Me When Gay Middle Aged Men

yes, Jared

because clearly that’s how you flirt duh of course

Help

what have I done

Maybe just one more...

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Alana: I don't want to control everything!

Alana: I just want people and events to mold to my desire!!

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Jared: I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.

Connor: If your still alive at 80, I will demand a medical explanation.

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Evan: Would you please not Jared this into a worse situation than it already is?

Jared: Hold on, did you just use my name as a verb??

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Evan: We're having another moment, aren't we?

Jared: If by a moment, you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

-

Zoe: This is the worst thing you've ever done!

Connor: You say that so much that at this point it's lost all of it's meaning.

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Connor: Frankly, I would say I'm gayer than you.

Jared: How are you gayer than I am?

Connor: Well, I wear a man purse.

Jared: That's not gay! That's hideous! And if you were as gay as I am, you'd know that!

-

Jared, about Evan: I don't have a crush on him. He's just someone I stare at and I like and when he's not here, it ruins my day.

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Evan: Why do you always turn everything into a joke?

Jared: Generally, it's to avoid confronting the very real and difficult issues that most proper adults have to deal with.

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Evan: Hey, Connor, can I get some dating advice?

Connor: Just because I'm with Miguel doesn't mean I know how I did it.

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Evan: Be careful!

Jared: I always am.

Connor: Respectfully disagree.

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Jared: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on here?!

Zoe: It's kind of complicated. But Evan-

Jared: Got it. Forget I asked.

-

Zoe, about Alana: It's werd... I just.. I like her. Much.

Evan:

Evan: You

Evan: You like her much???

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Zoe: Connor would throw himself out of a moving car for you.

Miguel: Connor would throw himself out of a moving car for fun!!

-

Connor: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for metaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

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Evan: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

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Jared: *Mindlessly flirting with Evan*

Evan: *Actually flirts back*

Jared:

Evan:

Evan: You're not gonna say anything?

Jared, panicking: I don't know. I didn't think I'd ever actually get this far.

-

Evan: What's the dumbest thing that you believed as a child?

Jared: That naptimes were a punishment.

-

Jared: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.

Evan: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!

Jared: What? No! Four to five!

Evan: Too late!

-

Miguel: I drink to forget, but I always remember...

Connor:

Connor: You're drinking orange juice.

-

Connor: Coffee or tea?

Evan: Tea.

Connor: Wrong. It's coffee.

-

Jared: I left instructions for everyone for while I'm gone.

Evan: Mine just says 'Evan, no.'

Jared: Yes, and I want you to apply that to every situation ever.

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Miguel: What's the name of that guy that lives down the hall?

Connor: His cat's names are Fifi and Abigail.

Miguel: That's not what I asked?

Connor: That is all the information I have

-

Jared: We tried things your way.

Connor: No we didn't.

Jared: ...I did it in my head and it didn't work out.

-

Zoe, ordering coffee: I'd like a light roast,

Jared: You're kinda ugly.

-

Miguel: I'm the kind of person who likes to think things through!

Connor: Since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow while it was still on fire.

-

Zoe: This is so frustrating! I hate everything, I hate everybody!

Evan: ...Everybody?

Zoe, sighing: Everybody but you.

-

Evan: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!

Connor: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

While I'm on my uploading spree, consider: scruffy, sleepy, pre-shaven bedhead Marvin (and Whizzer absolutely simping over him)

Hello, tumblr user. Before you is a tumblr post asking you to name a female fictional character. You have unlimited time to tag a female character, NOT a male one.

Begin.

just me ig

who’s up falsetting their os

marvin with a boston accent, reblog if you agree

PART 11 BABY, BOOYAH!

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Evan: That's ridiculous! Jared doesn't have a crush on me!

Connor: Yes he does.

Alana: Yes he does.

Jared: Yes I do.

-

Jared: Where's Evan?

Zoe: Connor locked him in the bathroom...

Connor: Damnit, Zoe! You weren't supposed to tell him!

Jared: Nah, I'm cool with it.

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Evan: I am darkness. I am power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can even imagine. I am the fury, I am the weapon, I am-

Zoe: A doll.

Alana: A cinnamon roll!

Jared: A sweetheart

Evan:

Evan: Stop it....

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Connor: The hell is up with Kleinman? He's been laying there on the floor, for like, an hour?

Alana: He's just a little overwhelmed.

Connor: Oh really. From what?

Zoe: Evan smiled at him.

-

Jared: *Taps fingers on table*

Connor: *Taps back*

Alana: What are they... doing?

Evan: Morse code.

Jared: *Aggressively taps fingers on table*

Connor: biTCH YOU TAKE THAT FUCKING BACK-

-

Jared: Evan's gone! We can do anything. What does everyone want?

Miguel: I want Connor back.

Jared:

Jared: I've got, like, 12 dollars.

-

Alana: Jared isn't answering his phone.

Evan: I'll call.

