Andi - Blog Posts

It’s going to be the exact same so I’m here for this

this is my plan

if worst comes to worst we can print of masks of each character and make a season 4 ourselves.

Some character redesigns from a long time ago

The Bachelorette - The Men Tell All Recap

Guys, guys, guys, guys! THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE PENULTIMATE RECAP BEFORE THE WHOLE SHOW COMES TO A DRAMATIC CLOSE! This is also the final recap I have to complete in order to be “caught up” with the show. It may have taken me three weeks to get “caught up” but catch up I did! But you won’t catch ME putting KATSUP on my hotdogs because I’m a Chicago girl, OKAY?! Ha ha ha, we have fun here don’t we? I’ve had a few beers tonight, and we are entering into hour six of the Bachelorette that I have consumed this week alongside little else in terms of entertainment so I fear I may be losing it. Bear with me though because sometimes a few loose screws is all it takes to make the ride FUN (and sometimes deadly but today it’s about FUN).

My main man Chris Harrison comes trotting out to his blue-lit platform of love to welcome us to a very special evening. Before anything regarding the current season happens, we have some time to kill with Ashley and JP who are pregnant with their first child! They are my favorite couple ever from this show, and maybe ever in general. I just ADORE Ashley and JP, and Ashley is a stunningly beautiful pregnant woman.

She is due in October, and we also learn that they moved to Miami. Cool stuff guys. I love you, but what are we doing here? Oh. Oh God. Oh my god. We are doing a live ultra-sound. Oh no. Oh my. They are going to “find out if it’s a boy or a girl right here.” Which, we as an audience will, but Ashley posted a sonogram a while ago of a baby boy. So that’s not really breaking live television.

But we’re really going through with this. We are honest to God doing a live ultra-sound with Ashley busting open her cute maxi-dress just a bit and the doctor slopping on the goop. First they make a SOLID joke of putting Chris Harrison’s face over the ultra-sound image. I laugh for what feels like hours (jk). Then the technician mashes the ultra-sound thingy all over her stomach to show “an ear” (a blob) and “a thumb” (another blob) and finally reveal that it’s a boy!

JP says he would’ve been happy no matter what, as long as it’s healthy, but is thrilled to be getting a son. Ugh. I hated that so much, but Ashley and JP are still so cute I can’t stand it. And I guess if you could basically fulfill your child’s college fund by doing a live ultra-sound of it before it’s even in its third trimester, you would do that.

Now we get an extended preview of Bachelor in Paradise which is going to be juicy and vile and so fun and so, so hard to watch. I can’t wait. I don’t recap the Bachelor Pad/In Paradise seasons, but you can bet I’ll be tweeting my thoughts like crazy.

Nearly twenty minutes into the show, we finally get to the Men of the Men Tell All. Everybody is back and looking sharp. They do a little practical joke by everyone wearing scarves! I mean yes, a bunch of the guys wore scarves this season, so it’s cute, but I would have thought they were genius if it had been turtlenecks.

Ugh, man, remember how hot Hot Carl was? Hot Carl is still so, so hot. Coach Brian is adorable as ever. Dylan Bad Hair-Good Face managed a hair cut between filming and now, but it’s still some pretty bad hair.

The first video package rolled is the overview of all the negative drama between the guys from this season. We get Craig drinking too much; we get JJ saying it’s hard to be happy for other guys’ successes; we get Andrew being a gold medalist douche canoe; and we get Andrew being a racist douche kayak.

Chrarrison decides to dive in head first to “the most sensitive issue of the season”, WHICH IS NOT ERIC’S DEATH MIND YOU, but the alleged racist comment made by Andrew. Racism = very sensitive issue, but I just think the whole way they sensationalized Eric’s death is a little more sensitive. But they don’t care what I think do they?

Anyways Marquel talks a little about how after hearing from his close friend JJ what Andrew might have said, he wanted to pray and think about how to address the situation. The audience applauds as he said he knew he was representing not only himself but also his family, his friends, and many others. Ron, who was the other man of color included in the original alleged statement that Andi chose “the two blackies,” commends Marquel for how respectfully and gentlemanly he handled himself.

And then the funniest most horrendous thing happens. Andrew starts to say his part and says, “I completely agree with the way that Ron approached…” and is interrupted by Marquel saying and pointing at himself, “Marquel”.

“I’m sorry what?”

“Marquel…You said Ron,” Marquel gently says.

And then you can see the color and light leave Andrew’s face as he apologizes. Now, Marquel says, “No worries.” But I feel like he SHOULD be worried because in a discussion where Andrew is desperately trying to clear his name for being an alleged racist, THE ABSOLUTE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS CONFUSE THE ONLY TWO BLACK GUYS SITTING IN FRONT OF YOU. Now, to be fair, Ron had just spoken. But also, to be fair, they are two completely different people, and Andrew spent a lot more time with Marquel. And also oh my GOD you guys he called him by the wrong black person’s naaaaaaaaaaaaame.

So then they get down to really trying to divine what happened and what was said. We get to see the video of it where you can only see that he leans over to say something to JJ, but there’s no audio. Then Nick S says that he knows something was said, but there was a lot of chatter.

Andrew continues to be kind of a smug jerk about it, though. He’s such an asshole, that whether or not he did say “blackies”, he’s still a shit-hole of a person. Andrew attacks JJ and tears him down by saying that his credibility is spent and that he’s a person who doesn’t deserve respect. And shut up Andrew. Look at your life. Look at your choices. I would like to cordially invite you to eat boners, so shut up. I would like to be done with Andrew.

Farmer Chris even gets on the hating on JJ train. I just don’t think JJ is a bad dude. They are all questioning at this point how JJ handled what he heard, and that JJ is a snake. But Marquel, being a good dude, brings it all back around to how he loses respect for Andrew for  deflecting all this blame rather than just straight up apologizing to Marquel for anything potentially offending him. “I can forgive you for what you said, but I can never forgive the ignorance that is racism,” Marquel says. And Andrew is trying to applaud too and be like “I agree!” And then FINALLY Andrew apologizes. It took him ten minutes of accusations flying to apologize.

Apparently Marquel was a huge fan favorite this season, and I missed that memo.  But before Marquel gets into the hot seat, JJ decides to interrupt. Oh god here we go again. What is it JJ? He tries to get off his chest that he’s sorry if his actions were misconstrued, and then Chris and Brian both basically tell him to shut up. I don’t know. I don’t care about JJ’s role in this, so let’s move on.

