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Wherever You Are

Summary: You realize that you don’t want to live without Kepa anymore.

Warning: Angsty beginning but fluffy ending bc all I seem to wanna write is angst these days lmao

Word Count: 2.5K

A/N: Inspired by “Wherever You Are” by 5 Seconds of Summer. Also if anyone has requests feel free to send them my way! Right now I’m writing for Kepa Arrizabalaga and Christian Pulisic, but I may be adding Kai Havertz to the list soon! Also also shout out to the Puli girls for always being so supportive and constantly inspiring me to write every day 💙

“Every night I almost call you

Just to say it always will be you

Wherever you are.”

Kepa laid awake on his back, staring at the ceiling. He should’ve been asleep to get some well needed rest for his game the next day, but he couldn’t. His mind wandered aimlessly, just like it did every night. No matter what he did, all he could think about was that night, the scene playing on constant repeat whenever he close his eyes.

Your forehead was on Kepa’s, suitcase in hand. You knew once you walked through airport security, you wouldn’t be able to turn back no matter how much you wanted to.

“Tell me to stay. Just say the word and I’ll stay,” you choked as tears ran down your face.

He held your face in his hands, keeping you as close to him as he possibly could.

“You know I can’t, mi vida,” he said, trying to remain strong for you. “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity that I can’t ask you to pass up just to stay here with me.”

You sobbed harder. He was right. Your dream company in Spain had accepted your application and you were set to start the week after. You’d known from a young age that this was all you ever wanted. Everything you’d done up until this point in your life was geared towards this job, and you finally had it after years of hard work and determination.

Kepa threw a wrench in those plans. You never anticipated falling in love along the way. The years you spent with him were some of the best moments of your life and you never wanted it to end. You didn’t know what the future would hold for you, but the only certain thing was that you wanted him in it.

You had to make a decision once your received the email. Kepa couldn’t just up and leave with you no matter how much he wanted to. His place was in London playing with the team he so dearly loved. But Kepa knew that this was your lifelong dream and wouldn’t let you give up on it just for him. You both wanted to go long distance, but with your work schedules it wouldn’t have been realistic to sustain a relationship anymore. You would be staying indefinitely in Spain and he would be indefinitely in England. Keeping a relationship would prevent the two of you from growing, and he never wanted to hold you back from the happiness he knew you deserved.

It absolutely broke your heart to know you couldn’t be with him. You wanted him as much as you wanted this job, but you couldn’t have both. Your head was telling you to suck it up and get on the plane for a job you’d longed for since you were a child. But your heart begged you to stay with Kepa. And you would’ve. He just needed to say the words and you would’ve given up everything for him.

Kepa couldn’t ask you to do that. And you knew he couldn’t.

He wiped the tears from under your eyes trying to memorize your face with the little time he had left with you.

“I promise one day I’ll find you again. I swear it. I promise I won’t stop until I find you,” he stated firmly.

“How can you know that? How do we know things won’t change between us?” you cried, desperate to hold onto him while you still could.

“Because you’re worth fighting for, and you will always be worth fighting for.”

Kepa softly kissed you, pouring all the love he had for you into it.

“Do you hear me? I’ll fight heaven and earth, all the gods in the sky, every higher power that could possibly exist if it means I get to be with you. I won’t ever give up on you, on us.”

The two of you stood in the terminal in your own world, holding on for as long as possible. You could feel time ticking away and you prayed it would stop just so the inevitable wouldn’t have to come.

The announcer’s voice over the speaker brought you back to your harsh reality. You were going on a plane to fulfill your dreams, leaving the love of your life behind to fulfill his. Time was finally up and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

“I love you Y/N,” he said softly.

“I love you Kepa,” you cried, “so much.”

He kissed your forehead tenderly before kissing your lips, savoring what very well might have been your final time.

Reluctantly, the two of you stepped away from your hold. He handed you your bags, letting his fingers linger on yours ever so slightly. You could see the tears in his own eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Your heart broke even more knowing he wanted to be strong because you couldn’t be.

“Bye Kepa,” you said so softly it might as well have been a whisper.

He nodded his head, but you knew it meant two things: he was giving you the courage you needed to walk away and he was telling you that things were going to be okay.

And with a deep breath, you headed towards the security gates. You turned around to look at him one final time, tears still falling from your eyes. He gave you a small smile, both of your hearts breaking in that moment. With your heart feeling heavy, you broke his gaze and headed towards your destination.

Kepa stayed in the airport until he saw your plane taking off in the distance. He stared out the window longingly, finally releasing the emotions he was trying so desperately to suppress.

“Bye Y/N.”

Kepa relived that moment every night since you left almost two years ago. While you hadn’t blocked or unfollowed each other on social media, you hadn’t spoken since. It would’ve been too painful knowing you were so close yet so far out of his reach. Kepa would’ve given up on his own dreams to be with you. But you wouldn’t want that for him and he knew that, just as he didn’t want you to do the same. He wanted to be selfish, but more than anything he wanted to see you happy. And if you had to be out of his life to be happy and finally achieve everything you’d ever wanted, he would make that decision every time.

Kepa instead focused on his own career, putting his best onto the field. And it paid off, returning to his incredible form for both his club and country. Kepa had finally proved himself to be one of the best goalkeepers in Europe and gained the respect of both fans and critics alike. He’d won a few pieces of silverware, and he was only just getting started. He had regained his confidence on the pitch and it showed. He was so proud of how far he’d come despite all of his setbacks and his dreams were right within his grasp. Everything in his life was falling right into place. It was almost perfect.

