“ Dead “

Dream Journal

Last night I dreamt that I was trying to create matter and life, I’m not sure if I was rebuilding the Earth because it was destroyed, if I was god, or what.  I was in a place filled with bags of powdered material, which I had to combine with water to make different things.  Like, for example I had a bag of cow meat dust, and a bag of bone dust, and I would measure these out and mix with water and shape to recreate a cow.

Your guess is as good as mine.

" Is murder ever justifiable? " is a standard sort of philosophical question, and with all philosophical conundrums there is no right answer.  We all have individual morals, based mostly on learned and observed morals, thus rendering our own individuality in the endeavor inert.  But i was asked this recently and actually gave it some thought, and here are my long winded results you wont read:

Concerning antiquity:  The Vikings had what they called "justifiable Murder" in where certain social norms and or laws were broken, and rather than the state executing, as we now as a "modern" society do, it was left to the individual.  in such a case, a family member felled unjustifiably, a family member raped, etc, murder was legal, however there were stipulations, you had to pay for the burial of said killed party, and if i recall correctly had to pay 6 months of their lost wadges on the farm ( despite the reputation, most Vikings were farmers and not warriors per se ) and this was because the death without said stipulations would punish innocent parties, IE their families.  This also meant, like in most cultures, the rich got away with murder moreso than the poor, go figure, but thats a whole different tangent.

We, as Americans or, modern westerners in general tend to be biblical in our morals, of course we dont really read into that.  In the Jewish Torah for instance, thou shalt not kill was only applicable in ones own tribe, infact in the torah ( and feel free to research this ) only sons of Abraham ( jews ) were even considered people, and murder or enslavement of non jews was, not only fine but encouraged to a extent.

Native Americans, on the other hand, and of course this isnt applicable to all tribes, native americans are as diverse as any continent, when someone didnt contribute, or acted in reprehensible ways they were laughed at, everyone just laughed at them, and if they didnt change the behavior they were then thrown out, essentially a death sentence.  

Now we teach people murder is always wrong, and if you do it, we'll kill you by injecting you with chemicals ( lethal injection goes very wrong often, btw, its not the peaceful death they claim ) we'll teach you killings wrong, by, killing you.  Now, you cant reason with a rabid dog, some killers we let out and they immediately kill again, its important to TRY but not everyone can be saved, just trust me.  In the case of a rabid dog, you put it down, not to just save others but really to save the dog from himself, watch some interviews with killers, they almost always know theyre damaged and are somewhat grateful for being stopped, because they cant stop themselves.

Do I PERSONALLY believe in murder, of course not, I feel that 95% of people can change their mind, and be to some extent rehabilitated, I also, again to some extent, feel life is precious, even damaged life.  Perhaps the murderer writes a book in jail that is published and influences a person to save lives as a career, one can never predict the butterfly effect of the cosmos.  

I think, ideologies and religion asside most people have a nature to not want to kill, perhaps hurt, but not kill.  This could just be my bias because i see so many pictures of hunters smiling with their kills propped in their arms, I only kill ( obviously i havent killed people ) when I have to, rather its to eat, or disease prevention or, what have you, and everytime i feel bad.  Hunters now arent hungry, they just like the thrill of killing something, that they then happen to eat, to me thats different entirely, but im off on a tangent from the original tangent...

All things are subjugate to perspective and scenario, no (sane) person kills and likes it, but (most) sane people will kill if their life is threatened.  I dont like tear jerky philosophical questions like this, any black and white question has no place in the spectrum of philosophy really.  If you aim to kill me, and i know it, ill kill you, in that moment, and trust that i mean this, ill kill you without a thought whatsoever.  Thereafter i will feel bad, and have nightmares and become a drug addict and blow my brains out or what have you, but in the moment, its justifiable.  

No man should have the right to be judge, jury, and executioner, however if you know, and i mean really know that unless you kill person A, person B, C, D, and E will die, thats simple math, blow that prick away, feel bad later.  This rant seems like its about murder, and it IS but more loftily this post is about all pseudo - philosophical questions, when is it ok to steal, when is a lie a good thing and when is it a bad thing, etc etc.  Is murder ever justifiable, of course it is, and more lofty still if reality is subjective, anything is justifiable at a given time, the difference is the intent, I think.  

But do abandon the thought that murder dooms you to hell, as if there were such a place, and if a fear of a hell is your only reason for not murdering, you're a terrible person and i hope there IS a hell, just for you.   We take for granted that our minds are our own, and that all minds are not like yours, and your reality isnt real at all, some people can kill for fun and not feel bad, theyre crazy, or, am i crazy because im not like that, its just my word against theirs, and the majority rules, which is a shit endeavor because the majority has group psychosis and shit taste in every and all things.

