Bernatk - Heatherfield Citizen

Corey's best so far...

A lot of people (myself included) get really excited about what’s possible as digital video moves forward. The biggest buzz in the past decade has been the extremely high resolution offered by some cameras. This resolution is measured in K, which stands for “thousand” (kilo).

Common Video Resolutions (width x height):

Starting University

When I was a child, I always said, that I want to be a mechanical engineer. I thought it's about designing cool aircrafts, spaceships, cars,iron man suits... Turns out, it's just a big load of maths.

I had this dream as a kid but in high school my visions for the future altered for numerous reasons: 1 - my very old friend, who is an utmost clever person (used to be a genetics professor (i'm not telling it to show off, just so that you can understand why his word mattered (level 3 ;)))), so he, told me, that there's "more" potential in me, than just being an ordinary engineer. I never quite understood what's ever so ordinary about a mechanical engineer btw... 2- my girlfriend told me the same. Well then I had to rethink my ideals, my reasons, everything. I realised, that there is actually much much more into life, than machines. (not according to Matrix)

But then, hereI am, studying mechanical engineering. It is actually a fun thing but I have so many other plans. Who knows if I'll wind up as a drop-out or not... Anyways, I feel, that if I'm here for once, then it's an opportunity. I don't want to let down the Great Organiser... I'll do my best, and we'll see what it turns out as.

Broken from the sart

"Tonight honey, I'm gonna break your heart, mine was broken from the start" sings Jon Foreman. I've always been wondering  what it really means. The most obvious and seemingly most at-hand answer was something about love and break-ups. I thought I had nothing to do with it because I live in a very merry relationship and I have no reason to actbroken.

This simple line, however, uncovers something I am born into. But not only me, I'm convinced it's the same with almost all of us. What I'm talking about here is a mere detection of a common state of life. In fact I've heard of this so much, that I've even grown accustomed to it. It's the cycle. The cycle of what my heritage is...

Recently I created a huge deficit to my family, unconsciously and unintended. To be able to pay for this, my father had to give up few of his plans for the summer. I understood, that he was mad at me, this is alright after the monetary loss. But you know, what he kept saying was somewhat misled and unjust. He said I'm not grown-up, I'm a child, I can't make good decisions and I need supervision. Well, I am an adult in every aspect, though I moved back in with my parents because they live close to the university I'm in... Anyway, I tried to reason with him and be generous, so I offered to pay it all back and then came thebest: he said I cannot give him money I didn't get from him and I won't have a salary at least in the coming five years. (Momentarily I don't have a paying job, that's true, but I put up my pricey bow for sale, for which I worked very ardently a couple of years ago) I told my dad (with the hint of sarcasm, I admit), that it's improbable, that I wouldn't get a job soon. Then he started shouting and I lost interest...

First thought: this man's a fool, it was a wrong decision to move in with them, when I get paid for my book, I'll leave. But you know, this is it. I know my father had a very narcistic and controlling father. I know he tries very hard to be a good parent, though he never had a grown-up son. He might've simply reacted so strangely because of his anger and pain, I don't know. And really, this whole thing, this fighting and hurting penetrates through my family-line. I am predestined to be broken. I am predestined by my father, and his father and his father and so on. I heard countless family stories, how the fathers hurt and betrayed their sons. All differently. My father tries to do good but it comes out all wrong because he was broken from the start, and he didn't even know it... But I do. I now know and understand it. The question is, whether I break the cycle, or simply try hard, like my dad does...

And then, isn't it somewhat universal? Aren't we all coming up with secret burdens? Why do we see faulted and wounded people everywhere? And ultimately: what does it mean to break this cycle? I'm not giving you answers because this is not an open argument, it's just a pile of questions...

Randomness rules!

does the job

Quickly threw this together and it instantly made me feel less anxious so it might help some of you idek

Optimism, Pessimism, Perspective and the Question of Society and Art

Recently I experienced an emotional antinomy in regards of how current technology and social media affect art.

My first observation was that it multiplies the art outlets and creates a vast stock of memorabilia about artists for the ages to come. How nice would it be to read Fitzgerald’s tumblr posts.

The second observation was that the increased outlets and the conservation of everything brings about a horrific picture about our age. As cheap horror flicks went down the sewers a hundred years ago and then disintegrated from human remembering, we cannot anticipate today’s trash to just disappear because it will haunt the internet forever.

But just today I woke up with a realization that alleviated my passionate opinions. I remembered that people read and watch and touch what they choose to. The internet does not change the people fundamentally, it is exactly the other way around. However the current society wishes to shape the world of art, it is not a danger on the bigger arc of things. The case has never been changed, not even slightly, dumb people have always been into dumb things and smart people have always been into smart things. Any alternation that has ever happened happened in the individual’s life. We, as persons, and not as society, move forward. It is because of each individual’s limited time on earth: we start from nil and run as fast as we can to get the farthest possible but it does not affect society, as it survives the individual. Unless people can somehow learn to give birth to children with a refined sense of society in their heads, society will not become smarter or dumber, just a mass of us.

My Literal Heart

I envy one particular quality in sportsmen: their heart. I said this to quite a few people I know. It's ringing pretty well and it's actually true.

Today I was playing soccer with my friends. I'm a defender, I always am. We've been playing for about an hour and I failed to tackle the opponent, who had the ball. He shot but our goalie implemented a brilliant save. In the moment of the save, something happened in me. In my literal heart. It felt as though my chest was too small for it and all the blood in the world wouldn't be enough, flowing in my body. With my heart pounding madly, I stopped on the field. I wanted to catch my breath, I thought this sensation would pass but it seemed to be increasing. The one thing in my head was: I'm gonna die right now. I began coughing, fighting for air and I could stay on my feet but I could hardly move, let alone sprint from end of the field to the other. I walked off and sat down and looked at the ground, which was supposed to be green but it was gray. The players, the walls, the trees--really everything was gray. I drank and rested and the world's colors slowly crawled back. My heart was a lot more peaceful. I lay down to the ground and looked up at the sky. It was blue all right but I saw countless little dots, rushing nowhere but with great speed.

While down there, I contemplated my miserable state. Why do I have to be like this?! I didn't know whether it was something serious or something that just frightened me because it hasn't happened before. But I thought it was truly the most unfair thing in existence. Not because I'm a totally righteous person or I deserve to live. The reason for this was that I thought I haven't done my share. Not just the things that can make me happy in life but the part that I haven't walked to the end of the paths of my missions. I haven't done everything for the girl I love; I haven't put myself to service of the church; I haven't published anything; and countless other things. It would have been a very bitter death but I didn't die. My heart eventually calmed down, I'm much better now. Momentarily, rather ironically, I envy the very literal hearts of sportsmen the most.

I've been wondering what meaning this event may convey--if any... Maybe not many things just this: my life is not in my hands but in God's hands. And this, also, is very literally perceived. And I'm thankful that I'm alive and thankful for everything.

this is actually beautiful

Happy Bloomsday!

The Last 50 Lines of Ulysses

Man has not a single right which is the product of anything but might. Not a single right is indestructible: a new might can at any time abolish it, hence, man possesses not a single permanent right.

Mark Twain

Others' fears are suspiciously often irrational, while ours are, suspiciously again, always justified.