The Cemetery
The Cemetery
My last post reminds me I never told you people that I worked in a cemetery as a teen, I remember the first body I buried i was maybe 13, 14 ( i worked under the table because i knew people there ) He was a suicide victim, 35 i think. I stood at a distance during the funeral, picked up the plywood, took off the straps from lowering the coffin, etc.
With modern machinery most is done with a backhoe, but you need to manually shovel the dirt between the vault and the ground, and etc. so It’s raining out, and by the time i get there the hole is filled with water, i jump on the coffin and shovel dirt, i feel the coffin move beneath my feet, i float on this dead man and shovel dirt in cracks/
I remember after I went to the crematorium, which was a warehouse full of cardboard boxes, and drank coffee and what not, it being cold and rainy. I remember shedding a single tear for the man I never met and moving on with my life.
After that it was childsplay, nothing in a box or in the ground was even human, but that one moment will stick with me forever, that and the smell of the crematorium, once you smell a burning human body I promise you you wont ever forget it.
By 13 I had looked death in the face, and maybe it was traumatic by millennial standards but death has always been a part of life, and by 13 I knew someday id have some small funeral of people pretending to care and I’d be put in the boggy mud and forgotten forever more. It has shaped my life in ways you’ll never understand sans the experience.
There is no god, there is no redemption, there is here and now, and there is gone, and dont let any Babylonian babble sway you, when you’re standing on that floating coffin you know then and there, god is a lie and there is no redemption. I think, in private, I cried for that strangers water laden corpse more than I did for any of my loved ones, I regret not remembering his name.
More Posts from Wasted-life-musings and Others
I Really Hate the “ I Can’t Help it Attitude “
I come from a long line of drunks, my Mothers family were Swedish Immigrants and my fathers family was German and Irish. Not giving validation to stereotypes, but, all these people have drinking problems. If you read say Angelas Ashes, Frank McCourts dad would work long enough to get paid, drink away all the wadges and lose his job for not showing up, over and over.
He has a way with the drink they say. That’s bullshit and I’ll tell you why, i can remember stories of people in my family drinking canned heat ( that alcohol based fire in a can ) and you’d think that would kill you but scientifically if you mix enough regular alcohol with rubbing alcohol it cancels out the formaldehyde digestion process, though I wouldnt try it...
My family on ALL sides, came from dirt, just, the poorest of the poor, and they ALL had drinking problems, but they all went to work, and they all raised their kids and they all did what they fucking had to do, period. This whole “ Im a junky, I’m an alcoholic, I have no control over my actions because I’m drunk and or on junk “ is horseshit and the worst part is, you know that, even when you’re plowed you know you’re being a selfish asshole.
The root cause of your problem isnt substances, abstaining from said substances is just a crutch, a facilitation of excuse, you need to learn how to drink or smoke or whatever with a little fucking decorum and discipline. A fat person may lose weight and say well im never eating bacon again, the bacon didnt make you fat, the fact that you had to eat 4 plates of it did, the bacons not the problem, the drugs arent the problem, the economy, the people around you arent the problem, your family isnt the problem, the fucking problem is YOU, and you need to change you and not just eliminate all the things that make you a dickhead about life, because there are alot of things...
Who says Germans arent poetic
“ Sometimes i feel so happy, sometime I feel so sad. Sometimes I feel so happy, but mostly you just, make me mad, baby you just, make me mad. Linger on, your pale blue eyes, linger on, your pale blue eyes. Thought of you as my mountaintop, thought of you as my peak, thought of you as everything, I’ve had but, couldn’t keep, I’ve had but couldn’t keep.”
when i filled out my required draft card i ended my signature with a big smiley face, call me to war and find out how quick i become canadian....
Aldous Huxley’s death note.
Concerning Lilith, and of the Lillum:
I’m not religious, none of this is real, have fun.Ask alot of people and they don’t know who Lilith is ( though they will know this painting ). The story goes, in the garden of Eden Adam and Lilith were created out of clay, and Lilith wouldn’t be subservient to Adam because they were made of the same thing and thus equal. So god cast her out of the garden, and she became a demon. God then created Eve of Adams rib, and since eve was made from Adam, she was thus indebted to him and subservient. This is just one of many many bouts of sexism in the bible.We are children of Adam and Eve...or are we? Wouldn’t it be a real kick to find out we’re actually the Lillum, of Lilith, and maybe Eves offspring were actually saved despite their parents nose and went to some other existence somewhere. It’s easy to make the religious people go rabble rabble in atheist terms, but don’t tell them gods dead, or challenge their ideas from a standpoint that you believe in their ideas, it drives their little minds crazy. Are we all demon children? Have the Lillum been abandoned by their former god? Has it been Lucifer, who has always pitied man been the one to keep us afloat in this chaos? Don’t worry I’ll rant about Lucifer too later. God says hes a spiteful vengeful god, perhaps you are dirt to him, hell even better maybe you made god kill himself to escape his last great mistake.
The Buddha teaches us that life is suffering, to live is to suffer, because to live is to need, and to need is to suffer, and to be enlightened is to be free of need, of suffering, the Buddha teaches that the point of life is to live long enough to realize the point of living is to get ready to be dead longer, let go of need and consciousness, and accept it.
After 30 years, I totally understand this notion, it's already more than enough, not that most humans drive me the fuck up the wall or anything, Kisses, love you...
Here’s a fairly gay song to prove a point. The most beautiful languages in human history are as follows:
1.) Irish Gaelic
2.) Russian
3.) Japanese
French is so far down the list to me I think none of you get languages, italian too, ending every word with A or O makes it flow sure, but that doesnt mean its a pretty language, you’ve been brainwashed by movies.
Musings and more of a despondant 30 year old man, former drug addict, current writer/alcoholic. I'm unmarried, I have no children, and all my dreams are dead, I've wasted my life, and you can too! Never say never. Sometimes prolific, mostly offensive observations about people, life, and the nature of the universe. I'm a communist, your god's a lie, hate mail welcome.
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