For The First Time Ever, I Went Out And Spreaded The Gospel. I Was So Scared At First, Thinking I'd Be

Christians will be persecuted. Always. But I just want to point out, that what used to be, and in some places still are, persecution, is different than the kind of persecution others will face. Crucification, execution, torture and death now turn into sarcastic jabs, angry yelling and hateful glares. Both are pretty scary, but think of what used to be the punishment compared to now. I am so guilty of this, as I am very shy and outspoken. I plan my entire conversation before even initiating it when I simply want to ask for a pencil. I count the amount of sniffles I have to make and panic at 5 because I feel like I'm disturbing people. I hate attention, I really do, especially bad attention. So I avoid talking about faith in public because of this unspoken rule in society that says religon is a forbidden topic. Let's all just be glad we aren't in a hydrolic press and that all we'll get is side glances

I had 3 pairs of glasses and lost 2 and broke the 3rd. I have to leave for a cruise tommorow and I didn't know what to do. I'd have to tell my mom or hide it until after the cruise. I wanted to lie and hide it but I knew it would do me no good and God would rather me obey Him and tell the truth, even if I get in trouble. I was really scared and stressed but listened and told her anyway after praying to God about it. I asked Him to give me the courage to tell her and that he would soften her heart to the situation. And He did! My mom was already mad this morning so I was pretty scared to tell her. Plus she isn't known for patience. But she wasn't angry and just happy I told the truth sincerly. Jesus works

bout to get myself cancelled...but please read to the end or you won't understand...

Hey, hi! Ok so, this post may be considered offensive to a lot of people, and to be honest, I don't even want to say it at all. I'm scared and worried and I'd rather shut up, sit back, and watch but I can't. I can't because I was called to say this by my God and as much as I want to not say it, I kinda have no right to deny him.

Ok so first of all, I want to make a full disclosure that I mean no ill will at all. I can understand the feelings of those who read this because I too have dabbled in the exact same thing before. Please read the whole thing before you say anything, because I promise it isn't the arguement you think it'll be.

I will not be judging nor slandering any individual nor group and will simply be explaining the mindset of christianity to society. I feel that there is a big misunderstanding in the world right now and at first I was going to simply let it be as it did not involve me. However, God keeps calling me to speak about it and I'd rather be cancelled online than cancelled by a literal divine being.

So, ONCE AGAIN, I AM ONLY EXPLAINING THE REASONINGS, MENTALITY, AND ALSO A MESSAGE TO CHRISTIANS AND NON BELIEVERS. I AM NOT BASHING NOR JUDGING ANYBODY. READ THE FULL THING OR YOU WON'T GET THE FULL PICTURE AND I PROMISE IF YOU DON'T, IT WILL LOOK LIKE A HORRIBLE AND UGLY ONE.

You have been warned.

________________________________

For a long time, those of the LGBTQ minority have been opressed and wrongly treated by not just non believers but by many other religouns as well. In their place, I sincerly apologize. They had and still have no right to opress anyone and judge them in such a horrible way. Everybody is equal. We all have our differences, but with it we are equal. That garbage man? Equal. The leader of a country? Equal. That murderer? Equal. I know, why the murderer right? Well, they were created and molded by the lord himself and in their lungs he breathed the breath of life. They are God's children, therfore, they are equal.

As equals, nobody has the right to claim themselves worthy to judge someone else. For every "wrong" thing with the person you judge, there is one for you as well. Only someone who is perfect can judge and that would be someone who never sins. Someone who doesn't make mistakes. Someone who is just and holy. Someone like God. Too many people have tried to claim this title without even realizing it. Because of that, people of all kinds have been opressed and shunned. For that, I apologize for them.

In those God wannabe groups, christians are very involved. We constantly judge others in the name of our God but we have no right to do so. This has caused many misunderstandings on BOTH sides of this coin. So God has called me, this coward and excuse of a christian to tell you his word. Both have misuderstood, and so both need to hear this. Christians, atheists, and every other religoun. Even if you do not want to turn to God, though it would be awsome if you did, that is not really what this post is about. It is simply and honestly here to clear misunderstanding.

