Need To Kiss Him

so let’s talk severance. and shifting. and briefly about loa.

because. i'm confused. this is an open forum for anyone who has ever stared into the abyss and had the abyss stare back, except the abyss is a fluorescent-lit office cubicle and the abyss is also your bedroom, and you are in both places at once, except not really.

quick recap for the uninitiated: in severance, employees undergo a procedure that splits their consciousness in two. the ‘innie’ only exists at work, the ‘outie’ only exists outside of it. neither remembers the other’s life. a clean, surgical divide. a self cleaved in two like some corporate-cooked ouroboros. make sense? no? yes? congratulations, you are alive.

now. shifting. shifting isn’t exactly that. but. isn’t it a little bit that? just a fraction? a sliver? because your dr self isn’t some blank-faced mannequin waiting for cr you to clock in and take over. they’re not a placeholder, not a consciousness-on-pause. they exist. fully. they are you in the same way you are you. and when you shift, you don’t overwrite them. you sync with them. it’s stepping into a river that was already rushing, already frothing, already carrying you forward before you even realized you were ankle-deep.

so no, your dr self doesn’t ‘know’ about shifting. until you shift. unless they were already aware of shifting. but let’s not go full inception just yet. because before that moment, they were just living, unbothered, thriving, possibly drinking a very good martini, possibly about to be hit by a cab. and now, here you are. a new awareness superimposed onto the old. which begs the question: if you can shift into them, could someone shift into you? could cr you be the outie in someone else's severance? is some other version of you sliding into place, right now, reading this, wearing your socks, stealing your morning?

let’s get messier. let's talk homework. let’s talk clones. let’s talk about whether or not i would even know if i had shifted. because. okay. say cr me is the innie. and the shifting me.....the one actively intending, scripting, affirming....is the outie. would my innie know the outie had shifted? would i know? or am i a paper doll, neatly folded into a reality i had no hand in choosing, while some other me slides into the cockpit?

because let’s discuss. people talk about clones. about leaving something behind to keep up appearances. but are they aware? do they feel it? do they have the creeping suspicion that reality is off by a fraction of a millimeter? do they ever get that thing where they walk into a room and forget why they’re there, except it’s their entire life? if shifting is severance, who's the innie and who's the outie? is cr you the outie, with full agency, only vaguely aware of the other? or is cr you the innie, there in a single slice of reality, while your dr self gets the full panoramic view? maybe it’s neither. maybe the whole premise collapses because, unlike severance, the connection is never actually severed. i think that this can be applied to manifestation too. because. if you manifest, say, a different face.....is the you with the old face aware that it worked???

maybe you are both. maybe it depends on where you stand. maybe it depends on where you shift. maybe none of us know what we’re talking about and reality is a mobius strip we’re all just scrambling across in different directions, trying to make it make sense.

anyway. thoughts? feelings? a growing sense of dread?

ooohh..!

new hotd dr idea

"waow i really wanna be this persons friend.." continues to not talk to them but likes every single one of their tumblr posts i come along

in my head we’re all friends 😭

had a dream i was dating TOP from bigbang...am i supposed to know what that means...

i had a dream abt my bf guys , pray for me

guys im thinking abt woozi anr i might genuinely explode

really don’t rhink ppl understand the chokehold woozi in glasses has on me

there are tears in my ehyes

　　　how to banish resistance effectively , resistance is not some grand cosmic force, sadly, it’s a habit. so stop. here’s how.

you are not your thoughts. they are not a mirror, not a diagnosis, not proof of failure. they’re just noise. when your brain spits out, 'this isn’t working,' don’t argue, don’t spiral, don’t even take it seriously. let it sit there. watch it fade. because it will. so stop identifying with intrusive thoughts. 

resistance only survives if you start negotiating with it. the second you start dissecting a doubt, you’re trapped in its logic. don’t play along. when you get a thought like 'what if this isn’t working?,' just let it sit there unanswered, like an awkward question in a conversation you’ve already checked out of. give it nothing to work with.

resistance is only as powerful as the attention you give it. redirect your thoughts. immediately. to anything. every time doubt creeps in, think of something else. return to your assumption, your end goal, your desired reality. do it without hesitation. "but what if. ." no. "but i don’t feel. . .," don’t let resistance become the main thing. replace it, move on.

people act like doubt means something. it doesn’t. it’s just a feeling. a chemical reaction in your brain that passes, like hunger, like tiredness, like any other mood. let it exist without letting it define anything. don’t resist it, don’t analyse it. just let it float by like a passing car outside your window. not your car, not your problem. make peace with discomfort. 

assume your power. resistance is a relic of a mindset that no longer serves you. you don’t have to fight it, you don’t have to fix it. you just have to stop believing in it. act like someone who already has what they want, and let resistance dissolve into irrelevance. it was never real to begin with.

stop treating resistance like an enemy to be defeated. it’s not a force, it’s a habit. and habits break the moment you stop giving them power.