English Is Not My First Language - Blog Posts

There is something that I hate with writing, it's when you're like "ugh, I don't know what to write!" and then you go to where you write your stories and you see ten thousand of billion of stories that you've had in there for I don't know how long! Currently I have 222 oneshots ideas (some started and some not) in only one app (plus others that aren't part of this section bc there are lots of sections) + idk how many multi chaptered fics ideas that I have that I don't know how to start or continue but still I'm like "ugh, I don't know what to write!" BRO you have more the two hundred fics started!! Just continue them!! but then comes the dilemma, which one am I supposed to continue???

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah this is so frustrating!!!!!!!!!!

Aghum, anygays! I hope I'm going to be able to continue to write today (even just a hundred words would be fine, pleeaase!) And I hope you have a nice day/night!

Hunter x hunter theory: chapter 392

I am a little bit surprised there is no conversation about how hisoka's behavior differs from his typical one. Of course he literally DIED. And you know, such things make you reconsider your life priorities. But it's still hard to give up your behavior patterns such as playfulness which hisoka uses as his defence mechanism. In chapter 392 he refuses to answer the opponent's questions and uses physical force without any word games. His bluntness and rudeness, as well as his bored expression, make me think other character appeared before us in this chapter. Many are familiar with the theory Illumi is actually hisoka undercover since the moment “Illumi” joining the Spiders. And this theory has really worthy arguments. Illumi’s behaviour is strange as well as hisoka’s in chapter 392. In chapter 377 Illumi brings people to emotions and deliberately surprises with his actions. It's like he's mocking the spiders when he talks about his “marriage contract” with hisoka. And if hisoka has reasons to behave atypically (death has become a trigger), illumi has none. And most of all, I am hooked by this emptiness and darkness in hisoka’s eyes, the feeling that I have already seen it somewhere…

So, here is my guess: illumi in the previous chapters is actually hisoka, hisoka took the form of illumi with the help of Illumi’s nen. Perhaps they are working together because Illumi wants to bring Kalluto home, and Hisoka's goal is to kill all the spiders.

Bonus: I can imagine Illumi saying "no, hisoka, I won't wear your revealing outfits again" and choosing the most discreet from hisoka's closet.

imagined a AU where Dean leaves with Sam but he becomes a famous singer

And so it's just supernatural but

~

Family of the victims : Aren't you the famous singer Dean?

Dean pretending to be an FBI agent. : Nah just a lookalike

~

Monster : I WILL KILL YOU BOTH AND- ohmygod- are you.. Are you the Dean??

Dean : Hun? Oh yes I am.

Monster : Oh my god! Hi! I'm so fan of you!!!

Dean : Well I'm always delighted to meet a fan but... You're a monster and I'm going to have to kill you, so hum sorry?

Monster : Oh no don't worry, I totally understand, can you just like sign my body before you burn him?

Dean : Sure.

~

Sam Smirking : So, is there a reason why you've only been writing love songs since you came back from hell?

Dean :

Dean hiding his new love songs about Castiel : nO-

~

Dean After stealing Jo's gun : Not bad but you'll need more practice, I'm Dean by the way.

Jo has the second of the panic attack because she is talking to her Idol : yes?

~

Kevin : You're telling me that the famous rock star Dean kills monsters in he's free time?

Sam : Yeah.

Kevin : How does he even manage to do interviews and all the other stuff???

Sam : To be honest I have no idea.

~

Benny coming out of purgatory, and separates with his new friend just to see him on all the billboards in all the cities : Hun.

~

Crowley wearing a Dean fan t-shirt : Hi boys~

Dean : seriously?

Castiel : Can I have one?

~

Mary and Sam in the car listening to the radio

Sam : Oh, that's one of Dean's songs.

Mary : One of Dean's WHAT?!

~

I hope you liked it!

I want to simply put it here.

Kondrat smugly slides a piece of paper to the other side of a a table in the dining hall. Big part of the science crew stands behind him, whispering about his choice. Its not an every day that something grant like this is happening. His opponent takes the paper and examines it. Another part of a crew is behind her, whispering and hushing each other. Its her time to make a step, she had to choose wisely, so much depended on the outcome of this. Every second she was planning and strategizing, but time was limited and it was running short. She had to do it. Breath in... Breath out...

She writes it on a paper and slides it to her opponent and taps the timer to her right. Whispers behind her grow louder.

" Mm, up left corner. Good choice…”

Kondrat muses aloud. She can’t stop but fidget with her pen. He complimented her move. His face doesn’t show if he’s stressed like her or not, but knowing him Kondrat is just coldly strategizing without anything else plaguing his mind. He quickly draws a circle seemingly not hearing gasps and loud whisper behind him. The timer is tapped by them. The paper is slid right in front of her. She looks at it in horror but there is nothing monstrous on a paper. She looks at it, then at Kondrat, again at the paper, then at Kondrat. 
Their smug face almost instantly vanishes as they realize what mistake they’ve made. He hides his face behind his hands and scratches his horns, muterring something. She looks at him and blindly draws her finishing X. The paper is in front of him again, he takes it and looks at it tiredly. His eye are getting wider each time he looks up from the paper to her.

Why- Why is he so confused?

She did the finishing stroke! He was supposed to look defeated, not confused! Then he puts the paper on the table, sighs and draws his circle. She now can see their tic-tac-toe board and everything is like last time but when it’s in front of her again -

THE X IS LOWER!!!

She hides behind her hands much like her opponent and lets out a sheaky breath. It’s repeating again! It’s the 20th time in a row when both of them get distracted and do a wrong move! Noooooo…

She fills up the last free space and slides the paper in a middle of table. Both, she and her opponent sigh defeated, covering their eyes in embarrassment. Someone comes up and adds the paper to the stack of draw results.

“ How you do that? It’s been going for hours!“

People behind them moan tired, she can even hear a certain wheelchair user taking his bets. She probably should later ask the spaceship computer to delete a part of their tic-tac-toe tournament, because no-one would want to watch them struggle with that child's game for so long. She looks up and sees tired Kondrat stretching out his arm to her.

“Draw?” He asks quietly.

She takes his arm and shakes it slightly.

“Draw.” People behind them cheer.

I wrote it after being inspired by some post on tumblr, sadly I don't remember what that post was about. And I wrote that a month ago or smt.

Funny thing I know absolutely nothing about Kondrats' opponent, because at first Dorzo was supposed to fight in the tic-tac-toe tournament, but I decided that he would lose much earlier. So I made her (noname for now I think), but she probably works as an engineer on the spaceship.

Kondrat is the security leader on the spaceship. He is kinda of a hothead, but that somehow doesn't prevent him from doing his job excellently. He had to swallow his pride for his last line L.