Like I said before, the LGBTQ community have been horribly treated and still are, though in less severity, being treated in such ways by others today. The people who due to religoun are opposed to their ways obviously being the worst of them all. Chritstians vs. LGBTQ...why? Why does it have to be like that? God never intended this bickering and fighting nor did he intend this sitting back on the bleachers and watching people tear eachother apart cuz your too scared to get involved. Intention matters. For someone who is perfect, it matters.

So as christians constantly bash and scorn those who are LGBTQ, those who are LQBTQ mock those who believe in God, and those who are lukewarm and don't know how to respond in the face of either group, I have sat back and watched. It's ugly. It's really really REALLY ugly. I was too scared to say a thing.

I understood what the LGBTQ community felt. I've seen girls before and all I could think was "Wow. I could imagine her as my girlfriend so bad rn." I've prefered woman to men before, though it was subconciously, I knew. If I did not believe in my Lord God, I would be a bisexual, she/they, demisexual queen. But I also had the obligations to uphold my father's wishes as a Christian like everyone else. In the middle, what do I do? Many people have been in this situation. Many haven't. Those who have, are stuck in the middle. Lukewarm. Those who haven't, are cold or hot.

The reasons that christains don't agree with LGBTQ is because the Lord has forbidden it. Many christians and non christians use the excuse, "If all people were gay, there would be no more children in the world!" This is false. You could have a sperm donor. You could donate your body for pregnancy. You could impregnate someone and then raise the child with your significant other. Adopt. It's solvable. However, this creates problems. What if the woman wants to keep her child? What if the husband resents the child for not being his? What if the woman does not properly love the child because she knows it is not hers? Those issues could arise. But that is not the true reason God says no to LGBTQ.

I mean, yes they are reasons, but the real one is because it was not as he intended. It does not hurt anybody, so how can it be wrong? I get it. I've been there.

You have a rock collection. Each one is special and in it's own way, beautiful. You painted each and every one of these rocks. That one is pink. That one is blue. That one is brown. That one is green. They are all perfectly created. They are as they should be. You place them in an order. The pink ones go next to the green ones. The blue ones go with the yellow. It makes a beautiful color order. But then someone takes your collection and repaints the rocks. The blue one turned purple. The pink one turned green. The yellow is orange AND red. It was not as you wanted. It was not as you left it. But that wasn't all. They changed the order too. The one that used to be yellow is with the greens now. The pink with pink and the brown with brown, Colors you never created are with eachother now too. But nobody got hurt. Everyone is ok. The rocks are unharmed. But they are no longer how you intended. You spent 5 hours painting that rock blue. The perfect shade for that specific rock. Now it is pink. But nobody is hurt. You placed that yellow one next to the blue one. But now the beautiful contrast is gone. It is now paired with the green. Nobody is hurt. But it is not how you intended. The person responsible looks at you and says they like it better this way. They say you made a mistake making that one green and that it should be pink instead. That the yellow should be with the pinks and not the blues. Nobody is hurt. But it is no longer how you intended. Nobody is hurt. But it is no longer perfect. Nobody is hurt. But you made a "mistake". Nobody was hurt. But you wasted 5 hours painting. Nobody is hurt. But you, someone who knows color theory and has been making these rocks for years was just told by a person who knows nothing about it and has never made these rocks before that you did it....wrong. But nobody is hurt so it is good.

With this analogy, can you imagine the feelings of the Lord? Imagine making every single rock with care and perfection. Now imagine them changing it. Now imagine them saying you made a mistake. Now imagine them saying those delicate strokes, each brush stroke perfectly angled to make a different and beautiful pattern each time were wrong. Now imagine that with us. God COULD just force us to be the gender he intended. God COULD just force us to love who he wants us to love. God COULD force us to follow him. God COULD force us to do anything. But he doesn't. He gifted us with the gift of choice and free will. We would be robots otherwise. We would feel what he wants us to feel. We would do what he wants us to do. Not because of love but because we have to. And he wants love. Obedience because we love him.

