"But You Were Fine 2 Seconds Ago"

switching from fine to depressed and/or near suicidal like a traffic light 😭

update found out that it wasn’t just breaking my fast that fucked up my stomach, but also the norovirus so that was a great experience.

I’m doing better now, however my sister accidentally caught it from me so now she’s sick. I took a little bit of a break from posting so that I could recover as all I could do was drink water, sleep, drink more water, vomit, drink even more water then sleep for 10 hours and sleep be exhausted when I get up.

I will say it was nice to sleep so much as I have reallllly bad insomnia and rarely get to sleep more than 2-3 hours. Most of the time I might be able to get 3 hours of sleep but it’s with periods of wakefulness. I feel like every 10 minutes of sleep I get I can’t sleep for 20-30 minutes, I’ve been off of melatonin for a while now just to give my body a break from it as in high school I was taking waay more then the recommended amount for someone of my height and weight.

Yall I broke my fast/ diet restriction and I regret it soo much. Not just because of my weight loss goals, but mainly because everything that I had( which wasn’t much) fucked with my stomach so badly

life update

over the past few weeks a lot has happened that I haven't talked about on here. to sum it up there's this man that's been stalking me since November and my college is doing next to nothing about it.

ive been to a fuck ton of meetings about it and I had one today where someone finally took me seriously about how this guy is not a student but instead a guy that's old enough to be my father. he knows where I live and just stands across the Road or paces by the door waiting.

its creepy as fuck and has left me feeling unsafe and like im being watched all the time. im terrified of walking by myself and im jumpy no matter what.

my friends are mostly being people that I can lean on but just today a close friend of mine has told be to not keep them updated and that they don't care. it might be an extreme reaction, but when things like this happen I block their number for a bit to give people space and to take a step back.

I want to continue being active on Tumblr but everything is getting to me and im honestly this close to deleting all of my socials and not talking to anyone on my campus. this on top of my eating disorder is not going well at all. im In a constant state of binging and then purging it all from worry and then I starve for 3 days and then I repeat the fucking cycle all while going to classes and meetings with the head of our campus security. it wasn't until today that I fully told my boyfriend what's been going on because I didn't want to admit that im being stalked as that would make it seem more real.

this on top of the state of the us is making me really debate why im still here. I might have stopped being super suicidal, but the urge to slit my wrists is coming back super strong. ive even started writing in my old journal about it while also drawing out how I have been feeling in it.

everything is getting to be too much for me and I want it all to end immediately. I NEED it to end before I end it all once and for all guys.

On Isolation

date idea: u tell me exactly how u feel about me in specific detail until my brain calms down and stops thinking u hate me

stupid rant

I feel like all my friends are pulling away from me and I don’t know why.

no one responds to my texts yet they don’t text me without me doing so first, or they say that they didn’t see my message when I can see when they read it. Everyone has time to hang together, but when I ask to join they have too many people even though it’s just my roommate and our two friends. Suddenly everything that we all used to do gets pushed to the side only for me to see them posting about how fun their day was, but they told me it was canceled.

I feel like I’m being excluded from my own friend group, and I hate this feeling of abandonment. I don’t like being lonely. And I might be overreacting but if you were in my place, you’d probably feel the same way!

when i actually do get “included” it’s like im not even there, i got talked over and brushed past, it’s like im a ghost. I thought part of college would be better then high school, but turns out it’s the exact same, full of fake friends and people that only want to use you for their own gain. Fuck this place and fuck my friends

Would anyone be interested in joining a pr04n4 discord server?

I’ve been thinking about making one for agessss but I’m not sure if people would join and be active

Reblog if ur interested!

new project!!

here’s a little sneak peak to my next crochet project, I’m freehanding it based on a picture I found on Pinterest. I am trying to find the original poster of the picture so that I can give them credit for their pictures/crochet pieces.

ITS BACK!

There’s so much to unpack here:

Pack of Beakers

Goth Beaker

The Beaker snitching and pointing out the photographer

The Beaker that’s about to unload on the photographer

The terminator strut before the ass whooping and you know he’s moving at speed because of the blur

The ominous feeling that you know this is 3 in the morning