Let’s talk to Marquel about god knows what because what is there even to talk to Marquel about? We hear more from Andi about Marquel in this video package than we ever did during the show. When he and the Chrarrs sit down to talk, they boil everything down to him being stuck in the Friend Zone. Ok. I will give Marquel a ton of bonus points for wearing an adorable cookie lapel pin on his jacket. And then he hands out cookies to the audience! Marquel is a class act, but he’s going to be on Bachelor in Paradise which concerns me. We’ll just have to see.

Marcus gets up on the hot seat to talk about his shocking goodbye. The women go wild for him, and much like Marquel, I just don’t get it. Marcus has only the kindest things to say about how he truly loved Andi and that she helped him mature and grow as a man. He is looking forward to talking to Andi about a few things.  

But again, Marcus is on Bachelor in Paradise, so I’m not TOO worried about either his willingness or his ability to find love. Chris Harrison is talking about Bachelor in Paradise as if it hasn’t already happened though. Am I in a fever dream? Did they not already show us ten minutes of preview?

Next is Chris’ turn in the hot seat with Chrarrison. The women go absolutely bonkers for him, and I can’t blame them.  Chris also speaks very highly of Andi, but wishes that he could have had more time with her and perhaps different time, where it could have been just the two of them.

And then Chris is interrupted by what I can only guess is a full blown psychotic woman from the audience. Even Chris Harrison is stunned, saying, “Apparently this is an open mic talk show now.” So this woman’s name is Ketra which is a CRAZY name. And then she sits down on the couch and says she’s Canadian and from a small town, and asks “Do you think you’re going to meet someone in Iowa?” WHAT THE HELL? THAT’S A BIZARRE QUESTION. She’s beautiful. But obviously crazy. Chris is blushing hardcore because how uncomfortable is this?

Chrarrison puts them on a speed date while we are on a commercial break, and that sounds horrid. Poor Chris. Obviously being set up with a beautiful but clearly INSANE woman. Chris is respectful and delightful as she leaves him her phone number, but I still feel like that’s never going to happen because she’s out of her goddamn mind.

Finally, we trot Andi out on stage in a skintight, sparkly number. She looks great. We go first to Chris to talk to Andi. He asks what happened to lead to her letting him go. So, Andi just kind of repeats herself from what she said when she actually broke up with Chris. Then Marcus asks Andi what happened, and if his saying “I love you” so fast scared her. Andi repeats herself again that she just didn’t feel the same way as fast as Marcus. Then Cody fires away that he’s sad Andi never got to see “The Real Cody”, and Andi is like, well I just wasn’t feeling it so I owed you the respect to just send you home.

Now Marquel fires one off! What the heck is this? I feel like she’s up against a firing squad. She is 100% holding her own though and respectfully, diplomatically answering every question. Marquel asks why they didn’t get out of the friend zone. Andi says she thinks the romance wasn’t there, and they just always had fun as friends. They laugh when he jokes how she was too shy to kiss him but really he was too shy to kiss her.

Then Nick S fires away that he feels that she really had her guard up when they were talking at the second rose ceremony. Shut up Nick S, no one cares about you. Andi is so kind in saying that it’s hard to just constantly be vulnerable and she’s sorry if he felt he was being brushed off. Once again, shut up dude.

Then Chrarrison introduces Andi to the infamous party crasher Chris Bukowski. He’s in the audience because he’s on Bachelor in Paradise. So they finally get to meet from across a studio audience.

And that’s the end of that. What the hell? That was the strangest Q&A I’ve ever seen on this show. And so short. It was just a rapid fire rehashing of things we’ve already discussed ad nauseam on the show.

Chrarrison helps clear the air that Andi is not in any way pregnant. Then Chris brings out the results of the lie detector tests from Italy. We find out that Coach Brian, Farmer Chris, and JJ told no lies. Marcus lied about having slept with fewer than twenty women. Oopsies. Dylan told the truth about NOT always washing his hands, so he whips out his hand sanitizer. But his lies were about preferring brunettes AND being ready for marriage. When it comes down to Josh’s results though, Andi decides to not reveal his results and let the trust remain.

Then it’s finally time for bloopers! They are short this year and not really worth it. But the show is now over! WHAT A WEIRD MEN TELL ALL. THE WEIRDEST.

I will see you all on Monday for the posting of the Official Drinking Game Rules! The recap will go up on Wednesday, but I will be live tweeting the finale over @Chasspod so join me there! Fill up that ask box if you have any burning questions left on your minds going into the finale. I’ll see you there.

The Bachelorette - Episode 8 Recap

We are really in the homestretch now kids. We’ve got Hometown Dates right now, then onto Fantasy Suite, a quick stop by the Men Tell All, and then we’re done. Wow. From that side it looks like nothing, from my end it looks like a lot of work. But let’s stop dithering and just get to the goods!

The first stop on Andi’s nationwide trip to meet her potential in-laws is Milwaukee, Wisconsin for Nick. This bodes well for him and his family, as the first stop is never the most titillating or scandalous. They do a great job making Milwaukee look like a nice place and not a sad, forgotten step child of Chicago. They go to the Milwaukee Public Market and do fun things like eat cheese, try cheese, sample cheese. All cheese all day! Jealouuus! Then they go on a brewery tour, and one of the beer pulls is called the Nick and Andi with a rose on it. Ok. Then Andi doesn’t know what the polka is…has she never seen HOME ALONE at least? Or like been exposed to any kind of anything to know what a polka is?

Nick has a big old family in the adorable town of Waukesha, Wisconsin. There are a lot of brothers and sisters and boyfriends and fiancés and husbands and wives. It is a HUGE family. But I’m still just distracted about how weird Nick’s mouth and teeth are? Have we talked about this before? His teeth are like tiny and he has little fish lips. Nick talks to his older sister about how he is definitely in love with Andi. That same sister Maria gets emotional talking to Andi about how she just doesn’t want to see him hurt again.

His ADORABLE youngest sister Bella has a list of prepared questions for Andi like “What do you like most about my brother?” She’s freaking cute. I can’t stand how cute she is. Andi is also really great with her. I love this segment with no irony!

Nick’s talk with his mom about how much he loves Andi and wants to spend his life with her is great. He cries! Nick cries because he feels that Andi is a half of him that has been missing! Ok. Alright. We’re at the point of the show where I feel things. I feel things. A boy crying to his mom who is also crying about how much he loves a girl? I mean come on. I’m not a monster.

As they kiss good-bye, Nick doesn’t take the opportunity to tell her he loves her. He says there will be time to do that later. “I don’t think of her as the Bachelorette anymore. I just think of her as my girl,” Nick says as his parting words.

