Was It Me?

Situation Impossible

Just wishing and hoping ain't gonna do nothing

It’ll just make it worse

But I do it anyway because I'm cursed

  Desire equals suffering

So don’t wait and hope

Before you open your big mouth you might as well fill it with soap

  If I desire not to desire anything that’s a desire

I love you but I can't fully have you

What am I supposed to do?

  I can't win with fire

The things I wish I could tell

I want you to just know why I may not be so well

  When should I stop having just a spark of hope?

It's 1 in the morning

And I'm mourning

  I'm beginning to realize that enough is enough, no more of this nope!

I think about you a bunch

I probably never even cross your mind from time to time ever much

  You are only somewhat removed

Now it's 1:08

And you are what I now hate

  Out of my life my safe person always moves

I need someone like you

I can't really tell you but I wish and hope that you knew

  I feel like puking I don’t want to be seen

Needing you so much I'm sick

This sickness cannot be fixed with vicks

  1:13

By the minute I'm getting older

You are warm and I don’t think I can get much colder

  Wishing waiting and hoping

In this situation it is impossible

I'm so sick I need the hospital

  I don’t know what I'm thinking, I have to find a new way of coping

1:21

Thinking about you I should be done

I’ve Been Wronged

A bit of white on blue isn't

A tad quite all white

All I see is white

A pure, Christian shade of white A white expanding cloud

A white page

An unknown

Anonymous An

Anxiety

Attack

And a loss of godliness Honestly it became a sharp

Hue of

Hatred

How did it come to this... "Hi" I say to my friend

He says it was a

Hit and run

However I Have to try not to

Hyperventilate through this

Hiccup. Why did this have to

Happen. Now my car has a Scarlet letter, but I am getting

Help to hammer out the dents

I only wish I could have frozen

Time

Bear With Me

The weight is unbearable

No one you can tell

With your heart on your sleeve your shirt becomes unwearable

  Trapped and stuck

Can't decide if you're saved or caged by the bell

Luck but tough luck

  I want to let you in my shoes

For just a day

But if you took them you might catch on to all of my clues

  I knew you would have to break confidentiality

So?

Yes, that fear is my reality

  I can't tell you what's really up

I guess you think I'm fine so should I go?

A simple question with a hard answer is: supp?

  Too good of an actor I should leave

I just don't know I guess

My feelings, emotions, and problems are all in a creative, tight weave

  I hate to say

My head is a mess

It must stay this way

  There are plenty of things to be fixed

I don't know what to do

Pent up things and problems are all together scrambled and mixed

  And by the way don't make decisions for me

I would feel guilty if you tried on my stinky, sweaty shoe

Could you try and make me agree?

  You almost had me before

I want to talk about it but I can't seem to tell

You'd have to tell someone, I know that's a fact deep down in my core

  The internet friend can invigorate

She makes me think well

But you, I don't hate

Decieved

The world spins too fast

It got pulled out from under me

I'm lost

Stuck in the bitter winter frost

  But the seasons still change

When will my hot summer come?

I deceived

And you believed

  You'll never be able to truly understand

You'll think that I'm crazy

I am not like you, and you are not like me

We are different breeds

  “Next time I’ll dig deeper”

I’ll have to show you…

I don’t like to talk

My head and heart have a special double sided lock

  I can feel that this is going to be torture

I don’t trust easy at all

On my door is a sign

Don’t come in, I'm just fine

  I don’t know why but you I cannot read

I think you are doing that on purpose

“Happy and easygoing”

You’re just unknowing

  It’s confusing

I won’t tell

I just don’t want too

Maybe it’s just because you’re new…

The Reason Why I Fell

The reason why I'm about to fall

Is because I once stood tall

Just as quick and graceful as a fawn

You are gone

‘Twas all but a dream

You secretly made me beam

Even though I shuddered

And muttered

You were so patient like the paper I leak ink on

You are gone

Big sister

Now you're a big blister

That I will never fully comprehend

A message I might send

But I know I will slip away like sand

In your pretty young hands

I felt so safe

But now I feel the chafe

We had fun

What's done is done

‘Twas all but a silly nightmare

‘Twas just a tear,

In the page,

Of a script who’s fate was to drift off stage

And that was the reason why I fell

Into this well

At dark dawn

I am gone...