About the tic-tac-toe tournament. Its just a silly little event so scientists and workers wouldn't go insane from doing nothing but work with the same people for like half a year. Its like a mental safety practice (idk how to name it).

i was writing for ‘ The Fantastical Olympians’ ( I FINALLY have a name ) and get stuck struggling with a decision :

Should I add Asclepius or Troilus in the story? I will add a child for Apollo ( still seeking a real name for him) anyway.

So i wanted to larn how to do art in 3d, so googled some totorials for beginers and found this cool totorial on how to make a dounat...

So anyway here is my dounat:

As you can see, i am very good at follwing instractions :)

Okay so the Fenton’s have a family vacation in city with a science convention. They get arrested though they don’t know why but aren’t worried or complain.

Instead they ask the nice hero (superman) to go make sure their son remembers to take his heart medication or it might spasm. Their daughter would usually do it but she’s been out like a light since she’s finished mid terms. They should be in the hotel still sleeping.

I’m thinking they didn’t go to any major cities but it was close enough to one that a big time hero had to stop the disaster the Fenton driving caused (it wasn’t just their driving).

Anyways the hero does go and (they gave him the key and trust him to bring it back) check on the kids. Jazz is out and nothing short of her brother’s distress will wake her. Danny is sleepy and mistakes the hero as his dad with his blurry eyes and half a wake mind and gets coaxed into taking his medicine before going back to sleep.

Danny is pretty mangled from his accident but he looks much better now. The scars went up to his face and he can still kind of see out of his weaker eye, his arm has trouble sometimes but he’s okay.

He needs medicine for his heart but other wise fine.

Of course not talking about his ghost half.

Do his parents know? Nope! Would they love him? Yep!

Would they break out of jail to protect him? Absolutely! Would Jazz have her dad’s strength and use it to protect her brother? Yes!!!

They are a loving family and I’m tired of ignoring it!!!!

Jazz is tall, has her dad’s strength and the anti creep stick. Would her dad be a meta? He doesn’t know what that is!

Is Amity in a pocket that technically interacts with the outside world but still behind in the timeline? Maybe! They don’t know what a Justice league is or modern news but they can go explore the world and think everything is just weird like that.

They don’t know that they are the weird ones.

Something like that.

Altmodes and sense of self

Hi there. I'm not exactly sure how to Tumblr, but hey, I have to start somewhere, haven't I?

I have recently created this guy as a bit of a proof of concept: it's possible for a cybertronian of a right size to take not a new altmode, but a different robomode. Well, it involves some Fallout, but for those that don't know -- top right is an assaultron, a relatively common enemy and sometimes ally in the series. Sorry for a messy pencil drawing, it was intended to be an inside for-roleplay thing.

Reineke has two alternate stories -- a damaged synth replacing parts with an assaultron armour or a stranded beastformer minicon. Both have a bit of an issue with what they are, but it's easier when your mask is just a mask, not your literal body parts.

Imagine being able to change your body to blend in (the existence of that blending in ability in cybertronians raises questions of their own, but of more or less ecological regard), and you change your face, too. Is that still you? You interact with other beings, trying to provide expected behaviour. Eventually this pretending becomes a second nature. Your character drifts and changes under the circumstances. Radiation can damage some circuitry and knock memories out of place. When you look into a mirror, you don't remember how you were before. Is that still the same you that took a different face some time ago?

Humans have strong connection between their "self" and their looks. New clothes might be wearing you, and I sometimes wear my favourite shirts as a little confidence boost despite nobody being able to see them under my jacket. Would that also be true for cybertronians? Would an earthen altmode affect the self-interpretation, since the root mode changes with new kibble, too?

Also, I know there is a distinction in IDW between "cold construction" (they can only assume alts similar to their natural one) and "forging" ("natural" way with an unrestricted altmode choice), but it's not true for every continuity (TFP Starscream implies that Knockout chose a grounder alt, and Skyquake's everything also implies not having wings to be an option despite being rather plane-shaped; he and Airachnid honestly imply that they didn't have an alt before, I think -- but I know that alien alts in the show would be costly). So in some continuities bots can, in theory, change alts and kibble drastically as often as they want. Would it be something frowned upon? Something "childish", what you do when you aren't sure what you want to be? How much your altmode defines *you*, and how much you would pick an alt because of who you are? Can "dramatic altmode change" be the same as human "dramatic hairstyle change" trope?

And then there are multiple alts and oddballs like Skylinx. I think they deserve a separate rant with questions.

Ok,i have a question for the proships, please don't take this as a attack

I believe that people have the right to like or dislike anything, that being said:

If i don't like a character or a ship for any reason, It wouldn't be a good idea for me to use a "antithischaracter" or "antithisship" tags to find other people who don't like them either.

Are you guys against these types of tags or just against the harassment?

regulus black hcs cuz why not

obsessed with learning languages, especially latin languages. he knows how to speak english (duh), french, italian, portuguese, spanish and a bit of romanian and german.

strictly aroace but he was also raised and and used to dream with the fairy tales of a perfect marriage so he had a lot of internal conflicts when he started to understand himself.

trans man but he was never able to fully express his gender as he wished due to the society standards. the only people to ever know he was trans are narcissa and barty (maybe pandora too but i think he never told her, she just had a feeling).

hes very smart (book smart at least) but he never been that great at magic. he maneges to get good grades since hes good in the theoretical part and because hes also very hardworking.

hates smoking and drinking, he thinks is stupid and useless. the first and only time his friends convinced him to drink and get drunk he spent the next day with a terrible hangover and couldn't even smell alcohol without feeling disgusted.

his favorite subject is the theoretical part of dada cuz he gets stressed when he actually have to make the spells. he also loves astronomy and history of magic.

he knows hes the favorite child and he loves it. hes also closer to walburga than orion but he loves them both.

unlike how some might think, regulus was not in favor of some kind of revolution for the house elves. just like a big part of the wizarding world, he was raised to believe that having a house elf was normal for those who can afford. he did like kreacher and treat him "well" but he still sees him as a property.

regulus shares most of his family's beliefs, including blood supremacy. at school he didn't participate in the bullying that some purebloods did to muggleborns because he was a recluse, but he still saw them as inferior and would be rude whenever he was forced to interact with one.

walburga and orion were obviously blood supremacists but they didnt like the idea of joining voldemort since it was so extreme and dangerous. regulus' desire to become a death eater was influenced by the school, as it was becoming something desired by slytherin teenagers because of the promise of power and belonging to a group (maybe by bellatrix too). so he become a deatheater by free will and his parents (although they were a little uncertain) were proud after regulus convinced them that it was something good for the family's future.

sylvia thinking a lot of things just to avoid the rumour that charles and carlos dont like each other rn, and then the thing with nyck and daniel happened, and pierre posting a storys about carlos and everybody freaking out about these things

I can tell that woman is so happy rn, cause she dont need to do nothing

I don't usually publish my drawings, this is my first, I hope it doesn't look like a ham I did my best LOLL

Turtle pile, but this time with a good ending

Ok so. Disclaimer. This is my first fic ever and its about @somerandomdudelmao rottmnt AU. (this shows how much I am into this AU, it's seriously a masterpiece)

I was thinking about the arc just before all the turtles (past and future) reunited... and I had an idea of how the turtles would react to a sick Future!Donnie.

anyways, here it is!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

After coming back to life in another time branch, bringing back his brothers from the apocalypse and concluding that death is fixable, Donnie forgot that he is not actually omnipotent, God or a perfectly oiled machine.