Next stop is Arlington, Iowa (Population 758) to meet Farmer Chris and his down-home family! “There is a difference between being excited to be here and living here,” Andi says of her trepidations of really seeing what life would be like in Iowa. Chris looks super handsome in a vest and a plaid shirt on his own farm. I’m dying.

They go on a quick tour of his house. It’s a great little house that overlooks his huge farm. Andi is very impressed by a guy who owns a home rather than having a dinky apartment. Then Chris takes Andi out on the tractor to see the farm from that perspective, and he even lets her drive! She sits on his lap as he teaches her how to drive this humongous John Deer tractor.

“She asked me if she could sit on my lap and I said ‘I will never say no that question from you ever, I promise you that’,” Chris tells the cameras. Oh, swoon. Farmer Chris really tugging at the old heartstrings over here. Then they have a lovely little picnic in the middle of such a huge field I can’t see where it starts or ends.

Then they discuss what would happen if they live together. Chris really feels that Iowa is important to him and his whole life and family. He’s very understanding that you have to enjoy your lifestyle and where you live otherwise you’ll never be happy even if you’re in love. And then Andi asks what she would do for work in Arlington, Iowa and the FIRST THING CHRIS SAYS IS, “Well there’s an opportunity to be a homemaker.” And then I black out for forty-five minutes.

ANDI IS A LAWYER. FROM ATLANTA, GEORGIA. YOU DON’T HAVE THE KIND OF WORK ETHIC AND DRIVE AND INTELLIGENCE TO GO THROUGH LAW SCHOOL TO JUST THROW IT ALL AWAY TO BE A HOME MAKER WITH THE JUNIOR LEAGUE. WHAT. GOOD LORD. KILL ME. I WOULD RATHER DIE.

But then he says that Cedar Rapids is a vibrant community that isn’t too far away, and she would have opportunities to practice law in some form. And I’m breathing regular air again and not just steam and fire.

And then I black out for another forty-five minutes because as they’re sitting there Chris points up to a crop-duster plane dragging a sign that says “Chris loves Andi!” and he says, “no secret admirer anymore!” And Andi is so completely taken by it. She says it’s the most romantic gesture ever. I want to die at how hokey and tacky and like not cute that is.

They arrive at Chris’ parents’ farm house which is very large and modern and nice. They are successful farmers I guess. There are so many huge bear hugs that happen as soon as Chris and Andi walk in the door. His mother Linda and his father Gary (GARY!) are adorable. His sisters are adorable too. I love this family.

The three sisters get together with Andi and cackle as they share dirty secrets about Chris’ childhood. They also sing his praises and you can tell how much they love him and are proud of him. I like those ladies a lot. They are good sisters.

Chris’s mom is the BEST THOUGH. She’s THE BEST. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. She is straight talking and smart and knows TRUTH, y’all. When Chris says that it may seem strange he’s fallen in love so fast she says, “Well no. When it’s love it happens just like that. It doesn’t take much time with love.” And then she tells him how she was a girl from town and had never driven a tractor, but she met his father and seeing him on a tractor would just stop her heart. So she adapted and raised her kids on a farm and drove a tractor, and there’s nothing nowadays that would stop Andi from being a successful woman who also lives on a farm.

LIKE I SAID, THE BEST. She never said homemaker either so props to mom.

Then Linda and Andi talk and Linda continues to be adorable and supportive and the best. “Times have changed. I want you to know that if you want to have your career, or even if you don’t, you can still have that on a farm. As long as you have gumption like I’ve got gumption. I think you’ve got gumption,” she tells Andi. SHE’S THE BEST MOM WHO’S EVER BEEN ON THIS SHOW. SHE AMAZING LIKE SEAN’S DAD IS AMAZING.

At the end of the night, the whole family of grown adults plays ghost in the graveyard. You guys. His family is amazing. Andi finds Chris and he whispers, “you’re so smart!” Andi says she is on cloud nine at the end of such an amazing hometown date.

Now we’re in what must be one of the Living Hell’s on Earth, Tampa, Florida for Josh’s hometown date. Josh is such a bro-ey dork I can’t stand it. They go to a park and play some baseball. He’s such a jock. Andi loves every second of him playing baseball and being in his element. I don’t get it. I don’t really get it with Josh in general. He’s too much of a meathead. He’s sweet and genuinely likes Andi but what else? What else is there?

A point of interest for me is that Josh played professional baseball for a number of years and then quit so he could be around his family more and support his little brother as he played quarterback in college and is now trying to get drafted. I’m always suspicious of families that push their children to be professional athletes. Same with show-biz families. Suspicious.

Andi is worried that tonight’s dinner will be all about Aaron and the NFL draft, which is special, but it’s also a special time for Josh as he might be introducing his family to his future wife.  Josh has a reasonably sized family of just two parents and one brother and one sister. Josh even cries a little bit as he introduces them all. His brother Aaron looks like his twin. His brother Aaron also gives the toast at dinner which is so f***ed I can’t really believe it.

Then they talk for what seems like three days about Aaron and the NFL. Andi doesn’t say two words because she doesn’t know anything about it.

His mom and dad talk to Andi only about if she’s willing to be part of their family inasmuch as they will be going to all of Aaron’s games if he’s drafted. They are very protective and very close as a family and that worries Andi. She worries that if she had a family with Josh, they wouldn’t have their own lives as well.

When Josh and his mother talk, she tells him that he has put himself last for so long that he deserves all this great love he’s got coming. Aaron is pretty nice too but I still can’t get over that the son gave the toast at family dinner. That’s not ok.

At the end of the day, she had a nice time because Andi is hell bent on always having fun. But I think Josh’s family is a little intense and the least “homey” feeling she’s gotten so far.

Finally, we go to Dallas, Texas for Marcus’ hometown. They just drive around (in his BENZ) as he plays tour guide to his city. Marcus has already said he’s in love and has expressed the he would already be ready to marry Andi. Andi’s worried this is too fast for where she is at with Marcus.

And then they go into an honest to shit night club in the day, and the Marcus walks away and comes back IN THE SAILOR COSTUME FROM THAT STRIP SHOW DATE. AND THEN HE DOES THE DANCE. SOLO. FOR ANDI.

I black out for at least ninety minutes this time. So awkward and uncomfortable but Andi is like, “it was so hot! Marcus is so hot! I wasn’t complaining!” And I’m not entertained. She says that Marcus is the hottest guy she’s ever dated which is so confusing to me. Like, he’s good looking, but he is not THAT insanely on-fire attractive. Right? Am I crazy here? Am I alone in this?

