Stress Keeps Ramping Up No Matter What I Do And I'm Getting Really Worried Because I've Had Since Pretty

I really need a hug.

I'm so tired, but it's almost over... But I'm so, so tired.

OMG UR BLOG AND PHOTOS ARE SO CUTEEE!! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ lowkey makes me wanna pick up photography again lol

AHH OH MY GOODNESS THANK YOU!!!!

Yes, you should absolutely pick it back up again— scrolling back through everything is so fun!!!

I'd love to see your photography (⁠♡⁠ω⁠♡⁠ ⁠)⁠ ⁠~⁠♪

Nvm it didn't fit in the car so it's coming next week TT

I'm really done with my broken bed though so I'm thinking of just moving it out and getting the little mattress/futon

Results?!

Starting to see some changes in daily life once I decided to finally crack down and improve whatever feckless dance around life I was trying to do.

Finally getting a new bed for the first time in my life, I'm giddy with excitement since I no longer have to have a broken, splintering woodframe that catches on my hair and makes me want to cut it off. Big win!!

Time to happy clean I guess, today is good :)

<3 Caramel

Where did the time go? It seems just yesterday I was a happy little girl with all the ambition in the world.

I used to look up to the greats wanting to follow in their footsteps, but now, all I wish to be is myself again.

Sometimes, I tear up a little in public, but it's okay, I think.

A possible turnaround

Though it’s been a while since I’ve started my new room project, I’ve surprisingly faced no burnout so far. It seems like life’s being suspiciously nice to me, which gets me a bit on edge- but I’ll do my best to enjoy it while I can.

My parents have approved of my drawings for my room plan, thankfully. That’s a greenlight for me to continue to clean up completely motivated! And even though I can’t exactly feel it on account of some amount of emotional numbness, I do prefer the kind of energy I’m getting from this than anything I’ve felt before. It’s just a happy feeling, out of the blue, unprompted. I no longer want to do nothing, sink into the ground, or cry- I just want to continue and smile?

It feels good to make progress on accomplishing my dream! I’ve also made a custom search engine for myself earlier today- just to fit my dream as well.

Usually I’d show it to my friends, but if they ask why, “I’m trying to change my entire personality and life” doesn’t exactly sound swell from the other end. No worries though- they’ll know a completely different person by the end of this!

I’m off to clean, I’ll make another post later! 

<3 Caramel

3:35AM and Project A

I hope my short term manic obsessions aren't just my brain compensating for a ton of social problems I have

Because I think they're actually pretty cool sometimes and I'm actually planning to put my most recent obsession into action and I hope I hope I hope this is for real this could make me so happy but. I don't know.

For the record, though, I'm done being left at the mall bc people forget I'm with them

So maybe my problems are bc I get clingy to people who I shouldn't be

It's really late, though, so I'll be heading to bed for now, with sweet, sweet thoughts of my project!! :)))

<333 Caramel

Studying with my friend Julia ♡

Nothing beats a tiramisu to keep tiredness at bay

Little effort, little give

I ended up cleaning up most of the floor and a couple corners of my room. It's really, really, messy. Tomorrow's Monday, and that's when March break officially starts- so maybe I'll be able to wake up early and clean up my bed and desk area? Hopefully my closet can be cleaned out too.

After thinking for a while, I've decided to pack all the stuff I'd like to keep and bring into my future room into boxes as if I were moving- it'll keep me minimal and I think it'll really help.

For now, though- I haven't even been able to find a box to put my things into. Instead, I'm using garbage bags.

Not too much of a looker. But once my room's done, I swear everything will look great! That's right- I'm hopeful for once. So hopeful, in fact, that I've drawn out a little plan for what my room will look like- hopefully by the end of the break!

A big goal to be finished in a week and a half- I hope it all end well.

It's pretty late right now, so while I'm so focused on turning my life around, I'll be fixing my sleep schedule too. My grades are next!

<3 Caramel

Maybe there's something in the air, maybe I'm sick, stressed, or just plain old lazy— but I can't seem to get myself to work these days. I sat by my desk all afternoon and evening today, but could barely get any work done at all.

My first final is tomorrow... are things really going to be okay..? I'd like to say I need a break, but what would the break be from? It's not like I've made enough progress on anything yet.

I wish it were spring or summer again, when I could go wherever I wanted with my friends. I miss taking the train.

Heart

I keep considering getting into writing. Ever since I was little, it’s been a thing that my sister and I have been decent at. She’s gone full send already, working on getting her book published- but I feel like I’d do better in multimedia projects.

You know, things with spacing, aura, timing? Instead of trusting your reader not to speed through and not feel a single thing.

Augh, whatever- it’s always been an option, and I guess it’ll stay that way. More of a skill than a job in this world anyways.