This grounding truth became obvious when one evening, while he was working on the time-machine, his movements became sloppier, and a pounding headache started to grow from the sides of his head. The irrational part of his brain (a very little part of his brain to be honest) brought him back to his time branch, in those days in which the symptoms of the krang infection started manifesting. But no, he shook his head as if to obliterate that stupid irrational thought. It’s not possible that the krang infection remained in his body, both Barry and Mikey confirmed it.

Now, he just had to hide it from the rest of his brothers, which could be quite a challenge given the fact that they now lived all together and there isn’t an active apocalypse that is trying to kill them at any moment to distract them. Nice.

 Thankfully CJ was spending the night with their younger versions and April.

But really, it wasn’t that bad, after running a few quick tests on himself he found that the reason of his unwellness lied in the fact that his body became accustomed to the terraformed New York’s weather… aka as dry as the fucking Sahara Desert. Right now, in the normal New York it’s almost winter and let’s just say that the sewers’ humidity index is a tad bit higher than what he is used to…

Suppressing a few coughs, the softshell decided that it’s time to go to catch a few hours of sleep. He stood up from his chair, missing the heat and pressure it provided against his shell. Galileo… he hasn’t worn his battleshell in ages.  I have to add it to the list of things to do; now it’s not the right time. He lethargically made his way to his bed and carelessly flopped down. It was in that moment that he realized just how tired he was, his eyes burned from looking at his computer’s screen too much, his head was now throbbing in a very piercing way and all his body felt heavy. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was utterly exhausted he would have noticed a big red figure looking at him from the doorway of the lab.

When Leo woke up after a long and (finally) continuous 8 hours of sleep, he wasn’t feeling as relaxed as he thought. The slider looked at the time twice to confirm the amount of hours he actually slept, but not even a truckload of confidence could erase the deep feeling of anxiety in his gut. The anxiety wasn’t unusual; it was a feeling that he had to come to terms with during the difficult times of the apocalypse. What bugged him was that he hadn’t felt this particular type of anxiety for almost two years. The twin sense. But Donnie was ok; he was the one that brought him, Mikey and Raph to safety, he wasn’t frail like the last time he saw him, he didn’t have eyebags that were darker than the night sky. He. Is. Ok.

Groaning, he decided that it was time to get up, at least to shake off his irrational thoughts and to see with his own eyes that his brother was indeed fine and healthy. When Leo arrived in the kitchen he was met with the mouthwatering smell of Mikey’s pancakes. God he didn’t even realize how much he missed them. Raph was already at the table  eating the pancakes, he smiled at the view, he would have never thought this moment could ever be possible, but here we are.

“Hey, Mr sensei? You done staring? Do you want the pancakes or not?”. The box turtle was leaning on the stove, his air put up in a bun, on one hand he had a spatula, on the other a ladle with some pancake batter in it.

“Good mornig hermanos! Michael, my dearest brother, right now, to my eye, you are an angel that has just blessed my day. I would die for just one piece of your pancake”. His orange brother chuckled and poured the mix in the pan. “No more dying, please. I’ll make as many as you want; go sit down”.

The slider made his way to the table, sitting in front of his older brother. He looked around, trying to find some trace of his twin.

“Has Donald already eaten?”

He knew that the answer was going to be negative; Donnie has always been a night owl, never too eager to wake up early in the morning. What he didn’t expect was his red and big brother to freeze mid bite.

“You ok big guy?”

Sensing the mood shift, Mikey approached them, putting a comforting hand over the snapper’s left shoulder. “You know you can talk to us Raphie” he smiled.

Raph sighed putting down the fork and placing his right hand over Mikey’s.

“I know… I just…” He sighed again, this time looking directly at Leo. Were those worry lines on his brother forehead? “'Look, I’ll bite the bullet or whatever. I have been having trouble sleeping, you know, with all the ‘I haven’t slept in more than 5 years' situation, and it’s fine! It really is! I know that it’s difficult to adjust, but I kind of liked my old routine. Back in the apocalypse I used to patrol the base and make sure you all were ok… it was the least I could do”.  The snapper lowered his gaze, frowning deeply. “The only person that Raph had some trouble looking after was Donnie… at the time I didn’t realize it, but at some point, he started to lock the lab the night… I guess that was when he started getting sick.”

That was a stab in the chest for all of them. No one had noticed their brother’s decaying health; it took Casey to physically make contact with Donatello’s ribs to get them to open their eyes at the situation. Leo didn’t particularly enjoy thinking about how irresponsible of a leader, of a brother, he had been... everything could have been avoided if he just thought about doing periodic checkups on his brother, it wasn’t that absurd, but he overestimated the softshell’s capabilities of taking care of himself. Right now, though, his twin sense was screaming at him, and he had a feeling that Raph wasn’t just expressing his feelings in a little breakky therapist session. “Raph… look at me.” He searched his big brother’s eyes. Black eyes met black eyes. Red bandana met red stripes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Tonight, I heard Donnie cough. Badly.”

In that moment, Leo’s heart shattered.

After  a few freezing seconds that felt like ages the cold dread was broken by Mike, bless his heart, he really was an angel.

“let’s not worry too much about what we still don’t know. This place is quite dusty, it could have been that, right? We’ll let him sleep it off and in a few we are going to check on him.” The mystic warrior squeezed his brig brother’s finger (his hand was too big).

Leo looked at his little brother, one could have been fooled by his light smile, but that smile wasn’t reaching his eyes, and his hand was gripping too much Raph’s finger.

 The slider took a deep breath, he had to say it, to voice it in some way or he was going to go crazy.

“Do you guys think it could b-“

A loud crash interrupted him mid-sentence. Raph stood up immediately “It came from the lab!”.  Mikey started levitating, his eyes becoming that fluorescent hue of orange and began to sprint-fly towards the lab, followed closely by his brothers. They soon arrived at the lab which, thanks to Draxum’s interior design sense, didn’t have heavy metal doors that are extremely difficult to open.

“DONNIE?!”

Mikey’s scream was like an arrow to their chest, a waterfall of panic washed over Leo. Why didn’t he go to his twin sooner? Why didn’t he dare to check his brother? Why couldn’t he learn from his mistakes?

The lab was still dark, the only source of light were a few LED lights that Donnie started installing to the time machine and the original green/yellow lights. In the shadows only one thing cold be distinguished, their brother’s body on the floor, next to his lab chair.

