Wish I Could Do Some Of That

Extreme close-ups of human eyes by Suren Manvelyan

The phrase: leap of faith, has been banished from our realities. It only exists in books and films. But why? If we don't have the courage to make efforts for the uncertain, it's certain we'll have no more than what we have now.

Beliefs

"Doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs" sings Jon Foreman. This is a great advice to us, modern-day people. We let ourselves be shaken by nearly everything: science, new religions, even the opinions that aren't identical to ours. Nowadays people are lacking confidence and mostly confidence in what they believe. In what WE believe.

On the contrary, when we don't believe in something, we mostly have absolutely no idea what that thing's about. We don't read the literature of the religions we don't agree with, so this means we are very far away from being given the right to disagree, since we aren't informed. When someone denies evolution, or science, they don't have a physics, chemistry or biology degree, they just are willingly ignorant.

At the end of the day, we don't have strong faith or strong doubt, but even when we do, it's based on nothing. But why is that? It's because we can't listen to all debates, read every book, perform each experiments to support our beliefs or doubts. In fact it would be impossible, since humanity hasn't yet answered every questions, we are too young a specie to know it all. This means that every faith and doubt will be open for discussion for an exceedingly long time.

Opinions and beliefs make us, people, so diverse and it's wonderful. However, it's quite trivial that in the end only one faith will prevail and on a distant-enough day we will know who was right because  every single belief system, no matter if they say it differently, excludes every other. You can try and model religions as different paths to the same place but it doesn't work. They're contradicting each other. If one's true, the other is inevitably false.

I know there have been countless flame wars generated by religious differences. You might even bring up the crusades as a fine example, however, the crusades are so much opposed to how christianity is defined that the "holy crusades" were acts of the least christian roots. Just saying... But where am I going with this? Fighting over who's right or who's wrong is folly. Think about it, truth will prevail. Forcing your ideals on others will never produce new believers, only averse souls. I, for one, am a believer of Jesus Christ. And yes, I'm convinced that I'm right about what I have faith in. I stongly think that everyone should believe in what I do, STILL, my onlytool to achieve this is live my life by the principles I believe in. You have the choice to disagree. I'm sad if you do but it's completely up to you.

Cheers :)

Dare you to move

"Everybody waits for you now. What happens next? Yeah, what happens next? I dare you to move ... Like today never happened before." sings Jon Foreman. Dare you to move was and probably still is a great hit but there's more to it, than just radically high sales.

There are neccesarily times, when we're on the floor, or just struggling to find our way. This is how we live. Searching for the right thing to do. But what do we do in these times? I believe there's nothing we could possibly achieve on our own, we need someone to dare us to move. That first step, with which every journey begins, is the one, that we are incapable of making.

I've been all about surviving lately. I worked hard, so that I wouldn't fail on tests, I never went out with friends, so that I could save time, I relaxed only on one day of the week, I've even neglected my meals. My one and only goal was to last until the big romantic turn, which I've been waiting for for ages now, would come.

Turns out, this was a very futile attitude because now, after months of merely enduring, I'm left with no success. I was hoping to get a literary agent, or an editor, or something to get published. Actually, I was quite confident about it. I know my novel is good, and I believe it's the best I could do, or even beyond that. But it just didn't happen. Those, who replied, were sadly giving negative answers. I've kept my hope, saying I have like four more answers to come, one of those will surely be a contract offer. But it's been a long time now and yet, the mails have stopped to come.

What do I do now? This is what I kept asking myself in the past couple of days. My studies are at the lowest level, which suffices for staying in. My book most seemingly is not very good at selling itself. There is no miraculous benefactor, who would support my career as anything.

I've been thinking, maybe I should really concentrate on my current studies and get a diploma as an engineer - it pays well. But then, I want to be more than that. Free. Of course I'm not getting a degree in philosophy, or arts but still... Something else. I'd love to keep working on my book and write new ones. I want to travel, make acquintances, act memorably, and always remain myself. I just have absolutely no idea how to do all these without making sacrifices I wouldn't wanna. Naturally, I'm ready to give up things but I was referring to relationships I'm not willing to damage.

