Bear With Me

And Then Goodbye

A journal

A coat hanger

And then goodbye

After six months its finally soaking into my thick skull like

Acid

Absent

Abstract metal and Boston cream doughnuts

Abandoned

Adding on to heartbreak

Awe inspiring were your

Analogies

Allergies

A notepad

A pen

A plan without me

A broken heart

An open heart

All the time

At night,

Alouette sings

Adieu, to you

Society

We don’t realize that we are the forest,

Not a tree

A nest of dripping honey

Not a bee

We don’t realize that we are the ocean

Not a drop

We don’t realize that we are the mountain

Not just the mountain top

We don’t realize that we are a band or an orchestra

Not a single instrument standing out alone

We are a skeletal system

Not a bone

We are a class

Not a single student

A mass

Not volume or weight

We are an entire troop

Not a soldier

The whole soup

Not the noodles

We are society

You are bigger than you think

Yes there is a big human variety,

But without you to fill the small hole, the waters would come flooding in and we would all sink

My Stupid Castle

And it looks like

This could be the end

Of this perfect palace

This new life

Was so sweet

With beginners luck

The fairy godmother magic

Could only hold out for so long

A kite flying

Then getting pulled back down

By the person who is flying it

At least

I didn’t get stuck

In a tree

My stupid castle

Was not built by a genius

It was built

By this peasant

Who was not destined to be a ruler

I now see myself once again

As not worthy

And I was silly to think I was

Depression

Is trying to kiss me

And sneak into my system

Through my chapped, chewed, cracked lips

I thought that we weren’t dating anymore, just friends

I can only keep

My dreams alive for so long

Before I become too worn down to maintain them

Being whipped

By disappointment

I can feel

Failure

Making its poisonous way back into my blood

I don’t know how to

Make myself clean again,

By sterilizing my depression

With

Hope

Similar All The Same

I'm a little punk

A little rebel

I used to be the opposite

But similar all the same

Then I fell in love with something I can't have and my heart sunk

My heart is a devil

The burn causing flame in my brain got lit

The beast of my heart I couldn't tame I used to feel guilt like hell

It had complete control over me

Therefore I had nothing hidden

Dealing with the devil, my guilt was a good idea to sell

I broke free

I became guilty ridden The free rain ran over me and cleaned my obedience away

I broke them damn chains!

I began to hide during the day

Some of my fears I told to go fuck themselves, went down the drain So now I'm everything that screams courage and fearless

Every word that I write helps me to be tearless But I am still similar all the same

I Want to See You Again

The smell on your shirt, has left

I used to get high off it

If ever, it will be years until the next time I see you

I know you’re not who a lot of people think you are

When is the next time I can capture the bass clef?

Elegant painfully good songs

Not that I’m jealous

No luck

Neglecting my big dream

Knowing, if you work hard you can less wrongs

I’m going to try to up my game

Kangaroo it up

Knotted, and stuck tight

Knocking and banging on my dream's ragged, hard door

Cars so many, with people most of the same

Ought to be different and stand out

Right away I realized that I want it

Ringing in my ears the impact you made on me

Raging sea of bloodsweet, heartful music and people

Unfair richness, born with an endless money spout

Oh why?

Yelling and screaming for another chance

Yak club, I can’t afford the cost to see your face

For I will deny

Talks

Your voice rises as you get emotional and yet you forget to feed your robot a coin to pay

Skips are calmer and thought out in a, we’ll get through this sort of way

Your tiring voice like a shitty song playing on and on

Talking about the same quarrels over and over

Like you’re trying to wear them out

I'm waiting for time to kill

I can’t wait for my future

Except for the bills

Making me broke

I'm going to choke

On air

Dare

Repeat

Take a seat

With rare rests

In this home of a nest

Going fast, fast, fast, which I think is boring

You need dynamics in your pointless argument

You need to put down some sort of hard flooring

Trying to make a point with your pointless, unneeded voice

You're trying too hard like a coal miner with a death wish darker than soot

Get new material! Stop using old artifacts of the ancient Egyptian empire covered in dust

You make things more dramatic than an entire theater with all the living parts of a stage fight

I'm sitting back mouthing words and hoping you are illiterate in the lip reading of me about to bite

Suicide Of Talking

When it seems as if all I do is say the wrong words

It just seems like the world would be better off without my voice

A violent soft voice

A little voice meant to destroy

If only it could destroy

Social anxiety,

Selective mutism,

And the awkwardness

Created by me

In other words…it’s hopelessly my fault

My words have a tinge of blue

That slips under the radar

Because word suicide

Doesn’t happen all at once

It starts out as my mind nagging me

That I could have chosen better words

And then it escalates to my mind haunting me

Like a television

That turns on with the help of a ghost

The suicide happens

When I start to believe

That it hurts less

To say less

Instead of saying something I will regret

The Movies

The four of us at the movies

Boys free of cooties

Juan and I hand in hand

Zach could barely stand

The normally depressed ones were happy

It may have been that, that afternoon was oddly sappy

After my reflection

I felt a strong connection

I hope we will have many more double dates

Between us, no hate

What will rip us apart, college?

The need for knowledge?

If that tragedy does happen, the girls that didn't get kissed

Will be missed

I love how we were the only ones there

At the moment if all the evil in the world attacked us, we wouldn't have cared

We didn't want the night to end

We were our own trend

All of us never wanted to leave

We knew the second we left we would have to grieve

There was so much love that night

Nothing has ever felt so right

These two girls sometimes pretend that there are cooties

Just so they can spend another night at the movies

Wholeness

I feel comfortable right now

In this moment

I’m warm

I’m tired

I’m not freaking out

I feel like a little kid in this state of innocence

But this moment has just been ruined by my colon

In other words

I have to poop

Fucking mother nature

You must be laughing at me

But since tomorrow is my birthday

I suppose I should let you have a laugh

But please be careful

With your volcanoes

And your avalanches

But thank you for this moment

Full of my favorite things,

Music,

Warmth,

Fuzzy blanket,

Yarn,

Silly conversations with friends,

A head of ideas,

And lastly,

A feeling of completeness

Or wholeness

A Night With Friends

I don’t mind where life takes me, as long as,

I can be free and freeze in the dark

Sounds horrible but you wouldn’t understand

That’s because you'd rather it be light, and warm

But the light can leave a bad mark

And the warmth keeps you on land

Flying is more fun

There are many unknown,

Mysteries that hide,

That you can find only when you're on the run

Freezing reminds you that this is probably real

It keeps you there with possible illusion of your friends

My imagination knows that I need to be the teenager I am

The idiot that loves to be goofy and loves to have a good laugh

The kind of laugh that makes you addicted all over again

The one that makes you forget about the study guide you must cram,

Painfully into your head that doesn’t deserve to be broken in half

The kind of laugh that makes you forget about everything that doesn’t matter to the tip of this pen

To laugh so hard that I’ll forget the definition of depression and anxiety and just take flight,

Away from the lies

And freeze my scars and the oncoming wrinkles so they can’t leave a mark

Run to gain some height

To get out of earshot of their cries

And just know that together we are a single spark

It hailed

It was a storm trooper halestorm

I tried to count the raindrops

And failed

Because I can only count to four in correct form

Then we jaywalked in front of the cops

I want to go all night,

With you guys

Go all the way and see the sun come and break the dark

And then go to bed and not have me, myself and I fight

Go to bed content with who I really was today and take to the skies

And fall asleep on the blue side in the park