“shit shit shi- Raph turn on the lights!”

The slider reached next to the softshell Mikey, he had a hand on his forehead, he was trembling slightly, his eyes had come back to their natural color. “L-Leo… He won’t wake up! I-I tried to call him, but he doesn’t respond “.

Raph returned and put his big hand on Mikey’s shell and began making circling movements to try and soothe him, but his eyes were glues to his other little brother unconscious body.  In the meantime, Leo had already taken on his role of medic, assessing the pulse and the breathing, noticing also the deep dark eyebags. He sighed in frustration; Donnie wasn’t  going to get out of this easily. “He definitely has a fever, but other than that I can’t say anything more…”  

The first thing that Donnie noticed was that his shell was cold. On a more accurate analysis, he found out that all his body was cold. Cold and sore to be more specific. Mh… he would rate this nap a solid 1/10. Wait. Nap? He didn’t remember falling asleep and his bed surely wasn’t this cold. As he slowly regained consciousness he became aware of other sensations and stimuli, like the pounding headache in his temples, dry throat and someone who was touching him. Right now the feeling wasn’t particularly appreciated.

“ghh- cough- cough”

Where was he??

“ie? Yo- th us? Donnie??”

A rough hand was positioned on his forehead. Ew it’s sticky. Gross.

“Leo?”

He slowly opened his eyes, his retina adjusting to the blinding lights in his lab. His lab? Wait the last thing he remembered was getting up to go rest, he was starting to feel shitty and- Ohh fuck.

“yeah, ‘oh fuck’. Donnie, it’s quite important, look at me.” He directed his gaze towards the source of the voice, to his left. Leo was on his knees, worry lines dug into his forehead. Behind him there were his brothers, both of them had similar expressions on their faces.

“Donald?” oh right, focus.

“yeah?” God, his voice was raspy.

“Do you think you can get up on you own?”

He really really really (3 reallys) hoped so. “I- yeah I think so”. The softshell began to get on his elbows, ignoring the blinding pain on his back and how much his vision was swaying. He couldn’t ask for Leo’s help. Not right now, because now thing are different, he is fine, he isn’t weak, frail or uncapable of doing the most basic things, like getting up or walking aided by a stick, like an old men. He had it, he fixed it. He managed to sit upright, his vision went black just for a few seconds as his body was trying to adjust to the change of position. When his vision returned normal, his eyes were met with a comforting and warm light which definitely wasn’t coming from the lightbulbs of the lab, it was coming from Mikey’s ninpo. His mystic brother was so gentle that he didn’t even realize that he was floating mid air.

“wait Micheal, I can walk, I swear”

He heard a few scoffs, coming from different directions.

“yeah, keep telling yourself that. Dummy.”

The warming feeling of his brother’s ninpo was a bit too comforting and sleep felt like a good idea.

“Donnie please try not to fall asleep”. This was Raph, he used his ‘big and responsible brother voice’, oh how much he missed that.

“mh, just resting my eyes”

Suddenly he flopped on the big couch in the ‘livingroom’. Mikey was in front of him, a frown of worry on his face. “Leo, I’m going to use my ninpo a bit harder now, I think you should stand back a little.”

Leo actually listened to Mikey, his gaze though didn’t leave the softshell. Raph looked worryingly at Mikey “Are you sure you are going to be alright?”

Mikey raised his arms towards Donnie, “Don’t worry big guy! A little Krang research didn’t aver hurt no one!”

Wait, Krang? It was in that moment, that Donnie realized that his brother thought that he was still infected. That he was still sick and weak. His brother was going to risk overusing his ninpo on a little cold.

“No wait Mikey!” Cough cough. “It’s not the Krang, I’m sure of it!” another cough.

Leo walked closer to the couch, positioning in front of him, his eyer on fire. “Donnie don’t be stupid. You couldn’t see it coming the first time, so why would you predict it now? Why wouldn’t we check after finding you unconscious?! We can’t lose you AGAIN Donnie! You can’t fix everything! And even if you can, sometimes prevent is better than cure!” His brother’s eyes began to water. “I can’t keep losing you… please let us check”.

Raph reached the slider and put a big hand on Donnie’s shoulder, “Leo’s right Donnie… we can’t be so sure, things are already too complicated right now, let us be sure about at least one thing, let us do it. Let Mikey check.”

The box turtle turned to him with a  bright smile, “It’s going to be quick, trust me”

Cold shivers run through the softshell’s body, and resulted in a shiver. “promise me that if you start feeling that something is off you are going to stop.”

All his brothers looked at him with an unreadable expression.

“Said the turtle who fainted, probably because of exhaustion.” Ok fair enough.

“touché”

The process was actually quite quick. As soon as Leo and Raph took a few steps back Mikey began to glow (he never got tired of seeing it), and when his little brother took his hands a hot sensation ran through his body, banishing the shivers from just a few seconds earlier.

After a few minutes the warm feeling was already gone, replaced by the sewer’s humidity.

Mikey smiled at his brothers “Donnie was right, there is no Krang.”

“told you so” cough cough.

A general sigh of relief could be heard from all of them.

“it’s this place’s fault, it’s too cold and humid compared to what we were used to.”

Leo flopped on the couch, right next to him and punched him on the shoulder. “Oh no! It’s totally your fault! You have again neglected your health like the workaholic you are! You can’t keep doing it!”

Mikey sat on the floor in front of them, “Leo… why don’t we argue later? Dr Delicate touch is going to pay a vist for sure,” he looked at Donnie, who was looking like he could fall asleep in any moment. “why don’t we make a turtle pile? It’s been ages”.

A turtle pile. Everyone remembered the last time they did it. That time Raph was a robot with a metallic and cold voice. Donnie was as frail as a stick, he was so weak that he couldn’t even sit.

But this time it was different.

Raph was real.

Donnie was just under the weather.

Death is fixable.

They are ok.

They are together.

------------------------------------------------

the End. Comments and suggestions are always welcome!!

since were on the topic, im sure there actually is a word which can describe it

trying to explain english to an italian

Romanticizing Paimon

(myth retelling)

In the beginning, Paimon was not a demon, but an angel, wise and radiant, close in spirit to the archangel Lucifer, whom he called his friend. When Lucifer rebelled and was cast into the pit, Paimon, confused and heartbroken, approached the Throne of Heaven, asking not for forgiveness or rebellion, but understanding.

But the heavens were firm, and the answer he received did not soothe him, for he saw only the injustice done to his friend, not the pride that had sparked the war. His grief curdled into quiet disobedience. He remained in Heaven, but no longer sang. He stopped flying. He turned his face away.

So God, with sorrow, sent him down, not in wrath, but in release. For one who could not bear Heaven without his companion was already lost to it.

