Bonus Spy:

what

bungus

I think if medic and sniper are ever just waiting for something they just silently take their glasses off and swap them

Dear M,

Hi, Pauling here. I’m sure you remember me from my last letter regarding the bugs that you may or may not have put in our base. But that was so long ago - I’m sure we can put our differences aside in order to work towards a common goal. That’s what civil people do, right? They compromise.

We have a suspicion that you are keeping one of our teammates, as well as a teammate from another company, hostage in a diner. For their freedom and your cooperation, we are willing to pay any price. Money is no object. We can provide equipment that isn’t available - or legal - anywhere else.

We don’t know why you have done this, if you have, but there is no one we can’t outbribe.

With all due respect,

Miss Pauling

R.E.D Team

@talk-to-the-mercs

𝖶𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝗇𝗈𝗐, 𝖻𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝗌𝗌𝗎𝗆𝖾 𝗐𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽𝗇'𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗒𝗈𝗎, 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗐𝖾 𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗂𝗍, 𝖬𝗂𝗌𝗌 𝖥 𝖯𝖺𝗎𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀.

𝖠𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺 𝗁𝗈𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗀𝖾 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇...

𝖢𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗈𝗇, 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝗎𝗆𝖻?

𝖶𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽𝗇'𝗍 𝖽𝗈 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗇 𝗉𝗎𝖻𝗅𝗂𝖼, 𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖯𝖺𝗎𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖭𝗈𝗐, 𝖻𝗋𝗂𝖻𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗂𝗌 𝗎𝗇𝗇𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖾𝖽. 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝗐𝖾'𝗋𝖾 𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾... 𝖲𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇, 𝗇𝗈𝗐.

𝖶𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄, 𝗐𝖾'𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗄𝖾𝖾𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗇 𝖾𝗒𝖾 𝗈𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎.

;)

𝖢𝗁𝖾𝖾𝗋𝗌, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒, 𝖬.

hiii im the artist who drew the autistic sniper art and i just wanted to say i love the tags you left!!!! ive never gotten a long string of tags like that on my art before so it was really awesome to see and fun to read 🫂 thank you 🫶

Bahaw hi!!! I’m so glad to hear it :D your art is awesome and I got super excited seeing it, haha.

As a friend on ao3 once said, peace and love on planet autism!!! >:DDD

I love when ppls art gets me going into a spiral of headcanons like that haha, I can’t help but write it down lmao—Next time I should probably keep it in the text and not the tags for the sake of readability though; I just didn’t realize I’d ramble for that long bahahah

But yeah!!! Everyone go check out this cool artist NOW or else <3

Reasons to love Heavy TF2

(Hey if anyone has the source of whoever posted this particular gif of meet the heavy, let me know and I’ll update!)

I wasn’t kidding when I said I was overwhelmed with love for heavy for no particular reason. Heavy appreciation post with additions from suggests discord server members! :]

Makes very very good sandwiches and is able to share with others, very generous and kind

protects everyone at all costs

Russian

has a PhD in Russian literature

incredibly intelligent yet also muscle man

brawny and bear-like

could crush a man then hug you gently

very huggable, 100/10

cares a lot for his family

worries over his family a lot, but gives them the benefit of the doubt when they say they’re okay and can do things on their own

encourages his family members and teammates to practice self care, be strong, pursue their goals, etc.

reads a lot, would be nice to read together with him in a dimly lit room by a fire

could pick you up with one hand

you’d have to be picked up or be on a ladder to kiss him (very positive trait)

trains a lot and is serious about his job

team player, great at getting things done

reliable in anything, especially knowledgable in subjects and great at doing heavy lifting

allows birds to sit on his gun despite being very particular about its appearance and who is allowed to touch Sasha.

trusting of everyone, and also trustworthy because of it.

not afraid to try new things or put his trust in someone who others may not want to (Ex. Medic)

gentle giant in general, could pet doves without much trouble despite having such huge hands

large hands, probably calloused from how hard he works!

Also wears very cool gloves.

very muscular!!! Can carry around Sasha and his other miniguns despite them being incredibly heavy and expensive to fire

patient as well!!!

mother hen instinct, probably makes a mean soup for those who have colds

can probably also bake very well because of his culture and upbringing-

he is the heavy weapons guy what’s not to love!!!

I’ve shipped little otter to you for Heavy… He’s little lion’s colleague, and is here to help! Whenever Heavy is frustrated, little otter is very holdable and will want to help calm him down.

