Dissatisfaction

Scrambled eggs

God, I wonder what kind of life I could have if I could just motivate myself normally. Maybe I'd have more integrity, having enough courage to tell the truth sometimes. Maybe my grades would be straight hundreds. Maybe I'd already have a proper job.

Looking at studying guides like this makes me kind of believe I can work hard and work focused - and maybe, I can. I guess I'm moving onto my "getting in character" part of my new life, and that excites me like nothing else! I really hope I can get this done.

I'm tight for time right now, though, so for now I'll just keep this image posted here to save it for myself later.

<3 Caramel

Couldn't find the energy to eat a proper breakfast the past few days, so I decided to take a break and treat myself with a croffle and peach soda from one of my favourite cafes.

Maybe, if I treat myself nicely, I'll regain the energy to work soon. I really hope so, at least-- I have a lot of term-end work to get done.

Round two

After about half a week of chasing myself around and trying to get myself in gear again, I've finally committed to the constant effort and nose-to-the-grindstone that I need in order to get my new life. I'll do my best to clean up the rest of my room by tomorrow, and maybe get ahead on my biology studying? I've got a test on the Tuesday I get back to school, anyways.

I've also lost all sense of self-control and bought a cute pocket watch I saw online. Not too bad, but I should really get my wants in check. At least it fits the same style I want to flatter in the future, though.

Here's to hoping this midnight motivation isn't just a spring of energy before bed, and is an actual want to continue my cleaning and work!

<3 Caramel

Small town syndrome in a big, big, city?

My grandma dropped something off for me to eat, she kept asking me questions about my sister. Everyone's proud of my sister- and for good reason, I guess. She always wears nice clothes, keeps all her grades in the 98s or so, and wins a ton of RG competitions.

It feels even worse eating fast food now, thinking of what I could have been. What an extraordinary family, with such a failure slapped into it. I need an escape from this life, I think.

It feels a lot like the 'small town syndrome' that people who live far from big cities and stores get, the feeling of "I need to get out of here".

Thank goodness it's spring break, though- now I have time to clean myself up from all this garbage I've surrounded myself with.

I really hope I can- I'll pack together all the motivation and energy I have left into this one project.

I took a photo of my dog today and spent the rest of the night distracted from my work (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

Distraction from progress

I've been having some time off from my spring cleaning and "new life" due to some family issues. Sucks, since all I want to do is feel that fresh and giddy happiness I get when I realize I'm so close. I'm not going to talk about what has been happening specifically, but I do need to spend a lot of time with my family.

Will this be how all distractions feel in my new life? All dragging and somehow hopeless for me? Who knows- all I can do is hope that this doesn't last long. I've got plans with friends tomorrow and the day after, though- so I guess I'll need to fit more of my new life into that.

Just trying to feel better right now, not doing too well though :/

<3 Caramel

A mocha for the coming midterms... Let's hope it all goes well.

Throwback to the time I spent a lot of money on a gift to Sen's little sister... I really hope she liked it (´;ω;｀)

Would you enjoy a gift like this?

"Wait, wait, so you're telling me..." *Joe leans into the mic* "that magical girls are real?"

"Well, Joe, I was using a metaphor, like, emphasizing the difference between the online and real-world selves, but honestly, from the happiness brought from logging in and posting, magical girls may as well be real—"

*puts his hands up in surprise* "Oh my god. So they are real. I thought it was all just some anime nonsense. Jamie, Google this right now. Google magical girl sightings nearby. Maybe we can get an interview. And you were saying earlier, some of these girls explode?"

"That's where the whole subculture comes from, Joe. Like a landmine, if you get too close to one, they'll explode, but that's more of an emotional—"

"CHRIST. Is that even legal? How can they DO that? I want to know, like, the science behind it." *leans in closer* "Do you know what makes the explosions? Jamie, google some explosion gifs right now. Yeah, pull that up. I wonder how strong those are. Like, something like that could probably kill a silverback gorilla."