Falsettos Incorrect Quotes! (p.1)

a bit spicy, but hilarious nonetheless.

super-duper whizzer centric! third person hovers him the whole time, plus, worrylesswritemore is a damn icon and I have been both cackling and sobbing at their fics (if you want more I can scrounge around).

!!!!! DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY WHIZZER-CENTRIC FANFICS?? istg ive been looking but i cant find any

yes

Hot take but

Gatekeep:

Gaslight:

Girlboss:

”im gay!” “im straight!”

yeah, and now im late for dinner late again

More Incorrect DEH Quotes <3

(Trying to lower my stress levels with these lmao)

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Jared: Let me copy your homework.

Connor: I was gonna copy yours.

Jared: Well, shit.

Connor: Guess I'm just not doing it, then.

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Evan: I can't tell if your just incredibly arrogant or a genius.

Jared: On a good day, I'm both.

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Connor: You read my fucking journal?

Zoe: Well, at first, I didn't know it was your journal.

Zoe: I thought it was a very sad, handwritten novel.

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Evan: How stupid do you think I am?!

Jared: Do you really want an honest answer to that?

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Jared: What the fuck?? People actually tell their crushes they like them???

Zoe: What the hell do you do??

Jared: I die?? What kind of question...

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Connor: I should be allowed on Ghost Hunter TV shows.

Evan: I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts...

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Evan: Why is it so hard for you to believe me??

Alana:

Evan: Oh right. The lying.

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Evan: I made this friendship bracelet for you :)

Jared: Well, uh, I'm not really a jewelry person...

Evan: You don't have to wear i--

Jared, holding the bracelet away from him: No, I'm wearing it. Forever. Back off.

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Jared: I'm 80% awesome, 20% water, and 100% handsome.

Evan: That's 200%

Jared: I'm twice the man you'll ever be

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Jared: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.

Connor:

Connor: I like you.

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Alana: You think your smarter than everyone else...!

Jared: Oh, I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else.

Jared: I know I am.

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Alana: Do you know a turtles only weakness?

Connor: No... well, their slowness.

Alana: Their weakness is they can't roll over when they are on their backs.

Connor: Now I have a plan.

Connor: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.

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Alana: I couldn't do this without you, Zoe.

Zoe: No, you probably could, just not as stylishly.

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Jared: I want to kiss you.

Evan, not paying attention: What?

Jared: I said if you died, I wouldn't miss you.

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Evan: I’m in love with you.

Jared: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Evan: I know.

Jared: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

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Evan: I fell—

Jared: From heaven?

Evan: No, I literally fell—

Jared: In love with me the moment you saw me?

Evan: MY ARM IS BROKEN!

Jared: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

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Miguel: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.

Connor: Oh. We're going out?

Miguel: Wh...

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Miguel: I'm gonna go take a shower.. wanna help me out?~

Connor: You've... never taken a shower before???

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Jared: We both look very handsome tonight.

Evan: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."

Jared: I couldn't take that chance.

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Connor: Miguel is playing hard-to-get.

Connor: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard-to-get-rid-of.

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Miguel: Are you ready to commit?

Connor: Like, a crime or a relationship?

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Zoe: So you like cats?

Alana: Mhm :>

Zoe: *Tries to impress her by slowly starting to push a glass off of the table*

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Alana: Why don’t you go talk to him?

Jared, sarcastically: Oh. Yeah, sure.

Alana: What? So you go tell him he's cute, what’s the worst that could happen?

Jared: He could hear me.

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Connor: Did it hurt when you fell-

Miguel: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-

Connor: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs

Miguel: ...

Connor: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

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Alana: Are you trying to seduce me?

Zoe: I don't know, are you seducible?

Help

what have I done

reblog to give Chip Zien a tony award

weatherman!marvin au my beloved

hes Stupid

and then also the fact that they completely deleted the jared part of that fight.

like, seriously?

really?

alana and evan dont even fight, its like their talking but there’s tension.

they do it in a fucking l i b r a r y

like

no

what?

why???

theres no objectively good reason for this song to be cut, if anything its making the viewers hate it more??

or at least mildly dislike?

honestly, when i went into the movie theater and sat down, and got to that segment, i was already thinking 

“Hey, there’s been no depth to any other characters but Alana Evan and Zoe. What happened to literally everyone else? Jared? Cynthia & Larry? HEIDI??? C O N N O R, EVEN?? Well, at least the THREE fights are coming up, now we’ll get to see some actual depth in at least ONE of the characters other than those three.”

and the amount of just-

disappointment i felt when they skipped him

sorry, just ugh my jared actually caring for evan and feeling left behind/having some self-fucking-respect kinning soul

my alana being a strong female who can stand up for herself stanning heart

my evan is not just a victim preaching bRAIN

i cannot handle this, somebody make a petition to remake the movie please. 

from what i’ve seen, the movie soundtrack has already been spoken about, but ill throw my hat in too

the gist here is that some songs have been removed. which like, by itself isnt that crazy or surprising. some songs simply wouldnt translate well on the screen - Finale and Disappear for example, which have been cut

there’s also two new ones - The Anonymous Ones (alana’s new song), and A Little Closer

but cutting to the chase, what the other removed songs have in common is pretty damn unfortunate. 

