Holy Shit More Like

I sleep with lots of pillows and blankies to compensate for my cold, dead heart.

science: Lonelier people take hotter baths/showers in order to compensate for their lack of ‘social warmth’.

me, already with my left leg submerged in a McDonald’s fry cooker: you’re fucken WRONG I am perfectly CONTENT 

never mind I was way too positive here everything is shit just die I guess

why the fucken fuck do we take everything so seriously?

walk barefoot in the grass for a while. dance in the rain while everyone watches you. dramatically profess your love and get torn to shreds. listen to people as if they’re saying the most amazing things in the world; who knows, maybe they are.

it’s a short life. don’t spend your time stressing about the grand nature of the narrative you’re trying to weave from your life.

as long as you’re appreciating living, and living to appreciate, what more is there to ask for?

cashier: that’ll be $5.67

me: *pulls out kangaroo and reaches into pouch* *pulls out cash* shit sorry dude I’ve only $6, you’ve got change, right

cashier: wtf

kangaroo: where is Australia

y’all ever think about how bananas it is

Am I the only one who only cries at happy things and not at sad things????

Like I never tear up when a beloved character dies, but if that same character says something about believing in their found family or some shit I’m broken for the next week.

Fuck tragic character death or trauma I only cry when everyone in Lego Movie 2 starts singing together about how they won’t give up when they’re stuck in the Bin of Storajj.

As someone who likes using the internet it’s easy to find stories and drama from fandoms and stuff that are really interesting but I will never bring them up out of the fear of evoking said fandom’s wrath or just being in eye shot of them

people who claim that they are “entitled to their opinion” often fail to remember that that rule applies both ways.

sure, you’re welcome to say what you want, but if I think your opinion is shit and I don’t like it I also have a right to call you out on it. 

bro...I’m 100% straight bro...what do you think you’re doing with those perfectly kissable lips bro...