They walk into his family home and wow, wow, wow are they Polish. Marcus kind of sneaks by as not looking super Polish, but his family are the most Polish looking people imaginable. Beautiful, beautiful people with beautiful eastern European things all over the house. I love it. This feels right at home to me.

Andi and his sister Kathy talk about how Andi feels a little intimidated by the fact that Marcus falls so fast in love and is so quick in expressing it. She wonders if she can catch up to where he is emotionally.

Marcus has a very emotional conversation with is older brother Conrad about how much he appreciates and is grateful to him for being a father-figure to him when their dad left. Real emotions once again!

His lovely mother has a sweet conversation with Andi about how she was able to open Marcus up so quickly with his emotions and trust. “You are very bright and intelligent and of course very beautiful,” Elena says, “I see the sparkles in his eyes when he looks at you!” She is so sweet.

At the end of the night, Marcus tears up as he tells Andi that he loves her and is so happy she met his great family. Andi is touched by this and is really touched by how kind and warm his family was.

And then we break to Chris Harrison’s home in Los Angeles. All the guys and Andi gather with a full film crew to be told the news that Eric Hill has passed away. I don’t think they should have filmed this in the first place. I don’t think they should have shown it. I don’t agree with how much they showed and how long they showed it, so I’m not going to say anything about it other than that it is of course very sad and very difficult to watch people hear the news that someone they know has died.

Magically, twenty-four hours later, it’s time for the Rose Ceremony. We start off right away with a fireside chat with Chris Harrison. My rock, Chris Harrison. Andi is very emotional about absolutely everything. She is emotional about Eric’s death, and sending someone home after meeting the families, and feeling happy about her love while something so tragic happened.

Chrarrison is so wise and strong and tells Andi that it’s ok to show emotion and that she doesn’t have to fake it up there, to just allow the emotions to flow and be true to herself. She pulls herself together long enough to come out to the rose ceremony and tell the guys how grateful she is for the love shown by their families. Then she picks up the first rose, pauses, and has to run off screen because she’s so overcome by emotion.

But we press on. And the first rose goes to Josh which greatly surprises me. The next goes to Chris which doesn’t surprise me at all. And then it’s down to Nick and Marcus, and, unsurprisingly it goes to Nick. He’s been her favorite for so long, and Marcus was the only one with whom she expressed any doubts. Poor Marcus. They have a very emotional good-bye. I feel bad for Marcus, but I know he’s going to get back. Andi says, “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you gave me.” Which is deep and cuts deep. He’ll be ok. He will!

We must move ever onwards however. The famed and infamous Fantasy Suite dates are up next in beautiful Dominican Republic.

The Bachelorette - Week 6 Recap

We’re here! It took me so long to get all caught up with everything in my life, and sadly these had to take the back burner for a moment. But now I am back babaaaay, and ready to go. Let’s dive into love with our friend Andi. It’s week six, and this rag-tag group of fools has hit Venice, Italy. They arrive by ship, calling and cooing to the gods of love and art that they are here to appreciate none of it.

Andi greets the guys just off the canal, and says the one-on-one date is starting right away. Everyone is expecting it to be Cody because he’s the only one who hasn’t had one yet. But jk, y’all. Nick gets the date! They play the scary Intervention music as everyone panics for Cody.

“I feel like the pet dog of the group, like I’m just being drug along,” Cody says. And that is seriously depressing. Poor Cody. You are a Grade A Jabronie, but no one wants to feel like a pet dog.

Andi is taking this one-on-one date with Nick to really feel things out with him and see if there was any reason to be suspicious of him after last week’s drama. They are whisked away in, what else, a gondola.

The guys are staying in Abano Terme which is, according to the copy they gave JJ to read, “gorgeous and just minutes away from Venice.” Farmer Chris takes up his role as this season’s Renee and talks things out with Cody. He supports his feelings of unease, but also agrees that Andi is taking this opportunity to talk things through with Nick.

With the help of a trusty guidebook, Andi and Nick explore Venice holding hands, buying pizzas and gelato, and generally being pretty cute. Over all this both of them are just saying words, words, words about last week and wanting to start over with a clean slate and Andi worrying about getting too swept up in the romance. But, as Hamlet and we all know, those are just words, words, words.

Nick feels really positive about their date though, and that, according to him, “We’re back!” Andi feels better but still has questions she needs answered.

“Going into tonight, it’s sink or swim for Nick,” she says.

And then the scene changes to night and Andi changes into her best dress yet. It is black with gold leaf effect and is very dramatic. They walk into an insane, I mean, insane, Venetian masquerade hall for dinner. Nick is in a tux. Andi’s dress is SLAMMING. This room is INCREDIBLE.  But Andi gets right down to brass tacks about last week and what exactly went down.

Nick feels like he was attacked unfairly and his feelings were hurt by Cody calling him arrogant. He is very straightforward about the fact that he knows what he and Andi share is special, and that he doesn’t want to be rude to the other guys. He also doesn’t want to put them ahead of what he has with her. That seems to satisfy Andi and all her questions. I guess it works for me too.

 They keep whispering though. Why are they whispering so much? Is it because the hall echoes and the sound guy was like, “whisper or nothing!”

 “I’m definitely falling in love,” Nick giggles, “I know we have a long way to go, but I definitely am.”

And the deal is sealed for Andi! He gets the date rose no problem. After both putting on fancy masks, they go out to a patio and dance to a little quartet. It’s romantic as shit.

Date card time! Josh, Brian, Dylan BH-GF, Marcus, JJ, and Chris have their names called out which means Cody will get his one-on-one!

Before the group date starts, Andi gets another note from her secret admirer. She does her best to feign intrigue and delight as she wonders who it could possibly be. This secret admirer business is the lamest attempt at wooing this show has seen since that guy on Emily’s season wore a mask for the first three weeks.

The guys and Andi do a little Venice exploring together, then head up to Monselice Castle. They walk into the dungeon and everyone’s like, “Che cosa?” Then through a creaky wrought-iron door walk the two most Italian dudes of all time. They are presented as two of Italy’s best in the field of reading and administering lie detector tests.

The first scary guy says something in Italian. Then the next guy, clutching a leather bound book because COMEDY, says, “We are here to make with you a lie detector test” in what I can only pray is the first of many silly translation issues.

The dudes are a little freaked out. “I never lie,” JJ says, “No, that’s a lie. I try not to though!” Ugh JJ stop being so irrepressibly adorable.