" That which is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil. "

I think humans take the disarray of nature, the winding path and make it into straight lines, we take clutter and sort it by descending heights or contingent colors because we fear the chaos of ourselves, nature being chaotic and us being a product of said nature.

I think we obsess over pretty things because we are so very ugly inside, and we hoard items because we are forever left so very empty.  I think we live our lives in fear of everything real, our nature, our demise, that we strive to fill our lives with only the fake, we live our lives in accordance with these fears and these fears all stem from our need for immortality, which comes from a selfish nature to be special.

I think everything in our lives is the fear of death, which is just nothingness, and we fill our lives with constant trivialities of somethingness, and that is the thing we should fear, we work jobs we hate and go through bizarre rituals to impress those around us that we dont really even like because we dont even really like ourselves.

Your Addiction is Bullshit

I’ve quit more drugs than most of you have done, It’s all in your weak little mind.  Now dont get confused, I’m not belittling addicts, it’s a hard thing to deal with, but you can do it, and you can do it without other sad addicts and meetings and bullshit.  These are crutches that still keep whatever substance near and dear to your heart, sure you dont do it, but you talk about it each and every week, and then when you go back to it you wonder why.

Believe all the fairy tales you want, theres no such thing as a successful 12 step program, stop being a fuckin rube about it, I go days, weeks without this or that drug, sometimes its physical symptoms, thats just like having the flu, man up.  You’re stronger than any drug, or you’re not and it will kill you, you decide which its all within your mind, but stop, STOP being an annoying cunt about it, if everytime you open ya mouth you mention your recovery or whatever, just spike up, atleast youll shut the fuck up about it.

The first time I smoked crack I was like 14,we were doin it ALL weekend, none of us slept, and then I went to school monday.  I felt like shit for days, but I got over it, without any external influence what so ever, i could do it as a child, you can do it as a sentient adult, stop this nonesense. 

I know I sound mean, and i sound like all the ignorant people that havent been there, but I’m not mean, and i HAVE been there, half your addiction problem was people enabling and coddling you, you cant recover with more coddling, youre responsible, YOU, and only YOU can change it, collect all the dumb sobriety coins you want, theyre a nice little token of how youre wasting your life now instead of booze or heroin or, what the fuck ever.

Jesus doesnt love you, love yourself.  Hell if Jesus IS real he’s the one that let you get all fuckin smacked up in the first place, he was a bit of a wine drinker I’m sure he was just passed out.

Facebook is just filled with suicide awareness posts today, everytime i log in infact its some new obituary from some junkie i went to school with or whatever, the ones not od’ing are blowing their faces off...

Nows where I pretend to feel bad, pretend we were good buds, and pretend the worlds worse off without em, when infact, its the exact opposite in every way.  7 billion people, mostly useless, go ahead and blow ya face off, no one gives a fuck.

Bob Pepper - A Scanner Darkly, 1977.

A man, perhaps even you, sits one day on a rockface high above a roaring sea.  He lights a cigarette, and watches as the water batters the rocks, as he watches, for hours the waters rise and fall, he contemplates that fate itself must work in much the same way, he inserts himself into this concept and continues contemplating his existence.  

A small child happens upon the man, the rock face though precarious being easily reachable by a certain means, and pulls from her pocket a small collection of shells and rocks she has found, and how proud she is of them.  The man speaks with her awhile, about her collection and how its a wonderful collection, the only of its kind in all of existence, and produces his own pretty rock he found on his walk, and places it in her hand.

The mother, finding lost child apprehensively calls to her, seeing she is amongst company of this strange man on the rock face.  As it happens, it then comes to pass a strong breeze hits them and the frail girl is sent hurtling towards the edge of the rocks, and the man grabbing her coat, stops her from tumbling down the cliffside.

The mother frantically runs towards the man and flings herself onto him, latching on in unbenounced appreciation and depth.  The man not anticipating this, loses footing and the man and mother topple down the rocks and the child is left an orphan, just her and her rocks.

No good deed goes unpunished, as they say.

Are Ancient Astronaut Theorists fucking retards?  Yup.  I mean, IS it possible that aliens came here in search of gold to repair their atmosphere, because there isnt other gold on non inhabited planets, that they genetically altered our dna so we'd be smart enough to mine their gold, is it possible that they invented theology as a way to employ plausible deniability?  That they then left, and never contacted us again, and or monitor us from a distance?  

Sure, that’s ALL possible, of course it's also possible I could be a hot redheaded chick in a nuthouse right now banging my head off a wall and I just invented this WONDERFUL persona of mine.

( God damnit, Nappa...)

Dream Journal

Last night I dreamt I had a jar of black flies ( you know, the ones that bite ) and my job was to keep adding flies, but only keep so many alive, while killing the rest. Id open the lid fast and mash my hand in and kill so many and scoop them out then add more live ones.  Apparently my subconscious brain likes to tie math to living shit or something.