Zoe: Me and Alana have both separately tried 6 times, what makes you think-

Jared: Hello?

-

Connor: The moon looks beautiful tonight.

Miguel: Mhmm.

Zoe: Should we tell them that it's just a tortilla we threw at the window earlier?

Evan: Ehh....

-

Connor: Your grounded.

Zoe: I'm... grounded?

Connor: Yes, your grounded.

Jared: We're gonna bury you until you learn your lesson.

Zoe: That's not how grounding works.

-

Jared: ARE YOU-

Zoe: Fucking.

Jared: KIDDING ME? THIS IS-

Zoe: Bullshit.

Alana: What are you doing?

Zoe: Evan took away Jared's swearing privileges, so I'm helping him out.

-

Alana: Why does Jared have a black eye?

Evan: He was saying 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'.

Evan: So Connor threw a dictionary at him.

Connor: It was just to test a theory.

-

Looks like a cinnamon roll/Can actually kill you: Jared

Looks like they can kill you/ Is actually a cinnamon roll: Evan

Looks like a cinnamon roll/IS a cinnamon roll: Alana

Looks like they can kill you/CAN actually kill you: Connor

-

Zoe: Truth or dare.

Jared: Dare.

Zoe: Kiss the hottest person in the room.

Jared: Hey, Alana?

Alana: I-um-yeah?

Jared: Could you move, Evan's right behind you?

-

Jared: You have friends and I envy that.

Evan: You can share my friends???

Jared: *Looks at Alana and Connor*

Jared: Yeah, I don't want those.

-

Connor: Hey bitch, do you love Evan?

Jared: I guess, yeah.

Connor: HA! Take that, Zoe. You owe me one hundred bucks, I told you he was gay!

Jared: Dude, everyone loves Evan? You should have asked if I was in love with him.

Connor: I thought that was implied.

Jared: ...

Connor: ...

Zoe: Connor, I think you just earned yourself one hundred dollars.

-

Evan: *Sits down*

Alana: This bench is freshly painted :)

-

Evan: Oh my god, I think I like Jared.

Connor: Congratulations, you are officially the LAST one of us to figure that out.

Connor, turning his head: Hey, Miguel! I won the bet!

-

Miguel, looking at Evan and Zoe: They make a cute couple, don't they?

Jared, annoyed with Zoe and Evan at this point: They certainly are standing next to each other...

-

SPOOKY QUOTES!

Connor, high asf: Trick or YEET?

Child: Uh... yeet?

Connor: *Throws the child*

-

Jared, texting: So, what do you want to be for that halloween party?

Evan, texting: Yours :)

Jared:

Jared: Yeah, that would be pretty scary.

-

Alana: I thought you were setting up decorations for halloween?

Jared: I am.

Alana: Your just hanging up pictures of Connor.

Jared: You said you wanted scary decorations.

-

[In a horror movie... phone rings]

Evan: Yes?

Killer: I can see you.

Evan:

Killer:

Evan:

Killer:

Evan, panicking: Do I look good?

-

Evan: Guys, we're out of candy.

Jared: Wha... but there's only been, like, three kids so far?

Evan: Yeah, but this little girl told me she loved me and I panicked and just ended up giving her everything.

-

Evan: So.. what's your type?

Jared: Most likely someone who I'm not constantly on the same page with, who I can sort of argue with playfully and who likes talking about their interests. And like, their favourite season is spring, and their favourite holiday is Halloween, and their cute.

Evan: Oh, that sounds like me.

Evan: Too bad I'm not cute.

Jared:

Jared: Did I mention stupid?

Evan: Uh... no?

Jared: Well I meant to. Just making sure.

-

Jared: I'm not doing too well.

Jared: I have this headache that comes and goes.

Evan: *Walks in*

Jared: Oh, there it is again.

-

Jared: What are you, five?

Evan: Yeah,

Evan: Five heads taller than you.

Jared:

Evan:

Jared:

Evan: I am so sorry, please don't kill me.

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Alana: Great work with the halloween decorations! Where did you get the fake skulls from?

Connor: F a k e ?

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Miguel: It's totally fine you didn't dress up for halloween.

Connor: Oh no, I'm dressed up as a straight person.

Evan: *Walks in wearing the same thing as Connor*

Connor, looking at Jared: See?

-

Miguel: What should I be for halloween?

Connor: My boyfriend.

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Alana: Jared! What is this?

Jared: My to-do list.

Alana: Oh, that's great! I'm so glad that your starting to-

Alana:

Alana: Jared, this just says 'Evan'.

MOST OF THEIR SONGS ARE LITERALLY BEGGING TO BE MADE INTO ANIMATICS, AND HONESTLY? I MIGHT GIVE INTO THAT

THERE IS A SHORTAGE OF KLEINSEN ANIMATICS SO

Nik that's a lot of The Front Bottoms are you okay

uhm

When Marvin breaks up with you you get a free hat as a consolation prize