Search Rant On Tumblr

How many selfies can one take before they’re considered a narcissistic nightmare anyways?

Watching Childs Play, Playing as a Child

Childs play ( you know, chucky, killer doll )came out in 1988, and im watching it and realize:

A.) Im nostalgic about my late 80s early 90s childhood

B.) My childhood sucked

C.) My adult life is so bad im nostalgic for my shitty childhood.

I have these stories that make me already sound like an actual old man, but when i was young i lived in a 2 room house heated with a kerosene heater and life was well, pretty gay, but lifes pretty gay now and i had to do less back then, teehee.

The Human story: When you’re very young, the world is confusing, you struggle to understand the meaning of life, and therefore life is an abstract, fairly meaningless.  In the middle of your life, you have brushes with death maybe, health problems, near OD’s, your parents die and suddenly you’re very alone.  You work through it, but you start to fear death. 

Maybe I skipped a chapter already but at one point if you’re lucky you stop fearing the unknown, you realize everytime you sleep you die and hope you’re reborn, some people find god, and try to right all their wrongs out of fear, but death is the great equalizer, and is necessary.  Unlike Humans, Earth recycles everything and there are only X amount of resources therefore only Y amout of things can live on X. 

Do I fear death?  Sorta, do I also contemplate death as a release from the sufferings of the world?  You bet, but really it all comes down to how stubborn you are, I’m not in love with life, life has been shitty to me, and now that I’m old enough to do something about it I’ve lost all ambition therein.  At the same time, unlike some hot topic teen goth I dont romanticize death, death is grizzly and horrible. 

Most adults make a life via their vocations and families, they dont have to contemplate their mortality or the nature of the universe, not often, but I dont have that luxury, and as I sit here in my little self made cell, high or drunk on whatever, I think my perspective is different than alot of people. 

Every angsty teen is in love with death because they have a goldfish like brain, and they’re just finding the ocean, most adults are affraid to swim, so they only swim for reasons they make up, money, career advancement, what have you, and some pull the trigger and sink.  Death comes to us all, how you handle it is what makes you you, and everything you say do or think will be defined by this one basic premise, youll either be reckless or fearless, and both are really a sham.  You WILL die, your loved ones will die, in 200 years no one will remember your name, anyone who would will die, invent a heaven or live with it, live to youre old and pissing yourself in a bag, die at 20 from an OD it really doesnt matter you’re just a building everyones waiting to fall down so they can use your bones to shape a new building, you matter completely and you dont matter at all.

I refuse to cry for the people I know that have died young from drugs, i refuse to cry for the people that lived to be old enough to drain excess resources to prolong their inevitable demise, I refuse your concept of reality, I refuse.

I’m a very angry depressed sort of man, though I’m very Buddhist and level about it.  I have major moral conflicts with the people and the world around me, how it runs, the motives therein.  Though loved, and loving, I am a very un-affectionate person, I also have very little sympathy for people though lots of empathy.  I dated for too long too young, and have now been alone for a very long time, being a child of divorce I’ve come to have a very cynical view of love.  I distrust all humans and when I look in their eyes I usually see deceit, either of me or of themselves.  But it sure is good to just, laugh at stupid shit sometimes isn’t it?

Now that the new IT is out ( because no one can come up with any new ideas ) everyones all batshit about stephen king again.  We can walk up and slap the guy, hes cool but hes you know, not that big a deal to us, hes there, he writes books. 

Us New Englanders, we’re writers, and as you can tell we’re pretty cunnin in the looks department too, yessah.