Andi goes first to get the ball rolling and to show that this trust thing is a two-way street. Right. The guys freak out in the courtyard while Andi answers such hard-hitting questions as, “Is Italy your favorite country in the world?” and “Do you think all the guys are here for the right reasons?”

She’s done awfully quickly, and then it’s Josh’s turn. He appears to be the most skeptical and mistrusting of why she feels the need to do this. Josh has completely forgotten that he is on a television show that lives and dies by the ratings it achieves through sensationalist actions, but no matter! He still does it. The main questions asked of all the guys is, “Are you here for a right reason?” and “Are you ready for marriage?”

“Do you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom?” the tiny bald Italian man asks. Dylan says no. I mean that’s FAIR. Not every guy does! GROSS. But like, ok.

Dylan then pulls Andi aside to tell her he’s going home because he’s really not feeling well. When she asks what hurts he slaps his tummy and his head because he’s a child. Sweet man. Simple man. Go home, Dylan, feel better.

Chris reveals that he is the secret admirer and is worried that when she sees he has lied to her (about that) it’ll be bad. Oh hush, have a little faith Chris. She’s gonna eat it up like so much ravioli.

And now the results are in! According to the tiny, bald Italian man “Three guys told no lies. One man told two lies. Two men told three lies.” He then hands Andi the results of the test, and then shares that Andi told two lies and hands the men the results. I bet one of her lies was that Italy is NOT her favorite country in the world. Chilling stuff.

So Josh is continuing to be so perturbed by a lie detector test saying that he trusts Andi implicitly and doesn’t need no stinking tests. Brian rips open her results right away though because he’s a human person who is naturally curious about shit like that. And LO! WHAT HO! It looks like Andi DID lie about Italy being her fave country and also about thinking all the guys are there for the right reasons. Now that, the latter lie there, that is chilling stuff. Kind of. In terms of what this show is going for.

After a big rigmarole of will she or won’t she tear up the test results, Andi tears them up! She TEARS. THEM. UP. After spending all this time talking about trust and putting those poor professional, Italian lie-detector men through an afternoon of ass-hattery, she TORE THEM UP? Baloney. Josh is really puffed about it and thinks it “speaks volumes of her” that she could have so much trust. Does it? Does it, Josh?

And then we have a quick, acid trip where Cody and Nick are silently in a sauna together? Have I inadvertently dropped some acid? No? Ok. Cody and Nick are just silently hating each other from within a sauna together.

But the group date goes on. After a quick costume change, they arrive back at the castle. JJ is so adorable I can’t really stand it, but he is dressed like a wizard trying to pass for a muggle: Purple pants, sport coat, linen shirt, big multi-colored striped scarf. JJ should follow that “always take one thing off before leaving the house” rule big time.

Brian pulls her away first to get some quality time. He does a “fun” little recreation of the lie detector test from before. It’s a solid “dad” move. I get a very “dad” vibe overall from Brian.

The boys are wildly postulating as to who could possibly be the secret admirer? I think Chris thinks he’s playing it cool but he’s darting his eyes around wildly and being like, “Maybe we’ll never know!” and then staring off into the middle distance. “Who cares?” is what I say. BUT NO ONE CARES WHAT I SAY.

Marcus and Andi continue moving right along the vibe train. These two really like each other, but Marcus is kind of oatmeal to me. He’s just…there. But he feels really strongly for her and  she for him. He reveals that before his one-on-one he was thinking about leaving the show because he was so weirded out by “the process”. But he didn’t. They kiss and we see his tongue big time.

With Josh’s one-on-one time, he decides to bring up that the lie detector test was weird because he thought that she trusted him. And she says, “You read that much into it, huh?” which translates to “the producers made me do this you big dumb galoot”.  Andi gets kind of defensive with him because he’s getting so defensive and strange about the lie detector.

The whole conversation throws Andi into a really emotional place where she questions everything about what she’s doing there and if it’s going to work out. She cries to camera as she worries that maybe putting her entire life on hold to come find a husband and eternal love was all for nothing. She mainly regrets not reading those test results. A-DUH-DOI!

But as she’s clearly upset after her talk with Josh, Chris pulls Andi aside to awkwardly tell her like a shy little boy that he was her secret admirer. They kiss, and it helps Andi feel better about the whole day.

And for that little ray of hope and puppy-like cuteness, Chris gets the date rose. But the drama ain’t over yet, honey! As everyone sits there with fake smiles of congratulations for Chris, JJ speaks up. Whether this was induced by jetlag, extreme fatigue, alcohol, or any other mind altering substance, we’ll never know. But JJ says, “No offense Chris,” which is a cool way to be informed you’re about to be offended. “No offense Chris, I’m really happy for you that you got it but I’m getting a little sick of everybody congratulating everybody else getting roses and getting one-on-one dates.”

He explains that it’s weird to be congratulating guys on getting further along in the process when that means that everyone else’s fate is that much unsure. The guys jump on him right away asking, “Well what’s the alternative?” Chris gets pretty defensive which is hot. He’s not just all sunshine and rainbows. Chris tells JJ that if he wants to sit there and be “sour grapes” that’s fine because he “couldn’t give less of a f***”. NICE.

Now it’s time for Agent Cody Banks. Just kidding it’s time for Cody’s date, but remember that movie with Frankie Muniz and Paul Giamatti turning blue?

WERE YOU WORRIED THAT WE WOULD MAKE IT THROUGH AN ENTIRE EPISODE WITHOUT THE APPEARANCE OF A TURTLENECK? FEAR NOT, FAIR READERS, FOR HERE IN VERONA WHERE WE LAY OUR SCENE, WE SEE A GRAY SWEATER TURTLENECK ON LOVELY ANDI. It’s paired with this bizarre pink skirt. I don’t get the outfit at all.

Andi is so excited to be on the date with Cody because he has “the most amazing eyes”. Does he? Or are we just grasping at straws for something nice to say about Agent Cody?

The Code-ster is really excited and just all smiles as they walk around old Verona. He’s such a giggly mess. They go to The Juliet Club and help answer some Letters to Juliet. This stunningly elegant and beautiful Italian woman explains the Juliet Club to them and asks them to help.

They read one letter from a new divorcee asking about how to feel confident getting back on the dating scene and another from a boy asking for help being confident around the girl he is in love with. Both letters are very sweet, and I can’t help but enjoy this whole part. But then Cody crafts a response to the dude and tells him that he can relate because he has the same thing with a great girl named Andi.

