broken bed though so I'm thinking of just moving it out and getting the little mattress/futon

Results?!

Starting to see some changes in daily life once I decided to finally crack down and improve whatever feckless dance around life I was trying to do.

Finally getting a new bed for the first time in my life, I'm giddy with excitement since I no longer have to have a broken, splintering woodframe that catches on my hair and makes me want to cut it off. Big win!!

Time to happy clean I guess, today is good :)

<3 Caramel

Round two

After about half a week of chasing myself around and trying to get myself in gear again, I've finally committed to the constant effort and nose-to-the-grindstone that I need in order to get my new life. I'll do my best to clean up the rest of my room by tomorrow, and maybe get ahead on my biology studying? I've got a test on the Tuesday I get back to school, anyways.

I've also lost all sense of self-control and bought a cute pocket watch I saw online. Not too bad, but I should really get my wants in check. At least it fits the same style I want to flatter in the future, though.

Here's to hoping this midnight motivation isn't just a spring of energy before bed, and is an actual want to continue my cleaning and work!

<3 Caramel

hihi caramel my wonderful mootie!

hope you have an amazing day today!! <3

Ahh thank you!!

I held off on replying to this a little bit to save it for today. I've got a midterm and a quiz, so am really busy and stressed (⁠´⁠；⁠ω⁠；⁠｀⁠)

But, thanks to your kind words, I feel like today will be a good day. You have a wonderful time too, I love you <3

I need to finish soon. I've gotten so.much progress done already but it's all going to be gone if I don't finish soon my stuff is downstairs I can do it

no

no I don’t think I deserve this. Doesn’t help me get out of my situation but I really don’t see why I deserved all this because I do try to be decent I really do try it’s just that misfortune gets me and now it’s got a grip on my motivation.

This time I really don’t think I brought this upon myself because at the start I didn’t do anything wrong, I wasn’t lazy or anything I just suffered the consequences of bad luck and since then it’s been a negative feedback loop

I wish God existed because then maybe things would’ve been alright and maybe people wouldn’t need to suffer needlessly and have their lives withheld from them

But still I’ve been praying a lot more recently

-Caramel