Are Ancient Astronaut Theorists Fucking Retards?  Yup.  I Mean, IS It Possible That Aliens Came Here

Try It!

______ has been proven to cure depression better than ______ in clinical trials.  Try new________.  side effects include anal leakage,dick problems and thoughts of suicide.  Do not take _______ if you are allergic to _________.  People with depression should not take ________, this is better than alcohol somehow.  If you got better how would we make money off you?  You stupid depressed cash cow, try new ______ today because we told you to and you have no independent thought.

“ Sometimes i feel so happy, sometime I feel so sad.  Sometimes I feel so happy, but mostly you just, make me mad, baby you just, make me mad. Linger on, your pale blue eyes, linger on, your pale blue eyes.  Thought of you as my mountaintop, thought of you as my peak, thought of you as everything, I’ve had but, couldn’t keep, I’ve had but couldn’t keep.”

I’m thinking every so often I’ll post a book, just because I can, and tell you if I think you should read it or not, who WOULDN’T trust the opinions of a drunk stranger concerning classical and contemporary literature, obviously.

Treasure Island, this is a book I read as a kid, some of you may have read it as a kid or a teen.  Personally all i remembered was typical pirate story, nothing really special.  I reread this as an adult, and found it a much more interesting book.  Though written from the perspective of a young teen boy, it’s much better understood from an adult mindset.  the brief synopsis ( SPOILERS ):

Jim Hawkins is a 13 year old boy who works at his family business the Benbow Inn.  A rich seacaptain comes to town and takes residence there, where he gets drunk and generally terrorizes the patrons.  He pays Jim each week to keep lookout for any seafaring men that should happen to pass through, especially the seafaring man with one leg.

The captain as it turns out was the first mate for a crew that found a great treasure and buried it on, you guessed it treasure island.  One day one of his old crew comes in and gives him the black spot, the mark of death, and the captain chases him out with a cutlass, come in and has a heart attack.  The doctor sees him and tells him if he keeps drinking he’ll die.  the next day hes getting booze shakes and drinks and dies, shocking.

Jim and the rich doctor set up a crew and sail for treasure island.  Half the crew turns out to be the old captains crew and when they hit the island they all mutiny and fight and so on.  A giggle here, and a laugh there later and the pirates are all dead but long john silver the one legged seafarer, who weasled his way into a pardon at the bitter end.

ok, now onto why you should read this as an adult.  Well it depends on who you are I suppose, i happened to grow up in a bit of a well, a coastal town of drunken fishermen, just really like horribly accented new england drunks.  As such these sort of character i found sadly relateable and was surprised to find besides the manner in which they spoke, the conversations and things they did were the same as whats going on now 100s of years later.

Infact a I reread the book as an adult i realized the treasure, the pirates, the sword fights, really the books not about them in the least.  I mean if you like action there’s plenty, but its an interesting and very subtle narration on things like the nature of people, the futility of seeking riches, the advantage and disadvantages of fighting, and so on.  And instead of it being the sort of young adult reader book i remembered it as, it was very adult, had some of the most memorable fictional characters I can think of, and had quotes, within context, that were astonishingly good writing.  I also have a suspicion that this book is where like 60% of our conceptions of a pirate come from.

It’s a shortish book, if you like reading and havent read it since youth, try picking it up sometime, if you havent read it and think its a teen pirate novel, its not, give it a shot, its one of those books where you legitimately want to know what happens next.

America is a horrible, terrifying country run by mostly rich old white men supported by white mouth breathing morons whom the urge to punish is strong especially if you're not white.  America literally sucks you dry of any resources, until you run out, then they lock you up and use you as slave labor.

America then uses the funds from that and their other vast shady endeavors to wage war under false banners for oil and further wealth gain, which it then evenly distributes amongst basically 12 mr burns type old guys, half of which are Pfizers ( hitlers family ) and Rockefellers ( Oil vampires that have their hands in the med/food pfizer cookie jar )

I know i know, im some stupid liberal and im reporting fake news, because math isnt science anymore...

I'm left in misery, the girl I love's gone across the sea I'm all alone, I ain't got no home

Mandy was her name, sleepin' was her game She didn't care about me oh God, baby can't you see

I'm a lonely boy, I'm a lonely boy....

A man, perhaps even you, sits one day on a rockface high above a roaring sea.  He lights a cigarette, and watches as the water batters the rocks, as he watches, for hours the waters rise and fall, he contemplates that fate itself must work in much the same way, he inserts himself into this concept and continues contemplating his existence.  

A small child happens upon the man, the rock face though precarious being easily reachable by a certain means, and pulls from her pocket a small collection of shells and rocks she has found, and how proud she is of them.  The man speaks with her awhile, about her collection and how its a wonderful collection, the only of its kind in all of existence, and produces his own pretty rock he found on his walk, and places it in her hand.

The mother, finding lost child apprehensively calls to her, seeing she is amongst company of this strange man on the rock face.  As it happens, it then comes to pass a strong breeze hits them and the frail girl is sent hurtling towards the edge of the rocks, and the man grabbing her coat, stops her from tumbling down the cliffside.

The mother frantically runs towards the man and flings herself onto him, latching on in unbenounced appreciation and depth.  The man not anticipating this, loses footing and the man and mother topple down the rocks and the child is left an orphan, just her and her rocks.

No good deed goes unpunished, as they say.

Shakes the Clown