Anybody Have a Map, To Break in a Glove, and Good for You. 

all three of which notably spotlight ‘side’ characters, especially the parents. To Break in a Glove is arguably one of the only scenes that makes Larry sympathetic. (which is sad bc it already seems like theyre cutting larry’s character into pieces) AHaM is one of the only songs Cynthia stars in. 

And it’s like.. okay sure, I could see AHaM translating awkwardly, fine. Still bummed we don’t get that establishing peek into Heidi’s head, but she’ll have her moments.

it’s Good for You that has me making this post at all. i have had multiple conversations about how bullshit it is that they removed it. the more i think about it, the more that seems like a dire misstep, specifically because theres no way a written scene is going to translate at all. 

to understand why this is bad, let me remind yall what Good for You does. besides being objectively the best song (to which nearly all of my peers agree - and yes that’s not to say it’s my personal top favorite, and that’s why I say objectively. it’s definitely up there tho) in the entire musical, Good for You is unique in that its 1) the only time people finally express to evan how deeply his actions have hurt them and 2) the final word either alana or jared get for the rest of the show.

to be clear like, that’s not a good thing, lmao. it’s one of the biggest criticisms ive always had for the musical, actually. but still, within the framework of the story, its incredibly important.

removing it is dangerous. here’s why: try to imagine this as a songless scene. what i picture is jared and alana arguing with evan / expressing their frustrations. whether this is the both of them at the same time, or in two consecutive scenes, this sucks!

because if its both of them, it looks like evan is being backed into a corner. it looks like hes a victim in that moment. and if its two scenes, thats still slamming down the ‘emotional consequences’ hammer repeatedly the thing is, good for you isnt super literal. as in, its not actually jared alana or heidi taking turns to yell at evan. thats why it works! because theres emotional truth to it - how they feel is real - but its not really happening like that. and thats why translating it would be difficult.

and like i said, its fucking important! so it needs to happen somehow! especially considering jared and alana will both get more screentime in the movie, thus doubly warranting a proper exit / chance to express themselves. 

//takes a breath

thats all to say.. the removal of good for you is not good for the movie. 

DEH Quotes #16! <3 (Incorrect)

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Evan: What do we call disobeying the law?

Connor: A hobby.

Evan: *Glares at him*

Connor: That I don't engage in?

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Jared: Alcohol is delicious! I mean MAlicious. Sorry guys, I'm really drunk right now.

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Evan: What do rainbows mean to you?

Connor: Gay rights.

Jared: There's money-?

Zoe: The promise of God to never destroy the Earth with a flood again.

Alana: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

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Jared: Isn’t it weird that we can’t ride any other animal except horses. Like if horses weren’t a thing, humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. Like riding animals wouldn’t really be a thing. We should probably be more grateful to horses.

Evan: Elephants?..

Jared: Blocked.

Alana: Camels.

Jared: Extra blocked.

Miguel: DONKEYS???

Jared: Ultra blocked.

Connor: That dick-

Jared:

Jared: Followed,

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Evan: Your a lying piece of shit!

Jared: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Connor: I'm leaving and I'm taking custody of Miguel!

Alana, aggressively putting away the Monopoly board: Aaaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today!

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Alana: What makes you all smile?

Evan: Friends and family!

Zoe: Snacks.

Connor: I dunno, victory and success?

Jared: Face muscles-

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Zoe: I'm going to be an adult in two years and I only have a vague idea of what I'm going to do.

Jared: I’m gonna be an adult in less than a year and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

Evan: I'm with you there...

Connor: I'm an adult and I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

Alana: Three types of people.

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*The Gang's thoughts on stabbing:

Alana: Would never stab anyone.

Evan: Would stab someone in retaliation.

Jared: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.

Miguel: Would stab without warning.

Connor: Would stab as a warning.

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Evan: You know what I learned from my friendship with Jared?

Zoe: There’s no such thing as "too mean"?

Alana: Never let your friends know for sure if you like them?

Connor: Always hold a grudge-??

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11 y/o Evan: Jared won't wear his glasses-

12 y/o Jared: Evs, look, I wore the glasses for today and now I can see so much better. See?

12 y/o Jared: *Points at 10 y/o Zoe* That's Zoe,

12 y/o Jared: *Points at 10 y/o Alana* That's Alana,

12 y/o Jared: *Points at 13 y/o Connor* And that's Sasquatch.