God doesn't want us to change the way he intended it to go. God does not make mistakes. He does not make bad decisions. This is the true reason he does not favor LGBTQ. Not the people, he favors them for they are his children, but the sin. Not only did he not intend it to be this way, he said so in the bible. With that being said, it would also count as dieobedience and purposefully turning from him.

Now before I get cancelled and stoned online, I have yet to finish this loooong text. I have explained to those who do not obey the lord. Now I must adress those who think they do...

Do you know everything? Are you all seeing and all knowing? Do you have everything put together? Are you perfect? Are you God? No. You are his child. Do not discriminate and scorn your siblings but do not sit back and watch them unkowingly walk into a lions den. Warn them of the dangers. Warn them of the reasons. But in a respectful way. Let them know what they could be getting into but in a kind way. Let your reasonings not be of judgment and self proclaiming, but of love and truth. Do not force the Lord upon them. But do not withhold him from them either.

Too many christians I have seen that look in disgust of those who are LQBTQ and too many I have seen that are scared to even call themselves a christian in front of a queer person. We are all sinners. We have no room to judge. We make a bad name for ourselves and wonder why we are judged in return. Why should anyone walk in fear? Gay, trans, queer, crossdressers, allies, asexuals, christians, musslums, jews, atheists, any other religoun or beliefs. We are all children of God even if not all of us realize it. As someone who has been blessed the wisdom of the Lord, christians, stop being rude and discriminatory. Do not make them walk in fear. Atheists, stop mocking those of the christian belief as well as any other belief. LGBTQ, understand that not all christians are out to bite you. Everyone, please just be kind to eachother. Love and respect eachother.

All we can do is agree to disagree. If our warnings fall on deaf ears, do not jam a hearing aid into their face and start screaming at them. It just makes them turn farther from God. If you do not agree with us, please do not mock us like we are idiots. If we do not agree, then we can do nothing. It is not our jobs. It is not your jobs. It is our jobs to love and to follow the way of the lord the way he wants. With humility, humblness, and love. Not hate, judgment, and pride.

So for those who decide to cancel me today, I rest my case. I pleade guilty. I am guilty. I have done what needs to be done and said what needed to be said. I hope both sides understand now and no longer have to be at eachother's doorstep with a buttload of disrespect and hate. Once again, there is no judgment nor ill will in this message. I understand both sides. I have been on both sides. I was lukewarm but with my christian awakening, I have chosen to be hot. You can be hot without burning everything you touch. I will not apologize for my beliefs. I will not pretend to not have one. I'm sorry if this is considered rude to anybody, but not for what I said. So, yeah. Thank you for those who read. Love you ALL. Bye 🫰 :)

These two make me wanna cry

Dog Han hehe

If you don't believe in the bible because it's man made, you shouldn't believe Ceaser was real because so was the history books showing his existance.

If you don't believe in God because you can't touch, see, smell, taste, or feel him, then you shouldn't believe in Gravity because you can't touch, see, smell, taste, or feel that either.

If you don't believe in Jesus because you think having faith in a God you haven't "met" is blind idiocy, then you shouldn't believe the astroid belt exists because that'd be having faith in something you've only seen in diagrams, pictures, and books, all of which were given to you by man.

As my teacher had once taught me, hard evidence is great, but soft evidence is just as valid.

There are testimonies, miracles, healed and saved people roaming the world. All of them have a reason for following God, and if you find a true christian, you'll be in awe everytime you hear their discoveries. They don't believe because they saw it in a book or because mama told them so, but because they've met Christ in a way He wanted to reveal Himself to them. One day, if you honestly ask Him to show Himself to you and you listen, you could have a testimony of your own.