Perhaps I should sew up plushies for everyone… I think they all deserve a loving companion. :]

Heavy holds the little otter in his hands, and he smiles, pleased. “Oh, he is good friend...thank you, I will keep him next to Sasha!” He greatly appreciates the gift and the craftsmanship.

Starter headcanons!

We’re beginning with some Engie headcanons!

ENGINEER

Despite his profession, Engie is probably the sweetest team member.

Basically the team mom. Everyone loves when he and Pyro are on cooking duty for the week, because you’re guaranteed to have the best barbecued, baked, fried, or buttered foods in your life.

Dell knew from the beginning that Scout and Spy were related. He was shocked when few other members had noticed the fact, and kept it to himself.

Because of this, fatherly instinct kicked in and he treats Scout like he would a son. Scout may not respect his inventions, but Dell knows he won’t hesitate to come talk to him if he needs a shoulder to lean on.

Tell an incorrect fact anywhere in the base, and Engie will BOLT to correct you. This man has what can only be described as a spidey sense. He could be in his workshop with the door closed, you could whisper, on the other side of the base on another floor, and he would just... know.

The best way to get Engineer to sleep is to use this fact to your advantage. Utter a clearly untrue fact in his room, and watch him come running.

As amiable as Engie is, he’s still a mercenary, and a cold blooded killer at that. He’s painfully aware that he appears a friendly face to all, and is basically a child magnet when disguised as a civilian, since he’s required to ditch the glove and hat, but refuses to take off the goggles.

He’s not opposed to telling stories to the brave little ankle biters, or showing off his robotic arm (albeit shyly). But he tries to throw in a good lesson or two, or spook ‘em off after a while with his whole cyborg shtick.

In the end, Engineer just wants to make sure those kids are inspired to get an education, then take a path that ain’t his own.

Imagining the future; a public statement (or rather questioning) about why 39,000 students across the entirety of the United States, all majoring in some form of engineering, cited their inspiration as varying descriptions of a cyborg man who wanted them to share their knowledge to make the world a better place. Occasionally, Dell is approached at bars or random locations by adults and children alike, sheepishly asking if they’re the cyborg man they met when they were little, or that their big brothers and sisters told stories of. All he gives is a knowing smile and a handshake.

Engineer can’t sit still for very long. He’s always tinkering with something or fidgeting with anything that could be used for scrap or built into something else.

An insomniac, Dell has trouble falling asleep at night thanks to his constant urge to work. He won’t rest until he’s finished with his latest idea, or until he passes out from exhaustion.

The other mercs usually have to carry him to his room after a few nights in a row of this behavior, especially if he had an off day on the field because of it. Even then, there’s no guarantee you won’t find him sitting up in his bed, scribbling down his dream inventions before they fade from memory, muttering equations under his breath.

Sews stuffed animals for pyro and any other merc who wants one. Each mercenary has at least one, even spy and scout, since they were given as gifts a long time ago. Scout would never admit it, but he keeps it under his bed and cuddles it when he has a particularly bad nightmare. Spy has it on display on his shelf, perfectly polished. If he gets drunk and emotional, you’ll probably find a sobbing Frenchman wrapped around a big soft plushie on the floor.

The stuffed animals:

Scout: a little white rabbit with black buttons for eyes, and a tiny fitted headset with a mini hat perched on top. It’s velcro.

Spy: a black cat plushie with blue buttoned eyes and checkered overalls. It has a blue bow tie.

Sniper: A green felt and fabric chameleon. Has a lime -> blue -> red satin texture gradient on its tail and large black beads for eyes.

Soldier: Just. An eagle. Photorealistic eagle texture filled with stuffing. He knows.

Engie: Teddy! Cuddles teddy bear. Big bear. Very soft, very good.

Medic: a recreation of Archimedes with large cotton wings. Has a patch of red on its chest and the buttons used for its eyes are a very subtle cherry color, almost unnoticeable unless you see it in good lighting. When not being held at night, you can occasionally catch a glimpse of the birds cuddled up to it in the day, save for Archimedes himself, who keeps trying to fight it.

Heavy: Were you expecting a bear? Nope! It’s a salmon. Being filled with stuffing of course, but has a soft wooden spine linked together by string. Clatters together softly like chimes sometimes when shaken, but if you do you’re getting socked in the face by heavy. The little wooden framework allows it mobility, so that heavy can comfortably hold it during his nightmares without waking up with stiff shoulders.

Demo: a penguin with an eyepatch. About the height of his forearm with a mix of a sort of softer denim texture for the body and polyester for the spots and patterns. Has a red chiffon bow tie attached to it, and the one eye it has is a big white bead to match the accents. Definitely has a tiny scrumpy bottle. Also definitely not haunted. Certainly, without a doubt.

