Why Have I Been Venting For The Past 4 Posts?

I cannot be more serious, there is nothing better. There is nothing better than the feeling I feel when I'm with God. I went years running around doing all kinds of stupid things before I met Him, but He calmed my heart the same way He calmed the storm. Anxiety fled, lust died, anger wained, grief packed up and left, and He moved in.

You may think I'm crazy. An idiot who never learned to question. A traditional bum who can't open her mind to new ideas. Even an uneducated fool spouting whatever false tales.

You may think I'm in need. A victim to white men who drilled this religous crap into my head. A kid who doesn't even know better, she'll wake up once she get's old enough.

You may think I'm evil. A weirdo out of my mind who only lives to shame others. A cultists trying to drag others down with me. A judgemental, sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, trump supporting conservative who can't understand that sometimes she isn't right.

Well let me explain something

I'm sane. I question everything, the how, the why, the what, the who, the when. I adopt new ideas all the time, only the difference is, I have boundries when it comes to ideas trying to pull me away from the Word of God. I'm educated, and I plan to become a professor.

I'm not a victim. I chose this path for myself, no person or group manipulated me into it (besides, it's not a white man's religoun, it's middle eastern). I may be a kid, but the things I've seen and felt was something even a toddler could identify as unmistakenly God.

I'm not evil. I don't shame people, thinking they're gross or whatnot just because we don't share the same beliefs, I pray for them and their wellbeing. I'm not a cultist and I would never willingly drag anyone down if I knew what I was following was false, in fact, I wouldn't even be in it myself. I don't look at any gender, race, occupation, status, or sexuality and think I'm looking at devil's incarnate, just a person like me and everyone else who doesn't know the goodness of God (Also, I'm not even a republican and I'm well aware I'm wrong sometimes).

Contrary to many beliefs, I'm not as bad as people try and peg me to be. I'm just a kid trying her best in a world where nobody ever looks back on the weak. I'm just a kid who struggles to make friends or relate to people. I'm just a kid that wants to love and be loved. Trying to understand, find my way, do what's right and be truly happy.

I'm just a child.

God's child.

For the first time ever, I went out and spreaded the gospel. I was so scared at first, thinking I'd be hated and judged, but God gave me strength to deny myself and do it anyway. I actually went to mic up, a roblox game to do it. I was inspired by Vtuber Celestium's video from a while back (love her vids). She has been a huge light to me, and she pushed me into a form of sharing God I feel comfortable starting out with. One day, I pray to be able to do it in person well also, but for now, baby steps. I've been asking God for boldness for so long, and today, he delivered me. I spoke to many people, all respectful and civil (except the trolls), and I gained a few friends along the way! Share God in even the least likely of places!

Dazai Chronicles Ep 4

Just click on it for better quality

If you're wondering why it looks a bit ummmm different in each part, it's cuz I drew them quite the time away. It took maybe a month gap to do the second one? But yeah, Chuuya's turn has been served. According to the poll, Ranpo should ne next. Also, no clue why the quality went down on tumbler, but I don't know how to fix it sooooo :/

Ok wait am I stupid?

Ok so I just had a dumb question pop into my mind out of nowhere. I randomly just figured this out and I NEED someone to explain to me.

So, Dazai met chuuya when they were 15, which is why it's called the 15 manga and ark. So, if they were 15 back then and they're 22 now, doing subtraction, it's been 7 years since they met, right? Ok that adds up, because they always mention how their partnership has gone on for said many years. HOWEVER, Dazai left the port mafia 4 years ago and was in hiding the whole time. Subtract 4 from 7 and, correct me if I'm being dumb, but that leaves 3. They've been partners for 3 years. Not 7. Not 6. But 3. Have I been lied to or am I overthinking this? I NEED ANSWERS PLEASE

Non Stop Grind

Have been drawing everyday, all day, every night, all night for the past 3 days. Almost done with my refs (not really) and already have my layout for my attacks (not finished cuz it's against the rules). I have been in a major art block for sooo long so this was SO REFRESHING

I just went to sweet frogs and on the way and my family was discussing politics and how America may or may not survive these 4 years long enough to fix it back up. It had gotten me pretty down cuz it looked pretty grim when this happened:

Mom: Don't be so down, at least you're still here.