And suddenly, just now, I see clearly, that there's so much potential. So many things I used to believe in just a couple months ago. Why is my faith in them fading? I'm at the contradiction line. If I make one more step in the direction of this surviving-lifestyle, I'm done, I'm going against everything I am and want to be. Here's the trick: I have the motivation. There's someone, who says: I dare you to move. He picks me up, He's doing it even right now. Despite how I see my present state, I know there'll be deliverance, so I aim for that. If I'm true to my beliefs, to my past decisions, there's always redemption and restoration. I can't wait for tomorrow to begin :)

There’s no happy ending with me.

Wannabe ...... (fill in)

On 9GAG and similar sites, I very often run into these "They said I could be anything, so I became blah-blah-blah" thing. It sure is meant to be a joke but sometimes I wonder what I became. I certainly want to be a writer, and one day a director, maybe... But am I making progress? I mean, now I'm looking for a publisher for a children's book that I wrote. Well actually, that's not 100% true 'cuz I also have some corrections to make first, since a very very old friend of mine is helping in and he pointed out literally houndreds of mistakes. Bad, eh? But yeah, I'm gonna cut it off right there because it is about to turn into that modern and very popular artistic crap (I-adore-my-own-ART!), which mainly self-obsessed painters and/or photographers do.

Battle of tastes

What book (Out of ALL!) has the best opening lines?

Writer's note

It's been a long day. I've been called in to 2 job interviews, for which I'm happy beyond words but, other than that, oh boy, have I had a swell time?

I'll begin with something that's very close to me: literary work. Ever since I learnt how to write I've had a grand vision of my future. It's been my dream to be a great writer and I've always lived in this illusion that I'm good at it. But today I was rejected by a medium-sized company. No, not my professional application-- I wanted to be a volunteer. It's a quarterly magazine. So they said that they had my test writings checked by professionals and they found them inadequate in regards of grammar and authenticity.

The other thing is, well, literature, too. Remember when I said I've had this dream to be a great writer? Yeah, it pretty much fills every second minute of my waking hours. So here's the other story: Yesterday I recieved an answer to a query I sent to a seemingly fitting agent. She wrote that she feels honored (of course), that I contacted her, however, my work is not really for her. She (of course) encouraged me to keep on trying because she did not reject my book because of its general lack of genuineness but because of her own lack of enthusiasm about it. Yeah, it sucks. I know what you're thinking: Well what does one (1) agent matter anyway? Keep on trying, she said that too. So yes. Thank you. I've been trying. I've been trying for over a year with a total absence of fruition in any respect. I've re-written and polished my work but what does it matter now?

I've never said I'm a writer. Never to anyone. I've always believed humility is crucial and so I've never mentioned myself as a writer or artist. I didn't keep my writing a secret but I sure as rain was modest about it. Still, what I feel right now is this: I'm a complete wreck as a writer. Yeah, I'm a wreck that's for granted but why do I think I'm a writer. I never said I was and I've been constantly forcing myself not to consider myself as that. But in despair and disappointment my thoughts betray me. I'm just a sore loser and a presumptuous fool.

I'm not going to apologize for all the dismal things I've written because they aren't dismal. They're meant to teach you something. Well, who am I trying to lie to? They're meant to teach me something. Something I know and yet pretend to never have heard of. In all honesty I have a lot to learn and I've got to let go of big-faced concepts about myself. I'll be small. I'll remain small and I'll accept being that. I'm too young to be big and it takes some time to get rid of one's youth.

Hope comes with faith. Faith is originated from past experiences, revelations and decisions, while hope in the other hand, is belief in uncertain things of the future, which could not be thought of without the first word of the sentence. Of course, without hope, what good would faith be?