Cainisss - 😔

““Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find.” - Die Bibel”

—

“I want the part of you that you refuse to give.”

— Ellen Hopkins (via to-be-okay)

(25/12/2021) 10/01/2022 - 16 days after last time hugged her

To think that the one that hurts you being happy, sleep well at night and chasing the guy she wants after ditching me while i suffers the most really wakes me up telling that she doesn’t love and care about me. I’ve only slept 2-4 hours a day. Cant do a single work. Cant communicate with my friends well. My life has been a messed up since that day. She wouldn’t care at all what happened to me after what she did and said. She only thinks about what she wants and not what i had sacrificed for her. All that excuses she made are all lies. Just to get away from all the problems. She’s the one that starts to lie first. She even starts to cheat first. And all of that happened all those years and still she only saw that one ws i had with a girl when we both are single. What i mean single is she is the that asked for break up. She would throw me away every time we fight. Obviously every time we fight is about other guys that she talks to. Damn…. That’s the only thing we always fight about. Her crush, her flings, the guy who loves her, the guy who have a crush on her even the guy she almost into a relationship. She talks to all of that guy when she’s with me. Why cant i just be all that ?? Why cant i be the only guy she gives her attention to ?? Why should there be other guys ?? Id been trying so so hard to be the guy you always want. Even after i gave it my all, she still had the audacity to do all that ?? Treats me with that attitude ?? While other guys get the best of you and i only get the bad side of you ?? I should have left you the first time we broke up but weak ass heart telling me to gave you second chance and yet you broke it again and again and again without feeling guilty at all. The best part is she even said iloveyou imissyou after did all those things behind my back. Like a fucking asshole, my weak ass heart always melt at her. Always have a soft spot for her. And i even love her more as time flies by. After 5 years together, she suddenly have a change of heart. She suddenly told me she did not love me anymore and she said she didn’t want to lie to herself. You see right. What she thinks first and said was that SHE DIDNT WANT TO LOE TO HERSELF first. Not about my feelings and not about everything that we had been together all those 5 freaking years. All because one ws with a girl i made when shes the one that throws me out like im a broken doll first. Id been working hard to love her even she did all those things to me. But look at her. One mistake and she gave up. Even told her family what a dick i am and told her friends too. But the fact is im the one that been the good guy and she’s the one that’s bad. She didn’t even tried to clear my name but instead gave up on everything. Funny isn’t how my love life with this one girl had been. It’s rough but i still fight hard till the end. She’s the one that letting it go everything that we had been working hard to build. And she chose to start over with another new guy she met that are just looks like me instead of fixing what we already have. Well, what can i do. If she wants, she will work it out and we can live happily forever. She chose to give up on us on me on everything we have built. Id already told her that we can fix it and even wanted to meet her families to clear up my name. Yet she still throws me away like a rotten meat. I have a lot more to tell but i guess here is enough. Even after all i said here, i still do love her. I hope she is happy with the choices she made. I wish you all the good things and i hope you don’t end up like me. Cause i know you can’t handle this much pain. I hope you don’t suddenly download tumblr and see this pain ive been through. Takecare. Iloveyou imissyou like hell. Nfmk.