SEGA WHEN I CATCH YOU SEGA SEGA WHEN I CATCH YOU

So mad so mad so mad so mad so mad at SEGA why why WHY must they do this to me. Imagine falling in love and then KILLING that same love. Hahahahahaha imagine being a kid when it happened. HAHAHAHAHA IMAGINE HAVING ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS JUST WATCH YOU SOB AS YOU HOLD THE TRIGGER TO SHOOT YOUR LOVE. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH IMAGINE ALL THATS LEFT OF HER AFTER YOU EXPLODE HER WITH AN ENERGY CANNON IS A SINGULAR SEED. IMAGINE NOBODY EXCEPT ONE PERSON REALLY COMES TO SHOULDER YOUR PAIN AND TEARS. IMAGINE NOBODY THOUGHT THAT MAYBE A CHILD SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SHOOT HIS NONOFFICIAL GIRLFRIEND. IMAGINE-

Anyway, all greiving aside, I miss her.

I joined the Sonic fandom in a kinda odd way ngl. At the time, I was stupid and a fresh middle schooler and it was extremely popular to make fun of the sonic franchise cuz it was a whole meme and stuff. I also made fun of it cuz I thought I was supposed to. But I realized it was stupid to make fun of something I haven't even seen before. So I wanted to educate myself on it. Coincidently, I saw a video. It was by CourtneySNT about her first ever sonic fancomic around that time. I really enjoyed it actually. Sometimes I go back and rewatch it. Anyway, in her comic, she had introduced Tails to the screen and I fell in love with the fandom. Grant it, her depiction of tails at that moment was the polar opposite of what he's actually like, but still. It compelled me to watch Sonic X, The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic Boom, Sonic Prime, A bit of Sonic Underground, and just...Sonic the Hedgehog. I also watched a few gameplays and a lot of cutscene movies of the videogames as well as parodies and fan content. So...yeah.

Now it's just a Sonic Prime Nine analysis/rant below lol

Also, since I mentioned SONIC PRIME, I might as well rant about it. NINE. WAS. SO. PERFECT. He was well written, well scripted, and well developed. Everything about nim was chef's kiss. His story was literally just a what if. What if Sonic never met Tails? Well, number one, he wouldn't be named Tails. He'd make his own name. Nine. Also, he became cold and distant because he expected others to treat him the same due to his two tails. Perfect character already but then they fleshed him out some more and introduced this...guy named Sonic.

He didn't know Sonic at the time nor did he really know...anybody. So when this blue loser comes waltzing into his house unannounced, he obviously gets hostile. Why? Well, one, because a rando broke into his casa. But also because everyone he met was hostile to him first. Crazy. Then this guy seems to be friendly. A first. So, Nine lets down his ice cold walls and trusts him. Let me emphasize that. NINE TRUSTED SONIC. Remember that. It is SO important.

So, Nine goes along and helps this guy for no real reason other than the fact that he considers him a friend. Now, you'd think he also helped to stop the egg council, but he really never had bad blood with them in the first place. He isn't in the resistance nor shows any resentment. He's Nine all on his own, with or without the council. In fact, he probably doesn't care if they rule because he wanted to be alone anyway. But he helped. Why? Because he wanted to help his FRIEND.

This goal warps when Nine discovers an empty realm called the grim. He can have a fresh start there with him and sonic. Just the people he cared about. He asked Sonic to go with him because he wanted to share his dream with him. He wanted Sonic to be a part of it with him. But Sonic undermined his dreams. It'd be one thing if he simply disagreed with it or gave a good, justifying, and well explained reason for refusing, but instead he didn't explain himself well. Sonic entitled himself to the prisms, assuming him getting home was everyone's priority. I don't mean to villainize him because this was simply reckless and unknowing behaviour, but still. Nine got upset that his FRIEND was trampling on his dreams as if they didn't matter nearly as much as Sonic's.