When he fell, Satan welcomed him, not as a servant, but as kin.

“You sought me,” said the fallen Morning Star. “Now I shall make you king, rule beside me.”

And so Paimon became a king of Hell, not out of ambition, nor evil, but loyalty, the kind that damns as deeply as it loves.

some Lily Evans headcanons that just make sense:

She is always reading something new and is always excited about it (tells the story to everyone over and over);

She wants to be a healer because she frequently wanting to make things better to everyone;

That's why she is so kind and loving;

Except with the boy with messy hair and cocky smile. There is just something about him that makes her act different, probably just because he's so arrogant right? right?

She rarely stand up for herself because she constantly understand the other points of view and she doesn't want to bother anyone. (But James Potter makes her so confident that she starts to value herself more, and also he annoys her so much that there no way to be calm);

But when it comes to others, she defends with body and soul;

Her, Mary, Alice and Marlene used to shop, go to the movies or go to hogsmead on the weekends. And at the end of the night Lily used them as her guinea pigs to see if her potions were working;

She is a terrible in the kitchen, she prefers her cauldron and laboratory;

She has a embarrassing laugh that makes her blush;

She is a good prankster but she doesn't admitt it (better than the marauders but don't tell them);

If you have a secret and you need someone who will not judge you, Lily is your girl, she can handle the furriest of problems;

She is really mad when people are mean and indifferent;

And it came to the war she and Remus was the ones who come up with quick strategies and plans;

When she started dating James she was head over hills and both of them had more inside jokes than everyone;

She loves the marauders, they were her family;

Her parents only paid attention to the magical part of her and they never truly saw her;

She loves to dance, her and Sirius used to go out together to dance before she started dating James;

When she was dating him the three of them danced on the common room constantly;

She thinks The Beatles are geniuses and she was the one who gave the album to Sirius;

She wasn't very good at sports because she grow up with Petunia, and to be honest Petunia wasn't even good at walking;

But to impress someone, she asked Marlene to teach her quidditch, (and she started to enjoy it but didn't had time to join the team);

She knew how to use a gun because her dad went hunting (that made James shit his pants, knowing he had such a deer love for animals);

She sings well but always in whispers.

She swears a lot but only in rare occasions (James Potter happened to be in every single one of those occasions);

She is a good listener;

Deep down she thought James ability to get in trouble were funny and kind of cute;

Most of the time she appears to be the quiet one between her group of friends, but the girls and the marauders knew that was a lie;

And finally, that wasn't a soul who wouldn't like Lily Evans with her ways to make everyone feel special and her big smile that painted all her face and contagiously made everybody smiles back.

Obsession or love

They all got it wrong. Carlos cannot not think about how they all got it wrong. It being Oscars' dynamic, their dynamic really, but mostly they got Oscar wrong. Carlos may seem biased, but he likes to think he is not, especially because he knows he himself is a hotheaded guy, so yeah it is honestly an objective way of thinking. Oscars' fans seem to think he is the next Raikkonen with a cool demeanor, when he is actually a very good Schumacher in hiding. He is all, but a chill, nonchalant guy Oscar is not.

Actually he may be, but not when it's about Carlos. Because when it's about Carlos it's scary how quickly his eyes darken and his jaw clenches. Whatever the topic may be, the reaction is the same. If Charles mentions a lunch they did not got together, but Carlos promised him they'll see each other soon, the blond cannot help the way his fingers move to form a fist and when he catches himself the nail marks are already deep in the skin. If it's Lando who speaks then it's worse, because usually the lunch, the dinner or whatever did happen and then the jealousy is very visible if you look at Oscar at that moment. Usually no one does, except Carlos. Sometimes he'll feel a pair of eyes on him or even a chill air will crawl to his spine. It excites him and it scares him. Not like sometimes it scares him. It scares him that it excites him.

It's all so primitive to feel the need like you belong to someone, but the blood flows faster when the spaniard thinks like that. Especially when it's Oscar. It's not like he and Oscar are together, he just gets jealous whenever someone else has Carlos time or attention. Actually Carlos doesn't know that because they never talked about this weird thing between them. Actually there is nothing between them, they did not have a date, ever, did not have sex, didn't even kiss once. All that is between them is this unspoken want. And Carlos can't lie, it's from both sides.

At first Carlos didn't pay much attention to Oscar, just occasionally greeting each other and a polite smile. That until they were at a party and he caught Oscar multiple times looking straight at him with impossible dark eyes. He thought it was because they touched each other on track that day. Slightly. It shouldn't even matter, he then saw the way his eyes burned with hatred. But not towards him. Towards Lando who was like usual handsy and like half on Carlos' lap. Well maybe they fought or whatever. But it didn't stop there. Oscar who was not a big party guy kept coming to them, never spoke to Carlos and always looked at him. Who was he talking to, watched everyone who passed him and even when he was far from him he could see the occasional jaw clenching, fist forming, eyes darkening and an air of danger emanating from the younger. It did not scare Carlos. Maybe because it was not towards him or maybe because he liked it. Still, no one acted on it. That untill.

It was Saturday, which means quali. It was the Spanish GP and of course Carlos could not not hope for the best. He qualified 3rd, so the hopes are high, but Charles is on pole and he knows what comes next. If Charles somehow doesn't have some problems, then Ferrari will never allow him to overtake. That assuming he passes the McLaren in 2nd. Which is Oscars'. Well he could dream about Oscar and Charles taking each other out, but the delusion will not help him win his home race. And so he absently answers the questions they ask him in the interview and tries to ignore the staring he gets from Oscar, as he has more to think about now. Of course the Ferrari asks to bring a 1-2, with Charles on top position. And he gets it, he should've qualified higher if he wanted the strategy around him, but realistically speaking, that team does not ever think about him first, even when starting higher, so not much to loose there.

It's Sunday when Oscar approaches him and stands near for the hymn. It may have been Lando's place but he doesn't have the time for that, he needs to focus on the race in front of his home fans, his whole family, he dreams being the next Spanish driver to win at home following his idol.

- Don't worry, Carlos, it'll be a good race. - tells him Oscar stepping off the platform and before Carlos could even process what he said, the younger had already took off. Usually one would say good luck ar something similar, not that. What a weird guy really.

- Thank you. - Carlos says to Oscars' back and he could swear the Australian heard him, even if he was already far, because he stopped in his steps and slightly turned his head before taking off again. Really weird.

