So Far It's Just A Crush

it gave me chills,

it gave me shivers,

as i write along the lines.

About a guy, whose eyes,

i caught a glimpse of

as they dazed in mine.

wish that moment could stop between us, and age, a little like fine wine...

-mauli

something happened not something new

I saw a boy and he saw me too

our eyes met , not for long

but enough for me to write a song

"My North Star , My Polaris"

No matter how bright the sun burns,

or tries to fade away your light.

I know the night will always come,

and you will be there;

making the most special part of my sky.

Whenever my ship at sea is lost,

you show me the right way;

even when the compass ditches,

I know,

you will be out there .

At the most beautiful part of my sky

The stormy clouds will hover,

and sometimes fade you away;

away they'll fade you but , I know you,

You'll shine rather brighter again.

And I hope you will be this way.

You are the most special part of my sky;

and no matter whenever you go,wherever,

I'm glad I'll see you every night,

everyday,

cuz' you are brightest star in my sky,

and you will always and forever,

Stay.

This is a poem that I  wrote out of 4 random lines that came into my mind.It is dedicated to everyone in my life who is there , even in the hardest times. To Dad ,Sis and especially , MY MUM.

Each breath, a pain.

Each gulp , a shame.

Yet smile is all they see.

The tears of rage

now turn to ashes,

I still look upto thee

I still look upto thee

Still Look Upto Thee

Artwork: Karl Bryullov, ‘Last Day of Pompeii’

So mortal of me,

So naive of me.

I still look upto thee,

I still look upto thee.

I offer my years,

I offer my tears,

So insignificant,

So incomplete.

I hold my hands out,

Still beg for mercy.

I still look upto Thee

I still look upto Thee.

Reaching Verity

My 1st confession-blr, just some stuff I have been going through that might be relatable, to I guess someone.

(No self hate, just some thinking out loud and blabber,ig)

Stuff's pretty miserable. I don't feel good. I don't even know how I feel, I guess its loneliness even though I do have lovely people around...I literally don't know...

Started to feel like there is something wrong w/ me. My circle is not one which resonates with me, I still love them but no one is ever "just there for me". 17 ,and still don't have a "bff" other than my sister and mother. My cousins aren't a fan of me either, have one who is my same age but still matches "vibes" with my younger sister. We were great 2 yrs ago but...

I try so hard to be nice to people, yet I see people effortlessly happy, I wonder why I make any extra effort, no one has to, they get on fine without thinking much. Sometimes I feel sick of feeling so much and not being able to cry.

Things which give me happiness like writing or reading novels or photography or nerding out on cosmology etc., I can't do any of it without being guilt stricken every singe minute. Even as I write this I realize I need to complete my Chemistry notes and physics assignments and practice math, afterall its 12th grade, the LIFE DECIDING YEAR... but I seem to do neither hard work for 12th marks nor extra stuff I like.

Sometimes, when I like ,sit down to think, I feel like I'm a no-one sitting in middle of nowhere , meaning nothing to anyone except my family and teachers. I AM REPLACEABLE. The worst thought... I am not an indispensable part of anyone's life other than my family (which is obvious I guess + cuz they are lovely coping up with me)...

No, I don't hate myself. I love myself. I just am at a phase where nothing is moving...All still...and in that stillness, I feel... not very happy.

I wished so much after I came out of 10th, but my life has been nothing but monotonous...

The people I thought were a gift to me, turns out I don't matter that much to them, and I feel guilty of expecting too much. Still, I wonder, is it too much to expect some kind of care or support from people who claim to be yours? Maybe, it is.

In pursuit of peace and perfection, in pursuit of power and progression. In pursuit of gratitude and growth, in pursuit of wisdom and warmth. In pursuit of life and it's meaning, in pursuit of God's grace and it's healing In pursuit of endless dreams and broken stars, in pursuit of an eternal remedy for ,all my scars. In pursuit of care and respect. In pursuit of love perhaps. Little did I ever know, that in these endless pursuits of life itself, I would find all the answers, in you.

-mauli

"Falling moon"

𝔻𝕠 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕣𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕟𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕞𝕠𝕠𝕟 𝕕𝕣𝕠𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕕 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕜𝕪?

𝔸𝕟𝕕 𝕨𝕖 𝕣𝕒𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕨𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕚𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕖 .

𝕀 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕥𝕣𝕚𝕡𝕡𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕣𝕠𝕠𝕥𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕝𝕚𝕡𝕡𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕟 𝕤𝕟𝕠𝕨,

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕞𝕪 𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕒𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕝𝕖𝕥 𝕘𝕠,

𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕨𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕 𝕚𝕥 𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕒𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕨𝕚𝕘𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕙𝕒𝕚𝕣,

𝔸 𝕣𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕠𝕟 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕖𝕜𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕒𝕚𝕣,

𝔸𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕔𝕣𝕚𝕓𝕖 𝕚𝕥 𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕚𝕟 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕒𝕥𝕤,

𝔸𝕤 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕤𝕚𝕝𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕕𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕔𝕠𝕒𝕥𝕤,

𝕎𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕨 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕖𝕪𝕖𝕤 𝕙𝕒𝕕 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕤𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕒 𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨.

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕥, 𝕀 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦.

Life goes on,

Ignoring my pain and blues

Life goes on,

No matter what i choose.

They asked , then what's the point living,

when all we're headed to, is death?

I tried to find that answer myself

but failed hard, somehow.

Until Now.

Looking back at all that,

i dont weep, but ponder,

if death is all it is about

then we wouldn't have been alive

in the first place!

It's not about ending, in the end.

It's about making everything about my end

worth dying for.

It's about making a life, worth living.

Making all my time between

life and death

worth remembering,

is all what it is about.

-mauli

This is as true as it can ever get... We are nothing but the some of everything around us. Everyone and everything, and how we perceive it.

“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.”

— Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

Everyone needs their dark space,

a safe place,

in a dark room, under the blanket or

in them closed eyes.

Where they can hide away from the world,

just for a moment,

think the whole goddamn universe

and just be...

Days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years Time flies by in a blink of eye So many things we wanted So many thing we tried So many things we got So many tears dried. In our race against time We live, we loath , we cry Till the time comes, one day we realise In the wait of death, the end of our time, we rushed everything. We rushed life, and forgot to live and passed our precoius time by

-mauli ♡