So, he "betrayed" Sonic. I want to bring this to everyone's attention. Nine had critisized Sonic because he recklessly didn't think about what woukd happen to everyone else if he DID bring back his home. Like, nobody knows jack squat about the prisms. Sonic, Nine, Shadow, even the egg council was lost when it came to those big shiny rock things. It shines and made our universes. That's all they knew. So, with that in mind, it makes sense to be concerned. Like what if it kills us? What if it destroys our world in order to bring back yours? They only exist because of the prism being destroyed, so if you fix it, would that kill them? Idk, I feel like this was mentioned once and never brought up again and it makes me mad. Such potential.

Anyway, after the situation, Nine goes back to the grim to make his dreams come true by himself. Because the one person he TRUSTED broke his trust. So, after a bunch of irrelavent stuff happens, Sonic goes to the grim after making a deal to Nine. Nine lets him into the grim and Sonic starts to preach to Nine about their friendship. Nine listens and almost starts to trust him again, maybe thinking about his actions and how they might not have been the best. How their friendship could maybe be salvaged. Why? Because Sonic said he woukd sacrifice himself to save Nine too. But then an entire army shows up to beat Nine into a teeny tiny pulp. Grant it, Sonic did not call them to the grim. But then he imediently sides with them in taking Nine down in an all out war. After saying he'd sacrifice for Nine too, he pulls an uno reverse on him. Trust broken. Again.

So now, he wants to trust nobody. Why? Because Sonic broke once too many. So he starts fighting. And fighting. And fighting. Like he's been doing his entire life. Who is he fighting? Someone who he thought was his friend. Someone who claims to be his friend. Someone who he thought he wouldn't need to fight. And he's clearly breaking his own body in desperation while doing so. Nobody really said anything about it either btw. Like, he's literally hurting himself and Sonic, his "friend" didn't even try to stop him because he was hurting himself, but because he was huring others and taking the prisms. I understand of course because he's hurting your friends, but his own pain wasn't even a slither of his drive.

Anyway, the ending sucked personally. It was anticlimactic. Nine gives in just because and then Sonci goes home, mystery never discovered, and yay we're done.

someone plz make this bro I can't-

Ok so I was just animating or whatever amd then all of a sudden, I got a great idea. It's probably already been done before but like what if, hear me out, what if, there was a fanfiction about Chuuya's pov when Dazai left. I imagine this as platonic and like obviously it's been done but like what if it weant as such:

Chuuya usually goes about his day normally, doing normal pm stuff, and once in a while he'll run into Dazai because, he too is pm. They usually fight and squabble and it's totally a routine at this point but then one day he wakes up and Dazai just isn't there. Idk maybe he was busy or something. So the next day he still doesn't see him. Probably trying a new suicide method. The next day. And the next. And the next. And the next, he isn't there. Finally he starts wondering what the heck is going on and somehow, Idk, maybe Mori tells him, or he overhears it, or somethin, he finds out Dazai left the mafia or just dissapeared out of nowhere. Now dude's like totally mad and confused cuz he didn't get any news of this sooner and he has no knowledge of why he would leave like that. Seeing as Chuuya is an actually smart person, Idk maybe he can use some deduction skills to try and figure it out. Even though he's racking his brain about it, nothing comes up. Until he remembers how close Oda and Dazai were and how Oda just recently died. So he gets a squad to do research, and they find literally nothing due to Ango's deal with an organization. So dude's got no leads, no ideas, and one clue why Dazai left, which is Oda's death. So he just has no other choice but to live with that and be vigilant. Four years. Four. Years. Pass. And no signs of Dazai. Like he just stopped existing that day. So, this could go a couple ways:

One day, Chuuya's doing something, Idk, shopping, walking, working, Idk Idc, but he's doing something and then just hears the words Dazai and immediently freaks out. He goes over and is totally freaking out and asking a billion questions and stuff. The people who were talking about him then tell him that Dazai was in the detective agency. And Chuuya's response is honestly beyond me. Make that up, I have no clue. But then he goes to check out the agency, and then sees him and after that I have no clue. I don't imagine them talking about it though. I think maybe Chuuya's just like, dang he looks way healthier or happier here, that's weird. And just decides not to interfere and goes home, questions mostly unanswered.