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Connor: Plants have feelings too?! What is this?? Now I can't even eat my food???

Zoe: You can eat a rock.

Alana: Air-

Miguel, cracking up: The fabric of time and space-

Jared: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems.

Evan: You guys are NOT helpful.

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Zoe: Alright, let's play Kiss Marry Kill.

Zoe: First, who would you kill?

Evan: *Points at Jared*

Connor: *Points at Jared*

Miguel: *Points at Jared*

Jared: *Shrugs* Yeah, I'd probably kill me too.

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Evan: Look guys, I need help.

Jared: Love help?

Alana: Financial help?

Zoe: Emotional help?

Connor: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at Connor*

Connor: ...What?

-

Connor: Don't go picking a fight with me. I could make your life very difficult.

Evan, sarcastically: Oh no. As if I would know what it felt like to have a difficult life.

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Connor: From now on we will be using code names.

Connor: You can address me as Eagle One.

Connor: Evan is “been there done that”.

Connor: Zoe is “currently doing that”.

Connor: Miguel is “it happened once in a dream”.

Connor: Alana is “if I had to pick a dude/gal/enby”.

Connor: And Jared is..

Connor: Eagle Two

Jared: Oh thank fucking god.

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Connor: *Coughs out blood*

Miguel: Don't die, Connor!

Connor: Don't tell me what to do!

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Evan: How do you know how to kiss? Like who teaches you?

Jared: Well it’s actually a class, but unfortunately it’s full right now.

Jared: Would you like me to tutor you?

Alana: That was smooth.

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Alana: You look mentally ill.

Jared: I am. Let's go.

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Evan: I only have two emotions- exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

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Connor, high asf: Mint is just cold spicy.

The Squad: ...

Jared: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

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Connor: I have seen a lot of murders in my time, and all six of them were today.

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Evan: Shut up, your messing with my train of thought!

Jared: I thought you didn't have a brain, and now your saying you have thoughts??

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Jared: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

Evan: wHat?

Jared: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Evan: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

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Jared: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.

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Evan: I have a new hoodie.

Jared: Wrong.

Jared: We have a new hoodie.

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Alana: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.

Zoe: I will politely decline.

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Connor: *writing a letter*

Connor: Dear Santa,

I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...

And it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard.

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Jared: When I first met you, I didn't like you.

Connor: I'm aware of that.

Jared: But then you and I had some time together.

Connor: Uh-huh?

Jared: It did not get better.

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Jared, having recently lost his glasses: KILL THE BUG!!!

Evan: ....That’s a gecko—

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Jared: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

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Jared: Sleep is the body’s best safety mechanism.

Alana: How so?

Jared: It keeps you from screwing up for 8 hours.

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Connor: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Zoe, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

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Jared: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a metal box.

Zoe: Did Evan say "I love you", and you said "Thanks"?

Jared:

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Jared: *sees someone doing something stupid*

Jared: What an idiot.

Jared: *realizes it's Evan*

Jared: Wait, that's MY idiot!-

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Alana: I hope you have an explanation for this!

Evan: We have three, actually.

Jared: Pick your favourite.

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Connor with a gun to Jared's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven?

Jared: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

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Connor: What’s up? I’m back.

Evan: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead

Connor: Death is a social construct.

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Evan: Just think about this! I’m your hottest friend.

Evan: No, that’s Zoe… I’m your nicest friend.

Evan: No, Alana... I’m your friend!

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Alana: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all?

Connor: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

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Jared: I have no respect for Santa. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

Evan:

Evan: Jared, your Jewish.

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Alana, talking about Jared: Is this a friend of yours, Evan?

Evan: Kind of? Not really. He's in my life and there's nothing I can do about it.

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Zoe: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.

Alana: Weight loss? Drink water.

Evan: Clear skin? Drink water.

Jared: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

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Zoe: So, Evan, do you have a crush on anyone?

Evan: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.

-

Random

Okay so, this is completely random, but when I sum up the Evan & Jared fight in DEH I get this and it hurts me emotionally and physically so:

Jared, pointing to himself: Hey, dickhead! Quit replacing me with Zoe! With the Murphys! With Connor! I’m your fucking friend, not some dead kid you didn’t even know!!

Evan: So now i’m your friend? As soon as it’s convenient for you, I am your friend, but as soon as it isn’t, it’s back to “That fuck-up Evan Hansen?! I barely know him”!!!

Evan: Maybe a dead kid is better than you, because at LEAST he won’t constantly fucking tell me off! Or be an asshat to me! Or deny our friendship every two seconds!

Jared: Fuck you!

Seriously why.

why.

why.

Ugh nobody is in the right here they both have way too many emotional issues