Now. Fine Cody. Way to share with Andi in a cool way that you have feelings for her and she gives you butterflies in your stomach but ALSO. These are supposed to be responses FROM JULIET. NOT YOU. NOT A 32 YEAR OLD PERSONAL TRAINER FROM CHICAGO IN VERONA ON A LARK. Come on, man. Use your big old noggin.

At dinner Andi is wearing some tight, tight pants that I first couldn’t tell were pants. It’s a cute ensemble though once I realized she was wearing pants. Cody is wearing a black deep V and a stripey blazer. It’s a rough look.

He starts right away by saying that he was inspired by their activities to write a little letter of his own. “Dear Juliet,” he starts, “I’m writing to you about my own love story. About a year ago, I was watching TV, and I saw a very beautiful girl step out of a limo. And I knew she was special” Oh Boy. “The first time we met, I knew we had a connection. Since then I’ve had time to get to know her and I’ve learned she’s a beautiful, down to earth girl, and has all the qualities I’m looking for in a wife. Today was our first date, and she has not let me down. And I hope for many more dates. And I also hope she helps me write my greatest love story.” Oh boy. He finishes by asking Juliet to bless their love story. Yikes! OH YIKES! I don’t think it’s happening for Cody, and after that letter this is gonna be like punching a puppy.

He professes more of his feelings for her. And as he professes more to Andi how much he likes her and wants to know more about her, she starts crying. “The longer you keep me around, you’re in trouble because you’re gonna like me more and more,” Cody says.

And that’s where she cuts him off. She explains that she just feels that their friendship is there but the romance isn’t. Andi feels so appreciated and lifted up by Cody and can see what a great, great guy he is, but ultimately doesn’t feel the romantic side of things at all.

She cries and gets really emotional as she tells him why she can’t take him to next week. He takes the rejection like a real pro though. He is so respectful and generous to her. Cody, you leave like a true gentleman. You need a little bit of a style-overhaul, but you’re a sweetheart.

The rose ceremony will be at the oldest winery in Italy (maybe) in Verona. The men pull up in enormous Rolls Royces. They’re are all a titter because they really need this time with Andi to make their feelings known and put it all on the line one last time.

Andi is in a slinky, sparkly black dress that is allotting for an intense amount of side boob. Nick pulls Andi away first and all the guys are pretty steamed because he already has a rose. But Andi really likes it because he took control of the situation like a man. Chris is very disappointed in Nick’s behavior, and the rest of the men appear to be in the anti-Nick boat.

The rest of the rose ceremony continues with the typical show-boating and emotions-bearing. Then Andi has a great fireside chat with Chrarrison who helps Andi to debrief her not so great week. She feels great going forward that her husband is there, but it’s getting harder with fewer and fewer guys.

Roses go out to: Dylan Bad-Hair Good-Face, Brian, and Marcus. Then it’s down to just JJ and Josh. My J-boys. And then, to my great chagrin, the final rose goes to Josh. JJ knows it before she even says it. He’s so crushed and sad. I’m so crushed and sad! JJ! My little pantsapreneur! I love you so! Come heal your wounds with me in Chicago! I will cook you delicious dinners and make you salsas from scratch J-JAYYYYYYYY!

Whew. What a rollercoaster this week was, huh? And it can only get crazier from here. That’ll be fun. This party is moving along to Brussels, Belgium. Cool! I can’t wait. Of course you won’t have to wait a full week for that recap, hopefully it’ll go up on Friday. Until then my loves! Ciao!

The Bachelorette - Episode 3 Recap

Even armed with a twelve pack of Summer Shandy, I’m not sure I’m prepared for this week’s double-header of The Bachelorette. But with tonight, the third episode, Andi and Company are already hitting that rowdy road off to Santa Barbara. That is even faster than usual to begin the traveling.

“I’m so lucky to be here in Santa Barbara. This place is unbelievable from the sand, to the air, to the mountains,” Andi beams. She is thrilled to be both in the lap of luxury and in for some serious romance.

Back at the bro-mansion, Chris Harrison breaks the news to the guys that they are going to Santa Barbara to join her on the dates for the week. First guy making the journey is Nick V! The cutie-patootie from Chicago. “Let’s ride off into the sunset,” the date card reads.

He puts on an adorable olive-drab henley, scoring infinity points in my book. They are going to go bike riding through the town and just have a relaxing date. She is excited that this date on bikes and at the beach is just normal and chill, something they might do in real life.

In LA at the mansion, Andrew and Marcus are having an in depth discussion about Nick’s odds of coming home while both sitting shirtless on a tiny settee on the patio. They tell us that Nick is the biggest skeptic of “the process” in the house, so it could work to his benefit, or it couldn’t. But I’m mostly distracted about the homo-eroticism of two men sitting in towels and heatedly discussing the love life of another man.

After bike riding, Nick and Andi do some hiking in the gorgeous foothill mountains just outside Santa Barbara. They have a really calm, natural energy between them, and Andi is right. By Bachelorette standards, this date is fairly normal/low-key.

Atop a small mesa, Nick tells Andi that he feels the natural amount of skepticism about “the process”, but that he’s been so impressed by her so far she’s blowing him away. Nick is just a regular dude: a great, nice regular dude that if I met in Chicago, I probably would never have pegged as someone who’d be on the Bachelorette. But here he is. Doing great. Being a normal, kind of dorky dude.

They climb farther up the hills to watch a stunning sunset. I do like them together, so we’ll see how far this little “schoolboy crush” goes.

The dinner portion of the date is at the old Santa Barbara courthouse that is in that beautiful, traditional Spanish mission style. She starts right away by asking him why he thinks he’s still single. So he dives into his whole love life including a long high school relationship, a quickly broken engagement, and why all that led him to where he is. Andi loves his honesty and supports his decision to break off an engagement when he knew it wasn’t right.

As they continue talking, Andi realizes that they share a lot of the same views when it comes to love and finding someone to spend your life with. She says it’s “obvious” there’s a connection. She gives him the date rose with the promise that she’ll “make [him] a believer in all this.” They kiss from the top of the bell tower, and it looks like a pretty good kiss, lemme you tell you what.

Now it’s time for the group date I’ve been most looking forward to. These are the men participating: Brian, Marquel, Cody, Tasos, Brett, Ron, Bradley, Josh, Eric, Andrew, Patrick, and Marcus. “Let’s start things off on the right note” says the date card and the men are convinced it’s karaoke.

It’s not karaoke though; it’s so, so, so, so much better. I should start this off by saying I am 100%, un-ironically, obsessed with Boyz II Men. Like there is no group with tighter, more beautiful harmonies in the last thirty years. AND I’M SO EXCITED THEY ARE THERE TO COACH THESE DUDES.