Me: Yeah, but for how long?

Mom: As long as Jesus says so.

The moment she said that, I felt so much better. I had forgotten who was in control. But knowing nothing can happen unless God let's it happen makes me feel sooo much better.

God works :)

God allows trials and tribulations. He allows bad deeds and horrible sin. He didn't stop that girl from being assulted, or that child from being kidnapped, or that bullet from entering someone's skull. He let it happen. But you have to remember he has a reason. He always has a reason. Even if we don't know it ourselves. Job was tried, and while many say it was to test and prove his faith, could there have been more to it? Something bigger and greater? Job taught us how to react in the face of uncertainty, doubt, and suffering. Through his pain, we have had years of our own suffering lifted from us. Just like Job, our suffering may not look like it has a reason and honestly, sometimes the reason isn't to teach a lesson at all, sometimes, it's something else, but it always has a reason. Our suffering may not be written in a historical holy book, and thank God for that cuz that would probably have to be like holocaust level to get into a historical document, but we can still use it to teach our friends, our family, and people we haven't even met yet. Job taught his wife to stay strong, his friends to be humble, and all of us, generations of people, that God has the answers and we don't ever need to doubt that. So stay strong guys. And know it has a purpose.

Is there anything my God cannot do? Sometimes I remember how I am talking to the same God who talked to Adam and Eve, to David, and to Daniel, and to Simon and Mathew and John and every figure in the bible. I am speaking to their deliverer. So if God will deliver them from flaming furnaces, starving lions, swords and bows, and more, I know I can trust Him to save me in times of inconvenience like a stomach ache or a headache or something small. I know He can save me in big problems too, but thankfully I've never had to go through thick waters like that.

It's ok to say I don't know

I don't know. I don't know a lot of things and that's ok. Some things are meant to stay unknown and that is fine. I don't know why God let's people suffer. I could say it strengthens you. I could say it's part of a bigger plan that will do wonders for you or someone else down the line. I could say it's to show you a reality you were blind to prior. I could say He was testing you. But I don't know. There could be a number of reasons, but I don't know. Nobody knows. And we don't need to. We don't need to know why children die of cancer. We don't need to know why there is so much sickness. We don't need to know why there are drouts or floods, hunger or starvation. We just need to know one thing:

That God knows

And that's called faith

I love many things in this show. Story, jokes, culture, characters, art style, even the sometimes ear wrenching dub, but none of it tops my man Wolfram over here. He's my favorite, yes, because he's a typical pretty boy, but also because he has this dumb ability to be the damsel in distress every dang episode. Like he's a literal genderbended princess peach at this point. I recommend watching the show, so I don't wanna spoil it for people. If you wanna see the dumb list of events this poor prince has been through, continue further.

• Proposed to by a stranger, a human no less (at war with humans and to his kind, they're seen as mean and ugly creatures)

• Be strangled by a water dragon by fiancé

• Fall into a sandpit while being attacked by a huge bear.

• Always falls sick when in human territory

•Went missing

•Attacked by bandits at least 10 times in just the 1st season out of 3

•Always seasick

•Kidnapped about 3 times from the top of my head, yes its been more

•MULTIPLE CASES OF LITERAL POSSESION, they just can't keep they're hands off his poor delicate body

• LITERAL DEATH. YES. HE DIED. LIKE DED. HEART STOPPED, NO PRANK, COLD AS ICE, DED

• Held captive

•In the manga he had a coma possesion

•Getting his literal heart stolen. Literally. Like reach into his chest and take out the organ. I'm not talking about him falling in love with Yuuri

• In the novel, Yuuri stabbed him

• Yuuri almost obliterated him

• Got shot with an arrow

• This btw is off the top of my head, meaning out of the 3 seasons, this isn't even all of it.