Fire

Burning, tired anger

What am I doing with this stranger?

The world on fire, is a danger

Let it burn My existence is a shout into the void

I came out irritated and annoyed

Talking and joking just to avoid,

The fact that the world is on fire Live and burn

It’s always my turn

Why can’t I learn?

It’s because I’m trying not to catch a fire Teachers make me fail

Dietitians make me eat lousy kale

I’ll never stop listening to the storm with the hail

In order to mute the crackle of the flame I don’t need saving

But the charred roads need a new paving

But for Sara I’ll try to keep braving

I’m not brave; I’m just immune to the burn I can’t send mail

I think I’m made out of puppy dog tails

Not sugar and spices that you can buy in pails

Red, orange, yellow, blue Where are you mystery one?

The world is now the sun

Living in hell with no where to run

What moment did the world catch fire?

Suicide Of Talking

When it seems as if all I do is say the wrong words

It just seems like the world would be better off without my voice

A violent soft voice

A little voice meant to destroy

If only it could destroy

Social anxiety,

Selective mutism,

And the awkwardness

Created by me

In other words…it’s hopelessly my fault

My words have a tinge of blue

That slips under the radar

Because word suicide

Doesn’t happen all at once

It starts out as my mind nagging me

That I could have chosen better words

And then it escalates to my mind haunting me

Like a television

That turns on with the help of a ghost

The suicide happens

When I start to believe

That it hurts less

To say less

Instead of saying something I will regret

Observing

I sit here observing

Observing other people's lives

Observing my life Observing how the canoe

Hugs the dock

As if it knows it will be dark soon Observing the smell of the pines

And a pontoon boat going by

Observing a kid learning to scuba dive Observing the twilight sky reflected picassoed

On the fairly smooth

Glimmering water Observing a summer romance

Taking place on a tall rock

Observing my sunburnt skin peeling when I get the feeling... Observing how the mood of the water can change

So fast

So shifty The ducks already passed

Knowing this night is my last,

Probably for a while

Of this lake girl style

Marble

Our time is 5:07

It's my heaven

Don't you ever doubt that you are my friend

Shall I make you say it again?

You know what I mean

Please spill the beans

I’ve heard that before but I don't know where

Sorry, but I don't dare

I can't hurt you, I won't sugarcoat it with extra fluff

You've already been hurt enough

I like writing misery, you like science

But 5:07 is our compliance

I refuse to lose my marble

This one is really garbled

Garbled and hard to understand, without a doubt

I like it when you freak out

It means you care

My tall teddy bear

Now you know that I can't even sneeze

And all you could say was, "oh jeez"

Oh but that guy, Brad

She's mad

To make her day

She wishes that certain people would get out of the way

She's befuddled

I'm befuddled

When she smiles

I sit back and watch for awhile

For you I will never stop

Until I'm at the top

That rock wall, for you I will climb

Because 5:07 is our time

Not all Poems Have Words

Poems are not always made out of words

Metaphors are not words

That’s why they are not called words but metaphors

Poems are those thoughts that have indescribable feelings

Try to descried anger, it’s like UGHHH!

You didn’t want revenge out of anger you wanted it because you feel,

UGHHH! Just try

I don’t have words

I willed them away

There was too many, then they all found their opposite oxymoron lovers and

cancelled out, I wish I…

My feelings are too deep for words

I’m that insane!

I bet you want to know that I'm…

I’m left with trying to explain colors to a blind person

This language is more limited than you’d like to think

I think this…

You say I have words

What if there never will be words for me to talk?

Even if there was, eventually they’d end up losing their meaning anyways;

What?!

If I can’t explain a simple thing like noise to a deaf person,

How am I supposed to say anything other than, I don’t know?

When I do hook a word the letters shift and spell something else

How?

Then there’re synonyms,

They are evil and don’t mean exactly what

Why do they…

Keep on taking words for what they are

Take them and trash them

I will take…

“Poems are all words”

Then you must not understand mine

So then?