Pyro: The very first was a balloonicorn! A few others were based off of pyros crayon sketches of pyroland, but there’s just too many to describe! Engie can’t get enough of making the little firebug clap their hands in excitement and endearment after a bad day or stormy weather, having gifted them another soft toy for their collection.

But to pyro, Engie is the best stuffed animal of them all. Passing on the battlefield? Hug. Working in the garage? Hug. Underneath a vehicle performing maintenance? Damn right they’re getting under there somehow! Because Engie is the only one who seems to understand what they see, what they say, how they act.

Hey look buddy,

He’s an engineer.

He solves problems.

524 Not assigned or no longer used

Well that’s oddly specific and not at all ominous or terrifying! What happened to 524??? What calamity occurred to remove it from the Dewey Decimal Classification List???

The last three digits of your current follower count is the Dewey Decimal Classification subject on which you must immediately give a 15-minute presentation.

How would you do?

Mercs reaction to S/O cuddled up against them and waking them with a kiss, saying, "Good morning, handsome..." Pretty please with gummy bears and whipped cream on top!

Sorry for the wait on this one, I tried to put depth into everyone! 

Image is from tf2-pngs! 

Demoman: 

As somebody who frequently wakes up with some form of a hangover, having their s/o there is a godsend. Though, with you there for emotional support also means he’s been cutting back a bit on drinking.

He’s immediately in a much better mood throughout the day! Just being there for him when he wakes up allows him to be much more sociable, it gives him a reason to be out and about just to make it up to you.

Waking up to “Good morning handsome…”, He’s immediately smitten. The love of his life is right there in front of him, and he feels like he doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve to have somebody like his s/o, but the expression on their face eases that thought. They look so content and happy just being there, and it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy to the point he feels he might cry.

Engineer:

“G’mornin, sweet pea…”

Engineer is awestruck, and doesn’t want to move for fear of disturbing his S/O’s comfortable position. His face is redder than a tomato, but the adoring smile plastered across his face is more than enough to show his feelings about it all.

Eventually, the two of you laugh at how flustered Engie became, and shift a bit closer. They’ll have to get up for work eventually, but the two together are too comfortable to give up another fifteen minutes of sleep.

Heavy:

The feeling of wanting to protect somebody is strong for this man, so when he wakes up to a kiss and to see his S/O there, looking so comfortable and happy, he feels a swell of pride and joy.

When he sits up, the first thing he does is pick up his S/O and kiss them back, holding them bridal style and complimenting them in Russian. 

“[Name] is handsome like Heavy. Is good. Heavy likes this about [Name].”

Heavy takes the time to brush out his S/O’s hair and grab whatever they may need for the day (glasses, watch, a mask, their earpiece, etc.)

The comfy atmosphere never once breaks.

Medic:

“Oh stop it meine Liebe, you flatter me-”

The two of you share a laugh as he begins to wake up. He’s rather quick to do so, being a night owl and an early bird simultaneously means that Medic has a mental alarm clock.

Seeing his S/O laying there, willing to be vulnerable around one of the more dangerous mercenaries is something he’s yet to work out the reason for. 

He’s reminded of the fire of spunk that they have though when he’s attacked with a kiss and the ruffling of his hair. In reality, he really is flattered, but he’d never tell his S/O to the extent of such. No time, he has experiments to do!

He returns the kiss, but doesn’t allow for his S/O to stay where they are, since the early bird gets the worm- or rather, the fresh coffee. Not that the two mind, whether his S/O is a morning person or not, sleep is a necessary sacrifice for being with him. 

The doves also get very, very angry when not fed on time, so...

Pyro:

Pyro immediately returns the gesture, filled with energy for the day thanks to their S/O’s compliment. Even without pyrovision, being with you is like being in a dream world of it’s own. 

They let out a muffled laugh at the compliment, and beneath the mask, are honored to have you there with them. The fact their S/O has accepted them for who they are and is so relaxed around them-- even when the other mercs aren’t, is something of a wish come true.

The other mercs have to come get you, since Pyro and their S/O both started a pillow fight upon finishing saying good morning to each other. 

Scout:

Immediate ego boost. If you thought Scout could ever feel any better about himself than he did already, then you’re wrong and he will fight you on this.

In reality, Scout is flustered to no end, but tries not to show it outside of the beet red blush that creeps up his face when woken up in this way. Part of him has his doubts that he was ever meant to be with you. After all, who could ever deserve anyone this sweet?