Or the other ending:

Chuuya, once again, is just doing stuff and then hears a reaaaaaally familiar and obnoxiously annoying voice and just wips his head around so hard it practically snaps. Then there's Dazai, just talking with an ADA member and he just freezes. Like, my dude was gone 4 years, now he's here, out of nowhere. So he's just in pure shock. Then it turns into pure rage. Then it turns into pure confusion. Then exitment. Then rage again. He cracked the case, but it was still unresolved. After that, do what you will, my brain is empty.

Guess who's still crying about Beast? Me! I watched the movie and read the beggining and end of the light novel because I got lazy. Not expecting the end in the movie though. Spoiler drawing ahead and comments btw

Made me so sad. I was going to rant in another post, but I might as well do it here.

So, number one, the sugar cube scene was so adorable I literally cried. I mean it. Like I LITERALLY sobbed.

Number 2, Oda WHYYYYYYYY?! I'M LITERALLY CRYING WHILE TYPING WRITE NOW THINKING ABOUT IT. YOU ARE FRIENDS, YOU ARE, PLEASEEEE. DAZAI'S FACE WHEN HE PULLED THE GUN OUT IN THE BAR AND TOLD HIM NOT TO CALL HIM ODASAKU WAS LIKE A SLAP TO THE FACE.

Number 3, When at the end of the movie, Fyoder was being a little rat and messed everything up, I wanted to vomit out of an array of emotions. I was confused, sad, angry, and just so dang overwhelmed. Like I was ugly crying five seconds ago cuz of Dazai and then this SEWER RAT came and made me confused. I'll get into him in anothe post.

Number 4, In the movie, when Dazai stabbed his leg to show Chuuya his commitment and how much he deserves his trust didn't make sense when I saw it, however, after I recently read the book and watched the play Julius Ceaser, I was like OOOOOOOOH. Dazai immitating Portia and Chuuya Brutus made me just sooo....wow.

Number 5, When it turned out that MORI was the new director I just- absolutley NOT. Do NOT put a pedophile in his perfect Utopia, Dazai WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! Also, I thought he killed him the whole time. Just think about it. A pedophile in an orphanage. You know how if you're being sexually assulted or something, you're supposed to tell a trusted adult like a parentor a teacher? THESE KIDS HAVE NO PARENTS.

Number 6, Chuuya being locked up in that poor governemnt facility broke my heart. Just think about how many people are going to die? Like there is no way Chuuya Nakahara is going to succumb to a bunch of itsy bitsy chains. He' breaking out and killing everyone in there and then the agency. Convince me otherwise.

Number 7, I can't. I'll make an entirely seperate post for Chuuya too, but can we just talk for a second? He went crazy because Dazai committed suicide. He went on a whole rampage and it took 3 special ability resistance units to take him down. This is what happens when there is no Dazai when he uses corruption. But the REASON he went into corruption was just...wow. I always knew they had a complicated relationship but at the same time it was just so simple. Like, they hate eachother, but they also don't. They don't like eachother, but it's not like they don't either. It's not like they complete one another, but it's like one soul in two bodies. They're so simply complicated that if you asked me what their relation was, I'd just say, they're complications. Because in reality, their relationship is just so unexplainable. You need to see it to understand it. There are relationships like lovers, enemys, frenemies, friends, siblings, etc, but they fit into literally no category but they aren't strangers either. This is getting too long, so I'll make a different post about that.

Number 8, Chuuya pleaseeee don'ttttt. There is no need to attack the agency, my guy. He wants to avenge Dazai's death, but what is there to avenge? Dazai did suicide. He wasn't killed. Chuuya was so upset that he wanted to kill all the agency. I just....can't. It's kind of sad. This is also going to be really long if I go on, so I'll make another post about this topic.

