Scared Of Falling

Start New

There comes a time when you should knock the walls down

And start new, just in a reckless attempt to lose the frown

I can’t let go of the unhappy pictures on the wall

I had no choice but to slouch as everyone stood tall

Gravity loves me too much

I can’t let go of the addiction of your love

If only you didn’t have to be beyond and above

You gave me such a hope that will only lead me to failure

I need to just knock it down but I'm not ready

But living with rotting moldy wood could be deadly

There comes a time when you can’t keep replacing the beams

Of your self esteem

Meeting Someone New

Long curvy roads

Cars with heavy loads

Together on the same day

All going different ways

Maybe ours will meet again

And if so when?

Are we done?

Can you give me the sun?

I want to take a road trip

I'll even get aboard a ship

I don't really know you

You're contagious like the flu

You don't think that I have a dark side

I'm ready for the butterflies

The motor of the car

I want to go far

Let me in

Can I see your scraped shin

Motorcycles go whizzing by

Will you reply?

How was your flight?

I'm starting to forget that night

Indiana, you came all the way

Just for a rock climbing day

I could tell that you too are numb

That's where I'm from

You think that I don't have it bad

But I have more scars than you will ever have

So many I've lost count

Much matter the amount?

I have way more than eight

Full is my plate

Friend you are new

And I don't know, how do you do?

Did I come in too strong?

How much longer?

A couple days? A week?

Let me in to take a little peek

I think you're cool

My head sings that I'm a fool

The car jerks to a stop

Out of the car I come out with a hop

In hopes to see you

But you're from Indiana so I should have known, that was the first time you flew

Our Love Has More Power

When your emails

Got replaced with college’s attempting to get in my league

You were my first home run

You got me in the sweet spot at the right time

Classroom peeking

Our love has more power over us than the authorities do

No police can keep us safe

No jailers will ever get a piece of our lonely hearts

Should I begin this over again?

I wouldn’t mind someone who was big and cozy

You are boney and nosey

Should I go through?

When you jokingly say

That sitting next to you in the cafe is my favorite part of the day

Should I continue?

Watching my future heart die

I'm not sure I'm ready to let it retry

Or should I stay open and ready,

For my knight in shining armor?

The one who will charm her

Should I start this all over?

Just for another taste of happiness that’s so sweet

Knowing the end will hurt more than it does now; Raw endings are not something I want to meet

I couldn’t be normal for you

It’s not allowed with me

But someday we will escape

And we shall be the idiots that we didn’t get to be

I'm not afraid to lose myself

I know you will always find me

Let’s add insult to injury to all the authorities of our life

They deserve it

Boom!

Impending doom

Anticipating the "boom!"

I got sent the invitation

To sticky isolation

The deathly scent of flowers

Looking at the world alone at the top of the Eiffel Tower

A lonely gold filled casket

No more money in the basket

That money was wasted

Just imagine how bad that tasted

Every breath,

Is one closer to death

Then I feel insecure

In a crowd of people, doesn't matter what store

Anxiety still in the room

Sitting there waiting for the "boom!"

I try to hug the earth but all I do is hit the floor

It hurts but I go back for more

Sara, I can imagine you popping up out of nowhere

Depressing reality, but I still care

I can feel the wall of basses

The sickening sound of them not in their cases

Still feeling the arriving doom

Just around the loom

Then the crowd of violins start to rain

And the dark basses in my ears, they stain

The basses echo and rumble in my gut

Running from my problems, out of the room I rebely strut

Anxious Anxiety

I want anxiety to be anxious of me

I will hold my ground without being an earthquake myself

I will stand still and strong; there will be no such thing as a shaking knee

When the time comes I will weigh so much you will not move me with anything

Beating the ill out of illnesses; it will be the one in need of an amputee

I want depression to be happy for me

Everything should watch out for me because here I come

I might look cute but that’s just my disguise

“I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream” I hum

There’s strong and then there’s Taylor strong

I am the cherry bomb

No longer will I fall into your guilt trap

Not everyone is there for you and sometimes you are alone

But I don’t need anyone when I have myself; if you think otherwise you’re thinking crap!