But with your reassurance, he feels so, so much better about receiving compliments and does his best to return the favor, even while he’s still half asleep.

“Hheeey babe, mmorning, ever… uh… tell you how… preeetty you looked? … Yeah, ‘cause you’re… Freakin’, unbelievable, you’re like-- a ghost or somethin’, ‘cause you’re too good t’ be real… Yeah… G’morning…”

Sniper:

Like Scout, Sniper is rather unsure about what he’s ever done to deserve somebody like his S/O. Being awoken to compliments only reassures him that you’re his, and his alone.

That being said, he’ll have his S/O in his arms for the rest of the morning, head resting atop yours as you both get ready. He’ll do his best to return the compliments, but through actions rather than words.

He’ll have a bright grin for the remainder of the morning, too. When the other mercs ask him what’s got him so cheerful so early, he’ll blush and look away, tilting his hat over his face. Moreover, the jitters he gets when you take a moment to rest your head on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his own in front of the others to show why he wore a genuine smile. Giddy as a word under-describes how he feels around his S/O.

Soldier:

“GREAT MORNING, WITH YOU HERE!”

Blunt, to the point, and loyal as a dog, Soldier will be up on his feet the second he hears his S/O talking. He’ll shower them in compliments while carrying them bridal style to make breakfast.

The pride he feels for America still burns bright, but the pride of being able to hold his S/O in his arms outshines it by the magnitude of a sun. He shares your smile.

Spy:

“Good morning, mon amour…”

Having been well versed in the world of romance, Spy is pleasantly surprised that his S/O was the first to initiate a compliment for the morning. Seeing them in his arms, waking up to a kiss, he finds it telling that his S/O truly does care.

In fact, he holds them tighter. Knowing he’ll have to get up for work eventually-- Or perhaps it is a ceasefire, he finds that he cares less with them around. Years and years of putting on a snide, arrogant personality to ward others away has taken its toll, and he wonders how somebody like his S/O had seen so clearly through it and into his very core.

He returns the gesture as well as he can, having difficulty showing his emotions clearly and especially around the mercenaries, whom he must keep his persona around. With every kiss, he almost feels like his S/O is slowly but surely helping him become better, piece by piece.

So a decent amount of people showed interest about this when I gave the idea of this through an sfm poster I made, so I wanted to talk about it here! (Also to show off my work, im rather proud of it!)

Taking place during MvM’s arc, a few of Gray Mann’s bots malfunction and become creepily... sentient, if you could even call it that. They displayed keen interest in their real counterparts, most notably the bot medic. Deep within the tunnels that usher tanks into the scene, a makeshift infirmary was created, where they attempted to mirror the real RED medic, their medicine, their birds, and most of all their excitement. 

They would take pieces of worthless, broken comrades and spare them from incineration, instead repairing them. Unfortunately, they didn’t seem to understand their surroundings quite like he did, and in turn deactivated themselves. So, out of sheer loneliness, they saw one other option...

But enough talk about the Medic, who’s that Sniper?

Bot Sniper was just another pawn of Gray Mann’s, and a younger one at that, fresh out of the factory and emotionless just like the others. Hurriedly rushed onto the battlefield and clueless of what would become of them-- (not having an ai will do that to you) --and began to pick away at the enemy team. 

They aren’t sure what happened that day that allowed them to survive, but a stray rocket hit them square in the chest, exposing their circuitry and leaving them for dead. Yet, as the battle raged on, they held on by a thread, malfunctioning and twitching the entire time. And as it ended, Scout found them convulsing and sparking on the ground long after the mess of cogs had been collected and sold off. 

While he was initially tempted to put it out of it’s supposed misery with his trusty ol’ bat, he uh, wouldn’t tell ya this but he kinda felt bad for the little guy y’know? I mean, not like he didn’t enjoy bashing their heads in, but he was reminded a bit of his own sniper, who very much despised Scout despite his advances to try and be friends.

So, he carefully brought the bot all the way to the base. 

The others did not react well. After all, it could have tracking on it! it could self destruct! spy! what the hell was this kid thinking?!

But he was adamant, saying it couldn’t do crap. I mean, he wasn’t wrong, the bot had little to no function in the first place, but being moved around had... Changed something, wires crossed and code malfunctioned that enabled the experimental programs meant to allow for better fighting tactics in the other robots.

And in that moment of clarity, Sniper let out a fairly broken and staticky transmission.

[ H E L P - M E ]

...

But that’s all in the past. Who are these people, what’s up with scout’s leg? I suppose you may know in the future... Or not! :)