Idk, I Just Thought Of It Lol

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I really don't know much about what to think regarding the war except I don't like it. It started because of violence on one side and is continued by violence by the other. Uninvolved people have been hurt and people killed when they had nothing to do with the attacks. Many people have come to ask for help, but they're very hard to distinguish from scammers because there are people who take advantage of their situation and fake a donation account. It is so unfair because the people who need help can't get it because it' going to scammers and people no longer trust them. I have to check every inch and cranny of an account to make sure I'm not sharing a scam to people. I don't know for sure if this is real or not, so please if you're considering donating, check it yourself and make sure you feel right about it. I was very hesitant to repost anything regarding this matter because I'm not exactly pro anybody, just a highschooler who wanta people to get along, but I also don't want to ignore people in their time of need when I can at least do this. So please don't take my word for it, make sure this is legit before you do anything. I'm only reposting this because out of all the asks I've gotten so far, this is the least bot sounding one so far.

I love how on the night I actually got to talk to, touch, hear, and see God with my own senses, on the night I was fully concious even while dreaming, and on the night I will never forget the feeling of total peace, the only thing I asked him was what should I do. What should I do to be like you. What should I do to follow you. What do you want from me. I love how I had the answers to the universe, to everything in front of my face and all I asked was what should I do to follow Him. And I know why. Because at the end of the day, that is the only question that really matters. My soul knew what needed to be asked and my soul knew only He had the answer. And He did. He said to me: "That is for you to find out." And I am. I'm still figuring it out. And I want others to figure it out with me.

Love

God died for your love, not your validation. God loved the world so much so that He died for it. He died to free us of our sin, the choices we thought we wanted to make, but in reality were only hurting us. That is love. And love is not validation.

Love isn't blindlessly validating, it's picky, and particular, and restricting. Because it doesn't want you to settle with whatever you think you want, but for you to have what you need. So love isn't letting you pick out a moldy apple, when there's a fresh feast just in the oven. It's telling you there is better food in the oven and you don't need to eat something so revolting and unhealthy. If you still prefer the moldy apple, I can't force it out your hands and force the food down your throat. I can only watch as you settle for what you think you want because while love is restricting, it's not imposing. But I didn't validate your choices, I detest them. I know it's worthless to you, maybe even harmful, compared to the gifts you could be enjoying instead. I didn't see you doing something stupid and do it too to show that you're valid in your choices. I saw you do something stupid, told you it was dumb and showed you an example of better choices.

I make this mistake too. All the time. I see someone settle for so much less and I just look away. I don't tell them about the feast in the oven. I don't tell them the moldy apple is toxic. I don't tell them sin will hurt you in the end and I don't tell them about God. I just sit there. Watching. Validating. Supporting. But not loving. Because that is never loving.

I need to love better. I need to love how He loved me. And I pray that He would help me and give me the strength and courage to love. And I pray that other's would pray this for themselves also to learn how to truly love.

I remember what I believe to be a year ago, my sister, my dad, and I were pulling up to school to drop us off as we did our morning prayer. At that time, I used to play this video game and I had really wanted to pull my favorite character, so I had prayed to get him. My dad didn't understand why I would ever ask God for something so small and meaningless when I could've prayed for anything. I could've prayed for the starving kids around the world, or to heal the sick and dying, or perhaps end the war and pestilance on this planet. But instead I asked for a video game character...because I simply thought he looked cool. My dad had argued to me that I should pray for important things, not the small irrelavant stuff I do for hobbies, and I argued otherwise. I had told him that God wants all our prayers. If you want something, you only need to ask and you shall recieve. God loves to bless His children and He loves it when you talk to Him, so why would He ever want you to hold back on Him? Nothing is too big for God, this we know, but sometimes we forget there's nothing too small for God either. This was a year ago. At the time, I was what people refered to as a lukewarm christian. I was so lukewarm, I had never opened a bible, never prayed unless told, and God was just god to me with an extreme case of the lowercase g's. But I have grown since then, reading my bible, praying, and knowing my God is real and personal with His children. Such a drastic difference in person, behaviour, and wisdom and yet I still come to the same conclusion. God wants all of you. So give Him all of you.

I think I went insane. I...I must be. I made a seperate account last night to post art on, to make this channel consistant with the gospel...and I posted on it. I know I did. But now it' like it never existed. I can't find the art, or my account. The account comes off as unregistered and I'm tweaking. Did I go mental and dream me doing that? No, I couldn't have. I specifically remember being interupted while choosing what art to post when I was forced to buy groceries by my Dad....This is like a murder mystery case and I'm oddly intruiged and mildly annoyed.

Why have I been venting for the past 4 posts?

Once I met God, I had a question I just really wanted answered. What is God's favorite color? People first think blue, cuz the sky and sea. Then they think green cuz the land and foliage. But a lot of people say purple because it's for royalty and some people say purple because God told them. I just REALLY want to know! But if it is purple, I wonder why there is so little of it on Earth. You think he likes a specific shade?

Pray

Right now, in this moment. Put the screen down and pray. You can just sit in His presense, you could give thanks, just pray.

I used to pray almost every week to God to kill me in my sleep. I used to get on my hands and knees on the top of my staircase and beg for death. I was maybe around 8 at the time. I wasn't even in middle school. Everyday I'd ake up and feel dissapointed. I'd lay in my bed a bit more cuz I didn't want to get up and llive another day. Can you imagine a child so young begging you to kill them? Can you imagine your child asking that? I used to go my life wanting to die everyday because I was depressed. I was bored. I was scared. I honestly didn't even want to die; I just didn't want to live. But now, I've changed. I don't wish for death but I'm not as scared as I used to be. I mean, I'm not inviting death to knock on my doors, but I have this thirst to be done with this life. I'm bored but only because I know this life pales in comparrison to what comes after. I'm bored because I just want nothing more than to run and hug Jesus physically and directly, in his face, say thank you over and over and over again. I can't imagine what he must've felt as his child, such a young one too, begged him to take her life only because she was too coward to do it herself. Also, I didn't mention that those were the only times I talked to God at all back then. God truly changed me. That isn't all, it truly isn't! I also have had this....situation where everyone around me felt different. At first I felt like the only normal person and everyone else was an NPC, but then I started to realize the only reason they looked like NPCs to me was because they all had some invisible thing or trait in common. I still to this day have no clue what it is, but It was something like this fundemental rule to being human. But I didn't have it. I had the body of a human, the brain of a human, the intelligence of a human...for the most part, but this thing, this thing I lacked. I copied different people constantly to try and figure out what it was but all I gained was an identity crisis. I panicked and cried for a while because I didn't know what was wrong with me. I always knew the people around me were different in a way I couldn't relate, but it all came together, or rather, fell apart when someone very close to me verbally told me something was wrong with me...multiple times. I've been speculated before that I could be on the spectrum. At first I was thought to have ADHD, both kinds. Then I was suspected to have Autism as well as sensory issues. I asked to be tested but still, it isn't really worth the time, money, and effort to others, so I am still unsure. Honestly I hoped this was the case because I'd finally have a reason as to why I'm this way and so that it'd prove nothing was wrong with me. Now, I still struggle a bit with this one simply because I truly want to just know myself. I have someone who understands me. In fact, He made me. And he doesn't make mistakes. I am no misfunction. There is nothing wrong with me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and only in christ did I figure that out. He is the only confromation I need. God changes people in ways you never would've guessed.

Non Stop Grind

Have been drawing everyday, all day, every night, all night for the past 3 days. Almost done with my refs (not really) and already have my layout for my attacks (not finished cuz it's against the rules). I have been in a major art block for sooo long so this was SO REFRESHING