Number 9, the way Chuuya just really couldn't understand made me wanna bang my head on the wall in tears. He truly couldn't think of why Dazai did it. He was kind of alright one second and then dead the next. The entire time, you can tell how little Chuuya was incorporated into the script he wrote. The ending for each one was different as the movie had him go insane and be put under governemnt care, while the light novel just left him to do his own thing. However, in both you can see that neither of them ever knew what was going on. Dazai never gave him a reason to why he killed himself. Everyone else seems to be going on like nothing happened or at least as if they know what happened and came to terms with it, but then he knows nothing. He was his bodyguard and right hand man and yet NOTHING. I'll get back to this in another post lol. TvT

So yeah. I cried a lot.

I hate winter but I've come to apreciate it. One, winter is important to our world, its balance, and the way of life, but it's still cold and I don't like it. But it also reminds me of how God uses transitions from Winter to Spring to restore all things, make new life, and show he is still working. Summer is still my favorite though.

Just woke up thinking about this and I need tumblr to be my therapist for a second because I just need to explain my thoughts.

When I first watched BSD (Bungo Stray Dogs), I was ok with Ranpo. I didn't like nor dislike him until I saw his backstory. The story that made most fans cry made me feel so...unsettled. It was like looking in a mirror and it scared me.

I never believed in kinning before him. Relating to an anime character? A BSD one at that? I feel like people are just projecting because it's their favorite character. Those were my thoughts. But then I met Ranpo.

I understood him. I felt what that felt like when I saw his backstory. I felt like part of me was on the screen. For the first time ever, I felt truly related to someone on the screen. It scared me a lot. I kinned a person. RANPO AT THAT.

Actually seeing a part of me I activley try to ignore and deny was a slap to the face for me. It scared me. So for a while, I avoided him. I avoided media or fan content with him in it. Of course, he's in the show, so I can't avoid him forever though. I didn't like him because he scared me.

My entire life I felt like I couldn't connect with people. Not as in I couldn't be friends with anyone, though, that is also true. I didn't understand anyone around me. To me, I was a human. I was sentient, capable of complex thoughts, and I was able to lie and "control the 'people' around me". Looking back, that was a stupid sentiment.

I was human and everyone around me was an npc. That was pretty scary for me. I didn't understand the difference between us as a child. Though I knew that everyone around me was something other than me, I only saw me and them. And if I just said a simple hello, it could become us. I miss that.

When I met Ranpo on screen, it was the moment he said it was like they were all monsters that scared me. There was something he didn't have. Something he didn't understand. That's what he thought, but in reality, it's that he's the one who has something that everyone else doesn't.

For me, it truly was just something I didn't have. And for my whole life, I've been trying to figure it out. What makes them different from me? It didn't make any sense. Everyone understood something that I didn't. Everyone had this "rule" to being a human being that I didn't know about. And that was scary.

Dazai was a bit different for me. I loved him from day -30. Literally. I watched complimations of him being stupid months before I watched the show. Years even. I didn't kin him at all and he was just a silly but complicated guy for me. But then I noticed something after realizing I kinned Ranpo.

My whole life I felt that I was the only human and everyone around me was an npc. But really, it was more that everyone around me was a human and I was...something else. I didn't know what. But it wasn't human. I mean, obviously I am physically and in every scientific way, human, but there's something missing, y'know?

Thinking about it makes me feel so cringe but I really can't explain it any other way.

I don't consider myself a Dazai kinnie because even I can't completely understand the reason he thinks himself not human. I just related a small bit to the sentiment.

So as a um...thing hiding itself as a human, I felt exposed when I was confronted with Ranpo. I eventually came to terms with it and now I like Ranpo. Though he still unsettles me because of the similarity.

So yeah. That was my vent. :)