Carlos has a plan from Ferrari, pass Oscar, take 2nd, bring 2nd home. Nice strategy, it really concerns him how he is not surprised that even his own garage does not favor him. The race starts, he starts well, the same as Oscar, he thinks of passing him at turn one, he has the inside line at T1 but immediately is T2 where he has the outside so it's a little tricky, but manageable. He watches Oscar in front of him, visualises the trajectory blinks and sees Oscar take Charles out. Not brocedes level dramatic, he knows how that looked, had a front row seat, but still very efficient. Oscar still in front of him, but with damage, he needs to pass him quickly, before Max closes on him and before the red flags. He was only near Oscar for a fraction of a second but he still could feel the younger's eyes on him, didn't even need to see them, couldn't even, the visor was down. And then he got it. Don't worry, Carlos. Oscar took Charles out deliberately. For him to win. What a freak. Fuck, this guy is not normal. A gifted win again, many would say, who cares, a win is a win. A home race win is even better. He manages to bring it home in P1. Race winner. Max is in second and Lando in third. Oscar retired the car on lap 13. He celebrates, of course he does. All the Spain is looking at him, but on his mind is one single boy. He celebrates with his garage, Charles there, very good teammates style. He hears the stewards decided it was a racing incident, because "Oscar lost the control over the car", and really very hard to believe even if he wasn't the spectator in first row at this theatre. So yeah. He celebrates, invites the whole grid to a friends' club. He sees Charles and Oscar talking, the latter almost not paying attention. Well at least the brothers are still friendly. He parties wild and feels a pair of eyes on him at all times, but doesn't care much, even gives him a whole show of dancing with many partners. And then the feeling disappears and it's lonely. Sees Oscar leaving, and when it's your party you can do whatever you want, even leave early. Especially if he is after some explanations.

- Leaving so early, Oscar? - he sees the boy outside the club, clearly trying to order a cab. Carlos can't lie and pretend the boy isn't pretty, especially in the dim lightning of the moon that accentuate every feature on Oscars' face and the way he looks at Carlos makes wanting him so easy. Really he could say he never craved much attention, untill he felt what it's like to have 100% of it from a person and now he needs it like it's air.

- Yeah, mate, long day. - a flat tone and again this nonchalant gimmick, Carlos doesn't believe in it one bit. Especially when he could see the way the boy looked when Carlos danced with Lando a little too close to a very sexy song. Actually he looked not so much angry as defeated, and that may have made Carlos take action. Because Oscar doesn't suit that expression, he is a winner, he is world champion material, he does not suit defeat, Carlos needed to make him feel like a winner again. And what the boy wanted more is right in front of him.

- Want to go to mine? - the boy looks taken aback but only a fraction, like if he doesn't respond now he loses the chance. - I have a nice place nearby, we could chat a bit more. - Carlos approached the boy and they are now barely centimetres apart, he could see the flushed pink cheeks and the dark eyes, not the colour, just the expression. And oh boy, how he wanted to always have this eyes on him.

- Wouldn't some people miss you? - no flat tone this time, but Carlos thinks that Oscar couldn't pretend to not care when asking about that. He does get jealous pretty easy. Possessive. All the time, and it's not like he is insecure, just craves what he thinks he cannot have. But he can have him actually, the younger just doesn't know that yet.

- Eh, they saw me already. Plus we really do have things to talk about. - the younger was not surprised, clearly he waited for Carlos to acknowledge him some way or another for what he did today on the track. Drivers don't do that. Usually.

- Sure, then. - the drive was really short, awkward not so much, some tension yes, but really mostly silence. They arrived quickly and Carlos guided him to the right apartment.

- Can i get you something to drink? - asked Carlos while turning on the lights, he could feel Oscar scanning the apartment in something, and knowing him, he most likely searched for another person's belongings in the apartment. And yes, again this feeling of belonging to gets the best of Carlos. He likes it. Likes it better that it's from Oscar. - It's an Airbnb. My place in Barcelona is too far from the track, but it does feel nice to live at least one race weekend not in a hotel. - explained Carlos while he got to the kitchen, he took a beer from the fridge and when Oscar nodded, brought the second one and placed it in front of him on the kitchen island.

- Don't you want to ask me why i did it? - Oscar looks at him and waits for Carlos to put the bottle down so that he could answer him. Because Oscar, thinking back to it, feels like he just did the stupidest shit ever, anyone could watch closely to his hands and see that he did it deliberately, and that despite it being only his second year in F1, that mistake is stupid even for a rookie. He feels stupid, but somehow cannot bring himself to think about it for more than 1 minute, because he remembers Carlos smiling at his home crowd form the top step and nothing really matters more than that. And isn't that concerning.

- I know why you did it. Knew for some time. Waited for you to act on it. - Carlos studies the way the boys' face changes with emotions, at first surprise, then confusion and then doubt. Because Oscar thought he hides it well. He has another one coming then if he thinks like that. All that obsession and need for attention from the older is hard to hid.

- And...it doesn't scare you? - the younger looks from under his eyelashes, head a little down and waits for an answer, Carlos isn't cruel, he needs to spare the younger from going too much in his head. Well, yeah the boy is a little weird, and very obsessed, and gets jealous easy and has a scary look to his face sometimes, but no one treated Carlos that way, no one placed him before everyone and everything else, so who is Carlos to judge the boys' ability to love...in his own way. Carlos does not love him. Yet. But he feels like he can. For now the thinks the boy is verry pretty and needy and he loves that.

- It does not, Oscar. - he places the hand on Oscars' one and looks for the reaction from the latter, who now is only looking at the hand above his likely contemplating all his life choices that lead him to this moment - I promise you, it does not and i think it is time you can show me all of it. - it certainly tempts Oscar, but he does not yet move, he feels this may still be a dream of some sort, so Carlos thinks he can help the younger, after all it is to his help he is a race winner today. He leans above the kitchen island and kisses Oscar. Briefly, then leans back and waits for the response, and when it comes he isn't ready. Because Oscar in one moment is in front of him on the other side of the kitchen island and in the next the boy is in front of him, between his spread legs on the chair and kisses him hard. Nothing like Carlos' own kiss, brief and sweet. It may or may not be called a claiming kiss, because he could feel the possessiveness from the kiss only, not to mention the hand that does not allow the older to move his head. Some would be ashamed to be claimed like that by a younger person, but not Carlos, because he feels so wanted right now, he cannot process thoughts at the moment, not even his own, so no, he does not care about what others may think.

- Is this okay? Please tell me this is okay. - Oscar said after some time, between kisses, before parting a little and holding Carlos by his face with both hands as if he could change this moment right this instant and not even listen to what he has to say - I want to continue, but please, Carlos, i need to know I won't loose you tomorrow. It's not a one time thing for me, i want you for the rest of my life, like this, or even if i never acted like that today and we got to be friends it would still work for me, just please. Forever. It will be hard for me, because i want to touch you all the time, to hear you all the time, to see you and it kills me that you are not mine, but i would prefer that to this if it means that what we do today is a one time thing. It would kill me to have you only once, i would prefer to never know you like this, than to have to forget. - the boy paused his rushed monologue to watch at Carlos' face, still holding him, but softer as if he would allow Carlos to set himself free if he wanted.

