Id Suck Dick For A Clingstone Peach Rn

on my resume i claim i am "honest and friendly" which is true but i am also a bitch and i love lying

every now and then i think about the middle aged man i saw stripped down to his underwear in a laundromat with those big glass shop windows facing a very crowded street. the confidence...the efficiency...the dangerous flirting with a charge of public indecency. i simply have to respect it

commission of dylan (the quarry) for @sukiwah and @cnihachuu

white boy SHOCKS waiter by taking a full minute to stutter out an order and then crying until he throws up

i made the mistake of saying "stop showing me the flesh hat man" out loud and realising it fit the tune of the muffin man and now that's stuck in my head, thoroughly against my will

i might not understand social queues but i can understand morse code, pigpen, and multiple lesser known ciphers

i made my sister a fursona and mildly redesigned mine :) she's the purple angel cat and im the tasmanian devil, together we are silly little creatures :3

i dreamed in broken esperanto and it was deeply confusing

whi am i always taking melatonin and them trying ti fight it, bro you WANTED to bev sleepky

whenever i mention licking batteries i am met with either "wtf dont lick batteries" or "yeah same who hasnt" so i would like to know what the people of tumblr think

ALSO PLEASE DO NOT PUT BATTERIES IN YOUR MOUTH!!!! licking one end of a battery is pretty safe but putting both ends in is a BAD idea for multiple reasons. i am also just some fucking guy so honestly dont even trust me saying that licking them is safe.

hey, [puts my hand on your shoulder, nods solemnly] get a lip piercing.

The day I learn to :3 irl is the day the whole world bends to my will