Bradley the Opera Dork is already doing arpeggios on the car ride to warm up. I’ll kill him. Such an embarrassment to Holland, Michigan home of New Holland Brewery and Hope College and two stunning state park beaches!

They are at the Music Academy of the West and enter an auditorium to the three remaining members of Boyz II Men singing “I’ll Make Love to You.” The dudes are appropriately pumped. I have goosebumps because of beautiful harmonieeeeeees!!! I’m so EXCITED FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I’m pretty sure I touched my first butt to ‘I’ll Make Love to You’ in the 7th grade,” Eric admits. Amazing, dude. Bradley already tries to sing, and I hope he chokes. Josh is really nervous because he’s not trained like Bradley but I think today the underdog shall prevail.

The guys split off into two groups to start rehearsing with their respective Boy II Man. And oh my god! OH MY GOOOOOOD. THEY ARE ALL TONE DEAF. I’M LAUGHING SO HARD I’M CRYING AT JOSH JUST NOT EVEN CLOSE TO MATCHING THE NOTES THE PIANO IS MAKING. Cody is also very not good. Brian is worse than both of them put together. I am SCREECHING and CACKLING with abandon as we cut to Marcus who at least knows how to get away with talk-singing, but it still hurts me so bad.

This is already 100%, without a doubt, my favorite group date in Bachelorette history on sheer entertainment level. Bradley is singing like an opera singer and that hurts me almost as bad as the tone-deaf singing. Tasos is ok. Compared to the rest he’s an American Idol. As they practice the harmonies together it sounds like a pack of wild dogs. They know they suck, so it’s at least laughing with them (but also a good dose of laughing AT them).

Andi is also so, so, so tone deaf it’s incredible, but she is such a good sport with it all. She’s winning me over by being so hilarious and fun with everything. Bradley won’t stop being the WORST, and I can’t wait for the final performance in front of people.

The Boyz are giving some great color commentary about two or three of the guys being able to carry a tune well enough to bring it to water and drown it. I’m laughing on purpose; I’m laughing at their expense. I’m laughing so much. Please, please find a clip of this online and listen in because it will make your life a better place.

The concert starts up with the Boyz II Men singing their new and old hits and slaying the crowd. Marquel is thrilled and says they are #blessed to have the opportunity to sing with them.

The bachelors make their way up to the stage through the soaring voices of the Boyz. They enjoy the concert as nerves rise and rise. During one song, Cody leans over to Andi and says, “hey, whatever happens, this is an awesome experience.” I hate Cody so much, but he is so right in this situation.

Both groups of guys get on stage. One group is in khaki jackets and red ties, and the other group is in matching blue cardigans with bow ties and baseball hats. The music starts up and they do the traditional 90s R&B low-talking to their “girl” at the beginning. Would you be shocked to hear that Bradley starts out? And he’s singing it straight opera-style, and Josh Groban he ain’t. This is not meant to be sung like a trained opera singer, BRADLEY. IT SHOULD COME FROM YOUR HEART AND YOUR LOINS NOT YOUR DUMB DIAPHRAM.

Eric does passably well. Cody is very bad. Brian hurts my ears so much. They are butchering the song but commit to it like someone at karaoke singing Whitney Houston when they know they are in way over their head but having so much fun anyway. Andrew is terrible. Marcus doesn’t remember the words. Bradley is straight up hogging the mic. Everyone is in agreement that they had a blast and it was fun despite ruining the song. I agree too. That was a blast for me.

The cocktail party is poolside at the resort, and Andi is in a killer hot pink, draped, one shoulder dress. She pulls Cody (ugggh) aside first because she feels like she and Cody share a similar sense of humor, and she wants to try a little prank. So she sets up by saying she heard “chatter” that he has a girlfriend.

Cody is shocked and then says, “I’ve been single for about three and half years!” Dawg, you such a playa no one can hold the Cody down for too long, ‘nah mean?! Ha HAAAAA!

But anyways Andi goes on and says, “Well there are guys who’ve been saying you have a girlfriend…and that’s she’s A STRIPPER!!!” AND THEN THEY LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH. WHAT A HILARIOUS PRANK. Wow. I almost crack a smile it’s so funny, but then I don’t because nothing will ever make me laugh like those men trying to sing a 90s R&B classic.

Man, do they ever laugh. Cody is such a jabronie, and I can’t handle him. But a fun thing is that you can see that his natural hair and eyebrow color is growing in without the opportunity to bleach it every third day. I hope he continues to metamorphose into a normal human man.

Eric is starting to worry about their connection and wondering if it’s perhaps faded a little bit since the initial heat of the first date. Andi tries to reassure him that it’s just a different setting and that she still feels the same for him. Eric accepts this.

Nick brings the date card at the mansion over to the three remaining men sweating it out in the hot tub together. The date is going to JJ! My favorite pantsapreneur around!!!

Marcus is feeling pretty nervous about being around all these other guys when he’s developing real feelings for her. He’s hoping he’ll get his first kiss with her tonight. I 1000% do not understand her obsession with him. They kiss. Marcus feels really great about it. I do not.

Josh continues to be adorable with is dimples and tiny scarf on his big body. They make out hardcore because she likes him a lot. He is kind of yucky and VERY, VERY sensual. I’m sorry I just said sensual, you guys, but there is no other word for the way Josh is behaving. He’s close talking and whispering and interspersing tiny kisses with long, deep kisses. Josh got mad game, yo.

And for “opening up” to her (WITH HIS MOUTH HOLE) the date rose goes to Josh. He’s stoked. Bradley is crestfallen in a dumb red satin tie. SATIN. I mean honestly.

And now it’s time for JJ’s date. He’s so tall and cute. Andi is stoked, as am I. He is wearing quite the pair of pants that I can only assume are his design. The date today though is the most cracked thing you could imagine.

They are going to “grow old together” which is funny in theory, but in actuality they are just being put into full body old age makeup complete with hair, clothes, and I imagine a ton of spirit gum. It really feels like the producers were scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one.

JJ looks like the Crypt Keeper, legitamtely, and he says it. “I look like a creepy old uncle or grandfather! Whatever…I look like a really creepy old man.” They both have a good hearty laugh about how dumb he looks and kind of cute she is. They go for a walk on the boardwalk to try and fool some people with their act. I don’t like it. They basically just stage whisper to people as their old people voice, and it is just terrifying.