- It's okay, Oscar. - the man takes the boy's face in his own palms and kisses him lightly in the corner of his mouth. - I knew what you wanted from the start, and i want it too. Forever. I never knew i could feel this loved before you appeared in my life, and if it was like this when we barely talked, i want the full force of it.

- I am sorry if it sometimes will be too much. I often get jealous. As in all the time. And that was when you weren't even mine. Now i would just get territorial and have the need to protect what's mine. - the boy started, he could fell another monologue incoming, but Carlos placed another kiss on his lips, this one slightly longer.

- Hey, tesoro, look at me. - urged Carlos - Never, promise me, never apologise for the way you love. It is my responsibility now that I've accepted it, okay? Promise me. - and instead of promising Oscar just did what he could. Showed his love. Full force. He, with help and willingness from Carlos got to the couch in the living room and sat Carlos in his lap. He moaned just from the feeling of Carlos' weight on him, his own tights were not visible and it turned him on so much, he grabbed the olders' ass and held into it like someone was trying to take it from him. His own idea scared him. Someone else having Carlos like that so he grabbed even tighter and as if Carlos could read his mind the murmured in Oscars' lips: No one else, just you, need just you. If Oscar hadn't been hard since he first kissed Carlos in the kitchen it would have been enough to get now. Yes, thinks Oscar, mine. Mine to love, all mine. All this is fucking mine. Finally.

Some could say, this isn't love, just an obsession. And Oscar would say some could fuck off, because he knows better. He had a crush on Carlos since the first saw him, and he fell in love the moment they first interacted. The obsession? It came later. It was from a fear that he could never have Carlos like this, or like anything really, he was afraid they wouldn't become friends because of their diversities. But now when he has Carlos he cannot stop thinking that he just became more obsessed with his love, because he has the man he always loved in his arms and he needs to know just how much he really is loved. He couldn't care less about the love he will receive because in the end he always wanted to give his love to Carlos and now he has the man to shower with love.

- Are you already bored? You just went somewhere, weren't reciprocating at all. - asks Carlos with a frown and a pout is forming on his lips, and that is no good. He needs more than just tell Carlos he loves him, he needs to make him feel it. Always. Needs to make Carlos dependent for his touch, needs to ruin everyone else for him or him for everyone else.

- Never. I will never get bored with you. Never get done with you. - says Oscar while simultaneously caressing the mans waist down to his ass and back while looking in the olders' eyes. He feels privileged to have those big brown eyes on him, needs Carlos to know how much his attention means to him. He needs to know that not everyone deserves the attention he is willing to give. Truthfully he wants it all to himself.

- And you will never need someone else? - asked Carlos while kissing Oscars' neck, leaving wet marks and red dots, that will soon turn into hickeys. Carlos marking him makes him ecstatic. He will soon leave his own marks on the olders' skin, like he always wanted, but for now he likes having Carlos lavishing him with kisses. Even when it's impossible tight in his pants.

- I am only yours, always was, always will be. I promise. - he thinks Carlos is being a little stupid right now, because what else could he want if he has all he ever wanted in his arms. Like someone else could even come near this man or be compared to him. So no, he will never need anyone else for tonight and for as long as they'll live, because he can finally call him his. And he is not letting Carlos go.

These are just words, but Carlos already feels more loved than ever, so he believes them. Oscar could never lie to him, that he knows. He finally can say that he is not only looked at, but seen. So he is not letting go of Oscar either.

I've seen the "Oscar looks at Carlos like he took his virginity and never called back" sooo many times, so here is my take on this.

(i also should be writing my thesis rn and not this😩)

"If he can move on, so can you." told himself Oscar. Many times. Every time he sees Carlos actually. And the truth is he tries, he really tries and he wants this, he even needs this. But he can't. The feelings inside him are all over the place. One moment he hates the guy with all his might, the next he is pitying himself and before he could realise the thoughts are straying. Thinking back to that night. The touches and kisses and whispers and everything. And he still remembers the night in great detail. Every moment. Thinks about it when he closes his eyes for sleep, first thing in the morning, second thing in the morning, while brushing his teeth, getting ready, driving. Thinks about it almost every time. Except when he is racing. So that is what he does every free minute he has. It certainly doesn't help that Carlos races too. But at least he could blame him for the mistakes on track. Does not make things better, but at least helps a little with taking the steam off. And at the end of the day he tells himself again "He has moved on, your turn." He doesn't.

And it absolutely pisses him off how Carlos makes it seem like it isn't a big deal. And what Oscar knows it may have not been. It's Carlos that took Oscars's virginity not vice versa. The fact that Oscar has a crush on Carlos since the beginning of times also does not help his case. But to be fair who doesn't. He was still questioning his sexuality when he first saw Carlos in Torro Rosso, so he immediately decided he is bi, which morphed into gay in less than a year. And when we talk crush, we downplay it for the sake of Oscar. Because it is embarassing enough already as it is that the guy who took his virginity, when he was a reserve driver for Alpine and McLaren, acts like he don't exist, don't need to add to that the angsty love he feels. It's not like it's been 3 years since then (it's been). He can't move on. He can't find love in other place, because he still dreams of the one he cannot have.

So yeah, Oscars's life really. At least he could still call him out on the track.

"Mate, is Carlos blind or what."

"Typical Carlos. Nothing changed i see."

"He just turned into me like i didn't exist."

And it hurt so fucking much, because he did exist, and it hurts because he really really has a crush(notlove) on Carlos, who just doesn't acknowledge him. He doesn't feel better after all this pulling by pigtails he did with Carlos. He hurts so much he has seriously considered begging him to at least look at him some times the same as that night.

Today was another eventful day, as in race day, as in he again bickered on radio about Carlos. Actually it wasn't even something worth mentionig, he just did because he could. Carlos had a lock-up somewhere in the middle of the race and Oscar felt the need to push the radio button and say "What is wrong with this guy, can't he drive." The silence on the other side was telling enough, and if it wasn't the daggers Carlos sent him post-race were an absolute giveaway. Oh well, someone must have told him about it. Anyway, not a terrible race per se. P5 is nothing good, but he qualified poorly so he did his best. Carlos on the other hand just missed on a podium, so his mood was worse, it could be seen by the way he talked and how he just wanted to get out of there. Frankly, they all did.

It was already extremely late when Oscar left his driver room, he could not find strenght to go to the hotel. He waved to some mechanics who were still wrapping up some things and made his way towards his parking spot. It was greatly illuminated so he could see a figure leaning against his car. A familiar figure. Carlos' figure. He swallowed nervously as he aproaced his car.

- What is your problem? - asked the man, still leaning on Oscars's car, crossed arms, frown face and all gorgeousnes present. Oscar watched the mouth move, then hea heard the question, delayed. What do you even mean is my problem? You are my problem. You and your shitty attitude, and all the pretending Oscar doesn't exist, and your full lips and big brown eyes and nice hair. But he doesn't say that, he says...

