Yea. Yea Just Flat Out Mock Me. To My Face. I've Tried To Tell You That Ur My Fp. And U Just Brush It

And right when you're in the middle of talking to me, you interrupt me to tell me you're getting a call from your "friend". I'm ignoring you for the rest of the night JUST for that.

I've got an odd feeling he's gonna do this again tonight. It wouldn't surprise me tbh. If he does, I'll be super mega upset tho.

No cuz I'm actually so pissed why didn't he tell me he wasn't gonna sleep call with me . Why didn't he say he was gonna be chilling out with someone else. I just want communication it's not fucking hard. I communicate everything to you and you don't communicate back. It's not fair.

Did not drink. Need to drink if we get like this again. And it will be blackout drunk. I can't handle him even saying that thing's name.

I just realised I gave him the password to my iPad. That has tumblr logged in. On this account. I'll be damned if I let him anywhere NEAR this account. So glad I remembered before he arrived.

I'm so happy for him. I'm so happy he has friends. I'm so happy he can go out and hang out with people and be happy. But I'm not happy. Why is there somebody else he can be happy with. I'm his best friend. Why does it hurt so much. Is it the jealousy that I can't have relationships like that? That I can't make friends or have people that understand me/are on my wavelength? That all of my relationships are face-value/meaningless except for him, we have a deep connection, how can he have a deep connection with other people that he hasnt known very long? I have known him for 5 years, I'm the only friend he's had for so long, surely I have the privilege to be the only one that can make him happy?

I can't let him know I feel this way. I can't ruin my relationship with the only person I have. It fucking hurts whenever he talks about the friend he met abroad that's coming over to see him. When he talks about friends, about being in active group chats that he participates in with friends in his local area. Why can't I be in his local area. Why can't I visit him more than 3 times a year. Why can't he make the effort to come visit me like I make the effort to go visit him.

I'm serious when I say we have a deep connection, but it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

It's not fair. None of this is fair.

I’d rather see you dead than with someone else.

Work is reallyyyy testing me rn tbh. Supposed to be moving to a different part of the store and I had a major breakdown at the store manager about the state of staffing for my current department today and she tells me "I don't think it's fair that you say we're understaffed when I've fixed all the issues." No, because I wouldn't be upset if the issues had all been fixed. Why doesn't your management call no-shows when they don't show? Why are our schedules only done 3 days in advance when it used to be 3 weeks? Why do we not have managers (or, y'know, ANY senior management) on backshifts?

She also was insinuating she wouldn't move me to the new department because of this one breakdown. Over team issues. When I'm moving into an individual, NON-TEAM based department. No girl, you WILL, and I will be HAPPIER. I get she wasn't feeling great today but girl, pull ur finger out.

He left. I now feel so empty and like I need to fill that void again. It's only a month until I see him again but it's gonna be a long month and I'm going to be in a mood about it the whole time. At least I'm covered in marks from him I guess.

You have no idea i can't live without you. You have no idea my whole world revolves around you. Being around you fixes everything. Wish I could be around you all the time so I wouldn't have to pretend.