I’m writing this cheese for my future self to not cut

You like tigers so don’t be a donkey without a tail

Don’t forget that you’re hungry for success

Don’t forget that it is good to fail

I think you learn more and go farther in life,

When you are done fixing the hole in dear Henry’s pail

I am a train chugging on broken tracks and I love it

With my emo black boots it feels like I can go anywhere in the world

It keeps me interested in where I am going to go and where I’ll find that I fit

I can’t stay curled

I cannot stay still and sit

A Letter To My Anxiety

Hey anxiety,

You make me feel overwhelmed

With my increased heartbeat

You make me feel like I just cant, because it would be too much for me

Too much for me to handle

You make me feel like I would drown if I jumped into the deep end

But…

I have some good friends

And I have some good music

And even though you can make me scared,

I realize that I'm stronger than I know

And if I just ride the roller coaster I can feel accomplished later on

This Is 1984

Popping in sunflower seeds

Not worrying about any bad deeds

A few years pass and I'm chewing the same flavor gum

Trying to hum the same hum

Attempting to reverse time

And take back the crime

Of going against the average current

By knowing things like how you need a warrant

The reason therapy exists is because

Some of us see the world as it does

This is 1984

Everyone just decides to ignore,

That the truth is now illegal

It is flying on the oil back of a seagull

Slipping off and getting lost,

Stuck on the back of my shoe like a piece of gum

Thinking about it now, I've been depressed all along

I know what is wrong

It's the fact that I didn't want to be born

Everyday I wake up and mourn

It's not fair; I did not want this world

I want to stay furled

This world is cruel, unjust,  horrible, and unfair

I don't like it so beware

No Control

No control

So lay me down to rest

I'm done trying my best

IBD is a troll

My head is a now a mess

It wants you to get depressed

So I fill myself with happiness

I can’t let it win

So instead I grin

It makes you feel loneliness

Put on your mockingjay pin

Life’s not so bad, lift up your chin

Pick up your head

You try to ignore the anger

Pain and I are no stranger

Or lie back down to bed

Be a tanker

Keep going, even if you have to be a faker

Come on

Don’t let it

Get to you bit by bit

Stop singing that sad song

Don’t throw that fit

You have grit

Knocked me down

IBD

Is a bully, he pushed me

All the way to the dirty, cold, hard, ground

And I scraped my knee

But I still try to fill myself with glee

Dear, IBD get lost!

Take a hike!

It’s the third strike

You aren’t the boss

You, nobody likes

You can’t catch me on my bike

I fell

There comes a point

Where you want to roll a joint

You stupid spell

The why bother going on point

I don’t care anymore, even if it can affect your joints

Frustrating

Every time I get back on my feet

I get hit hard on the concrete

IBD hating

After everything finally becomes neat

I get hit when I try to cross the street

This has been going on for awhile

Will it ever end?

Well that depends

Always wanting to be normal, everything in a messed up pile

I don’t want to be your friend

Again

For the world I wouldn’t miss

Could you offer me your hand?

To help me stand

I've got this

I can

As long as you can understand

Misfit

I am tired of being a misfit

Fitting in everywhere

But wandering from group to group

From the orchestra cult

To the theater people and the bookworms

To other misfits

Once one group or relationship ends

I move on to the next

Always crashing into new souls

I’m tired of it being this way

I am a nomad

But I’d like for some people to stick with me

I can never find a tribe

That I can call my life

Because part of my heart often belongs in multiple places at once

I sometimes get bored of people,

Outgrow them

No one seems to care enough to hold on as hard as I try

So I simply let them go and I carry on soul surfing

I should trying crashing hard into another one

Then maybe we’d get stuck like shards of glass you can’t live without

Fake Friends

Why are you whispering behind my back?

Intelligence is what you lack

Are you too scared of me?

Baby?

Why are you doing this to me?

Why can’t you just let me be?

Where did you go?

You should know

Our friendship was growing strong

What you are doing is wrong

No one gives a shit

Go die in a pit

What happened to you?

You are now making me extremely blue

What did I do to you?

To make you go

So now you have made me go this low

I hope you’re happy now

Your ego is getting to be as fat as a cow

You should be nice to others as your way to the top because they are the ones you’ll see on your way down

I hope you bought a nice gown

You're the one who's going to need it most

At least I don’t boast

Unlike you

I'm going to start new

Without you