Yet the one thing he wanted the most in this world, he couldn’t have. There weren’t any football trophies or medals in the world that could compare to the feeling of having you in his arms again. Every picture he’d taken with his awards only served as a reminder of what he had lost, who he had lost in the process. While it wasn’t necessarily a decision he regretted, it didn’t make the thought hurt any less.

Kepa never really tried to move on. He couldn’t forget about you, nor did he want to. While his teammates attempted to convince him to go on other dates, he knew that no one could even come close you. You weren’t together anymore, but Kepa’s heart was still entirely yours whether you knew it or not. He didn’t know what the future held for the two of you, and that was the worst part. Not knowing if he was waiting for something that would never come or if the right time was coming and he just didn’t realize it yet. But he knew he desperately wanted you to come home to him.

Spain had been an absolutely incredible experience for you. From the moment you landed, you fell head over heels for the country. You learned so much about yourself and gained memories that you knew would last a lifetime. Your dream job turned out to be everything you wished for and more. You wanted to spend forever there and you easily could have. It seemed your future was almost set in stone displayed right in front of you.

But life in Spain was almost perfect. It almost felt right. It was almost your forever home. That word and that feeling kept surfacing. Almost, almost, almost. This was everything you dreamed about for as long as you could remember. So why did you constantly feel like something was missing?

You stared at the pouring rain through the window as your taxi dropped you off in front of a familiar house. You didn’t know if this was a good decision, but for once you decided to listen to your instincts and follow your heart. You grabbed your bags, thanked the driver, and walked up to the house.

As you walked closer and closer to the door, your hands began to shake, your heartbeat increasing with every step. There was no turning back at this point, and there was no telling what was going to come of this encounter. But you weren’t going to back down. You weren’t letting this go without a fight.

You took a deep breath before knocking on the door. You heard soft murmurs and the sound of footsteps before the door opened.

To say Kepa was stunned to see you drenched outside his home was an understatement. The moment he saw your face, his heart stopped. His brain stopped functioning properly and he struggled to catch his breath. You two stared at each other, not a word being exchanged as your minds raced.

“I’m sorry I just showed up unexpected like this but I needed to tell you this and it couldn’t wait any longer,” you said to him after a minute of silence.

Kepa couldn’t find his words, so he just nodded his head to let you continue.

“You were right. The job was incredible. Spain was incredible. I loved every moment of it and I had absolutely everything I wanted. My dream job, amazing friends. It was what I dreamed about and more. Everything was perfect.”

You took a deep breath, your voice beginning to waver as you spoke on.

“But every day I could feel something was wrong. No matter what I did or where I went, it always felt like something was missing. I thought maybe it was homesickness, maybe it was restlessness, anxiety from a new job and a new experience. But the longer I stayed, the worse the feeling got. I kept trying to ignore it and move past it, but nothing worked because I knew why I felt that way.”

You couldn’t hold the tears in anymore, letting them mix with the rain that was currently running down your face. You lifted your head and looked right into Kepa’s eyes for the first time since you left that day.

“I didn’t have you. I had everything I could’ve dreamed about, and it all paled in comparison because all I could think about was how much I wanted you, how much I wanted to be with you, how much I missed you.”

You let out a sob, trying your best to stay strong.

“And God Kepa, I miss you so fucking much. I know we agreed that I couldn’t just stay behind, but I’ve thought about that moment every day for two years and how much I fucking regret leaving you that day. I fought with myself, trying not to call you every night just to hear your voice. I avoided watching matches so I wouldn’t see if you’d moved on or not. I tried to convince myself that I was ready to let you go.”

You were shaking, but it wasn’t because of the rain. Kepa just let you go on.

“But I lied. I lied to myself because I knew I would never stop loving you. And I couldn’t just let you go without fighting for us. I’ve realized that I can’t live without you anymore. Spain was perfect, but I don’t want perfect. I just want you.”

You hesitantly stepped closer to him.

“I know it’s been a long time and things have changed, but I can’t give up without fighting for this. So tell me to go and you’ll never see me again. But if you tell me to stay, I promise I’m never leaving ever again.”

Kepa didn’t even hesitate. In one swift motion, he gently cupped your cheeks with his hands and for the first time in two years, he kissed you. It wasn’t a small peck, but a kiss that conveyed every emotion he’d ever felt in the time you were gone. There would never be enough words in the world to properly describe how much he needed you in his life and this was the only thing he could do. You kissed him back with the same energy, tears streaming down both of your faces.

Kepa pulled back from you to look deep in your eyes before kissing you again, much gentler this time. He wanted to savor every bit of this moment, one that’d he’d dreamt about every night since you left. He didn’t want perfect either. He didn’t need it when he had you because you were more than enough for him, and you always would be.

He pulled away again, this time choosing to rest his forehead on yours.

“I made you a promise that day,” Kepa whispered, “a promise that I would never give up on you. I said I would fight even God above if it meant being with you. And I will never ever go back on my word. I would wait the rest of my life just to be with you at the end of it all.”

Kepa pulled you as close as you physically could, planning on doing so for the rest of your lives.

“So stay with me now. You don’t have to be away anymore. You’re home now.”

“I love you Kepa. And I never stopped loving you,” you whispered.

“I love you, Y/N. I never stopped loving you and I never will. Because it doesn’t matter how far you are from me or what universe we’re a part of or how much time has passed. It’s you. And it will always be you wherever you are. And nothing will ever change that.”

The two of you stood in the doorway, your hands were covering his and foreheads pressed together as you both tried to memorize the other. You held each other tightly, just as you did in the airport all those years ago. Only this time, you weren’t begging time to stop so you can be together just for a little longer because you would have each other forever. And as Kepa kissed you, you knew you would never have to say goodbye ever again.

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