Cripple Punk - Blog Posts

its really hard to get the hang of at first, trust me. ive had mine for about ~5 months and sometimes i avoid taking them with me bc it feels awkward and i hate not having full use of my hands :/

i did watch some tiktoks from people who use forearm crutches and it helped a little with how i hold them and distribute weight? all i can really say is that it takes time and practice

bought forearm crutches. i have no idea how people use them it's so difficult??? they should provide more support than a cane but i can't take a step without overthinking my every move-

squinting suspiciously at my hands because they are Hurting and theyre Not Supposed To Be Hurting

*stands up and knees and ankles hurt*

*sit down and hips hurt*

”oh you poor thing! Your disability is so sad. How do you keep going?”

haha lol that’s what she said

Hello I am ouch

That is all thank you

almost bumping into an abled person: oh excuse me

almost bumping into a disabled person: OMG 😩😩 im SOOOOO sorry i dont wanna hurt you 🥺🥺 I'll get out of your way

im in so much pain today and i hate it. i had to cancel going to a halloween event with my roommate and their kid brother bc i cant walk any more today- even with my crutches.

Shouting and screaming and ripping my hair out. I am braver than my pain. I am stronger than my pain. I am more resilient. I won't fall into despair.

May Apollo bless this scorching hot bath and make my knees shut up and put out the buzzing fire in my joints.

It almost seems like non-disabled people have a harder time accepting when a chronically disabled person will never get better - and maybe even deteriorate over time, than the affected person has.

"Aww don't lose hope"

There is no hope to be had? Stop pushing your toxic positivity down my throat when I have come to terms with my situation and am grieving already.

Losing hope is what has given me an ounce of peace of mind. This is what life is now. It's not your grief, it's mine.

"Epilepsy this!" "PNES that!"

Yeah, yeah... I got it, now, when will we bring awareness about paroxysmal dyskensias? I bet, there's at least one person who's reading this post and instead of FND has some kind of dyskensia. Do not let doctors down your disorder. The thing that might be seen as psychogenic, can actually be a genetic.

Bring awareness about paroxysmal dyskensias. Do not let them put us down.

When your illness is so rare, that you've 62% chance of being misdiagnosed and everyone who you find on YouTube is a random old guy and just a 18(?) years old guy:

People are talking about how they understand you, how you are still you, even if you got sick. But when I get a combination of movement disorders, y'all are DAMNED.

Years will pass and I will never understand, why, just why, there's only 2 sides when it comes to my illness? Some of you immediately start to pity and pamper me, treat me as if I barely understand something, while the other consists of people who are almost the same as the 1st type, but these are trying to do it differently, trying to look caring and understandable, but in the end they are almost the same. And also, since when the phrase "I'm not letting my illness stop me." Became something ablestic? No, I don't want to treat myself as a snowflake. I don't want to do something less, because YOU think that I'll have a flare up. Flare ups are only MY and MINE DEAL, NOT YOURS. I don't want to sit and whine about how fragile my body is. This only makes me look WEAK. Since when I need to work less, just because I'm ill? Maybe I WANT to work?? Maybe I CAN work?? Maybe, it is YOU the one who sees only code in my med card?!

And still, I'm curious how an appointment which I used to go to every week a few months ago, turned into something I'm afraid of. Making me have flashbacks over and over when I just hear the word "neurologist. Made me have a whole panic attack just because I need to go to a doctor. No, please, I don't want to be treated anymore... Can't you just avoid me? Don't remember about my disease? Make me live a normal life?

To be honest, after years of searching, trying to find my diagnosis, I just... Stopped caring about this. I even started to like this thing, I know, it harms me, but do I want to treat it? No. It's a part of me, that I like.

When the pain hits THAT hard that you need to work while laying down

The doctors had been neglecting me for more than a year, and the day after yesterday I casually had tremors, though I needed to stand up. It wasn't too hard, though I walked like a soldier, cuz my legs were too stiff. And yesterday and today, I noticed a glue-like feeling in my joints, as if some liquid was there, plus it's SO FUCKING PAINFUL to bend it... It starts to hurt, burn and the glue feeling gets worse.... I don't know what to do... Looks like I ended up damaged due to the malpractice of doctors!

I hate how expensive genetic tests are. Like what do you mean I should pay 1000-2000$ and wait for half a year to get a proper diagnosis? And if only my disease was simple to see on MRI or EEG... This thing is only seen on a few scans and mostly you need to take a genetic test. BUT THEY'RE SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE... Please, someone, buy me this test, and I'll kiss your legs

Am I disabled if I have to be homeschooled because of my chronic illness? Asking out of curiosity.

I understand everything. But y'know what? I'm still able-bodied despite being chronically ill. Yeah, I have some diseases and yeah sometimes they affect me. BUT. I'm not like this for the whole time. I'M NOT THE PERSON WHO DESERVES TO BE CALLED DISABLED. I'm sick, but able-bodied.

The sudden urge to delete all my disability related posts, so people won't see and won't like it, so it won't remind me of being sick>>>>>

To be honest, I feel kinda remorseful for making posts with hashtags like "disabled" and others. Why? Because thinking about my diseases constantly only worsens my mental health. I literally was about to go back to cutting or mutilating my body. Plus, I don't really think that I'm like... Disabled? Like my symptoms aren't enough to be called disabled or something... So, I think that I won't be making posts like this anymore... Or do them rarely. Hope y'all will understand. Thanks for being with me in those times. Take care of yourself.

And yet again nobody cares about my hobbies or how I feel. I'm just an ICD code. Right. Just forgot.

Invisible disability is still a disability. Even if you don't see it.

WHY CAN'T I FUCKING CUT MYSELF?? WHY CAN'T I SLICE MY SKIN AGAIN LIKE I USED TO?! I'M GETTING FUCKING TIRED OF THESE DISABILITIES, SEIZURES AND OTHER SHIT. I JUST WANNA BE HEALTHY OR ALLOWED TO MUTILATE MY BODY. I WANT TO HAVE THE CONTROL I LOST.

I want to kill myself because of being disabled. I'm a fucking mess right now. I feel grief, frustration and hopelessness. I wish I could cut myself again.