Astrid Becke - Blog Posts

Just new two more!!

Thank you @quinn-of-aebradore for suggesting yussa I love him sm

And @spottedenchants for Jester best girl

And @residentinsomniacartist for Astrid and Eadwulf they def do not get enough love

guys guys guys, fellow critters, oh my god, everyone please go listen to ‘Strawberry Wine’ by Noah Kahan and think about Caleb and the blumentrio while you do. it’s so sweet and sad and it’s so perfect for them, my heart can’t take it

like? do you hear?? these lyrics?? they so perfectly encapsulate how Caleb thinks of him and Astrid and Eadwulf. they loved each other deeply. they were forced together due to circumstance. he misses them dearly every day. he could never be with them again.

“If I could lose you, I would”

“Strawberry wine, and all the time we used to have/Those things I miss, but know are never coming back”

“If I was empty space and you were a formless shape, we’d fit/But love leaves little runway, and every time we run/Straight over it”

and “No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft” followed by “for a moment, I see you” reminds me so vividly of drunk Caleb mistaking Jester for Astrid, and it makes me wonder how many other times his new family reminded him of his old one.

did Fjord ever laugh like Eadwulf? did Molly have the same taste in drinks as Astrid? did Caduceus and the Wildmother remind him of Eadwulf and the Raven Queen? did he ever give Astrid the same wildflowers that Yasha had pressed in her journal? did he ever wake up curled beside the Nein in the dome and think, for just a brief moment, he was somewhere else, huddled against a different band of ragtag wannabes?

Astrid hid in the smut shop because she thought it would be the one place Essek wouldn't go. Unfortunately for her he has been inured by years of friendship with Jester and smut shops are now his favoured terrain.

look man. look

essek saying "bren" out loud, claiming a position on caleb's side as the mouthpiece of his regards to astrid, did something to me. i can't tell if it opened a wound or punched me or gave me a hug. all i know is that i am feeling so many emotions right now

more under the cut because i'm about to get rambly:

"bren aldric ermendrud" is a separate character from caleb widogast. he's a young boy learning how to make magic. he's a deeply traumatized and indoctrinated teenager. he's the boy who curled up with astrid and eadwulf in a freezing tower for warmth all night.

essek never met bren. he met caleb and he's never known him as anyone else. if i'm remembering correctly, caleb never even said the name "bren" to him during the campaign, and neither did any of the nein.

essek knows caleb widogast. he knows the man who held up the object of his worst crime and then kissed him in the bowels of a ship and made a floor of infinite stars for them to walk through together. he knows the person who healed over bren's wounds—thinly, but enough. he knows the man that the boy has become.

astrid knows bren. she barely knows who caleb is. she still calls him bren after hearing him referred to as caleb repeatedly. she can't know him as the man he is, she only knows the boy. there's some of bren in caleb, but there is no caleb in bren.

essek saying "bren sends his regards" is him gauging astrid's reaction, on one level—if she freaks out, which she did, she's in opposition to caleb's cause and thus a threat. on another level, it's essek delivering a very different subtextual message from caleb: "the boy who loved you is giving you one final warning."

because essek is a threat to astrid. their last meaningful interaction was slinging spells at each other in the blooming grove. and that's funny in a "current boyfriend vs ex girlfriend exclusively fight each other" kind of way, but it's also deeply tied to caleb's recurring theme of transformation. "bren sends his regards" also means "i have healed enough to love enough for someone else to know this name and use it with my consent. and this someone else is your enemy. what does that make you think i've become?"

it also does a fantastic job of communicating subtle offscreen discussions that have happened over the years since the end of c2. we don't have the details of when or how caleb told essek his birth name, but we know that he did, and we know from all of c2 that the name bren occupies a place of immense emotional weight for caleb. it functions similarly to a deadname in terms of who uses it and for what purpose. trent exclusively calls caleb bren to wound him and place himself in a position of power. astrid calls him bren to remind both him and herself of who they used to be—same with eadwulf, though obviously he's not here.

the first time we hear essek say "bren" is on caleb's behalf and confronting one of the narrative representations of caleb's trauma. it's four words that manage to communicate "i, your enemy on a hundred levels, can speak for both the man i love and the boy who loved you, because i know him in his entirety."

astrid knows bren and essek knows caleb, but only essek can speak for both. because at some point, caleb gave bren to essek. and we know this from four words. four IMPROVISED words.

god. this moment is just so fucking good