But they both seem to have a lot of fun with roaming around Santa Barbara on motor scooters.

They yuck it up throwing a football around a park and doing some cartwheels. They just keep laughing fooling all these people. I don’t think they’re really fooling anyone, but they both have so much fun. They share an awkward first kiss swinging around on a tire swing.

Um and then in the CUTEST moment of the whole day, JJ pulls a Werther’s Orignal out of his pocket for Andi. Then they ride a carousel together and continue to be generally adorable.

Meanwhile, Ron gets a distressing phone call. He’s pacing around the driveway of the mansion and speaking in Hebrew/English to someone. He packs all his bags as the guys wildly speculate as to what happened. He comes in to say good-bye, and share that his close friend has passed away. He’s so cute. Literally my roommate and I were just cooing over him during the group date, and I feel so bad for him. Poor Ron! Godspeed. We wish you well.

 Back at the date for dinner, the two meet up back to their normal, young selves. JJ is still dressed kind of like an old man, but in the most charming and adorable way. He will probably have a rough patch of adult acne for the next week because of that makeup though.

JJ really opens up about being picked on and having to switch schools because he was having such a hard time. And he talks about how it’s hard for him as a weird, quirky guy to find a girl that will really love him. JJ! You SWEET, PEACH OF A MAN. Andi assures him that they all worry about finding someone and encourages him to continue just being himself.

He’s so cute, you guys. I can’t stand it.

More Mansion Drama is going on with the men though. Not boy-fights, but Dylan Bad Hair-Good Face has some life stuff he’s worried about telling Andi. So in the interest of telling someone before he explodes from nerves, he tells Farmer Chris, who is turning out to be the Renee of this season. He’s such a sweetheart as he listens to Dylan BH-GF pour his heart out about having both a sister and a brother pass away from drug abuse. This poor, poor man. He cries a little and Chris puts a reassuring hand on his back. These two. Like a couple of puppies.

Andi is really taken with JJ though in all his goofy, sweet ways. He tells her about his most recent past relationship and blah, blah, blah. Can you all tell that this is always my least favorite part? No one cares! Get to the good stuff! JJ’s talking a lot though, so I hope Andi’s not turned off by that.

She gives him the date rose though and they share a lovely kiss that isn’t hindered by layers of old-age makeup and spirit gum.

At the start of the rose ceremony, Andi sheds a tear or two over Ron having to leave. Her heart is aching for him and his loss, and she is so grateful for the men sacrificing their time to be there. Andi’s dress tonight is on point. Finally. It’s this deep raspberry, strapless number. I love it.

While Andi is talking to Eric and having a good time, a delivery guy walks in and hands her a bouquet of flowers she has to sign for. “I wish I was responsible for this,” Eric whispers as Andi reads the heartfelt card from none other than…Nick! That is a slick, slick move Nick (the Producers). How very cunning of you (the producers) to concoct such an elaborate scheme.

Andi feels really bad for being so happy about the flowers while Eric is sitting there. He is totally thrown off his game. Poor Eric.

Nick totally wins all of the points from Andi for sending those flowers. She loves that it seems like real life that he just sent the girl he likes flowers. Nick admits that he wants to make this process seem as close to real life as possible and do exactly what he’d do under normal circumstances. Andi loves this, of course.

But once again, and I have a feeling not for the last time in the next two episodes, drama erupts. JJ pulls Josh aside to discuss what they witnessed the week prior when they went out to dinner, and Andrew not only got the hostesses number, but also bragged about it to the other guys at dinner.

Josh and JJ are the truth police and pull Andrew aside to talk to him about it. I at least like that they talk to Andrew about it first, instead of running straight to Andi. The phrase “here for the right reasons” gets thrown around a lot. And Andrew just says “I’m not going to engage in this. I’m sorry.” And walks away which is exactly how a guilty asshole behaves. They chase him through the house demanding he “man up” and are finally turned away by him slamming a door.

Andrew decides to come out of his temper tantrum ready for battle. He feels that Josh and JJ attacked him, and you know, he’s the type of person who will give anyone the benefit of the doubt, “even dorks, even assholes, even the f***ing nerds.” SHOTS FIRED, ANDREW. SHOTS. FIRED.

He comes downstairs to confront the guys in the kitchen over a cheese platter and some cocktail meatballs (I’m hungry). He tries to defend himself saying that he was handed a phone number and that was that. But all the other guys are saying that no, he “got” a girl’s number then proceeded to brag about it to everyone else in the van on the way home and to the other guys in his room back at the house. He’s being an absolute ass hat about the whole thing. I don’t like this guy to begin with, so every move he makes just digs him deeper and deeper into being a smarmy yucko.

Andrew won’t stoop to the level of the “three lowlifes” who confronted him. What an ass.

But with all that being said, we go straight into the rose ceremony with nothing being said to Andi. Which leads me to believe that the major drama tomorrow night will be as a result of this shit hitting the fan.

Roses go to: Marcus, Brian, Marquel, Tasos, Cody, Patrick, Chris, Eric, Dylan, and the final rose goes to Andrew.

Which leaves Brett the hairstylist with a mullet-mohawk and Bradley the Dweebus opera singer going home. It also leaves tensions high and hackles raised amongst the remaining guys with Andrew squeaking by. Until tomorrow, folks! We’ll see you there.

Juliette, trying to ask Poison out: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Andi: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

Juliette: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t us crash at your place.

Lorelei: You people already know too much about me.

Andi: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let us crash at your place.

After That Aftermath

Nova: It is breaking and entering if you really think about it.

Juliette: A chonky dude with a white beard breaks into your house.

Andi: Like-

Juliette: Let me say it.

Andi: Go ahead...make me proud.

Juliette: Similar to Lebron James breaking you front door down saying "Want a sprite cranberry."

Andi: :loud wheezing:

Juliette: Or like the kool-aid man screaming "OH YEAHHHHHHH"

Locker Room Talk Pt.5

Andi: So~ Have you seen anyone who sparked interest?

Emeril: No.

Liora: Absolutely not.

Andi: Why?~

Emeril: I haven't felt butterflies around anyone in the sorority.

*Andi continues to brush Emeril's hair*

Liora: I don't like people getting too close to me.

Andi: But you hug people all of the time.

Liora: I mean emotionally, Andi.

Andi: Oh...Are you standoffish like Lorelei?

Emeril: She's not standoffish at all! She-

Liora: I can be sometimes but I just don't like people.

Emeril: But you like us-

Liora: Let me reword my sentence...I don't like people I don't know.

Andi: Alright, that's better ^^