- What? - because what. That question can mean anything, so lets not get ahead of things, maybe Carlos is not here to fight him. At least they are talking now. You could say it is an acknowledgement.

- What.is.your.problem? - accentuates the older one every word. Oscar felt a digit point in his chest at every word, even if Carlos' hands stayed crossed on his chest, and oh boy what arms are those. The face Oscar had on was probably one of confuse, because he heard a sigh, and that made him look back at the mans' face, where there was no frown anymore just an exasperated expression. - Oscar... - oh boy, it happened, he, after three years heard his first name from those lips, not Piastri, not that McLaren, but Oscar. He genuinely could not care less about what was Carlos about to say, at least they are on first name basis now. Well Oscar always was, he held into that one with a dead grip, it was the only thing he could have of Carlos. - Do you even hear me?

- What. Oh sorry, mate. I probably spaced out. You said something? - he could not hear a single word after his name. Phatetic, he knows that. So what, sue him if he is in love has a crush.

- Don't mate me. - ouch harsh, it's not like he said something bad, what could he have said instead. - I do not get you. One time you call me a bad driver and now i am your mate? Can you make up your mind already? Are we enemies or are we "mates". - well it's not really his place to decide, Carlos decided all on his own already, so why is he complaining.

- What does it matter what i call you? It's not like you even acknowledge my prensence. For your information, i am also a racer, not some staff member you never saw, who you could just pass and not even nod. - it sounded more hurt that he planned, but that doesn't matter, he is hurt after all.

- How is that my fault? - asks the man in front of him, now on a slightly higher tone.

- Want to tell me it's mine? The first two months that i was in the paddock as a rookie driver i smiled and nodded to everyone, i even tried to fist bump you two times, but you ignored it and walked away. So i don't think it is my fault, mate.

- Come on, Oscar, we both know it started before your rookie year, even if you like to pretend it did not happen. - and what, rewind that again, he likes to pretend it didn't happen? It being the sex or is Oscar reading it wrong.

- I like to pretend it didn't happen? - those were some news.

- Don't pretend to be a fool, we both know you are a smart boy. - THAT did not help Oscar concentrate, just made him horny. Damned praise kink.

- No i am not. Pretending i mean. I literally don't know what you are talking about.

- The night we had sex? - the man said it with a raised eyebrow and oh fuck Oscar is starting to blush. He may not be still a virgin, but he still blushes like one.

- No, that i know. What do you mean I am the one to pretend like it didn't happen? I just told you that the next time we saw each other, you didn't even nod back, just completely ignored me.

- Because these are your words?

- My words? - could only repeat Oscar.

- Yeah, that night you told me, and i quote "please, pretend it never happened". - What, because what. He does not remember that, and he remembers everything from that night. The "Hi, i am Carlos. Hi i know. I mean i am Oscar. Nice to meet you." The whole converstation at the party. The drive to the hotel. The "i am a virgin". The "we can stop if you want". The ferm "no". All the prep work, the prelude, the sex, and the aftercare. Okay that one is a little bit rusty in his memory, but can you blame him, he just had the most amazing orgasm in his life, he spaced out a little. And then he remember waking up to an empty hotel room, no Carlos, no note, no nothing. So no he does not remember these words.

- I didn't! I never could. - he hates how his voice cracked up and betrayed him like that, but it was true, Carlos was his first love crush and only, because he could not fall in love with someone else, if he have not falled out of love.

- Oscar, i am not lying to you. - the mans' voice softened up a little, like he was about to hug him, even if that was not posibble, right? - I promise i am not lying, i remember that night very well. I was wiping you up with a wet cloth and you told me to pretend it didn't happen. I asked you again, because i thought i heard you wrong just for you to repeat the same and add that it is embarassing. - No, no, no it cannot be right, he must be lying because, he remebers Carlos wiping him because he refused to move and get a full bath, and there were no such words OHFUCK there were. But not how Carlos interpreted them. - Yeah, i see it on your face you remebered now, so if you could from now on refrain from trashtalking so much i would be delighted.

- No, wait. - Oscar stopped him by the forearm, when Carlos was about to leave. - Please, it's not like that, i mean i didn't mean it like that. I could never be embarassed by having sex with you. I mean i was embarassed because you know first time and with the man i had a crush on since forever, so i hoped i wouldn't ruin something. But when you were umhh...when we finished i told you i was in love with you since i was fifteen, and so THAT was the thing i was embarassed, not by you. - So that was a misunderstanding, and they could have been talking all the time till now? Damn him. They even could've been friends by now.

- Oh. - It's not Carlos' place to say oh, it's Oscars' because he js the one who confesed his love since he was fifteen twice. As if it was not embarassing enough the first time. - So, you are not embarassed by me? - Oscar shook his head so violently it hurts. God, never. - And you don't feel the need to pretend like it never happened? - again, because he already said too much, he now only feels the need to keep his mouth shut. - And if i want to kiss you, i can? - he started to shook his head again, until the question was delivered to his head and that made him almost pop his eyes out of orbit.

- What.

- I said can i kis-

- That i heard i mean why? - he must've gotten deaf, because there is no way Carlos said that.

- Because i' ve been craving to do so since i first saw you in the paddock as a reserve driver and that night only amplified the want. You have no idea how much i want you. Even if you are a brat.

- No.

- I can't kiss you? I thought you said you were in love with me. - IAM.

- No, i mean i am, but no it can't be happening. - he could feel his eyes filling with water as he heard the words he imagined every night for years. But he was a big boy so he would not cry. Now.

- Me liking you? - asked the man confused.

- That. - his head was spining, he was on a roller coaster, better yet, he was dreaming, he must have fallen asleep in his driver room, because that cannot be happening. Even if he imagined that in great detail. So what. He has a great fantasy

- But i do. - he feels strong arms steading him, rubbing a little up and down on his own arms, huh he didn't feel the cold night air till now. - Why do you think i aproached you at that party? I saw you and remembered seeing you in the paddock and thinking you are cute, so i decided it was nice to speak to you, at least after it was announced you would drive for McLaren. I especially liked the statement you posted. And when speaking i saw your bunny teeth and rosy cheecks and i absolutely adored it. I feel like it was a mistake going to the hotel first and not a first date, but what's done can't be undone. So now, when we established that i like you and you like me, can we go on a date?

- To a hotel? - he could't pass the opportunity to make fun of Carlos, even when he just confessed to him. And frankly he got what he always wanted.

- I take back everything i said, except when i called you a brat, go on a date alone. - the man started walking towards his car, when Oscar embraced him from behind.

- I am sorry, i just love teasing you. But yes we can go on a date and you can kiss me, see if it makes me shut up.

- Lucky me i like doing that, but i also like you loud.

There was a long way ahead of them in their relationship. Whatever that is. But they already wasted two years, they are not gonna waste any more.