JJ: Is There A Cactus Where Your Heart Should Be?

*after the motorcycle incident*

Pope: Is the pain bad?

JJ: It's not that bad.

Pope: Don't lie to yourself.

JJ: I'm not lying to myself, i'm lying to you.

Pope: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn't anyone around to help you? What if it's congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

JJ: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out in bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Cleo: Can you teach me how to hoe?

JJ: Rude.

JJ: *sips beer*

JJ: But yes.

JJ and Pope *staring into each other’s eyes*

John B *opens a beer*

JJ: we’re having a moment

John b: and I’m having a beer

JJ: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.

Pope: Seize the day, seize the night, what's the last one?

JJ: Seize the dick.

Kiara: oh my fucking god-

Cop: You ran a red light.

JJ: So did you, hypocrite.

Cop: I was following you.

JJ: That was dumb, I'm a terrible driver.

Cop: Get out.

JJ: Bitches b like "I'm baby" but have childhood trauma and neglect like wtf do you know about being baby you were forced to grow up from an early age anyways I'm bitches

Pope: I-

JJ, screaming and running with a metal bin: I’M BREAKING THE WINDOW!

‘Emergency assistance, this is Trisha’

Pope: hi, we.. we locked our baby in the car and people are judging us

JJ: I SWEAR TO GOD IM GONNA BREAK IT

Pope: do not break it, you’ll get glass on him!

‘Sir, please tell your wife to relax, everything is going to be okay’

Pope: that’s a man

‘Really?’

JJ: There’s nothing gays hate more than being treated like women, okay? We don’t want to go to your baby shower, we don’t have a time of the month, and we don’t love pink.

Pope: You love pink

JJ: No, pink loves me

Everyone at DisneyLand Pt2

JJ: Cooper, sweetie, don't pull

Heyward: Cooper, heel!

Pope, *rolling his eyes* dad.

Heyward: if I had known you guys were gonna do this, I would have brought Stella

Pope: it was JJ's idea

JJ: so much for the united front. I'll have you know despite all your jokes, Cooper enjoys it

Cooper: Woof! Woof!

JJ: Okay, sweetie, not helping.