So... Unfortunately, I Am A Monsterfucker And The Elephant Man In Episode 1 Somewhat...

[CLICK]

[DUMBASS]

A Season Two Finale, a commentary by an insignificant little woman, head dumbass of my household, somewhere in Europe.

Commentary Begins.

[DUMBASS, COMMENTARY]

AAAAAAAHHH-

I'm late for the thursday, but not for the crying.

It's Thursday, you know what that means! *Cries over a podcast that ended weeks ago*

thinking Such Insane Thoughts about gravity falls and parental love and liking your kids like. idk.

filbrick might love his kids in some way but he doesnt really like them. caryn loves her boys but doesnt care for them enough.

soos's dad might have liked the idea of a kid. but he never really loved him. abuelita had to take his place.

dipper and mabels parents probably love their kids, sure, but they fuck dipper up because of their issues.

wendys dad loves her as much as he can but she misses her mom so so much.

gideon and pacificas parents dont really love them. gideons parents fear him and pacifica fears her parents.

bills parents loved him so fucking much. it wasnt enough.

fiddlefords parents loved him enough to let him leave. but they left him with a bone deep fear of the "outside" in his bones.

but.. ford and stan. they arent even the twins parents but oh my GOD they love them. deep in their crazy old man bones they LOVE these kids.

fords angry and resentful but he sees them and he goes SOFT. he watches dippers every move and sees himself. he pats mabels fluffy hair "you're a good person, mabel."

stan loves these kids so much goddamnit. everything he does is for this family. you can see in every inch of him he just wants these kids to be ok. even when hes picking on dipper he wants to help so bad. he dies for them.

they are the best parents in the series and they save the world.

shutup shutup jon and martin are on a farm with cows they are oN A FARM WITH COWS AND THEYRE HAPPY SHUTUTPTKFLKGKFKFJFNGNN

How are we feelin tonight lads

mikaele really said no <3 

Pros and cons and dating the avatars of each entity

The Vast

Pros: Literally the best romantic dates ever. Picnicking in the middle of wide-open skies, or giant lakes that stretch on and on forever.

Cons: Kissing at terminal velocity is not as fun as it's cracked up to be.

The Corruption

Pros: Loves you with an intensity. Very clingy. Very touchy-feely.

Cons: You will live in a literal rat's nest.

The Eye

Pros: Knows all your likes and dislikes, knows exactly what you're feeling and what to say and do to make you happy.

Cons: For some reason soon after you start dating them all your computer privacy settings stop working.

The Spiral

Pros: Knife hands! Doors! Corridors! Slowly losing and questioning your sanity the more you spend time with them! Being unsure if they even exist! Fractals! Patterns! What's not to like??

Cons: None!

The Buried

Pros: The blanket forts...... all the blanket forts.......

Cons: Loves the dirt more than they love you.

The Desolation

Pros: Hot.

Cons: Hot.

The Stranger

Pros: They buy so many skin products that your skin will be almost unnaturally smooth after dating them for a few months. Dances with them are great.

Cons: The number of mannequins in the house is starting to get disturbing.

The Dark

Pros: They snap their fingers and the lights instantly go off. Candlelit romance anytime, anywhere.

Cons: There are only so many conversations you can have about the "beauty of the dark sun" until dinner talk grows stale. Will definitely try to convert you to their creepy cult.

The End

Pros: Pulls off the goth aesthetic extremely well, if you're into that.

Cons: Constantly reminds you that you're either going to break up, get married or die, and muses aloud their speculations about which one it'll be. Also, the only album they ever listen to is MCR's Black Parade.

The Flesh

Pros: Very interesting good in bed.

Cons: You will constantly find yourself sighing, "Jason, tell me the truth. Did you cook human meat for dinner AGAIN?!"

The Hunt

Pros: Extremely passionate kisses. Almost ravenous, you could say.

Cons: furry :/

The Slaughter

Pros: cute when they angy!

Cons: You tried to make a "you're not you when you're hungry" joke once and they nearly stabbed your eye out.

The Web

Pros: I mean who doesn't love extra eyes and legs?

Cons: "vriska did nothing wrong"

The Lonely

Pros: Will give you space whenever you need it. Maybe more enthusiastically than you'd want.

Cons: Wants to see you so little you're not even sure whether you're in a relationship anymore. You talk to them once every three weeks. Embarrasses you at the annual Institute party.

To those moments who never happened.

- Hello, Ace. Good to finally see you.

- Hello Ace. You're finally here, little dear.

If someone didn't decide to die with glitter and drama, I think this scene could have happened for those three.

For little Ace who would never doubt he've been love. For unbreakable Rouge who die hoping the ex enemy never change his mind about her child ( hoping he will teach him to grow, to believe, to love, hoping he will watch her child and never let him down, hoping he will be loved, fed and clothed, hoping for her child she'd love so much so she break the law's nature for him ). For Roger, who, the last day, the last hour, the last minute, have been asked where were his treasure and he never responded it was in two little brats who look at him like a father or in this woman and in this unborn child who he will forever love.